Shy Girls

[BJP1991]

Hey Everybody,

What's your opinion on dating shy girls, who may not have a lot of experience with men?

Moreover, when you have sex with a shy girl for the first time (for example, after second date), would your follow up/arranging a third date protocol change at all? Personally, I normally wait a couple days, then follow up via text and line up another date. However, I am wondering if the fact of having sex early on with a more of a shy girl necessitates an earlier text, for example the following evening, just to express you had a nice time, or something along those lines (so she doesn't just next-you for not respecting her, or whatever some women think about that these days).

What are your thoughts/would your follow up game be a bit shortened after a lay with a shy girl, who you want to genuinely keep seeing in a romantic-sort of way?

 

[backseatjuan]

(so she doesn't just next-you for not respecting her......)

Wouldn't it make her opposite from shy? I mean, shy implies she had few sexual partners, like you already mentioned, and here she is, nexting you, onto to the next one.

What are your thoughts.....?

I think you are perhaps confusing 'shy' with low interest level.

Shyness is a personality trait, by no means it changes somehow the nature of the beast.

 

[BJP1991]

Wouldn't it make her opposite from shy? I mean, shy implies she had few sexual partners, like you already mentioned, and here she is, nexting you, onto to the next one.


I think you are perhaps confusing 'shy' with low interest level.

Shyness is a personality trait, by no means it changes somehow the nature of the beast.

Sorry for the confusion - I don't have any indication this girl will just "Next" me. She is very shy, and definitely comes across as having little/few past partners, as you correlated (shy, meaning few sexual partners).

So for this scenario, she is truly "shy" - I am moreso wondering if theres any difference in following up after first sex with her (happened last night). I mean, she already was hinting at our next time we hangout, so I think I am in the clear basically. My plan is to hit her up Tuesday to solidify weekend plans with her (which her and I sort of alluded to already but I don't plan next dates while on a current one, so I did not go for it then).

Prior to leaving int he morning, I said I would talk to her this week, just wondering if it matters when or if it should be sooner, since we had sex for the first time last night (and she is the shy = not many partners, type). I know words don't always mean much, but after having sex, she did say she "never does this". I know that could be a load of BS, which I have seen happen in the past, but this girl is pretty much the opposite of the crazy girl(s) who have said that before to me.

 

[sazc]

A shy girl is going to bone you on the second or third date? Really?

So you define shy as having a low partner count?

 

[sazc]

So you are trying to figure out when to ask her out again so that her interest doesn't plummet?

Have you texted her casually to say hello and ask how she's doing? That seems more important (to me) at this point.

Text her, see if an organic conversation happens, and just chat. Same with tomorrow. Then I would ask her out day three. You might be surprised, shy girl may ask you when she's doing to see you next.

 

[BJP1991]

Have you texted her casually to say hello and ask how she's doing? That seems more important (to me) at this point.

Well, considering I just left her house 4 hours ago, this seems totally out of question, for me, at least. Would probably just serve to annoy her more than help my cause. She is showing IOI - she said she wanted me to stay overnight, which I did, and then basically would not let go of me all night, which is probably also IOI. Texting her already would just turn her off, at least in my book, it's not a good idea.

 

[BJP1991]

I prefer the interested/uninterested dichotomy.

Shy girl may be just 'not in you'/you are not interesting enough for her but she will be more likely to accept coffee date out of politeness - happened to me once.

I'd say go after women showing IOI's - if woman isn't showing any IOI's then she is not shy. She just doesn't perceive you in sexual manner/you are a turn off for her.

Well, we had a second date yesterday, which ended in sex and watching tv all night at her place, before she asked me to stay the night. So I think I am well beyond what you're alluding to in your reply.

 

[BJP1991]

Well, obviously you're so awesome she left door open in her emotional china wall-size wall of shyness just for you...

Lol - I sure don't mean to come off that way to you guys. Just looking how to proceed.

