DarkCityNight
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2003
- Messages
- 11
- Reaction score
- 0
Should I tell a woman about my messed up past?
I often hear people say that everyone goes through hard times growing up, and everyone has problems, and nobody’s life is perfect. I guess this is true, but how does one deal with a traumatic past when being a DJ? Like for me, the degree of all the bad stuff just seemed too out of proportion to be classified the same as typical problems that everyone has to deal with. It’s not just my interpretation of circumstances either. It just seemed like too harsh and unfair of a way to grow up. Just bad stuff like poverty, loneliness, and alienation. No one around me growing up, just completely alone and forgotten. And then living in too violent and harsh a world and having to face it by being tough and unfeeling. And growing up like this year after year in a bad neighborhood in bad schools, in bad circumstances with worse people. Such was my youth.
So how did I turn out? Like a gentleman. Women think I’m a great catch. Good looking, intelligent, well mannered, suave and respectful, charming and (thanks to this site) a DJ. I should have turned out the opposite, but thanks to myself I didn’t. I never tried to drink or use drugs to solve my problems. I tried so hard to improve myself with the goal of not letting the past keep me down. And this is some change from having grown up with no hope and thinking that the day will never come when all this would just be some stinking memory. It was so bad that for a long time I never could imagine that there could be a way out and that it could be better someday.
But from looking at me, you would never guess about my past. The only time the past gets to me is if I have a few drinks and am left alone to think. Then my bad side comes out and I start acting like a madman. Not taking nothing from no one, having a don’t give a f*ck attitude, doing reckless stupid stuff. And none of this is really a big deal unless I feel that someone has misunderstood me because of appearances. So this is where it would be helpful to have my girlfriend understand me because if she did then it would somehow make it easier to deal with and I wouldn’t overreact. So what’s a DJ to do?
1. Is it appropriate to tell a woman you are seeing about the bad parts of your past? If so, when? Obviously there is a difference between pickups, long term relationships, and the girl that you are going to marry. In a serious relationship I would like the woman to know me fully. I would want them to understand me and I think they can’t unless they know about my past.
2. How do you go about telling them- does it show weakness? Do you tell them a little at a time or all at once (which would probably freak her out).
3. What tone do I talk about the past in? Right now, when I do talk about it, I do it pretty matter-of-factly. I’m not resentful or negative or bitter about it. I always believed to just suck it in and be a man about it. Despite all the bad, I don’t let it control me; I am the one in control of it.
4. As a DJ, are there any ways to use your messed up past to convey mystery about yourself?
5. Should I forget about my f*cked up past and just live in the present? I can’t forget and I kind of don’t want to. It’s a part of me, and my character comes from that. Others say forget about the past. Where would people like Eminem or 2Pac or Theodore Roosevelt have been if they just forgot about their struggles growing up? Some people can use their past for good by creating a new person from it. They are able to use it to their advantage. It builds mystery and a kind of superhuman myth about them. Who would want to read a biography about a no one? They did some pretty great things (and as a person with ambition, wouldn’t it be cool to keep a story like that as a backdrop to the great things I do?)
6. How do you deal with people misjudging or misunderstanding you? I don’t want to explain to anyone the difficult time I had growing up and I don’t want to present myself as a victim of the past. Yet I also don’t want people to assume things about me which I view as disrespectful. Like since you’re successful now, you must always have been. How does one deal with this?
Thanks guys for any advice.
-DarkCityNight
I often hear people say that everyone goes through hard times growing up, and everyone has problems, and nobody’s life is perfect. I guess this is true, but how does one deal with a traumatic past when being a DJ? Like for me, the degree of all the bad stuff just seemed too out of proportion to be classified the same as typical problems that everyone has to deal with. It’s not just my interpretation of circumstances either. It just seemed like too harsh and unfair of a way to grow up. Just bad stuff like poverty, loneliness, and alienation. No one around me growing up, just completely alone and forgotten. And then living in too violent and harsh a world and having to face it by being tough and unfeeling. And growing up like this year after year in a bad neighborhood in bad schools, in bad circumstances with worse people. Such was my youth.
So how did I turn out? Like a gentleman. Women think I’m a great catch. Good looking, intelligent, well mannered, suave and respectful, charming and (thanks to this site) a DJ. I should have turned out the opposite, but thanks to myself I didn’t. I never tried to drink or use drugs to solve my problems. I tried so hard to improve myself with the goal of not letting the past keep me down. And this is some change from having grown up with no hope and thinking that the day will never come when all this would just be some stinking memory. It was so bad that for a long time I never could imagine that there could be a way out and that it could be better someday.
But from looking at me, you would never guess about my past. The only time the past gets to me is if I have a few drinks and am left alone to think. Then my bad side comes out and I start acting like a madman. Not taking nothing from no one, having a don’t give a f*ck attitude, doing reckless stupid stuff. And none of this is really a big deal unless I feel that someone has misunderstood me because of appearances. So this is where it would be helpful to have my girlfriend understand me because if she did then it would somehow make it easier to deal with and I wouldn’t overreact. So what’s a DJ to do?
1. Is it appropriate to tell a woman you are seeing about the bad parts of your past? If so, when? Obviously there is a difference between pickups, long term relationships, and the girl that you are going to marry. In a serious relationship I would like the woman to know me fully. I would want them to understand me and I think they can’t unless they know about my past.
2. How do you go about telling them- does it show weakness? Do you tell them a little at a time or all at once (which would probably freak her out).
3. What tone do I talk about the past in? Right now, when I do talk about it, I do it pretty matter-of-factly. I’m not resentful or negative or bitter about it. I always believed to just suck it in and be a man about it. Despite all the bad, I don’t let it control me; I am the one in control of it.
4. As a DJ, are there any ways to use your messed up past to convey mystery about yourself?
5. Should I forget about my f*cked up past and just live in the present? I can’t forget and I kind of don’t want to. It’s a part of me, and my character comes from that. Others say forget about the past. Where would people like Eminem or 2Pac or Theodore Roosevelt have been if they just forgot about their struggles growing up? Some people can use their past for good by creating a new person from it. They are able to use it to their advantage. It builds mystery and a kind of superhuman myth about them. Who would want to read a biography about a no one? They did some pretty great things (and as a person with ambition, wouldn’t it be cool to keep a story like that as a backdrop to the great things I do?)
6. How do you deal with people misjudging or misunderstanding you? I don’t want to explain to anyone the difficult time I had growing up and I don’t want to present myself as a victim of the past. Yet I also don’t want people to assume things about me which I view as disrespectful. Like since you’re successful now, you must always have been. How does one deal with this?
Thanks guys for any advice.
-DarkCityNight
