should i play it cool?

[drift king]

i haven't contacted the girl i was seeing about a month ago, she lost IL wasn't interested anymore but in her head she thinks im her perfect guy (she is annoyed with herself she doesn't have feeligns for me/chemistry) but i acted needy and clingy when she broke it off.. i know she wants to like me, but doesn't. and me acting needy just drove her away.

i left it, and went to see my other plates past couple weeks. she's less busy now cos things are quieter, friends aren't in town etc.

i text her today to say: 'are you still planning to go away for xmas?'

(i promised her i'd spend xmas with her and she wanted me to, when things were going good a month ago.. she spent past 2 xmas's by herself studying getting high, crying.. shes not close with her family anymore)

she responded an hour later with: hey, not sure actually but it looks like it will be after new year. how have you been? any plans for christmas?

im not stupid, i know this translates to: are you seeing other girls? are you still available? are you still into me as much as you were a month ago?

should i just play it cool and be lke : 'yeah im great, been busy. ' and just leave it for a week before following up with suggesting getting together for xmas?

or would this probably antagonise her? i dont want to look desperate and available by suggesting to get together for xmas in the next message, it's better i suggest it next week when it's sooner tho that may look as if i have no options (i dont celebrate xmas btw so it's just another day for me).

she's too proud she wont ask me to come round even if she wants to, stubborn too, refuses to ask for help even from her friends cos she's too proud and would rather suffer alone than ask for help.

 

[Iceberg]

i haven't contacted the girl i was seeing about a month ago, she lost IL wasn't interested anymore but in her head she thinks im her perfect guy (she is annoyed with herself she doesn't have feeligns for me/chemistry) but i acted needy and clingy when she broke it off.

im not stupid, i know this translates to: are you seeing other girls? are you still available? are you still into me as much as you were a month ago?

I don't get it. You texted a girl who claims to "not have feelings for you", asking her if she's going to be around for xmas.

She responded in a pretty normal way.

hey, not sure actually but it looks like it will be after new year. how have you been? any plans for christmas?

How does any of this translate to her asking about you seeing other girls? She responded in, like, the most normal way ever. Her response is completely uninteresting.

If I'm going to be honest, it seems like you completely created that scenario in your imagination.

 

[drift king]

I don't get it. You texted a girl who claims to "not have feelings for you", asking her if she's going to be around for xmas.

She responded in a pretty normal way.



How does any of this translate to her asking about you seeing other girls? She responded in, like, the most normal way ever. Her response is completely uninteresting.

If I'm going to be honest, it seems like you completely created that scenario in your imagination.

but i know what she's like, i was really into her. she's a woman after all.. when she's asking 'how have u been?' she's really just asking if im busy busy seeing other girls. the christmas thing i dont know.. as innocent a question that is i dont want to get my hopes up and think she's hinting about us getting together (even just to hang out)?

i know what she's like, it's very much a friendzone text message but at the same time she's trying to find out what i been up to cos normally i'm on her constantly replying swiftly etc.

you have to remember i know her better than you so i know what her BS texts sometimes mean, at the same time i need to make sure i dont do the same things that put her off a month ago. i was too available.

is it silly for me to be playing it too cool like waiting till later to reply with 'yeah im great, been busy ' then..

i just plan to send her next week 'i said i promised i'd spend xmas with you and i still will xmas is just another day for me, it's not important. what are your plans though?'

the thing is i dont know when to follow up with that.. i dont want to go straight into offering the spending xmas with her cos i'll look desperate.

but me asking if she's still planning to go away for xmas is clear what my intentions are (rather than it being a general type question)?

 

[Iceberg]

Cool.

 

[drift king]

Cool.

im obviously overthinking it.

i just need to do the opposite of being desperate, needy, clingy etc. i need to show im a man of options now.

i just dont know if what i plan to do is going to work, she knows why im asking if she's going away for xmas right? it's not as if she's stupid and thinks im just making convo.

i dont know if a 'yeah im great, been busy ' text not answering what im doing for xmas yet is going to backfire if i then follow up with the other 1.

but if i were to say 'yeah im great, been busy no plans yet.' this'll look like i got no options and too available even tho i should just be doing family stuff. i cant win..

 

[Htienvu]

Why are you still fussing about a woman who's friendzoned you! She said she's annoyed because she doesn't have feelings for a "perfect" guy like you. It's her way to let you down gently, if you really do have options you wouldn't care what this girl does for Xmas.

