Shy girl?

[Toushi]

I must say this is a great site/forum. I've been lurking here for a while (yeah... more than a while), but I've been to lazy to sign up.

Well, I shouldn't open up a thread just in my first post, but whatever...

Anyways, I was your average nerd guy... Nerd looking, shy as hell, anti-social, and I has always ended up as the nice guy, a lot more than I wished. Never had a relationship...
Some time ago, I decided that that should end. And I began to improve myself, little by little. I'm lot better than I used to be, but only now I'm willing to go through all the process of changing "100%". My relation with the girls of my classe was awful, but due to my changes, I notice they are feeling my presence more time than they used to do. So, everything seems to go well! And that's good, of course.

So, I'm trying to get a girl from my classe, but that's revealing a hell of a challenge. You know, I still have that shy character (at least what's left of it), but to make thing's worst, she's even shyer than me. To tell the true, she's even more anti-social than me! I can't understand that, since she's above, talking about how hot she is, the average girls.
But believe me, she's almost always alone. When waiting for classes, when studying... That could be good for me, right? Well, not really... I've already tried to approach her, but she hardly talks. I know she's not avoiding ME, because she's like that to almost anyone... I just don't know how can I break this barriers of her... Any thoughts?

 

[blink1]

Hey. Im just like you dude. I was shy before and Im really starting to change now (and plus I just registered today heh). But anyways, about the girl. You're in such a great position right now, like, damn, I've never had that great of a chance in my life with shy girls (the ones here are never alone...always with friends etc).
This may not be the greatest advice on here but I really think that you just have to keep talking to her. Like, ask her open ended questions, get to know her, find out some of her interests etc. Ask questions to get her talking, and saying "Hi" to her everyday is a great way to get her more comfortable around you. It's gonna take some time, but if you're persistant with this girl she'll probably open up to you (a lot of shy people will take longer times to open up, it's just natural).
Also you might wanna take caution when you do things like laugh at her and tease her cause that can end up having a bad affect on her (she might not take it the way you thought, might take it negatively, nevermind the fact that she might just go right back into her shy shell).

 

[Toushi]

Yeah, I must be cautious with teasig her and stuff... Shy people tend to be more sensible.

It'll be hard to find out more about herself, but I'll try to, even if it takes some time to do so.

This we'll be the first girl of my "growing process", you know... I'm putting a lot of effort into it. I'm hoping that in about a week I'll be able to create some kind of bond with her... At least, I hope so.

P.S: New-comers! \o\

 

[blink1]

You're really lucky you're in this situation, that's great. She'll probably be really happy that someone is actually trying to get to know her for once.

Ya, just make her feel great everyday. Compliments can help but don't overdo them. And like I said saying "hi" every day you see her can help her to get the feeling that someone actually cares about her and notices her.

Oh ya, and I've noticed that people like that usually open up easier on programs like msn, so if you could get like her email that could help you start the relationship/friendship quicker. Anyways, ya, just keep persisting with her and don't give up. Good luck!

 

[oneshot]

DUDE, I am in the exact same situation as you. I used to be a much shyer guy until I made an arbitrary decision to become student council president and I had to learn to communicate, present things, etc. Now I'm really diggin this EXTREMELY shy girl. I sent her a rose for valentine's day and it was the only flower she got. I managed to say a happy valentines to her tonight and she asked me why I sent her a flower (it's just that I dont really know you)..... anyway, this other girl told me that the girl wasnt really into me and thinks I'm the "weird guy who works out and plays with guns."
So the question is- Now that I've done the first step and KNOW what her feelings are, how do I continue? (btw she's usually around friends, unlike the shy girl you're targeting.)

 

[Toushi]

As you said, you don't know her, and she don't know you... So, you can still work out things. Get to know her more, and let her know you're not that weird guy.

I mean, I know a guy who just loves guns and military stuff, and girls are just all around him.

Dude, just go for it. If things can't go further, just pass on to the next one.

My advises... Since she's always around her friends, you'll have to face her friends too. If her friends don't like you, you're screwed. So start by there. Don't spoil him with attention, when you manage to infiltrate the group. Just give her as many attention as any other girl...

Ah, and I believe you shouldn't have told what you felt. Now she knows that you're interested, and know she's in command. My point of view... Bleh... Try anyways, you won't lose anything, anyways. Just don't let her control you. =D Remember you're supposed to be a DJ!

Anyways... I discovered there is this friend of mine who's also interested in that shy girl. Since she's that shy, I believe she won't loose this chance with this boy. Altough, he's not that really into her, so I'll put myself up in the game soon. The only bad thing it's that she's always trying to be around her, so it's kinda hard to be with her, without him.

 

[Dandrufman]

Umm, my two cents

Although I agree somewhat with the guys who already posted, in that without haveing to deal with her girlfriends you may have an easier time, I get this nagging bad feeling in my gut about this story. I read somewhere (i cant remember where, i think it was on some pick up artist website) that you want to avoid the loners. Something about them being more likely to have problems.

