Should i throw in the white towel and give up on this girl?

[Happy_Camper]

Hey guys, i have been in this forum for about half a year now, and i have been reading a lot of posts and trying my best to improve myself in establishing a relationship and creating a better social image as having more closer friends and meeting new people.

To start off, i want you guys to know a bit of myself. Well throughout my life i had 3 best friends, 2 of them gone because i screwed up. One i always joked around making pranks and practical jokes and got too far, and now he doesn't talk to me. The other one, we jsut grew seperately and he goes to another school, and i had a fight with his friend and now we don't really talk much, or even at all. He is not mad at me, its just that this happened like 2001, and throughout all highschool i haven't talked much even though he asked me to play hockey and such. I vistited him sometimes, but we both are so different now, he plays hackey sack and goes camping, and im still into hockey and baseball.

Well why am i talking about that? Well because these 3 friends i tell them everything. I always went to them for advice on everything and girls. We just talked so well, and yea i missed those two. The other one im still very close with and i tell him a lot, but he does not have much experience with women, and so i have decided to post this to get some advice.

Throughout grade 5-8 i was king. I could get any girl i want, and i had a lot of gfs. From this time i had about 5. We just hung out but never did much, but still it was a status symbol, and it was great to have one.

But from highschool grade 9-12, i never had ONE GF. I am staying one more year in highschool and its already May and im running out of time. I WANT MEMORIES in my highschool time. That is why i want a gf to talk to and just have a fun time. When i mean fun, i don't mean like having sex or something, i mean just having a person to hold hands and link arms walking in the mall and shopping together.

What i look for in a girl is that we have to bond very well, we have to be able to talk about anything, and not only is she my gf, but Best friend as well. We can go home together afterschool and do homework, watch movies and series and just eat together at lunch. I know this sounds AFC, but this is more of the relationship i want.

Well anyway, before i found this stuff, i was very much an AFC. I would tell girls i like them through msn or through their friends (girls), and IT NEVER WORKED. It only made things awkward and stupid, and i never planted myself a GF. Yes, i know it sounds stupid, but we learn from our mistakes and i never did that again.

Also, i have been hurt many times through rejections. For girls that i told on msn and said... "i like you..... do you like me" they say "ohhh feelings cannot be controlled.... and i like you as a friend" or "I don't know you enough"

I am a 19 year old asian male and all these girls i asked are asian girls. I don't know if ppl will agree with me, but i think asian girls are more conservative and tend to be friends first than to make BFs right away.

One girl used me good too. I do pretty good at school, and she would call me when she needs help for hw, and i would go out of my way to help her out because i liked her as well, and she would treat me like **** like calling me fat and short (After reading this site, it was a test she gave me i realize). She would sometimes give me attention and then withdraw it, having complete control of my emotions because i would fall under called "The kiss of death" by allen thompson.

Anyway, so right now i have this situation on this girl and i need serious help. It's quite a long story with many details and i applaud you for sitting here and reading everything, and thanks for caring because i took a hell of a long time typing all this. Thanks in advance!!

Part 1: my first entry back in January 2006

I have liked this girl for over 3 months now, and everytime i see her my knees go weak because she is soo cute and funny at the same time. We both are in highschool and she came from Guangzhou China last year to come study in Canada, so her english is ok but not fluent so she prefers to speak in cantonese.

We sort of met each other in the beginning of the year when she sat on her seat in front of the class, but she noticed that i was speaking cantonese to my friend, and so she sat beside me probabily wanting to talk to a canto person in the class.

We both dropped that class 2 days later for seperate reasons, my reason was not having proper prerequisite and she wanted to take another course instead.

A month later i approached her and started talking and things went good ever since. She gives me nice smiles and i smiled back and we say hi to each other in the halls or in the library.

We soon exchanged emails and we talked during the holiday. We started talking more about subjects like universities and she called me and asked about more unis and we talked for over 3 hrs having a pretty good and fun time. There were signs that she maybe interested by the questions she asks me like where are my parents from (you can also hear the tone of her voice when she asks)

After the holidays (today) we saw each other again and we greeted each other again etc.

