Should I Quit My Job?

[DharmaBear]

I'm down today. I started on this site because of severe oneitis I developed for a girl I work with about a year and a half ago. This DJ stuff saved me, and for many months now I've been out meeting girls, dating, etc. I'm hardly a full-blown DJ, but my confidence is up and I make it a point to work off my AFC tendencies each and every day.

Now. That said, I suffered a very serious setback yesterday. Since I've been out working on other girls, my oneitis has really been in check. It's tough seeing my oneitis at work every day, but I've had it down for quite some time now. I thought I was healed until yesterday when I overheard her having a conversation with another coworker about some dude she's dating. I fell to pieces. Throw in the fact that all of the sudden this past week that AW has been flirting with me more than usual. It doesn't help my case.

Seriously, I don't want to deal with this sh** anymore. I'm fed up. She's a nice girl and all, but my life will be way, way better without her in it. I really don't even want to be friends. I want to get away from her so bad, but does that mean quitting my gig? I plan on leaving next year anyhow for graduate school, but in the meantime I plan on making a lot of money THIS year. I just don't know if I can last another year with this oneitis. It actually affected the quality of my work yesterday.

Any advice? No offense, but please don't post messages about not dating those you work with - I can't possibly learn that lesson any more than I have now, and it has nothing to do with the problem at hand. Thanks for your help.


-Dharma

 

[sexual_intellectual]

Pull yourself together man!!

Don't quit your job unless you find a better one for more money first. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Bottom line - she's just a woman.

 

[Qmanchoo]

Since I've been out working on other girls, my oneitis has really been in check.

I thought I was healed until yesterday when I overheard her having a conversation with another coworker about some dude she's dating. I fell to pieces.

Seriously, I don't want to deal with this sh** anymore. I'm fed up. She's a nice girl and all, but my life will be way, way better without her in it.

I think you know exactly what to do champ, you're just not doing it enough.

Money isn't everything, if you're so emotionally wrapped up by this girl that you cannot get her out of your head and it's impacting the way you feel about youself on a regualr basis in a very very negative way!

Obviously.

So...

Date as many girls and as often as you need to get her off your mind. If that doesn't work talking to her isn't going to help either since the emotional scales are tipped so far in your direction the chain is about to snap.

In the end you might have to move on because it's only going to get worse and kill your mood IF you can't get ahold of it. And think about what kind of impact that will have on your personality after another YEAR, eh?

 

[car501]

Originally posted by sexual_intellectual
Pull yourself together man!!

Don't quit your job unless you find a better one for more money first. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Bottom line - she's just a woman.

I couldn't agree more with this statement. If you want another job, go get one. If your doing it because your ex works there, that's a mistake. You have to stand tall and just deal. Like sexual_intellectual said, it will only make you stronger. If she tries to flirt with you, just totally blow it off. You'll be fine.

 

[Disturbed]

I started on this site because of severe oneitis I developed for a girl I work with about a year and a half ago.

I am starting to develop a oneitis for a girl I work with. But I have only known her for a month. Read my story, it is currently in the forum. You got to help me out before I become a nervous wreck like you.

I plan on leaving next year anyhow for graduate school, but in the meantime I plan on making a lot of money THIS year.

I will be leaving my work after 5 months just before I start my graduate studies. Where I will do it would be far away from where she is, so whatever benefits I reap will be in vain after that. I have no intention on reconsidering my decisions. Hey! I never said I was looking for a LTR.

 

[DJStudent]

Well my friend, you just encounter the single biggest reason why people should never date a co-worker or someone you see on a regular basis. (not telling you, letting others have clue)

I personally wouldn't quit. I would just keep working at that job until I get pass this obstacle. Learn how to put it behind you and not let it phase you. Girls talks about guys all the time and how cute they are. This ALWAYS set AFC back because they are not confident enough to follow up on the girl and make sure if she's into you or not. If you have read any of Pook's post you learn to have patients with girls.

The thing is, your fear of her makes you an AFC. Why not take this oppertunity to work on it? This is a good oppertunity because we can identify the problem and finds way to work on it. Don't run away because another situation is going to happen you and you can't deal with it then. Learn now so you don't have to suffer later.

 

[DJDamage]

DharmaBear I am living the exact same situation but I ain't about to quit because of her!