Honestly, spend your time and effort on someone else who wants to be with you.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Why are you still fussing about a woman who's friendzoned you! She said she's annoyed because she doesn't have feelings for a "perfect" guy like you. It's her way to let you down gently, if you really do have options you wouldn't care what this girl does for Xmas.

Honestly, spend your time and effort on someone else who wants to be with you.

Well, that's basically the answer he got from his last thread on this woman...THREE DAYS AGO.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190043

So, I'd just recommend giving this guy the silent treatment. You can't help those who don't want to be helped. But you can ignore them and focus your positive energy on people who actually want to listen and learn.

 

[drift king]

Well, that's basically the answer he got from his last thread on this woman...THREE DAYS AGO.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=190043

So, I'd just recommend giving this guy the silent treatment. You can't help those who don't want to be helped. But you can ignore them and focus your positive energy on people who actually want to listen and learn.

well what if she does want to spend xmas with me?

 

[Htienvu]

well what if she does want to spend xmas with me?

Even if she does you won't get anything from it, it will be a waste of time, effort and money. When Xmas is over you'll be right back where you are now with a little Dignity left to salvage. Let go of your ego mate.

 

[drift king]

Even if she does you won't get anything from it, it will be a waste of time, effort and money. When Xmas is over you'll be right back where you are now with a little Dignity left to salvage. Let go of your ego mate.

i dont think you follow what the situation will be IF she does want to spend xmas with me.. i go to her apartment (she lives alone), i kiss her on the lips (as we always do) and we hang out and talk.. it's down to me to take her to the bedroom and flush away those lonley feelings.

scenario 2: she invites me to come over but her sister or friends are there too. not a great scenario either. but her friends have never met me and when things were going good she was telling them all about me, and i guess when things were going bad. but if i make a good enough impression on her friends, who knows.. she's not close with her family so her friends are like her family.

now scenario 2 is friendzone territory. i know that, but if i get approval from her sister or friends that cant hurt my situation of getting some, i always saw her as a possible regular bang, ok it's manipulative using xmas and her being lonley as a reason to get some sex but at the end of the day i need to do what i need to do esp if im in a dry spell with little or no options.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Seriously? Can we just not talk to this guy anymore?

I hate to see Sosuave's smart posters dedicating time to trolls/idiots.

Even if this guy is real, it's like....Okay, if you already have this figured out, then why are you here asking questions? Oh right...because you're not real and you're just on an internet forum begging for attention from male strangers.

 

[Htienvu]

i dont think you follow what the situation will be IF she does want to spend xmas with me.. i go to her apartment (she lives alone), i kiss her on the lips (as we always do) and we hang out and talk.. it's down to me to take her to the bedroom and flush away those lonley feelings.

scenario 2: she invites me to come over but her sister or friends are there too. not a great scenario either. but her friends have never met me and when things were going good she was telling them all about me, and i guess when things were going bad. but if i make a good enough impression on her friends, who knows.. she's not close with her family so her friends are like her family.

now scenario 2 is friendzone territory. i know that, but if i get approval from her sister or friends that cant hurt my situation of getting some, i always saw her as a possible regular bang, ok it's manipulative using xmas and her being lonley as a reason to get some sex but at the end of the day i need to do what i need to do esp if im in a dry spell with little or no options.

Looks like you've had it all figured out mate, give us a report after Xmas.

All the best.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Dude your clueless, harsh but the straight up truth.

There is no hidden meaning behind her "how have you been?" text. She doesn't suddenly want to jump your bones since you haven't talked to her for a week or two and your never going to f-close her.

Your thinking that by waiting to respond for a week that its going to erase her image of you as a friend; it won't.

Instead of focusing on how to pull a rabbit out of a hat; why don't you focus on your real problem.

Creating a good first impression through killer confidence and attraction. The reason you get flakes, friend-zones etc etc, is you do not push their emotional buttons when you meet them. Instead like you said, you become needy and clingy.

Now go do a bootcamp and work on yourself, you have been here way too long to still be acting like a straight up clueless chump.






PIMP

 

[drift king]

Dude your clueless, harsh but the straight up truth.

There is no hidden meaning behind her "how have you been?" text. She doesn't suddenly want to jump your bones since you haven't talked to her for a week or two and your never going to f-close her.