Then comes a problem. About an hour ago, she updated her myspace. In it were very cute pictures of her making faces and such lol and then when i saw a pic of a guy my chest felt like it fell to the ground and instantly my emotions just changed. On the picture is a guy about the same age as us and its just by himself. As a matter of fact, his pic is in there twice, dunno if that was a mistake or something else. I fear that this maybe her boyfriend, and i feel crushed.

I was just about to ask her out or make a move tmrw or the next day and this happens, but maybe its a good thing that i should find out whether if she is seeing one at the moment otherwise i would ruin our friendship if she is seeing someone and make things awkward.

Things get even more complicated. She once told me on the phone that she doesn't know too many people in the school and she dislikes asking others for help in hw because she doesnt know them. My point here is, if she says this, doesn't it might mean she doesnt have a bf here or she might have a bf in hk.

What i need help on is how should i ask whether she has her bf out? Im planning to ask one of her friends tmrw if she does, AND ask her to double check. I want to slip it in as if she doesn't expect it or make it too obvious or straight away that i ask if she has a bf.

How should i ask her? Its ok if you guys say it in english ill think of how to say it in cantonese later.

Also, how should i make a move/ask her out? I dunno if hk girls are the same as North American girls in terms of how to initiate the relationship.
I have heard that actions are a lot bigger than words so i should probabily touch her or hold her hand going home from school etc than telling her how i feel, or maybe both?

My canto is ok, i can talk really good but not write or read so i don't know what to say, maybe a genuinine compliment hehe

I have not had a gf since like 6 years now when i was like grade 7 and i think alot more on what i should do and be less impulse and not care like i used too. And all these years ive seen her it means i really like her and im not going to let this opportunity pass up, and have to take action and make a move like very soon.

 

[Happy_Camper]

Part 2: I found out she does not have a BF


Two nights after, i still can't even fall asleep cause i thought sooo much about her and that i don't want to screw up or anything and kept rehearsing what i should say.

That day, as lunch ended she was the last to leave her table as her friends left to pick up her books because she was working during lunch. Everytime she sees me, she lightens up and says hi while she gazes into my eyes and it works as magic as i have seen nothing like it before. She then pulls out this mp3 walkman and it had a pouch i think and i think she made it and she asked me in cantonese, "Isn't this really cute!?" with a pretty smile and i said back Yeah, yeah it really is and smiled back. (I know that sounded pathetic but i was soo nervous when i was around her that day) I took her textbook and helped her carry it cause she had a lot on her hands, and as we walked to class i asked her did she have work on the weekends, and she said only saturday. I then asked ohhh so how come you don't see her boyfriend on Sunday (because i saw a pic of her bf or friend that is a guy on her myspace). She then it caught her off guard and she was like "I don't, i don't have a boyfriend!!" in canto and i was like ohhh ok and we both laughed. After we headed off to our own classes.

During my class her class is just down the hall and after my class ended i went in front of her classroom door and waited for her to come out. Everyone came out and she came out very last (They always save the best for last =] hehe ).

And i asked her what class she has next and she smiles and has a spare. I then proceeded and said all in canto "I have something to tell you, my cantonese is not very good (which it really isn't) and i paused for a little bit to get what i have to say together, and her friend just comes running to her from behind asking about what classs she has now and something about homework. So this interrupted me but gave me a little more time. Lol it was like as if u see this on tv when the guy is about to do something and something interrupts him. Then i said AGAIN, "Umm my cantonese is not very good and what im trying to say is that i find you really cute." And i looked into her eyes and her eyes were sparkling and she gave me a sweet smile and then i continued.. " and..and.... i liked you for a while noww...... hehe" Her eyes were sparkling and it had soo many emotions in them and then she said back, "So what does that mean? (gum jik see deem ahh" And that stopped me on my tracks and i said, "umm yeah my cantonese is not very good but yeah and i started choking up and clearing my throat cause i was soo nervous and red i couldn't even talk or say anything. She then replys as she smiles while still looking at me in the eye, "hehe ok, lemme think about it (bay aw lum ah)" and then asked what class do i have next. I said math and she replied "ok keep up the hard work! (Lo lik dee ah) and she went down the stairs and it was already on my floor so i went through the doors.

