Should I skip a date?

[jnMissouri]

Background: recently got out of another relationship of about 2 years. After dating a few women in the past two months, I met this girl that I really hit if off with. She is gorgeous, successful and we have EVERYTHING in common.

First date I had to try to end the date with her numerous times (always try to end it first and on a high note) but she was having such a good time she stayed until the place closed. We made out at her car. I made a semi joke about us likely taking our profiles off the web soon since we had hit it off so well. Sure enough, she called me a few days later and asked me how serious I was about that. So she and I agreed to take our profiles off and date exclusively.

Second date was the same, the place closed on us. She is very attractive and successful, so she gets a lot of guys chasing her, including high status guys (we met on an elite dating site). She mentioned that some guy she had given her number to before meeting me said he owns a private jet and he wants to fly to see her, but she told me that she told him she is seeing someone right now (me, since we are exclusive). Of course you know I rarely initiate texts or calls. That has worked out well since she actually told me about a guy who had called and texted her constantly before.

She still initiates most texts and calls, sometimes days apart since I don't text her, as if she is waiting to see if I will text her but then texts me because I didn't, tries to get me to call her but I rarely do, I only initiate some texts to balance things out and show her some interest. Third date was even more amazing, we acted basically like a couple, lot's of us holding and hugging, kissing, holding each other, holding hands, walking arm in arm, etc. She initiated the kiss good night that night. We were all over each other all night, talking and acting like a couple. When I told her if she ever asks me if she looks fat in a dress, I told her the answer will always be no. She said, well now I know how my man will answer. Those kind of little comments. Also, she's a bit traditional....she's a traditional Asian chic.

So the next day she suddenly invites me out, likely because we had such a great time the night before, to go hiking with her. She was already out hiking. I was kind of busy so I didn't say yes but I didn't say no since I didn't want to reject her taking the initiative. So she said she was already wrapping up, I made a joke about her needing the workout (she doesn't, she is super petite, lol) and she typed an all caps LOL....

Here's the thing. On our last date, I got her to agree to cook me dinner at her place. She asked me if I like X food, I said I do. But I'm wondering if I should SKIP a date with her this upcoming week so as to:

-Leave her a little uncertain as to how I feel about her. We are dating exclusively per her wish, but I think it might be good to send mixed signals here as Bobby Rio and other gurus note, that she needs to have things to analyze about you with her girlfriends (is he really not that into me?) etc. It will help keep me on her mind, which I know is happening because she has told me she keeps thinking about me all day on numerous occasions.
-Let the attraction grow more in space (this has worked well by no texting or calling her, and limiting conversations with her when she initiates, just talking long enough to flirt and set a new date, etc.)
-Give her the gift of missing me. As they say, women fall in love in space, not in person. It's when they are replaying your dates and conversations over and over again that they fall for you.
-Be unpredictable. Not be available EVERY week.
-Let my unavailability create scarcity, which builds attraction.
-Leaves her wanting more, anticipating our next date, which every guru from David D to Bobby Rio and beyond has said, the anticipation is what builds attraction.
-Conveys lack of neediness
-Takes two steps forward, one step back (David D). For example you advance with a girl, kissing, etc. then pull back. Then when you advance again you go a little further. The idea being that she wonders why you stopped, you didn't overstay your welcome, and she wants more and thus is more receptive to your next advance, etc.

So what say ye, skip a week? Or follow up on her cooking us dinner at her place this week?

Also, she's clearly very interested, and I've been doing things right with her to date, which is different for me, because most girls I date, we usually have sex the first or second date, but we have not slept together yet, which is different for me, as almost every girl I sleep with converts to a gf right away. So not having slept together yet and having only dated for, almost a month makes it weird for me, as I'm still on guard.

But her approaching me about my comments and asking how serious I was about taking our profiles down, and her wanting to date exclusively was pretty interesting to me. I don't recall a woman I had not slept with ever doing that so quickly. Thing is, we act like we're in a relationship and my friends say she clearly wants that with me but that I'm sending her mixed signals and I'm not picking up on her cues like "now I know how my man will answer when I ask", etc. I noted to her before that all the women I had dated before were the ones that broached the relationship with me, she was kind of like, what, that's the mans job. Anyways, although we are dating exclusively and not in a relationship (that I know of lol) it feels like it is one. Again, she moves slow when it comes to sex, because she wants to make sure we really like each other for each other and not just the bond that is chemically created from sex.

In any case, I think we have enough of a rythm/bond that skipping a week shouldn't cause her to lose interest, if anything I think it will help keep things from getting stale.

