Sister died unexpectedly and mom expects me to make payments on her mortgage with money she left me.

[thatfeel]

so about a month ago, my sister passed away unexpectedly.

she left me her checking account, not a huge amount, but still an okay amount. she had a mortgage on her house and my mom is in the process of trying to sell it.

the weird thing is, my mom is asking me to use the money i got to make the mortgage payments on it so it doesn't go into foreclosure. she is saying about 2 payments need to be made on it here pretty soon. i feel like all my life my mom has ambushed me about money, and this scenario is no different, making me foot bills and stuff.

my mom's main defense is she'll pay me back. if that's the case, why even bother making me do it? why make me the middle man? if she's going to "pay me back", she can just pay herself back when the house sells? i don't want the house and i don't plan to take ownership of it in the meantime. instead, just because i got a little bit of money, i have to foot the bill temporarily. but between my mom, my father, and myself, my mom has the least financial burden out of any of us. she hasn't had a mortgage in over 20 years. at best her bills are the yearly property taxes, a car payment/insurance, and living necessites. my mom is very frugal and i know she has money. okay, yes, her and my dad did still have to spend some money on funeral stuff and plots, and etc. but still.

i never know how to win in these situations, i always just get beat into submission because "it's my mom". my mom is an okay person, most of the time, but since she has power over me as my mom she is just trying to strong arm me to pay for **** for what seems to me like virtually no reason.

i'm just trying to wrap my head around this whole weird situation and not sure what to think properly of it or how to react.

any advice?

 

[Alvafe]

say no? and let her deal with it?

 

[Billtx49]

My advice would be if she wants you to make the payments, you also need to be in charge of and make sure the property sale is done right…
Split family financial deals can backfire because decisions become shaded by emotions.

 

[jaymbrs]

Family matters are tricky. If you guys are a close family, I'd say just do it and just wait for the sale to get reimbursed. I'd like to assume she's only asking you because the money you inherited was your sister's and it's being used to "clean up" some of the things your sister left behind.

Now on the other hand if you guys are not a close family and she's just reaching out to you for money, I'd say it'd be easier to let her know that it's not your responsibility and go about your life.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

so about a month ago, my sister passed away unexpectedly.

she left me her checking account, not a huge amount, but still an okay amount. she had a mortgage on her house and my mom is in the process of trying to sell it.

the weird thing is, my mom is asking me to use the money i got to make the mortgage payments on it so it doesn't go into foreclosure. she is saying about 2 payments need to be made on it here pretty soon. i feel like all my life my mom has ambushed me about money, and this scenario is no different, making me foot bills and stuff.

my mom's main defense is she'll pay me back. if that's the case, why even bother making me do it? why make me the middle man? if she's going to "pay me back", she can just pay herself back when the house sells? i don't want the house and i don't plan to take ownership of it in the meantime. instead, just because i got a little bit of money, i have to foot the bill temporarily. but between my mom, my father, and myself, my mom has the least financial burden out of any of us. she hasn't had a mortgage in over 20 years. at best her bills are the yearly property taxes, a car payment/insurance, and living necessites. my mom is very frugal and i know she has money. okay, yes, her and my dad did still have to spend some money on funeral stuff and plots, and etc. but still.

i never know how to win in these situations, i always just get beat into submission because "it's my mom". my mom is an okay person, most of the time, but since she has power over me as my mom she is just trying to strong arm me to pay for **** for what seems to me like virtually no reason.

i'm just trying to wrap my head around this whole weird situation and not sure what to think properly of it or how to react.

any advice?

Do what's right by the law. And consult the law if you must.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I tell you what will happen and the future that already exists in your mother's head.

She demands you to pay because she doesnt wanna do it and she already decided that she will not give you any money back.

She believies the money you got from your sisters are not yours therefore you have no right to control them, clearly she CANT tell you that so she came up with that trick of making you pay first.

If you do so, she will take matters into her hands and you will have no voice regards the house wheter you sell it or rent it.
You will be involved only in paying bills, she will call it shared family duties and nothing much.

The simple fact that you are asking for suggestions is the proof that your gut is screaming NOOOO while your brain tries to rationalize being a nice guy.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Find her will.
Read in it who the executor of the will is.
If noone can find a will, call a lawyer immediately. Ask about filing Letters of Administration. Might be called something else where you are.
Someone has to be leader and its going to be you.


My condolences on your loss.