I dunno, keep talking to her and such. I dont think she will, as blink seems to think, be thrilled that someone wants to know her. Most people who are loners are that way for a reason, and dont want to open up (at least, i didn't), but definately keep working on it... and post the results here, i want to know what to do about the shy girls in my school

 

[blink1]

I don't really agree with you on the whole "loners are strange/that way for a reason"... some people are just shy and since they might lack conversation skills they have less friends. And if that's the case then Im sure the girl would be glad that someone is actually taking an interest in her. Or some are just quiet by nature but once they're comfortable around people they start opening up slowly (and maybe she hasn't been comfortable enough with any person to start opening up so therefore she has less friends).

 

[oneshot]

arrrrgh.... she was sitting right across from me in the bus today. with a friend. my brain froze, heart stopped, stopped breathing, and therefore I was MUTE. she fell asleep at last. i got off the bus. And to cheer me up- it was RAINING. YES. RAINING. So I threw my bag around and kicked some trash on the ground as I yelled and screamed, and screamed louder when I accidentally kicked this wall and hurt my foot. I was totally enraged at myself for being so shy around a girl. and a shy one too. It's gonna be pretty tough- I don't talk to peope. She doesn't talk to people. She's almost always around someone. So...............I needa work on this: Talking. wow.
(btw she asked me why i sent her rosese on msn last night....as if it wasn't that obvious. i told her that she was nice and worth givin one She DID have some eye contact with me in PE class though....the teacher blew the whistle and it was my turn to sprint and i stood there daydreaming- twice, oops!)

 

[Damian]

When confronting shy girls, and I mean, shy shy, not just quiet, it's important to take control. Tune down the C&F to a minimum, but be a strong alpha character. Take control, but don't be a protective character. I find it a working strategy to take girl under your wing as an apprentice or you as a mentor, then move quickly after the superiority has been established. Create attraction, get the kino, and get that kiss close all in one deal. After that, it's just a matter of maintaining your cool calm and keeping control. Of course, some uber-naive girls will naturally avoid you the day after the first kiss close, so it's important to reinitiate kino and keep a healthy regimen of kisses to get them conditioned. Once you get there, it's important to let the girl open up. After that, it's peaches and cream.

-Damian

 

[Toushi]

Well, it's been a while, but I'm here to post my achievements so far:

Well, as I told you, this girl is very, very shy.
She has revealed to be more a social outcast than I thought before. Sometimes, she is with others girls from class, but most of the time, she's wandering around totally alone.
It's when she's alone, I try to go to her. I greet her, and start some kind of small talk... Although this seems very easy, it's very hard. Let me explain you: usually, she doesn't pays attention to my presence, and when I talk to her, she looks at me, kinda like with the air: "Oh, is talking to me!" (I'm not sure if it's good or bad =/). She reply's to me, and then just turns her attention to whatever she was doing at the moment.

When in a group, I try the C+F way... Well, I keep it moderate. Anyways, one day, we were a group of about six people lunching together, but, I've patiently waited the others to leave, so that I could be with her all by myself. So, there we were... The conversation began to flow naturally, and soon we were talking about her little sister, about her childhood dreams and stuff. At that time, she seemed very comfortable with me.

Well, besides her natural shyness, everything seems fine with her. Except some things I've been observing and discovering...
->She suffers from a disease (I don't know what it is) that affects her articulations. This means that she has to take some pills and stuff during the day, and sometimes, when things go bad, she has to stay at home, because it hurts. This don't affect in nothing our relationship, ou could affect, I guess... The pills and medecines do not alterate her behavior or something like that. She just behaves normally.

The other problem is their parents. This thing here is really freaking me out. I've never saw actual interaction with her parents, or saw them, but when she's alone, guess what? She's at the cellphone with her parents. I mean, almost after every classe, she phones her mother/father. This can't be normal, man! I've had a experience with fathers who control they're daughters like maniacs, but I've never saw anything like this. To tell the true, everyone has at least once commented to me about this phone calls of her.
I don't know the true about this phone calls, but a possibility is that I haven't evaluated very well her disease, and maybe her parents are way protective toward her because of this problem of her? This is a thing I'll have to ask her.

So, I thought that after a bit of this aproaching, she would be more open towards me... But nop. She keeps away from me, and seems surprised when I talk to her. After thinking about this, I've realized that she may just be unsecure about me, and that I need to show I'm ther ewith good intentions. =)

Well, this is what went on with her. I'm still getting to know her better, and she seems awesome (polite, nice, beatiful), besides that unusual weird phonecalls.

Besides from her, everything going nice. There's a girl that is after me (lol, but I don't want her ), and I've just entered the circle of girls I thought I would never be able to be with it. This forum made wonderful things to me.

Well, let me hear your opinions, and I'll keep you up to date.

 

[Toushi]

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[check_mate_kid_uk]

If you want a shy girl to open up to you, i have 3 words for you that will be of more use then all the other posts on this thread put together. 'make her laugh'