 

[BJP1991]

About the follow up texts, in this "me too" era, after the first sexual encounter I send the "had a great time" text (or words to that effect) as soon as possible. Like an hour after she leaves or I leave. It's sad that it's come to that, but it's better to have a text trail of good feelz after the deed's been done. (But just one response from her is all you need.)

You seduced her, so just proceed as normal but adjust for her frequency. That is, a shy girl might be too timid to initiate texts. Some guys will say "that means she's not interested." But if she's shy, it might mean that she either doesn't want to annoy you, or doesn't want to get shot down. So if she doesn't initiate, but she does consistently respond in kind, you might have to initiate more. But since you've slept with her, you're in a good zone comfort wise and can dictate the communication on your terms, ideally.

Congrats...shy girls make me curious, they seem like a nice change of pace from the out-for-blood types.

Thanks for the reply - I am considering sending a text sometime today along the lines you described, then maybe wait until weds/thurs to setup the weekend date that her/I sort of alluded to already.

Anybody else have the same type of train-of-thought as samspade?

 

[BJP1991]

Well you know my thoughts. I'd rather be nexted than endure any nonsense. As for setting up or any further texting, I'm a believer of "text her when you feel like it" - but without overdoing it of course.

I sent a short text saying I had a great time with her and a tidbit about a show we watched, but got no response. I understand what I sent does not necessitate any response from her, but it still is a little bit of a bummer.

Not giving up, however. Plan to try to set something up around Thursday for the coming weekend. On our second date, she did sound optimistic about seeing me again, and doing something like dinner at my place. Have you had any experience where you sent a short “had a great time” text, where the woman didn’t respond, yet you still saw her again for another date?

 

[BJP1991]

I can't remember not getting a response, but don't be bummed. Just proceed as normal. She's shy and the text is really to protect you, anyway.

Roger that - I mostly didn’t want her thinking that I only wanted sex from her. Hard not to let it get me down just a little bit, but I’m going to stay optimistic.

On the date the other night, she sounded excited about seeing my place and doing a few activities that we both enjoy at my place the coming weekend. Was planning just to reach out Thursday to line up an evening for the weekend - was going to do Wednesday but this lack of response has me thinking I should delay an extra day. Thoughts?

 

[backseatjuan]

I sent a short text saying I had a great time with her and a tidbit about a show we watched, but got no response.

I mostly didn’t want her thinking that I only wanted sex from her.

I am certain you are making a major mistake by thinking a personality trait (shyness) somehow affects woman's nature. As a matter of fact you are putting her on pedestal, just think about it, you are treating her differently.

I said it before and I will say it again, do not trust women, do not be thinking this one particular is different from the rest. Only trust the game.

 

[BJP1991]

I am certain you are making a major mistake by thinking a personality trait (shyness) somehow affects woman's nature. As a matter of fact you are putting her on pedestal, just think about it, you are treating her differently.

I said it before and I will say it again, do not trust women, do not be thinking this one particular is different from the rest. Only trust the game.

I am learning you are correct. I thought sending her a text would sort of “cover my ass” from looking like an ******* who only wanted sex...

How do you recommend I proceed?

 

[backseatjuan]

How do you recommend I proceed?

I'd wait a week before calling her, she might contact you by that time. Look all you doing by sending her texts and sht is literally saying I'm here, I want you, I hope your cvnt don't get filled with the other dude's dck, wait for me.

 

[BJP1991]

You're overthinking it. I've been there. Back away from the texts. The follow-up isn't, in my mind, to show her you're after more than sex. It's to avoid any stupid #metoo nonsense - that's the kind of CYA I was talking about.

@backseatjuan has a point - women are mostly the same. You can calibrate for her shyness in terms of initiating. Her lack of response is another thing, so better to back off. Put the phone down and do your thing for a few days.

I hear ya - so here you mention wait a few days (which would be easy for me to do anyways), but backseatdonjuan says to wait a full week. Thoughts on one way or the other?