Should I text her back or let her go?

[Henry 31]

Hey Guys,
I am new to this forum and I need some advice. I have been hanging out with this girl for about a month and things have been going well. We have been on a few dates and have been talking on the phone and texting every day. Its a bit of long distance we live about 45 minutes away. To give you a little background I am a male model in great shape yet I have low self esteem and a negative mentality. Everyone tells me I can get any girl I want but I don't believe them. I always have a gut feeling that things are not going to go well for me with regards to relationships. To make a long story short we hung out on Sunday and before I took the train I told her to call me to let me know if she made it home safe. She normally calls me when she gets home but this time she did not. I was a bit concerned so I called her and left her a voicemail. She did not respond. Monday came and no text nor phone call. My friend told me not to text her and let her chase me. I received a text from her last night that read " i wanted you to excuse me from being absent lately". I have a naturally negative mentality so I dont know how to take this. I dont know if she is blowing me off. I dont know if I should text her back and if so what do I say? I really like this girl and I don't want to lose her. What do you guys say?

 

[georgie24]

if shes into then she will find a way to reach you, relax man a women your dating shouldnt be commited to daily contact and vice versa thats what marriage is for

just get a hobby or go sight seeing until she contacts you

 

[Henry 31]

if shes into then she will find a way to reach you, relax man a women your dating shouldnt be commited to daily contact and vice versa thats what marriage is for

just get a hobby or go sight seeing until she contacts you

Thanks for the Advice. She did contact me yesterday and said " I want you to excuse me for my absence lately" I just dont know if I should text her back and if so what to write.

 

[The Gambler]

" I want you to excuse me for my absence lately"

See how she is keeping things slightly mysterious? Well that's how YOU want to be... Not like an *sshole, but more like a guy who is confident and has other things going on in life... This relationship can work and seems like a pretty good fit for both of you... But some guys don't realize that as time goes on, they smother their partner more and more gradually... This is a natural tendency with a "nice guy" and is a natural turn-off for most emotionally healthy women.


The Gambler

 

[NewAndImproved]

Don't respond to that text at all.

Notice how her text is a bit of a non sequitur in that it doesn't really address what she did "wrong" (not call you when she got back home), nor does it justify it with an excuse -- fake or not (my phone died, been really busy etc).

Instead "I want you to excuse me for my absence lately."

OK would be my only response to that, or better yet silence for at least as long as she gave it to me.

 

[Henry 31]

" I want you to excuse me for my absence lately"

See how she is keeping things slightly mysterious? Well that's how YOU want to be... Not like an *sshole, but more like a guy who is confident and has other things going on in life... This relationship can work and seems like a pretty good fit for both of you... But some guys don't realize that as time goes on, they smother their partner more and more gradually... This is a natural tendency with a "nice guy" and is a natural turn-off for most emotionally healthy women.


The Gambler

Yes ,and she does know I have a lot going for myself(personal trainer, work at a local radio station and write for a spanish newspaper). She tends to bring up the fact I am a busy person . I look like a bad ass but deep down I am like you say "a nice guy". I did start smothering her a bit and that could explain why she is acting like this. Thanks again for your advice.

 

[Henry 31]

Don't respond to that text at all.

Notice how her text is a bit of a non sequitur in that it doesn't really address what she did "wrong" (not call you when she got back home), nor does it justify it with an excuse -- fake or not (my phone died, been really busy etc).

Instead "I want you to excuse me for my absence lately."

OK would be my only response to that, or better yet silence for at least as long as she gave it to me.

Yea I was thinking the same thing. My inner "nice guy" wanted to write back or call her to see if everything is alright but something told me if I did it would only push her away.

 

[Henry 31]

Guys as I sit here and write to you I just I noticed a missed call from her. I am thinking perhaps I should call her back tomorrow. Let her know I am also busy...lol..

 

[pdx1138]

Good. call her tomorrow, but not today.

I would not say things like "call me when you get home" as you initially did, save that stuff for later when you're well into an exclusive relationship.

It totally goes against what most of us think is right, but it's the correct way to get ahead with ladies.
You want them to think about you and less communication/mystery achieves that.

 

[J Roc]

She was fukking another guy that night and thats why she didnt text you or return your call

 

[Henry 31]

Good. call her tomorrow, but not today.

I would not say things like "call me when you get home" as you initially did, save that stuff for later when you're well into an exclusive relationship.

It totally goes against what most of us think is right, but it's the correct way to get ahead with ladies.
You want them to think about you and less communication/mystery achieves that.

Thanks brother. Before I read this I sent her a text a message that said I have been kind of busy I will call you later. So as per your suggestion I wont call her today and instead will do so tomorrow.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ugh, where to begin, where to begin...