 

[Zimbabwe]

From the sound of things, what you're doing now is working well. I say just let it flow but always keep your guard up and calibrate accordingly.

 

[handle]

Well, if you want a week to do your own thing, that’s all good... Won’t this happen naturally from time to time though, from other commitments? Friends, hobbies, errands, life? Don’t see why you have to force this or overthink it.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

I'd say about 85% of what you're doing is pretty solid and on-point. A few critiques:

1. Agreeing to exclusivity after only 3 dates?? Eh, no bueno - ideally this would be happening at the 2-3 month mark. Regardless of how into you she is, dating without a title in those first couple of months is the best way to get her to stay on her P's and Q's and have her anticipating when you'll decide to be in a full-on relationship with her. NOTE: this doesn't mean you'd HAVE to be dating other people during that time, but leaving the OPTION open is enough to sky-rocket her interest.

2. Leaving her with things to analyze about you with her girlfriends is a GREAT strategy. That said, not going out with her for a week, while it can work, isn't one of the better methods. Ideally you'd be seeing her once a week during the first 3 months, 2 times a week max. What will actually give her things to analyze with her girlfriends is not being overly-expressive about your feelings for her, or doing any kind of future-speak (i.e. "I see us living together, having kids, being in a relationship, oh and I love you, etc."). By you not being so verbal, THAT will make her seek out advice about "how to get you to commit," which is what you want.

3. Lastly, just because it currently FEELS like you're in a relationship or that you're doing couple-like things, does not mean you are in a relationship. I mention this because the mistake you don't want to make is thinking, "we're already doing couple-like things, therefore it must mean I need to wife her up!" No. Regardless of what she told you, ALL women, when they're ready for a relationship, will come to you and start asking those questions - "what are we?" "What should I tell my friends about us?" "Are you seeing anyone else?" etc. Until then, just keep doing what you're doing!

 

[bat soup]

If you skip a week she'll probably call the guy with the private jet.

 

[2Rocky]

She's following your lead so far. Are you trying to screw it up? As long as you are true to yourself and this works for you, do what you have been doing.

Reserve the soft nexting for when you are trying to make her realize your value because she is not compliant. Each time you "punish " her it becomes less effective. So use it sparingly.

 

[jnMissouri]

I'd say about 85% of what you're doing is pretty solid and on-point. A few critiques:

1. Agreeing to exclusivity after only 3 dates?? Eh, no bueno - ideally this would be happening at the 2-3 month mark. Regardless of how into you she is, dating without a title in those first couple of months is the best way to get her to stay on her P's and Q's and have her anticipating when you'll decide to be in a full-on relationship with her. NOTE: this doesn't mean you'd HAVE to be dating other people during that time, but leaving the OPTION open is enough to sky-rocket her interest.

2. Leaving her with things to analyze about you with her girlfriends is a GREAT strategy. That said, not going out with her for a week, while it can work, isn't one of the better methods. Ideally you'd be seeing her once a week during the first 3 months, 2 times a week max. What will actually give her things to analyze with her girlfriends is not being overly-expressive about your feelings for her, or doing any kind of future-speak (i.e. "I see us living together, having kids, being in a relationship, oh and I love you, etc."). By you not being so verbal, THAT will make her seek out advice about "how to get you to commit," which is what you want.

3. Lastly, just because it currently FEELS like you're in a relationship or that you're doing couple-like things, does not mean you are in a relationship. I mention this because the mistake you don't want to make is thinking, "we're already doing couple-like things, therefore it must mean I need to wife her up!" No. Regardless of what she told you, ALL women, when they're ready for a relationship, will come to you and start asking those questions - "what are we?" "What should I tell my friends about us?" "Are you seeing anyone else?" etc. Until then, just keep doing what you're doing!

Good advice, and yes, I intend to wait for her to have the official relationship talk, she had no qualms about talking about dating exclusively. Before I had a chance to read the responses here this morning, she had called me last night and invited me over for dinner as a follow up to our conversation about it on our last date. So I won't be skipping a week this week. As far as the guy who noted that there will be weeks where I have to skip naturally due to other things that come up, true, but I want to be the first to end conversations, pull back, etc.

I won't have any relationship talk or express my feelings to her. Will keep having fun filled dates with some polarizing of her emotions. Women love to feel deep.