The way I am handling it, is that I am treating her like every other co worker, I am friendly but not overally friendly. I do not stay and chit chat with her about her life, it has to be work related. If she starts to flirt or start telling me about her life outside work, I smile and walk away and do something else. I don't let this AW have the power anymore. Sometimes it will be hard when you hear or see sh1t but you just have to walk away or and not think about it. Its better then running away from your fears. Outside of work I do not see her or talk to her, I just politely tell her that I have plans. End of story.

 

[DharmaBear]

Thanks for your comments, boys.

DJDamage & car501 - I've been trying to do exaxctly as you described - but, it doesn't change how I feel inside, which is like a torrent mess. I'm pretty cool on the outside, but the inside...

DJStudent - I like your approach of taking this on as a major personal challenge. If one can overcome this, they can do anything! I will stay and keep trying, but the fight will be entirely internal. In other words, nobody has the ability to help me but me

Qmanchoo & sexual_intellectual - I agree; thanks for your advice. No girl is worth quiting a good job over, but at the same time it's hurting the overall quality of my life. My final decision is to continue to address my fears and gain control of my emotions by tackling this major challenge head-on, while simultaneously taking my time to look for a better job (which is a good thing to do anyhow regardless of the situation, right?) and date more girls.

Thanks again. If anyone else has any more insight or stories to share, please feel free.


-Dharma

 

[DJStudent]

Well I certainly hope you find a better job.

Here's something I've been kinda working on. You know how, when we guys like a girl, we tend to see all of they're good traits and none of the bad ones. We just seem to overlook them because we like this girl so much. Even if they're GREAT warning signs for us to stay away from this trouble maker we tend to think that we can change things so that she can be with us????

Well that is AFC ideaology but it happens to the best of us.

What I do, is that I start to notice all the un-attractive things she does. Like how she always yaks about her uninteresting life, boyfriends, or family. Other things can be her attitude towards other people, how weird she is, and or my favorite, how dumb she really could be.

Notice all the bad stuff and no matter how hot they really are, nothing wants you to stay there and deal with all of that crap.

 

[DharmaBear]

That's funny, cuz I've been doing the same thing with this girl. That approach has actually really helped my sanity. They say that the only way to get over a case of oneitis is to date/bang other girls, and to an extent I've found that to be true. But being forced to see her 40 hours a week has caused me to think that there must be a better way, because no matter how many other girls I talk to I still gotta get up and go to work each day and look at this broad.

So, I've been starting your approach - I look at all the things I don't like about her and list them out:

1) She's short - like, 4'11" short. Midget.
2) While when she's around I can't stop thinking about bending over that round a** and pounding it hard, I know for sure that over time I'd get annoyed withthe fact taht she's constantly 10 pounds overweight.
3) Sometimes she's got great skin, and then once in awhile she'll have some weird acne breakout that last a few weeks. Not hot, no matter how much makeup covers it up.
4) She's very difficult to have a conversation with, and seems to have no strong opinions on any important topics. In a word: boring.

I could go on, but I'm just trying to make the point that I agree with you. Dating other chicks might help the symptoms of oneitis, but really observing the girl and seeing her faults might cure the disease. Thoughts?


-Dharma

 

[DJStudent]

Lol, that's good that you're already doing that but becareful. Don't let you see her bad side out of control. It's really scary when you start to see all the bad traits in her or any other girls. It's a bit overwhelming because they have so many bad traits.

If you let this go out of hand, you will be nexting some good oppertunities with other girls that you see bad stuff from. This process has opened my eyes and allow me to not fall so hard for hot girls, but I have nexted some girls just because I couldn't stop seeing the bad stuff about them.

 

[sexual_intellectual]

Nice one Dharma - keep your head up.

Make sure you're meeting plenty of high quality ladies. Network, maybe take up a new hobby, let your female friends introduce you to their friends, and get out on some dates, basically just enjoy yourself outside work Do that consistently, and I promise you'll meet a better woman thats into you before a year is out.

You don't owe your one-itis anything - don't feel like you have to be nice to her. If roles were reversed, and it was you being flirty with her and it made her uncomfortable, she'd probably do you for sexual harassment. Be professional and indifferent. She'll get the message quickly, and if she's being spiteful, she won't continue if she can't get a rise out of you.

I look forward to your posts telling us about the cool women you've been meeting!