I'll start with the ending: based on how you're treating this situation right now, this girl is a lost cause. You've already made yourself too available to her, then made it even worse by texting/calling everyday. (For reasons on WHY this is a bad idea, read my post, "Texting is KILLING your chances with her.")

There's still a chance to turn it around, but it's really hard to go backwards on incorrect behaviors when you've already displayed them.

First thing: the whole "asking a girl to text you when she gets home" thing? Just take it out of your routine altogether. Some girls get home and are just dead tired, while others just don't feel like contacting you if they had a bad time.

Either way, it results in YOU having to stay up waiting for a text. No bueno. Just tell the girl "good night, get home safe" and leave it at that. If she WANTS to text you when she gets home, great - and even then, don't answer it til the next morning. Make her think you had other things to do (another date? possibly asleep? she won't know, which will keep her guessing.)

Second: STOP TAKING GIRLS SO SERIOUSLY. You're stressing out about her not calling/texting you ONE time. In the grand scheme of things, it's no big deal. You haven't known her that long, and she DOES have a life outside of you. There will be days here and there where you may not hear from her 'cause she's hanging out with friends - and that's OKAY. You should be doing the same.

Girls are supposed to be fun, and want to have fun around a guy they like; however, the more serious in tone you try to make things, the less she'll want to be around you. You need to act like the message she sent you in the text - "i wanted you to excuse me from being absent lately" - like it's no big deal.

And in reality, it shouldn't be a big deal. If she's interested but just got busy for a minute, it's only been 1 or 2 days - not a long time. If she's NOT interested and is feeling female guilt over just ditching you, so what - you should be hollering at other girls anyway since she's not your GF yet. Either way, it's NO BIG FRIGGIN' DEAL.

As for the message you sent back to her? Eh, not the best idea. If you were really busy, you wouldn't have had time to send the text and could have just called her. In effect, she may catch on that you weren't really busy at all.

It would've been better to hit her up tomorrow without sending a message today, acting like you weren't bothered by it, and just asking her for another date. At that point, if she started coming up with excuses as to WHY she couldn't make whatever date you came up with (and didn't provide you with an alternative date), you'd know for sure she wasn't interested.

But really - read my note about why texting kills your chances with a girl. You should only be using the phone to set up dates, then giving her time between that and date day to fantasize about you (which you're not allowing to happen by texting her all the time).

 

[Henry 31]

Ugh, where to begin, where to begin...

I'll start with the ending: based on how you're treating this situation right now, this girl is a lost cause. You've already made yourself too available to her, then made it even worse by texting/calling everyday. (For reasons on WHY this is a bad idea, read my post, "Texting is KILLING your chances with her.")

There's still a chance to turn it around, but it's really hard to go backwards on incorrect behaviors when you've already displayed them.

First thing: the whole "asking a girl to text you when she gets home" thing? Just take it out of your routine altogether. Some girls get home and are just dead tired, while others just don't feel like contacting you if they had a bad time.

Either way, it results in YOU having to stay up waiting for a text. No bueno. Just tell the girl "good night, get home safe" and leave it at that. If she WANTS to text you when she gets home, great - and even then, don't answer it til the next morning. Make her think you had other things to do (another date? possibly asleep? she won't know, which will keep her guessing.)

Second: STOP TAKING GIRLS SO SERIOUSLY. You're stressing out about her not calling/texting you ONE time. In the grand scheme of things, it's no big deal. You haven't known her that long, and she DOES have a life outside of you. There will be days here and there where you may not hear from her 'cause she's hanging out with friends - and that's OKAY. You should be doing the same.

Girls are supposed to be fun, and want to have fun around a guy they like; however, the more serious in tone you try to make things, the less she'll want to be around you. You need to act like the message she sent you in the text - "i wanted you to excuse me from being absent lately" - like it's no big deal.

And in reality, it shouldn't be a big deal. If she's interested but just got busy for a minute, it's only been 1 or 2 days - not a long time. If she's NOT interested and is feeling female guilt over just ditching you, so what - you should be hollering at other girls anyway since she's not your GF yet. Either way, it's NO BIG FRIGGIN' DEAL.

As for the message you sent back to her? Eh, not the best idea. If you were really busy, you wouldn't have had time to send the text and could have just called her. In effect, she may catch on that you weren't really busy at all.

It would've been better to hit her up tomorrow without sending a message today, acting like you weren't bothered by it, and just asking her for another date. At that point, if she started coming up with excuses as to WHY she couldn't make whatever date you came up with (and didn't provide you with an alternative date), you'd know for sure she wasn't interested.

But really - read my note about why texting kills your chances with a girl. You should only be using the phone to set up dates, then giving her time between that and date day to fantasize about you (which you're not allowing to happen by texting her all the time).

Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out. The relationship is a bit of long distance and that is why I would talk to her on the phone all the time. Not so much texting rather phone conversations. I will read your not about texting and I am sure I will find it very helpful. Thanks again.