I'll brush her hair behind her ear with my fingers, cup her face (Kino), look deep in her eyes and keep advancing. Feelings are developing in both parties but will leave it to her to express just like all the other women.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Here's the thing. On our last date, I got her to agree to cook me dinner at her place. She asked me if I like X food, I said I do. But I'm wondering if I should SKIP a date with her this upcoming week so as to:

-Leave her a little uncertain as to how I feel about her. We are dating exclusively per her wish, but I think it might be good to send mixed signals here as Bobby Rio and other gurus note, that she needs to have things to analyze about you with her girlfriends (is he really not that into me?) etc. It will help keep me on her mind, which I know is happening because she has told me she keeps thinking about me all day on numerous occasions.
-Let the attraction grow more in space (this has worked well by no texting or calling her, and limiting conversations with her when she initiates, just talking long enough to flirt and set a new date, etc.)
-Give her the gift of missing me. As they say, women fall in love in space, not in person. It's when they are replaying your dates and conversations over and over again that they fall for you.
-Be unpredictable. Not be available EVERY week.
-Let my unavailability create scarcity, which builds attraction.
-Leaves her wanting more, anticipating our next date, which every guru from David D to Bobby Rio and beyond has said, the anticipation is what builds attraction.
-Conveys lack of neediness
-Takes two steps forward, one step back (David D). For example you advance with a girl, kissing, etc. then pull back. Then when you advance again you go a little further. The idea being that she wonders why you stopped, you didn't overstay your welcome, and she wants more and thus is more receptive to your next advance, etc.

So what say ye, skip a week? Or follow up on her cooking us dinner at her place this week?

In my experience, there is one rule that absolutely trumps all other rules, and that is strike the iron while it's hot. If the two of you have not been intimate yet, and she is inviting you over to her place for dinner, it would be foolish to do what you are contemplating. Women are fickle creatures by nature. She may have a high level of attraction for you right now but it could all change in an instant if she meets someone else. This is especially true is she hasn't yet bonded with you through the act of copulation. Like someone else said, waiting a week will significantly increase the odds of the guy with the private jet being back it the picture.

 

[jnMissouri]

In my experience, there is one rule that absolutely trumps all other rules, and that is strike the iron while it's hot. If the two of you have not been intimate yet, and she is inviting you over to her place for dinner, it would be foolish to do what you are contemplating. Women are fickle creatures by nature. She may have a high level of attraction for you right now but it could all change in an instant if she meets someone else. This is especially true is she hasn't yet bonded with you through the act of copulation. Like someone else said, waiting a week will significantly increase the odds of the guy with the private jet being back it the picture.

Anything is possible, but I don't have a private jet and if she wanted to be with the private jet guy, she could have. SHE was the one that wanted us to date exclusively after one date. Yes, private jet guy was willing to fly here to meet her. But my last few relationships were women from out of state that spent their own money to come see me one to three times a month. While I don't have a private jet (although I am well off and COULD buy one) she has her own money and that's not what she is looking for. Like most women, she wants to FEEL something.

I will of course try to advance to sex with her, but if she pushes back, rushing or forcing it will only turn her off. She's not your typical girl. As a friend of mine told me about the situation. Just let it happen naturally.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Anything is possible, but I don't have a private jet and if she wanted to be with the private jet guy, she could have. SHE was the one that wanted us to date exclusively after one date. Yes, private jet guy was willing to fly here to meet her. But my last few relationships were women from out of state that spent their own money to come see me one to three times a month. While I don't have a private jet (although I am well off and COULD buy one) she has her own money and that's not what she is looking for. Like most women, she wants to FEEL something.

I will of course try to advance to sex with her, but if she pushes back, rushing or forcing it will only turn her off. She's not your typical girl. As a friend of mine told me about the situation. Just let it happen naturally.

I think you are missing the point of my post. You have nothing to gain by "skipping" a week. But you do potentially have something to lose.

 

[2Rocky]

jn, I remember you a few years back. Living with one girlfriend while trying to get something going with another woman. Seems like you have a knack for screwing up a good thing or you are trying to stump the forum with imaginary scenarios.

Conflicted, two girlfriends which to choose?

I've been in a relationship with girl A for 10 years. She's not as hot as she was in her 20's when we first met but she has been a great girlfriend. Always home, cooks and cleans for me, buys me gifts, takes me on trips for birthdays even though she doesn't make much money, listens to me when I...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Background: recently got out of another relationship of about 2 years. After dating a few women in the past two months, I met this girl that I really hit if off with. She is gorgeous, successful and we have EVERYTHING in common.

First date I had to try to end the date with her numerous times (always try to end it first and on a high note) but she was having such a good time she stayed until the place closed. We made out at her car. I made a semi joke about us likely taking our profiles off the web soon since we had hit it off so well. Sure enough, she called me a few days later and asked me how serious I was about that. So she and I agreed to take our profiles off and date exclusively.

