Should I pass this LTR

[youngprodigy]

I’ve been in an on and off LTR with this chick for 3 years. I’ve banged and have gotten to know many women during the times we were off. So I wasn’t going back to her outta desperation.

Now my problem is that I love this girl. I came to realize that she’s not exactly what I want in a women. Her morals, social circle and persona are no longer perfect to me. But she’s still the only women I can talk to hours and not be bored, and the one women that I can be completely comfortable with. I’ve opened up to her and she’s been there for me when I was vulnerable. On the flip side, when she’s mad, she’s been vengeful and would try to purposely hurt me.

She wronged me in the beginning of the relationship but i let it slide because I wasn’t any better and I wasn’t planning on keeping her for long during then. When I started to get in deep with her, what she did behind my back caused me to develop trust issues which wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried. And that would result in me acting crazy and possessive, something I don’t wanna be. Now I’m in a conflict of whether I should leave this girl or fix our problems and get back with her. For once I actually love a women, and I’m not sure if that’s worth throwing away.

Any advice?

 

[MrJack]

I’ve been in an on and off LTR with this chick for 3 years. I’ve banged and have gotten to know many women during the times we were off. So I wasn’t going back to her outta desperation.

Now my problem is that I love this girl. I came to realize that she’s not exactly what I want in a women. Her morals, social circle and persona are no longer perfect to me. But she’s still the only women I can talk to hours and not be bored, and the one women that I can be completely comfortable with. I’ve opened up to her and she’s been there for me when I was vulnerable. On the flip side, when she’s mad, she’s been vengeful and would try to purposely hurt me.

She wronged me in the beginning of the relationship but i let it slide because I wasn’t any better and I wasn’t planning on keeping her for long during then. When I started to get in deep with her, what she did behind my back caused me to develop trust issues which wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried. And that would result in me acting crazy and possessive, something I don’t wanna be. Now I’m in a conflict of whether I should leave this girl or fix our problems and get back with her. For once I actually love a women, and I’m not sure if that’s worth throwing away.

Any advice?

Based on what you said I would say you should end it indefinitely.

There are other women you can get deep into with and open up to and talk for hours, not just this one.

Sounds like she may have cheated on you or done other things to break your trust and that it’s hard for you to let that go. Well newsflash you shouldn’t let it go because she’s obviously disrespected you in the past and has been vengeful purposely.

After she wronged you and you let it slide, she’s thinking “hey I did this to him and he forgave me. I can definitely get away with doing it again since there will be no ultimate repercussions for me in the end anyways.”

An LTR like that could never work no matter how much you try to fix it.

Keep her around as a FWB type deal but if that doesn’t work out just drop her and leave it at that.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

You guys are playing cat and mouse. You already know that. You cheat behind her back, she cheats behind yours. You cannot reasonably expect that your trust issues are her fault...you are keeping her in your hip pocket while you cast about for other potential partners. She doesn't like that just as you don't like her doing it. But you cannot reasonably expect her not to be open to other men...after all you are exploring with other women and what's good for the goose is good for the gander. The idea that a desirable woman should be pining away for a man while he fiddles about is foolish thinking.

So the question becomes what do you want with her AND what are you willing to do to accommodate that? Obviously she needs to ask herself this same exact question.

At some point you guys are going to have to get real with one another. You can't keep the security blanket of the possibility of finding someone else AND expect this on/off relationship to grow and progress. Those things are at some point mutually exclusive.

Instead of complain about what she is or isn't, why not look in the mirror. Are YOU a partner the kind of girl you imagine and idealize would want? I'd bet money that if you are completely honest the answer to that question is actually No.

So what you have here is an opportunity. You have a woman you obviously like as a person and enjoy and trust enough to open yourself to for the most part. How 'real' are you willing to be? How 'real' is she willing to be? You guys are well matched in my view because you are both doing the same thing and you both appear to enjoy one another and be fond of one another. So the next step is a conversation. Do you decide to exclude other people and see where it goes? Do you keep going as things are until one or the other of you finds someone else? Do you quit altogether and go in a different direction? Those are the things you gotta consider. You might be well suited to grow together, you might not.

If you are 20 you are very young. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but there can also be value is seeing how things pan out depending on what each of you wants and is willing to do for the benefit of one another.

 

[HankHill]

If she's broken your trust and disrespected you and this has been going on for 3yrs then this will not go away, speaking from my own experience. Keep her as FWB if you can handle it (meaning she will be sleeping around with other guys). I couldn't do it since I had feelings for her so for me it had to end. Painful, yes? but sure beats wondering how many balls she's drains on the nights she tells you that she has other plans. Cutting her off means she's no longer your problem and you can work on meeting someone you can trust. Believe me trust is KEY to a happy relationship, I'd rank it even above communication and attraction. Those two things can go up and down but if trust is there you can weather most things together.

 

[resilient]

In my experience, the things that rubbed you wrong those three years never quite go away without massive amounts of self-development and realizations.

Like @BeExcellent said, you both are young and at an age where you should both be focusing hard on self-growth. Figure out more of what your preferences are in life.

What are your goals?

What do you want to accomplish?

What places do you want travel and see still?

This is the perfect time to take space, take inventory, and push yourself. If you can do all that, the old attraction of feeling like she's the only girl you can talk to for hours may change.

 

[youngprodigy]

Based on what you said I would say you should end it indefinitely.

There are other women you can get deep into with and open up to and talk for hours, not just this one.

Sounds like she may have cheated on you or done other things to break your trust and that it’s hard for you to let that go. Well newsflash you shouldn’t let it go because she’s obviously disrespected you in the past and has been vengeful purposely.

After she wronged you and you let it slide, she’s thinking “hey I did this to him and he forgave me. I can definitely get away with doing it again since there will be no ultimate repercussions for me in the end anyways.”

An LTR like that could never work no matter how much you try to fix it.

Keep her around as a FWB type deal but if that doesn’t work out just drop her and leave it at that.

You’re absolutely right. I’m just gonna ghost her for a good couple of months at minimum to get uninvested and when she tries to come around a second time I’ll either FWB it or move on, depending how circumstances are during then.

 

[greatsnake]

This reminds me of my ex— was on and off with her for 2 years and change, had sex with other women while we were off, conversations were great, we understood each other, on the same level sexually, intellectually etc. I just had to let her go though— 7 months after breaking up with her, I realize that I can get that with a lot of girls, it’s just that I felt really comfortable and I didn’t want change. So, my sugggestion is to let her loose so you can find yourself someone better