"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Should I Say Something? I definitely Want To...

Fantasy

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Well, I got involved with this very hot female from work several months back. We dated for almost seven months. Eventually we became close and started spending a lot of time together. I was spending many nights with her. She has a kid and he and I became quite attached. By the fourth months, she had started making plans to be with me for a long time and eventually started saying that she wanted to marry me someday. Although I had really strong feeling for her, I just didn’t think I could marry her.


The problem was that she was just a selfish and materialistic person. She is very career orientated and almost makes twice as much as I and quite independent but I just really didn’t like those aspects about her and she could be quite moody as well. But despite all of this, I did try hard to make things work until I just said “F” it and I walked away from it all.


She was crying and crap and trying to get me back real tough before I made it clear to her that I just couldn’t deal with things anymore and that I was ready to move on. She texted me about 3 weeks after we broke up and said she missed me and she asked if we could go out to dinner. We did go out to dinner and she took me to this really upscale, fancy restaurant. I felt awkward that she treated me out to such a nice place because at that time, I had no plans to get back with her. I just missed her and really wanted to see her. By that time, I was already having sex with my new GF. She did try to reach out to me a few more times but I was real cool towards her.

So I did move on and started dating someone I dated several years back. My new GF is a really nice person and has most attributes that I want in a LTR. She is definitely marriage material although she is not as hot as my other ex, matter-of-fact, although she has quite a bit of sex appeal she is just plain Jane compared to my ex at work.


The problem is that I see my ex around work all the time since we work in the same area. She seem to be going out of her way to look extra nice every day now at work. I was working at a different site for the last two months after we broke up but now I am back and it is so hard to see her now and not want to talk her. We may say “hi” sometimes if we come face to face but that is just about it. She doesn't go out of her way to say anything to me but I figure that it may be because I declined an offer for friendship when we broke up. I am feeling the strong urge to call her because despite her flaws, I miss her and it just seem strange not to talk to her anymore. Do you think I would be out of line if I call her? I really don’t know what might happen but its just kind of burning me up a bit to see her so much and not say anything to her. I do still have feelings for her though but I didn’t know it was to this extent until we started working together so much. I am really confused now with my new GF and all.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Fantasy

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One more thing, I figure that if one thing so happened to lead to another, I could have them both since my new GF lives about almost an hour and a half away in another state.
 

jophil28

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Fantasy said:
I am feeling the strong urge to call her because despite her flaws, I miss her and it just seem strange not to talk to her anymore. Do you think I would be out of line if I call her?
WHAT the f**k do you hope to achieve by calling her again.
You are not thinking "in your best interests" here.
YOu broke up with her partly because she was "selfish and materialistic" ,bad character flaws in a woman - dealbreakers of the first order.

Are you now thinking that maybe she is NOT selfish and greedy any more ? It is the SAME woman !

Or perhaps you figure that you could convert her into a FWB because she still has high interest level in you. THat is NOT going to work either because she wants her LTR back, not a booty call. You want different things from each other.
Secondly , this would be disloyal to your new G/f. Would you be OK if your new G/f went back to f**king her ex behind your back ? I think not .

Respect and adherence to a moral code should supercede cheap available sex.
Stay as you are with your ex at the office - it did not work for reasons that you are clear about. If you went back you would be going back to the SAME woman with the same problems.
 
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Jitterbug

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Give your little friend downstairs a b!tch-slap and say "Stop thinking for me ya d!ckhead!"
 

mtnkng

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I think we get into trouble when we don't listen to our gut, the inner voice. Your first instinct to leave was more than likely the right one.

Move on. Don't call.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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MacAvoy

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At this point, I don't think anything anybody says on here is going to stop you. The grass is always greener on the other side. Personally considering that your in a LDR, I see no problems with you taking in some recreational activity, even if you weren't in an LDR, I wouldn't see a problem but thats just me. The fact that you are in a LDR, then I say all the more reason to.

What is your history with having mistresses? Have you done it before?
 

NewMan

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This is what happenes when you dip your d1ck in the compnay ink.

Never sh1t in your backyard my friend.

I've been in a similar situation (though not we someone from work) - where I have agreed to 'go to dinner' with them. It always leads to sex - and things never change between the 2 of you - after the 'Nut' she still has her negative points, and your left free of sexual tention.

You know what to do, cut it off and stay strong.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Fantasy,
My take is that your Ex is really very nice,if you play it cool you can have your cake and eat it too...The little Guy in this relationship loves you too,I had an Uncle like you until he was killed in Korea,Uncles are great...Fantasy forget about marriage,you have already decided to go back to your ex Right?because you get great sex that is the determinant...so many threads on single mums God Bless Em,do we need another?...so just cruise no hurry...
 

MacAvoy

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NewMan said:
This is what happenes when you dip your d1ck in the compnay ink.

Never sh1t in your backyard my friend.
I totally forgot about this aspect. This is a very important thing that many people forget. It sets so many guys up for prolonged heartache. I couldn't imagine having to work with one of my ex's on a daily basis. It would turn me into a huge AFC, thinking about them all the time.

However I've broken this rule dozens of time but it was just casual sex and I'm great at creating keeping relationships civil and not escalating.
 

Warrior74

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yah. go ahead and mess up your job buddy. just be happy you got out with a minimal amount of grief. Imagine if she decided to make your life hell. She could ruin your career. Keep your head down, and let this blow over. Don't mess up your money over some honey.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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KontrollerX

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Jophil is right.

If you went back things would be heaven for the first 6 months but then it would all go downhill and disintegrate like it did before.

Stay with your new girlfriend and move forward in so doing.
 

Scaramouche

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You Will stay with the one who gives the best Sex...Right....
 
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