"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Sign of disrespect

zinc4

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A girl I have been seeing about once a week for a little over a month now...have been banging every time we hang out. I only text once a week to check in...because I hate f$ching texting abd calling as well because non in person conversations always leave room for misrepresentations or confusion...

Example... today I sent my weekly text saying...Hey was thinking about you earlier hope you are having a good week.... which she replies hey...took my students to a Lego show today..it was really cool!! Hope you are having a great week!!! I'm jealous that you have a day off.

I cringed because I didn't want a convo... but felt this warranted a response...

My reply.... definitely a cool field trip! Yep, another tough Tuesday ;)......it's an inside joke about my schedule being much better than hers...

She immediately replies with: **** off! I hate you!!!

A little surprised I reply with ahhh....I can smell the hate from here.. to which she hasn't replied...

Now, we tease eachother a lot when together... I talk a lot of sh$t to her...so obviously it's tongue in cheek....but still that small part of me feel s a little ambiguous about it....am I overanalyzing here???? Or is her response disrespectful??? I really do hate texting.... and before you say I should call...I currently don't have phone service and use a smartphone app for communication....
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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zinc4

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Update...caved into my ocd and messag ed her saying were you joking with that last text it's hard to tell...I was ready to drop her if she said no or didn't reply...so she replies with just kidding... hahaha!!! But really jealous...these kids are noisy she then puts an angry face.. I then tell her, ha, I figured, anyways, don't work too hard! Abd have a good day

I'm being nice because I feel like I have been jerking her around maybe a little too much lately and there is some miscommunication going on...still I'm f$cking awful at texting abd hate it with a passion...
 

Cremasta

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It was the text version of her punching you because you were taking the pi$$

It's a good sign, she was probably getting wet thinking about a different way she could have spent Tuesday with you. :yes:
 

hudpes

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It seems it's okay, don't hamster wheel this. Just keep texting to minimum.
 

Fireballs

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It's really easy to overanalyze/misinterpret texts and I tend to do it too but I'm learning to basically not give a fvck. It can be hard to stop yourself from replying in an emotional way but I just force myself to think logically and ask myself ''Am I being a b!tch here?'' When I am really unsure of what to do I just ask myself - ''What would George Clooney do? How would he respond?'' I've found that helps me alot.

I wouldn't class this as disrespect but I can understand why your gut ''spoke'' to you. As others have said, she was just being playful. I would have either just ignored it or replied something like ''The F word? You're not one of THOSE girls are you? ;)''
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Peaks&Valleys

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A little aggressive on her side. But the "I hate you" part is a sure sign that she's into you. I get that ALL THE TIME from plates. They usually say it then immediately proceed to wrap their arms around me for some lovin.

It's just a response to a tease, basically letting you know (submissively IMO) that you got to her ;)

I feel you had a good follow up to it. However, because she didn't immediately respond, she got your hamster spinning. Which made YOU respond...again.

No bueno. Even if she was serious, why the fvck you send another response to find out?? That's insecure behavior. Like poster mentioned above, she's got you. YOU're over analyzing her texts, vs. the other way around.

Agree with Fireballs as well here. Brush it off. Even if she was mad, for whatever reason, as long as you laugh or treat it as being "cute", she'll eventually succumb and realize how bratty she's being, in most cases anyways :)


All that being said, Chicks are usually better texters than dudes. They're pros at it. So, for the most part, guys have somewhat of a disadvantage when it comes to texting. #1 rule for texting, if you're not sure how the text will be receive, then don't send it. Wait a bit, the right text will eventually come to you.
 
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El Payaso

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To be honest, I wouldn't have responded.
 

zinc4

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Thanks for the response... I'll be honest, this is the first time in years a chick has had a grip on my physche like this and I guess that's what excites me...I just banged an equally hot plate last night and had great sex....yet all I could think about was this one....weird...

She ended up sending me ....have a great night!!! With a big smiley face ironically while I was banging the other girl....so no response on my part.....just going to keep silence until our date...I hate communication between dates hangouts...I'm a face to face type of person..
 

zinc4

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Espi said:
I wouldn't respond at all to a comment like that from anybody. It is disrespectful in my opinion.

Imagine a man speaking to a woman like that. Do you think that would be OK?



In my mind, a woman who speaks to me like that--whether it's face to face, text, or email--will likely NEVER respect me in the way that I would respect her, so best to dispose of. I would find another fvuckpal.

It's not the technological tool that's the problem. If a woman is a biatch, her true colors will shine through. If she's capable of addressing me like that in a text, she's equally capable of doing it in public.

She needs to be checked. BOUNDARIES.
I can see where you are coming from, but English is her second language abd it's popular for them here to over exaggerate expression s like that here in an attempt to be cool abd such.... Also I neg her a lot and throw stuff at her at times while eating or on the beach...it's kind of a playful banter between us....but ideally I don't like it either...still can't figure out if it's an attempt to be tough and flirty or flat out disrespect... the line is definitely blurry on this one, especially considering her reply text to my first text showed more interest than my original.... fir example ever time I say have a good such abd such, she replies with what she is doing abd to have a great day or night with lots of exclamation marks...
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Thorninmyside

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Chicks that hate you don't tell you they hate you. They telling you nothing.

This one likes a little neg play.
 
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