Afterwords my chest hurted soo bad and i couldn't even talk throughout my math class and all my friends thought something was wrong and said i look soo different and sad today because usually im talking to someone and making them laugh from my stories. I just stared at the chalkboard and i couldn't even copy down stuff from the board properly.

Afterwards i went home and i just turned on my comp, and i teared up a little bit, and they were painful tears. I thought i screwed everything up. I mean if she really liked me, why would she say "let me think about it?" I don't know whether that is a good or bad sign.

 

[Happy_Camper]

Then as after my first period class ended, she left her class room and i walked by her and she was like really close to the otherside of the wall looking sad and uncomfortable and said hi back but a more fake smile and we walked by.


That was right before my spare and as i went home for lunch + spare, i just froze and stared at my wall.

During lunch i had to see my guitar teacher to see if im ok with guitar before i sign up because i don't want my marks to drop and so i decided to bring my guitar to school. I saw her in the cafe and i started talking ot her again and this time things felt more normal like before than i told her and she was like "Ohh don't worry its seperate marks and you;ll do fine. I wasnt sure of the guitar teacher's name and asked if she knew and she said "I think the guy in the yellow coat might know cause he's really good with guitar, and my friend might know too". And i have seen the yellow coat guy before and he played on stage at our school and i said hehe no way ill be better than him, ill ask your friend. And in the meantime i said hey you like to listen to jay chou right, and she giggled and i said ok ill play a song just for you. As i took it out, i started playing and when i did, she didn't even look at me, she was counting on something on the table and she asked her friend something. And then i finished and i said "Do you think ill be fine in that class?" and she replied with "Huh that was it, finished already?" I then replied haha don't expect me to sing cause i can't sing mandarin and she giggled more. I told her then that i will look for her friend now and ask her about the guitar teacher and i said bye and we left.

I mean, if i played wouldn't she have looked at me and see me or even pay more attention to me etc. It really hurt because it felt as if she didn't care or get touched or anything.

Well anyways im really hurt right now i don't know what i should do. I think she liked me before i actually went to talk to her because she used to ask about me from her friend in one of my classes about how high marks i get etc.

I don't know what to do right now and its really bothering me and its distracting me from my homework because all i think is about her and how much i screwed up. I feel sad and angry cause of all my effors and i didn't eat anything today cept a glass of water because i skipped lunch to see her. I don't even eat much now because of all the emotions, i dunno if you ppl felt this way before but this sure is my first time and yeah, its a lot worse when you experience it yourself.

 

[Happy_Camper]

Part 4: Try to make things less awkward and act as if nothing happened

One night she went on msn. I msged her in chinese charcters "You are a dog". and she was like ????

i told her that it is a joke because i don't know much chinese and thats as much chinese charcters i can write. Also in chinese class a student wrote that to me once and i found it hilarious because its so simple and its just a joke.



Ok, so the next day after i went to look for her. She sat in the library in a small area where not many ppl go there and she was reading something. I approached her and said i want to play a game. the game was this, I get her to write some english words and i would write a chinese character in return. I told her to write a simple word in the beginning as a joke, and told her to spell "dog" and she did. She told me to write "hair" and i tried to but it was too hard and forgot how to write it. I then told her to spell the word "beautiful" and she did. * notice that i called her a dog as a joke and then i told her to say beautiful next* but i don;t think she caught it lol.

