Should I Really Leave My Girlfriend...Help!

[datdooppy]

Ok so I have been dating this girl for a little over 4.5 year. We met when we had just started high school and just now finished our first year of college,together.

When she met me I was kind of a bad boy. She helped me out alot and probably kept me out of jail. But in the process she made me cut ties with alot... no make that all of my friends. Now I'm on the straight and narrow. But she still has some serious jealousy issues and not even just with girls, lets not even talk about that, but with my guy friends(not the bad ones she made me cut ties with, thats semi-understandable). She wants to control everything I do from when I sleep, when Im on the phone, where and when I work, when I can play video games, who I can and when I can talk to...just every little thing.

I love this girl to death, really I do. I would do anything for her, shes been my whole world for the last 4.5 years...we used to even sleep on the phone together...24/7 type stuff. She moved in with me in January and I just couldnt take it so she moved out April 1st... but we stayed together...

Now im starting to get pissed though... I dont want to live me whole life married to her and resenting her for being so controlling... I just wish she was a little more chill. She tells me that she would give up anything for me that she loves me that much and thinks that because I dont want to be controlled it means that I dont love her.

There has been other people that I have seen on the side while I have been with her... some of them for whom I caught feelings... but I could never leave my girlfriend for them and eventually broke it off. Currently there is this girl that I have been talking to(because me and my girlfriend have been fighting alot) and were starting to like each other.

Earlier this evening me and my girlfriend broke up because she got made when I went to see one of my guy friends for about an hour(whom I havent seen in a while) to catch up on things. She got pissed and I wouldnt budge on the issue because I feel like I did nothing wrong. She told me she needs someone who would love her and do anything for me and someday I would wake up.

The thing is that one day I think I will wake up and miss her like crazy... and the thought that I couldnt go back to her because she might be with another guy and use that for another reason to even talk to me kills me! She is not only my girlfriend she is my very best friend who I do everything with and have fun with. I feel like I have tricked myself into this facade that I am not really breaking up with her... but just putting her on hold and I can go back to her whenever I want... because I couldnt imagine a world with her in it where I can just go to her and everything would be ok again. Also the thought of getting over her scares me just as much...because she has meant so much to me(evrything to me) for so long that I dont ever not want to feel the way i do about her right now(i have her name tatooed on my arm!).

I would just ask her to go on a break; but as you can probably figure... shes not the break kind of girl.... Ahhh I dont know what to do...I feel stuck on a bridge... on one side I want to ... on the other just AHHHHHH F***.

Well sorry for the long post .... good first for me to break my c***** on the forum though I guess....anyones opinion will be appreciated.

 

[wolf116]

She wants to control everything I do from when I sleep, when Im on the phone, where and when I work, when I can play video games, who I can and when I can talk to...just every little thing.

You don't sound like you were ever a bad boy at all, you sound like a puss wack.
Who the hell lets a chick tell them what to do.

 

[theunflushables]

Yeah, you're going to miss her like hell. And she may have straightened you out, but, no offense to you, she's cancerous and she has to be taken care of. Think about it this way. This can be the most exciting time of your life. Friends, new women who don't treat you like garbage.

And no matter how long the relationship, there always tends to be that moment where you'll think to yourself "uhoh, did I do the right thing". That is when you have to remind yourself if things weren't so bad you wouldn't wind up here talking about your break up. Let things go and stick around for a while. You can really learn a lot from these guys.

 

[theunflushables]

oops, double reply.

 

[wolf116]

I wouldn't dump her straight up, but I would totally stop taking her crap and just live your own life. Then if she can't take it, you may want to move on.

 

[Connect4]

I think you need to communicate with her about how you feel.. not in the lovey dovey way either. Tell her exactly what you think...That you think she's way to controlling and needs to chill out! I mean, what reason does she have to tell you not to go out with your buddies? You have to think whether or not she is being reasonable.

It seems like you're very close to this girl.. which is a good thing and could potentially be a devastating thing. You always need to be in the position where you can walk away if she's not respectful to you.

I think you did the right thing when you went to see your 'buddies' despite her pouting, because she has no reason to not let you make your own decisions. Besides, what does she have to worry about by you going out with your GUY friends?

It COULD also be because of the fact you're talking to this new girl, she's sensing some distance between you, perhaps because of that new girl. Girls are so adept in spotting that stuff.

So my suggestions is to lay down the law NOW, before it just gets even more out of control in the future.

Good luck

Connect

 

[DoctorLW]

The solution to this is really simple, and you don't have to break up with her either... not yet at least.

I mean basically all you need to do is tell her what you told us, only try not to sound like a whiny pvssy when you do it this time.

Essentially, "I really like you a lot, I really do... but if you control me like this then we can't be together. So either back off a little bit, or we are through."

If she gives you some bullcrap about how if you really loved her you would let her control you again, just tell her that if she truly believes that then there truly is no hope for you two, and that you suggest she see a therapist.

Honestly though man, tell her if she doesn't straighten her act that you will leave. This almost ALWAYS works on girls that like you, assuming you are serious about it. At least, it will work for a few years until she gets comfortable again and you will have to repeat the process...

Hate to break it to you but my personal opinion is a girl like this is not marriage material because it's just the way she is wired. But if you truly like her you can pacify her cyclically by threatening to leave.

 

[Connect4]

Hate to break it to you but my personal opinion is a girl like this is not marriage material because it's just the way she is wired. But if you truly like her you can pacify her cyclically by threatening to leave.

What's marriage material to you then?

 

[theunflushables]

See, I can't advocate someone staying with one person their entire life. I mean he needs to truly experience life before he can talk of love or an adult relationship. Its like only drinking one type of beer and say this is best beer ever.

 

[Mavrick]

Just tell what's up. You live your life for you and not for her. She'll just have to deal with it. If she leaves, then good. If she doesn't, then good. Live your life no matter what she wants of you. She has ruined the relationship by trying to make you stay in it. This sh!t has to be free, otherwise, you'll lose the spark. The spark is getting smothered, and if she doesn't back off, it will die out. So, you do what you want, and you put her in her place. That's it. That's all you have to do. It's your fvcking life, and she needs to respect your free will.

 

[datdooppy]

You don't sound like you were ever a bad boy at all, you sound like a puss wack.
Who the hell lets a chick tell them what to do.

i said im on the straight and narrow now... but she is continuing to control the things i do even though they are no longer bad...

 

[datdooppy]

this is some great advice...seriously...i feel like i should be paying someone for this. But yea im deff. going to heed this information. You guys have some deep insight beyond my years, thats for sure.