Your thinking that by waiting to respond for a week that its going to erase her image of you as a friend; it won't.

Instead of focusing on how to pull a rabbit out of a hat; why don't you focus on your real problem.

Creating a good first impression through killer confidence and attraction. The reason you get flakes, friend-zones etc etc, is you do not push their emotional buttons when you meet them. Instead like you said, you become needy and clingy.

Now go do a bootcamp and work on yourself, you have been here way too long to still be acting like a straight up clueless chump.






PIMP

but i did do all of that, i did create a good first impression, she had high IL she sent me a 'thank you for a pleasant evening' text after our first date 1 hour after, and kept contacting me, our 2nd date went pretty ok too, make out session, third date we got naked and fooled around but no sex. then she lost interest and i became clingy and needy.

i've backed off for 2-3 weeks. am i still friendzoned now even though i've gotten intimate with her?

i know if i do spend xmas with her and it's one on one then there's no reason, with alcohol why we wouldn't get it on.

 

[1ncredible]

when you say you got 'needy and clingy', how bad exactly? It may not have been that that initially put her off you.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

but i did do all of that, i did create a good first impression, she had high IL she sent me a 'thank you for a pleasant evening' text after our first date 1 hour after, and kept contacting me, our 2nd date went pretty ok too, make out session, third date we got naked and fooled around but no sex. then she lost interest and i became clingy and needy.

i've backed off for 2-3 weeks. am i still friendzoned now even though i've gotten intimate with her?

i know if i do spend xmas with her and it's one on one then there's no reason, with alcohol why we wouldn't get it on.

Something happened on this night that changed her impression of you. Could be hard to pin-point what exactly, but if she was ready for sex and for whatever reason you didn't come through, she could have interpreted it as a rejection.

I take back what i said in my initial reply since I didn't know you had even got physical with her. The way you framed your original post was that you were chasing a girl who clearly had you in the friend zone.

I think with these new details there is def a chance for something to happen, but you gotta be patient. I'd put her on the back burner, and work on other women. If she comes around great, if not, no skin of your back.






PIMP

 

[drift king]

Something happened on this night that changed her impression of you. Could be hard to pin-point what exactly, but if she was ready for sex and for whatever reason you didn't come through, she could have interpreted it as a rejection.

I take back what i said in my initial reply since I didn't know you had even got physical with her. The way you framed your original post was that you were chasing a girl who clearly had you in the friend zone.

I think with these new details there is def a chance for something to happen, but you gotta be patient. I'd put her on the back burner, and work on other women. If she comes around great, if not, no skin of your back.







PIMP

it was a test a bit i guess, she wouldn't let me take her panties off.. i tried and she was like 'do you not listen? i cant even if i wanted to' she gave me some BS about needing a smear test or something and wasn't even allowed to have a bath. (it sounded like BS tbh) i felt like she was testing me to see if i had what it takes to convince her to let me see it through, she compromised on trying to give me a hand job while i was on top of her (i didnt ask, she just started doing it).. i was grinding on her with my underwear on and she put her hand down there to start rubbing me, i took my boxers off and tried to stick it in her mouth and she got annoyed and goes 'are you serious?' i dont enjoy hand jobs so i just moved off her after a few mins cos she was hurting my d1ck. i think she took that as a rejection, we laid and cuddled for a bit and she wanted me to stay the night and sleep. i stayed for a bit, but after couple hours couldn't get to sleep so i got up and left.. i think she took it that 'cos i didn't get my d1ck wet, i'm leaving' she didn't look pleased, i saw a scowl on her face as i got up and changed and i saw her text her friend. i tried to be sweet and kiss her goodbye making sure things were good but the next day she ended it.

the clingy and neediness came after, we met up again the next weekend but i was walking into a ambush (her just proving to herself that she made the right decision) no sex that night, her sister was staying over, we seemed to end it on a good note though she felt i be the jealous type in future (not good), fast foward a phone call a few days later, this was where it went bad she did say that the more time she spent with me the more she could see herself being in a relationship with me. i knew i was being just too needy and clingy by making that call.

i've left it since then for 2-3 weeks. now this contact i done today.

i agree with you that i need to put it on the backburner, so i should just play it cool and not that interested anymore?

in reference to my first post would either texts i suggested be suitable.

i dont know if you're referring to being patient and waiting till after new years, xmas is in like 13 days, i need to strike while the opportunity is there.