I then asked her what is her chinese name and spell it, and she did. I then played around and said her chinese name doesn't even sound good and that mine sounded better. I wrote my chinese name and i had to struggle on remembering how to do it. At first i didn't write mine, and wrote a celebrity chinese name as a joke.i Covered the paper with my fingers and she really wanted to know and she pryed them off with her hands! *she initiated kino* there. She was like hey! thats not you! and hten i eventually told her, and she thought my surname was a unique and rare one and then i had to go because the conversation was dying.

She mentioned about this test she had to do, but i didn't catch it because im soo thick headed and she was hinting for me to help her.

The next day i realized what it was. It was a test that VISA students have to write if they came less than 2 yrs and must have a certain avg to get into a University. I saw her and i started talking to her as we walked to our class. I asked her, was that the TOEFL test you have to do? and she said yea. I then said how about i make you a deal, you help me with speaking mandarin ( i speak cantonese) and i help you with the toefl? and she said ok! and then she stuck out her hand and wanted me to shake it, and i did. And we left.

 

[Sean O]

I haven't read the entire thing, but I don't think I need to. You have major one-itis, man. Give up on her, read the DJ bible, and do the boot camp. You'll be glad you did in the long run.

 

[Desdinova]

Your post is incredibly long, and I doubt many are going to read it. I'm just skimming, and writing as I read your post(s).

Well throughout my life i had 3 best friends, 2 of them gone because i screwed up.

Well, I can help you with that. You have to realize that friends are going to come and go in life. Hopefully you have learned from
your mistakes with the other ones, and will prevent making the same mistakes with future friendships. Don't bother trying to get
back together with these friends. They have moved on and so should you.

I WANT MEMORIES in my highschool time. That is why i want a gf to talk to and just have a fun time.

You need to realize that you don't need a woman to create good memories. Quit putting yourself on a time limit for finding a
woman. The more pressure you put on yourself, the more disappointed you will be when you don't get results. Just enjoy your last
bit of high school. There's plenty of time for women in your life, you're still young!

I know this sounds AFC, but this is more of the relationship i want.

I hope you know that you can't just jump into a LTR. It's called a LONG term relationship for a reason. Things have to evolve from the first date into a STR, and then into a LTR. You also won't know if you'll end up in a LTR with a woman just by meeting her. She can dump your ass anytime she wants.

I have liked this girl for over 3 months now, and everytime i see her my knees go weak because she is soo cute and funny
at the same time.

If you like a girl for more than 3 days and you still haven't set up one date or got her phone number, you have one-itis. If you take
too long to take action, you either get thrown into the friend zone or you become obsessed with a fantasy. Both are bad, and the
best way to rid yourself of both is to abandon the woman and focus on others.

then when i saw a pic of a guy my chest felt like it fell to the ground and instantly my emotions just changed. On the
picture is a guy about the same age as us and its just by himself. As a matter of fact, his pic is in there twice, dunno if that was a
mistake or something else. I fear that this maybe her boyfriend, and i feel crushed.

This is what happens when you get one-itis. If you would have approached her and asked her for a date within the first day that you
met her (or saw her), you would have avoided this painful experience altogether. She would have either dated you, or told you that
she had a bf.

What i need help on is how should i ask whether she has her bf out?

First of all, you ask a woman for a phone number. Then you set up a date with her. You assume from day one that she's interested. If she isn't, she'll tell you otherwise. This goes the same for her having a bf. If she has one, she'll tell you.

However, I would advise you to stop focussing all your energy on this one girl. You have one-itis, you're already in the friend zone, and you've invested all your emotions into a woman who likely will NEVER date you because you haven't made your intentions clear from day one.

There's also another problem that you posted...

i want a gf to talk to and just have a fun time. When i
mean fun, i don't mean like having sex or something, i mean just having a person to hold hands and link arms walking in the mall
and shopping together.

You have to quit living in a fvcking Disney movie. You need to give the message that you ARE interested in her sexually if you want to become more than just friends. Put the nice happy hold hands 5hit away, and do the stuff that works.... touch her (kino), suggest that she's sexually interested in you (****y/funny), and be a little abrasive. By focussing on romance, you're doing what every other AFC who failed with her did.

