Heisenberg
Don Juan
The other day my coworkers, including my boss, all wanted to go for drinks after work. I could've gone either way on this, but the others seemed really keen to go.
We get to the restaurant and sit around the table. Then... Silence. Our server hadn't come for our drink order yet. When she did, it was such a relief. But then more silence as we waited for drinks to arrive. I hoped the liquor would liven everybody up, but in the meanwhile this opportunity for us to all socialize - that everybody there but me was so eager to do - was everyone just sitting there awkwardly.
On dates I am more than comfortable with silence. In a group, where everyone is looking at each other with a look of desperation in their eyes - like please god say something! - I can't help myself. I bring up a topic. Sometimes it's about work because that's obviously what we have in common, sometimes I try something else. When the others won't do any heavy lifting in the conversation and that topic dies, it's back to silence until I bring something else up.
What this does is turn me into a kind of babbling court jester and I hate it. I like to sit back and listen, ask people questions, and chime in with a well-timed one liner here and there. But that night I felt like some kind of gossipy teen, all because nobody would have said a word if I didn't repeatedly stoke the conversational fires.
Now here's the thing: I really admire my boss. He is a serious man. He is direct when he speaks and only speaks when he needs to. Great presence. Obvious leader. I thought he might take control of the group, but he was as silent as anyone else. I'd like to be that comfortable when sitting around a table with a bunch of people I don't know all that well and I don't like to be the court jester, but everyone else was so boring, like they wanted someone else to take the lead.
Feedback? Advice?
We get to the restaurant and sit around the table. Then... Silence. Our server hadn't come for our drink order yet. When she did, it was such a relief. But then more silence as we waited for drinks to arrive. I hoped the liquor would liven everybody up, but in the meanwhile this opportunity for us to all socialize - that everybody there but me was so eager to do - was everyone just sitting there awkwardly.
On dates I am more than comfortable with silence. In a group, where everyone is looking at each other with a look of desperation in their eyes - like please god say something! - I can't help myself. I bring up a topic. Sometimes it's about work because that's obviously what we have in common, sometimes I try something else. When the others won't do any heavy lifting in the conversation and that topic dies, it's back to silence until I bring something else up.
What this does is turn me into a kind of babbling court jester and I hate it. I like to sit back and listen, ask people questions, and chime in with a well-timed one liner here and there. But that night I felt like some kind of gossipy teen, all because nobody would have said a word if I didn't repeatedly stoke the conversational fires.
Now here's the thing: I really admire my boss. He is a serious man. He is direct when he speaks and only speaks when he needs to. Great presence. Obvious leader. I thought he might take control of the group, but he was as silent as anyone else. I'd like to be that comfortable when sitting around a table with a bunch of people I don't know all that well and I don't like to be the court jester, but everyone else was so boring, like they wanted someone else to take the lead.
Feedback? Advice?