Second date was the same, the place closed on us. She is very attractive and successful, so she gets a lot of guys chasing her, including high status guys (we met on an elite dating site). She mentioned that some guy she had given her number to before meeting me said he owns a private jet and he wants to fly to see her, but she told me that she told him she is seeing someone right now (me, since we are exclusive). Of course you know I rarely initiate texts or calls. That has worked out well since she actually told me about a guy who had called and texted her constantly before.

She still initiates most texts and calls, sometimes days apart since I don't text her, as if she is waiting to see if I will text her but then texts me because I didn't, tries to get me to call her but I rarely do, I only initiate some texts to balance things out and show her some interest. Third date was even more amazing, we acted basically like a couple, lot's of us holding and hugging, kissing, holding each other, holding hands, walking arm in arm, etc. She initiated the kiss good night that night. We were all over each other all night, talking and acting like a couple. When I told her if she ever asks me if she looks fat in a dress, I told her the answer will always be no. She said, well now I know how my man will answer. Those kind of little comments. Also, she's a bit traditional....she's a traditional Asian chic.

So the next day she suddenly invites me out, likely because we had such a great time the night before, to go hiking with her. She was already out hiking. I was kind of busy so I didn't say yes but I didn't say no since I didn't want to reject her taking the initiative. So she said she was already wrapping up, I made a joke about her needing the workout (she doesn't, she is super petite, lol) and she typed an all caps LOL....

Here's the thing. On our last date, I got her to agree to cook me dinner at her place. She asked me if I like X food, I said I do. But I'm wondering if I should SKIP a date with her this upcoming week so as to:

-Leave her a little uncertain as to how I feel about her. We are dating exclusively per her wish, but I think it might be good to send mixed signals here as Bobby Rio and other gurus note, that she needs to have things to analyze about you with her girlfriends (is he really not that into me?) etc. It will help keep me on her mind, which I know is happening because she has told me she keeps thinking about me all day on numerous occasions.
-Let the attraction grow more in space (this has worked well by no texting or calling her, and limiting conversations with her when she initiates, just talking long enough to flirt and set a new date, etc.)
-Give her the gift of missing me. As they say, women fall in love in space, not in person. It's when they are replaying your dates and conversations over and over again that they fall for you.
-Be unpredictable. Not be available EVERY week.
-Let my unavailability create scarcity, which builds attraction.
-Leaves her wanting more, anticipating our next date, which every guru from David D to Bobby Rio and beyond has said, the anticipation is what builds attraction.
-Conveys lack of neediness
-Takes two steps forward, one step back (David D). For example you advance with a girl, kissing, etc. then pull back. Then when you advance again you go a little further. The idea being that she wonders why you stopped, you didn't overstay your welcome, and she wants more and thus is more receptive to your next advance, etc.

So what say ye, skip a week? Or follow up on her cooking us dinner at her place this week?

Also, she's clearly very interested, and I've been doing things right with her to date, which is different for me, because most girls I date, we usually have sex the first or second date, but we have not slept together yet, which is different for me, as almost every girl I sleep with converts to a gf right away. So not having slept together yet and having only dated for, almost a month makes it weird for me, as I'm still on guard.

But her approaching me about my comments and asking how serious I was about taking our profiles down, and her wanting to date exclusively was pretty interesting to me. I don't recall a woman I had not slept with ever doing that so quickly. Thing is, we act like we're in a relationship and my friends say she clearly wants that with me but that I'm sending her mixed signals and I'm not picking up on her cues like "now I know how my man will answer when I ask", etc. I noted to her before that all the women I had dated before were the ones that broached the relationship with me, she was kind of like, what, that's the mans job. Anyways, although we are dating exclusively and not in a relationship (that I know of lol) it feels like it is one. Again, she moves slow when it comes to sex, because she wants to make sure we really like each other for each other and not just the bond that is chemically created from sex.

In any case, I think we have enough of a rythm/bond that skipping a week shouldn't cause her to lose interest, if anything I think it will help keep things from getting stale.

I'm a little late to the party and hopefully, this hasn't been said already but, yes, you should. But not for the reasons you listed. You are basically playing a game. A game that women are pretty good at when they test or filter out men. A game that is not natural for men to play.

You are not wrong in the sense that not always being available causes mystery and increases attraction, etc. Just don't do it "intentionally".

Skip a date because you DO have other stuff going on and she is not your goal.

