Showing affection to girlfriend

[Sofomore]

If you're seeing a girl (6 months) and you're heading towards a relationship do you think it's more harmful or helpful to show affection every once in a while?

I was burned by my last girlfriend (dumped on my ass...she has daddy issues), so I have this shield up about showing affection too soon. Even if I dig the girl I play it off like I don't like her as much as I do...as a defense against getting burned so badly.

I was talking to the girl I'm seeing and she said "I miss you" because I haven't seen her in a while (busy moving/work/etc). My response was "yes". Woops. She was like "What? All I get is a yes?".

After talking to my pops about my lack of emotion he said girls like to hear every once in a while that you're thinking about them. Most posters here that have little experience claim that you should never say something like this because you lose control/power. If you know the IL is high enough where you know she is in love, why should it be such a crime to show affection every once in a while.

If the girl really digs you but you show little affection back, will they become frustrated that the feelings aren't mutual?

I sure as hell would take it as a red flag if I was showing all the interest and getting very little back.

I guess what I'm getting at is where do you draw the line between too little emotion and too much? I feel like if I make her too insecure about how much I like her she will get fed up, but if I show too much affection she will burn me like my last girl.

 

[Mr Wright]

Yes, show affection. Some guys on here are so afraid of getting hurt, they become emotionally numb. I know for myself the best times ive had with girls have been in relationships, when you're just completely open with each other. I like letting go of the reins a little and seeing what she does because I know for my ex, she wants me back, shes said it explicitly and said she wants no one else etc...I know in the long run that may not be true but I also know right now, shes totally in love with me and we have good times together so fvck tomorrow just do what feels right today, as long as you have these skills you can manage your emotions better. Dont let anyone tell you its AFC or beta to actually have feelings for a girl, as long as you have your boundaries and stick to them, she will respect you and she will treat you right.

As far as Im concerned, when a girl is my girlfriend, I trust my own judgement, shes worth my time and my affection, thats what the title means, if I dont want to do that anymore, she will no longer be my girlfriend. If she takes the pi55 she will no longer be my girlfriend but if shes there when I call and has my back, I'm going to tell her I miss her and give her a hug and occasionally do something which I may not want to do because it's not all about me. You can keep a woman by treating her like a dog but I dont see the point, I actually like women.

There is a difference between you showing up with flowers everyday and you just sending her a little text occasionally telling her something reminded you of her. If shes sending that stuff back and you like it by all means do it, you dont need the permission of guys on here who probably have really unhealthy long term relationships with women.

 

[VladPatton]

If you're not going to initiate affection, then you must reciprocate. You can't just be cold and expect your girl to do 100%. It's a two way street once you two are in a stable relationship.

 

[The_411]

Nothing wrong with being guarded, but think about how you responded to her saying I miss you ... "Yes."

That's overplaying the not caring aspect and it comes off like you're a robot.

You don't have act mushy but be interesting and challenging.

Better response would have been something like I know you do (up to you to add the or not), or why wouldn't you or Oh really, how much do you miss me? Or feel free to tease her in some other way.

By doing this you playfully teasing her while maintaining your frame. It shows you are responding to what she's saying but not in a desperate way.

 

[Sofomore]

Yea just to clarify it was on the phone. My mind was preoccupied with how much stuff I had to do that day. Through text I would have never said something that dumb.

 

[Jair213]

hey man ease up a little bit its okay to show a little affection once in a while but don't shower her with it all the time.

you are human after all dude, not a freaken ''T 1000 Alpha emotionless ROBOT''..

 

[JoeMarron]

As long as she's being more affectionate than you then you're good. You arent gonna turn into a pvssy drying beta just because you show affection every now and then.

 

[Sofomore]

As long as she's being more affectionate than you then you're good. You arent gonna turn into a pvssy drying beta just because you show affection every now and then.

See this is the mentality that I don't understand. Why does it have to be 60/40...not 50/50?

 

[JoeMarron]

See this is the mentality that I don't understand. Why does it have to be 60/40...not 50/50?

There's no such thing as 50/50. Someone's always gonna have the upper hand and you want that someone to be you. Women crave a man who has higher value than them.

 

[The_411]

See this is the mentality that I don't understand. Why does it have to be 60/40...not 50/50?

Men and women aren't equal, and all relationships not just romantic ones have power dynamics. The ones that work are the ones where the people accept their roles in the relationship and are satisfied with their role.

 

[splash9]

Do what you FEEL you should do..
If it will make you happy, then go and do it..
If you are unsure of what you feel, sit down and think it trough..
First think about it in a way.. is this girl worth making me emotionally invest in her, then how does she make me feel, and last will i lose more than i shall gain by deciding to open myself emotionally towards her.

Best of luck

 

[Greasy Pig]

If she's behaving we'll and treating you like a king, you should reward that with affection and attention.
If she displeases you or behaves badly, you remove that attention and affection.

Remember women are like children. If she cooks you a good meal, compliment her on it and make her feel appreciated. If she adds happiness to your life, you should show your appreciation.
You don't give compliments to seek approval, give them when they're due. An alpha uses affection and attention as rewards. A beta uses them willy nilly in the hope they will fire her primal passions. But this eventually has the opposite effect.

If she says she misses you and you want to maintain some air of aloofness, you could say something like: "Don't worry babe, I'll be pushing your face into a pillow and pulling your hair soon enough."

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Show as much affection as you want too, be as AFC acting as you want, IF she is scared sh1tless of losing you. In fact she'll think the affection is an act to try to hide you getting w/ other chicks.

This^^^

You can do whatever you want as long as your girlfriend is afraid to lose you.

If your girlfriend is dependent on you and you're giving her the best sex she could ask for, then you could act as sappy and AFC as you want, she will stick to you like glue.

Personally I think once you have the upper-hand, it's hard to lose it unless you're an idiot.

Plus, if a girl likes cute little deeds (flowers, chocolates, cooking dinner, etc), which to be honest is probably every girl, then doing these things sporadically will only make her IL in you go up.

 

[JoeMarron]

This^^^

You can do whatever you want as long as your girlfriend is afraid to lose you.

If your girlfriend is dependent on you and you're giving her the best sex she could ask for, then you could act as sappy and AFC as you want, she will stick to you like glue.

Personally I think once you have the upper-hand, it's hard to lose it unless you're an idiot.

Plus, if a girl likes cute little deeds (flowers, chocolates, cooking dinner, etc), which to be honest is probably every girl, then doing these things sporadically will only make her IL in you go up.

I disagree. One can get complacent doing that and after awhile it wont just be an act. Its fine to relax every now and then but the game is always on. I agree though that random rare romantic displays of affection are powerful.

 

[devilkingx2]

See this is the mentality that I don't understand. Why does it have to be 60/40...not 50/50?

because if she can get it from the 10/90 it started at when you were all alpha all the time to 50/50 she can get it to 95/5 which is riiiiiight around the point that the beginning of the movie old school happens(that guy comes home and it turns out that when he goes on buisness trips his GF invites a bunch of guys over for gangbangs)

 

[Bible_Belt]

Isn't the point of a relationship to show affection? If that sounds wussy, remember that sex is affection, too. Make your affection sexual in nature if you are afraid of coming off as weak.