But again, you need to get over your one-itis before you can think straight. Your sight is clouded with your emotions and you're tripping over the rocks.

I have heard that actions are a lot bigger than words so i should probabily touch her or hold her hand going home from school etc
than telling her how i feel, or maybe both?

I want you to realize that you're not going to get things right the first time, the second time, or even the third time. You NEED to accept the fact that you're going to screw up with women many times before you get good with them. You've already screwed up with this chick. When you make too many mistakes, you scrap your current project and start on a new one. That's what you need to do with this woman.

Holding her hand will creep her out because she's your friend. Vomiting your feelings into her ear will make her run in disgust. Kino is non-sexual touch. Holding hands IS sexual touching; it gets the message across that both of you are sexually interested in each other. A touch on the shoulder, the middle of the back, and her arm are things that non-sexually interested people do all the time, but do so when they're extremely comfortable around each other. You need to get a woman comfortable around you before you can touch her sexually.

So, to recap, here's what you need to do:

- Quit focussing on this one woman and open up other options (spin more plates)
- Read the DJ Bible
- Do the DJ Bootcamp
- Have fun in your last bit of high school WITHOUT women. You'll be much happier and have more fun without the stress of a woman.

 

[flexion_]

Sorry the post is too damn long to waste my time reading. Whats your question?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Good God that was long!! And I actually read the whole thing, even though attempting to read your cantonese transcripts that you put in between your conversation was impossible...LOL

Ok first of all your a MAJOR AFC! The main reason I'm responding to your thread is because certain things your doing remind me of myself waaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day when I had no clue either. I'll sum it up like this:

-girls aren't attracted to guys who are not a challenge
-this girl is NOT interested, she was trying to politely turn you down.
-never show all your cards before she does. (Meaning don't tell her you like her, she's perfect blah blah blah, until she tells you she likes you. And even then you want to keep that to a limit.
-your living in a dream world as Desdinova pointed out already! Getting into a relationship is a progression, not a tingly feeling inside your stomach.

Personally I think your creeping this girl out a bit and she has not shown you one major sign that she's interested in you romantically. She does enjoy your company because you guys have a similiar ethnic background and that's about it.

Have you noticed how you are the one always making the effort with her? She doesn't approach you unless its about homework. That's not good. Your best bet is to move on, find new girls and stay friendly with her.


I really do believe that everyone has to get their heart trounced on at least once before they wake up and realize the error in their ways with the opposite sex. The sad part is some guys never learn, don't be one of those guys.




PIMP

 

[cA^]

Happy Camper you're not from New Zealand are ya!?

 

[xeon]

Wow that was a long post, i think you're looking alright, but are you going to give up?

 

[xeon]

hmm i used to be like him as well and i do understand how he feels a bit.

 

[Happy_Camper]

Sorry the post is too damn long to waste my time reading. Whats your question?

hehe theres more to come, i haven't finished the story yet, biology and chemistry test tmrw

 

[Roly]

Go date more girls

Dude, I never bothered to read your long post. I can tell you definitely have oneitis. How old are you man? 20? 18? Here's a solution to your problem: Date more girls ie. Spin more plates, get more in the bullpen. Be the Man, be the freakin DJ.

Quote from Adonis: " Never ask to be exclusive".

That's right, once you get tons of women on your hands, you won't be the one begging for a damn relationship. LET THEM beg and prove to you why they're worthy to have a great guy such as yourself.

 

[chevelle]

Roly:

Thanks for the inspiration! I have been upset about a relationship that ended a while back. I don't know how you did it, but reading your reply took weight off of my shoulders and made me realize that i'm not living!

I should be dating more girls and their is no reason why i should dwell on one dumb broad!

Thanks!

 

[MacDaddy]

Registered just to be ably to reply to this.

You say you have been reading posts on here for half a year and you come up with this.

Good luck with this girl.