It is the same concept as "act indifferent/aloof", so people literally act like they don't care when deep down they do. Get to a point where you REALLY don't care. Same here, get to a point where you REALLY have other plans and can make every date/plan with this girl.

Hope that makes sense.


Modern Man Advice

 

[The Duke]

Way too much analysis. Jeezus. It's just basic attraction. This is how your turn girls off.

 

[jnMissouri]

Long story short, her family was there, they seemed to like me. We slept together and I spent the night. She did say she wants me to call and text her more before we slept together.

To my surprise her entire family was there, I played it cool, figured nothing was going to happen sexually, but just be meet the fam. We all seemed to hit it off, her kid liked me, her sister even tried to get her more drinks then turned to me and said you're spending the night right, wink, etc. She happened to be wearing a slinky dress designed to easily come off....

Everyone eventually went to bed, we got hot and heavy on the couch, she said let's go to my room. We went, I'm moving her around on the bed, and you know, kissing her neck, ears, licking her nipples, etc. Go for the panties and she goes wait. Let's talk. In the four weeks we've been dating, you almost never initiate texts and rarely call me. How many times have you called me, twice when I asked you to, I call you far more often. She said it's a red flag, like I'm getting bored with her, not serious about her, she understands that I'm busy but can't be too busy to text, etc. She says it doesn't show her I'm serious about her even though I say I am. I was able to show her some texts to a friend about her that made her melt. So we talked for a bit more, she wants me to show her I'm serious about her then after 30 or so minutes I made my move again....and down on her I go, then her on me and then a good pounding. Left the next morning, though I lingered a little longer than I should have.

I texted her the next night so she doesn't think I hit it and split. One thing I wonder though, SHOULD I text and call her more? Seems like it does bother her, she liked to text me daily our first week, called me every couple days and tried to get me to call her. I worry that if I comply with her request, she'll lose interest. Either because it's accommodating behavior our because we become TOO familiar.

 

[jnMissouri]

So, one lesson learned here. Don't artificially try to skip dates. If I had texted her I had other plans and wouldn't be able to hang out that this week, she wouldn't have called me and invited me over. Met her family and had sex together. I would have missed all of that had I played games here.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

I texted her the next night so she doesn't think I hit it and split. One thing I wonder though, SHOULD I text and call her more? Seems like it does bother her, she liked to text me daily our first week, called me every couple days and tried to get me to call her. I worry that if I comply with her request, she'll lose interest. Either because it's accommodating behavior our because we become TOO familiar.

Ooh, I love this question! So many things to comment on:

1. You said in the OP that she complained about a previous guy who would text and call all the time. I would have brought that up when she was complaining - "Uhhh, weren't you the one who said the last guy you dated was on the phone with you too much? I just don't wanna end up like THAT guy, babe!"

2. So, here's her reality: if she's as hot as you say she is, she's used to being the one in control of the situation. Clearly, that's not what makes her box hot, though. In this scenario, YOU are the one in control, and she's not used to it so she's having all these weird feelings like anxiousness and unsureness about how much you like her. And THIS is a GOOD thing. The less assured she is, the more likely she is to (a) keep doing her part to make sure you stay interested, and (b) not try to dump you for someone else.

3. That said, I tend to follow the "3 to 1" rule when the women I'm dating start liking me more. I.E.: for every 3 text she initiates, I'll initiate one. (This, btw, also goes for saying "I Love You" when the time comes.) Because as much as she's saying she wants to hear from you more, it is in her nature to want to pursue a guy she feels has value. And in order to keep that feeling going, you have to let her do more of the reaching out because it's what she NEEDS to do. That rush of oxytocin she gets when she reaches out to you and you respond back is PRICELESS, and she can't feel that if you're the one constantly reaching out to her.

4. Lastly, another important reason it bugs her is not necessarily because she wants to here from you; it's because she wants to spend time with you. Any time a woman reaches out to you, it's because she's missing you and wants more of your time but isn't sure she's going to get it, or that you want to spend that time with her. This is why, in lieu of texting more, I make it a point to mention some kind of future in-person date whenever a woman I'm dating reaches out to me. For example: if I get hit up on some "Hey, just checking to see how your day is going" text, I'd respond back with "doing good, just thinking about the next time I get to see your pretty face. How's your Monday and Wednesday schedule looking?" From there, I can set up an actual date, which lets her feel like I want her company; at the same time, because I've set up a time to see her, I can now go the next 2 days without having to initiate a text since she knows I like her enough to have made a date.

So, just some things to consider!