Should I still spend time with her?

[Ultracorp]

So, background info:

I started going out with this girl from work on weekends. First time out with another friend we had a good time and ended up making out. Second time was even better, she seemed even more into me, we made out in a bar and went back to her house and did some more making out, she said she would F@#$ me on her kitchen table if her boyfriend wasn't there. Third time was a mess, my ex ended up at the same bar as us and it just wasn't fun.

Overall I like her but then I heard she was also seeing some other guy so I lost interest and stopped inviting her to do anything. Now I guess she lost interest in him.

Here's where I am annoyed. She is constantly inviting me to do things with her but it's always with other people involved. She asks me every single week to do something on the weekend and I'm always kind of iffy on it. For example we went out for halloween but she brought her roomate with. I'm starting to think it's time to reject the invitations because things don't seem to be going anywhere. On the other hand I view it as a good chance to go out and meet other people.

She came over last night to play guitar with me but it ended up being kinda boring because she seemed really tired and not as much fun as usual.

Why does this girl keep asking for me to be around her? For attention? I just don't get it since shes always doing the asking. I don't really have much going on with any other girls minus my ex texting me the other day saying she misses me.

 

[flashpoint]

She came over last night to play guitar with me but it ended up being kinda boring because she seemed really tired and not as much fun as usual.

you are pulling the wrong kind of strings

 

[Ultracorp]

you are pulling the wrong kind of strings

Yeah I was really off last night. I was surprised when she said she wanted to come over and I just wasn't feeling that great overall. She was really tired from having a very early meeting and it just wasn't clicking. We jammed out for a bit and tried to record a song, but then I just started to get bored and wanted to go out but shes really broke right now and didn't want to spend any money.

 

[dap]

I think you need to decide what you want. If you want a sexual relationship you need to start being more overtly sexual so there is no room for confusion about your intentions. If, as you said, you want to be her friend to help you meet people then start treating her like a friend (hang out in groups, etc).

 

[Ultracorp]

I think you need to decide what you want. If you want a sexual relationship you need to start being more overtly sexual so there is no room for confusion about your intentions. If, as you said, you want to be her friend to help you meet people then start treating her like a friend (hang out in groups, etc).

Yeah you're right. The logical part of my brain says just be friends with her. It is really hard for me to keep attraction going with her since we work together and I try to keep everything professional while there....it's hard to be charming and interesting 40 hours a week. I kinda miss how I felt when I wasn't very interested in her.

Now if I could just shut off the part of my brain that knows shes my type of girl haha.

 

[flashpoint]

Yeah I was really off last night. I was surprised when she said she wanted to come over and I just wasn't feeling that great overall. She was really tired from having a very early meeting and it just wasn't clicking. We jammed out for a bit and tried to record a song, but then I just started to get bored and wanted to go out but shes really broke right now and didn't want to spend any money.

tired --> massage --> sexual activity

sometimes you have to turn the tide. things usually are not what they appear to be and you only can find out if you take action. i mean you say usually she only invites you to do something when with others, but now she comes over .... so .... what do you think she did expect? let's assume your ex and the unclear situation have kept you from doing something. if she likes you there will be another opportunity, she ll make sure of that.

on the other hand if you want her just as a friend so be her friend. nothing wrong with that.

 

[dap]

Yeah you're right. The logical part of my brain says just be friends with her. It is really hard for me to keep attraction going with her since we work together and I try to keep everything professional while there....it's hard to be charming and interesting 40 hours a week. I kinda miss how I felt when I wasn't very interested in her.

Now if I could just shut off the part of my brain that knows shes my type of girl haha.

Totally agree on the difficulty of trying to date someone you work w/ 40hrs a week. I recently was in a situation like this. Things were going great for about a month and then it went bad quick. It is simply impossible to maintain a sense of mystery, attraction, and sexual tension with someone that you are with constantly. Worse, when things don't work out with you two, it makes work almost unbearable. NC works well at the end of relationships to help you move on, but it is so much harder to move on when you are sitting next to someone for 40 hrs a week. I would avoid putting yourself in this situation.

 

[Ultracorp]

Haha yeah it's really quite tricky. My work station faces hers so it's pretty impossible to ignore her, she has to walk past me to get to certain places, etc. On top of that she told other co workers we made out so rumors abound. Probably not the best idea I ever had, but I had fun.