 

[Suave88]

so about a month ago, my sister passed away unexpectedly.

she left me her checking account, not a huge amount, but still an okay amount. she had a mortgage on her house and my mom is in the process of trying to sell it.

the weird thing is, my mom is asking me to use the money i got to make the mortgage payments on it so it doesn't go into foreclosure. she is saying about 2 payments need to be made on it here pretty soon. i feel like all my life my mom has ambushed me about money, and this scenario is no different, making me foot bills and stuff.

my mom's main defense is she'll pay me back. if that's the case, why even bother making me do it? why make me the middle man? if she's going to "pay me back", she can just pay herself back when the house sells? i don't want the house and i don't plan to take ownership of it in the meantime. instead, just because i got a little bit of money, i have to foot the bill temporarily. but between my mom, my father, and myself, my mom has the least financial burden out of any of us. she hasn't had a mortgage in over 20 years. at best her bills are the yearly property taxes, a car payment/insurance, and living necessites. my mom is very frugal and i know she has money. okay, yes, her and my dad did still have to spend some money on funeral stuff and plots, and etc. but still.

i never know how to win in these situations, i always just get beat into submission because "it's my mom". my mom is an okay person, most of the time, but since she has power over me as my mom she is just trying to strong arm me to pay for **** for what seems to me like virtually no reason.

i'm just trying to wrap my head around this whole weird situation and not sure what to think properly of it or how to react.

any advice?

Can you move in and pay???? Just because you pay there is no guarantee that house will sell soon. If I were you, I go see a few lawyers.

 

[thatfeel]

I feel like this should be obvious since the death was unexpected, and my sister was not that old, but she did not have a will.

 

[Machine10033]

I think it depends on your relationship with your mom. If my sister passed away and I inherited some of her money I would have no problem using it to make the mortgage payments. I would do anything from my immediate family though and they would do the same for me. I know some people don’t have that trust and relationship. The way my family works is we would split whatever money was made on the house though

 

[Von]

1. Get a contract
2. If you pay the house mortgage, you get that money back + mortage interest

You need to have it written/law approved in front of lawyer+notary.

Estate are complicated.

Also, your sister bank account should have been frozen due to her death.

How did you get access to her bank account and your mom got the house?

 

[thatfeel]

1. Get a contract
2. If you pay the house mortgage, you get that money back + mortage interest

You need to have it written/law approved in front of lawyer+notary.

Estate are complicated.

Also, your sister bank account should have been frozen due to her death.

How did you get access to her bank account and your mom got the house?

I was a beneficiary on the checking account, payable on death.

The house isn't in my mom's name but legally in Texas I think she will be able to sell it without going through probate which saves dosh on lawyers. Probably because there was no will and she is next of kin.

 

[Von]

I was a beneficiary on the checking account, payable on death.

The house isn't in my mom's name but legally in Texas I think she will be able to sell it without going through probate which saves dosh on lawyers. Probably because there was no will and she is next of kin.

In that case, it's your bank account.

Not a US legal lawyer or knowledgable on Texas rules.

But in Quebec-Canada... your mom responsible for the house now at 100%. She should use the Covid19 mortgage deferrals from the US government. This deferrals would stop the mortgage payment for a while, if she sells the house within that margin.. It's win win.. Than she can pay back the deferral+mortgage with the sale gains.

If you are to pay the "mortgage" unless you have a contract... your mom doesn't have to give you anything and you would only do a favor (without compensation)

 

[BeExcellent]

Terribly sorry for your loss.

You need a good Texas estate attorney yesterday. Well somebody does. Generally in Texas understand this. She died intestate. No will. Her estate is going through probate. Probate is the process of sorting out who gets her assets once her liabilities are paid. She had a mortgage so the balance is typically due to the bank. Whatever equity comes out of the sale can be applied to other debts.

You are the designated beneficiary on the checking account. So those proceeds are NOT going through probate.

Don’t do a thing until you get solid legal advice that YOU pay for. Read that 10 times and bank on it. You can get a great deal of information in an hour for a few hundred dollars.

I’d let mom deal with it and pay for it. Typically the way assets get disbursed in Texas is to surviving children first, if there are no children then the parents get the assets.

That means if there is remaining equity in the house it is going to your mom & dad. Let them figure it out.

But spend the money on a lawyer. You pay? That lawyer reps YOU. Not your mom.

 

[glass half full]

Talk to your lawyer, follow his advice to get loose ends squared up.

Then, leave if you must. Don't let people coerce you into guilt/shame.