should i offer an alternative place/time?

[drift king]

a while ago i was msg'ing this HB off the internet dating site and we seem to hit it off.. i thought she might be an attention seeker, i tried to arrange to meet up with her but she was avoiding answering the question so i ignored her, she then comes back to me saying coffee would be nice but offered no time to meet. a day later she disappeared off the site.

now she's back on, i called her out on it saying she only joing when her kid is on school holidays and she wants male attention.. she said that it wasn't true, and it was cos she was fed up of the perverts on the site. i called her out again on this saying she should have left me her contact details in that case. she avoids answering the questions i pose and says she saw me in town couple months ago.. i call her out on it again saying why didnt' she come up and introduce her self to me.. she says i was picking up a girl so didnt want to introduce herself. i call her out saying im not attracted to the girls on the site who just want attention and an ego boost as they're most likely the ones to cancel meeting, i.e. all talk no action.

she says she wasnt one of those and gives me vague offer to meet 'how about coffee some time this week?'

i message back saying how about 'tonight or tomorrow at 7 in x place?'

she counters with 'how about 2pm in town on my lunch break?'

she also wont give me her number as 'shes careful' (basically im pretty sure she's either an internet dating virgin or has been on an internet date before and it went disastrous that she's wary of giving her number out till shes met the person)

ive come to the conclusion that 1)shes wary of internet dating, maybe hasn't done it before or has heard horror stories. 2)her kid is the priority so meeting on normal times i.e. evening or weekends is near impossible unless the kid is at the dads. 3)she wont give me her number yet.

i could have met her for coffee in town yesterday when she offered it BUT it was inconvenient for me.. i offered this weekend now and she hasn't got back to me.

should i be more open and offer tomorrow around lunchtime in town? it's inconvenient for me but i can make it.. i feel like once we've met then she might ease up.. though it's ruining my ideas of where to go for coffee (i have some special places in town i prefer to go where i'm in control of the parameters i.e. not too busy, side by side seats etc)

 

[1ncredible]

Depends how inconvenient it is for you. Obviously you want to get her out, but as long as you have a few other plates spinning then you shouldn't be too worried about dialling this one up.

You have nothing to lose by keep arranging times and places, so until if/when you do manage to meet, you may as well keep her on the back burner.

 

[Dominance]

If it's inconvenient for you then don't go out of your way to meet her at that time. If she was really keen she would go out of her way to find time to see you.

 

[drift king]

i think i should have just agreed to her original counter offer given how difficult she is and the lack of internet dating whatever.

the mistake i made was my last message.. i think it was too long and might be misconstrued.. i asked her to leave me her email address instead given she didnt want to leave me her number but it was all so long winded it might have freaked her out.

no response.. then i noticed yesterday she has hidden her profile from search and prevented people from knowing who's profile she has viewed.. i sent her a further msg last night saying that i could meet her for coffee on her lunch today cos i have a half day and left her my number and to call me from her work.

she deletes herself. which tells me 2 things, she hid herself cos she was trying to hide from me (or some other perverts on pof) and is non commital. i guess i was proved right she was just on it for attention despite her denying it.. but the fact that she hid herself and now deleted herself after i sent her my last msg probably means she was hiding from me and didn't think i'd see her in my inbox still.

anyways if she creates a new profile again i'll call her out on it.. if she blocks me there's your answer.

i think it's unacceptable really.. i've left her my email address and phone number. if she's interested in meeting as she said she was she'd make more of an effort.

i honestly dont know why she deleted herself.. it has to be my long message where i was making jokes she might have taken the wrong way.. either way if she's being this difficult for a meet up you can imagine what she's like when trying to arrange a date.. cancelling all the time etc.

 

[drift king]

i think this goes for the same way with texting like harry wilmington said.. emails texts anything in written form can be taken the wrong way.. also depending on the layout of the page a relatively short message which is a few lines can end up being like 3 paragraphs and an essay.. it never works in your favor.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Wow.... just wow dude!

She's on the dating site because she wants to find a dude.

She's non-commital to you because you are clingy, needy and coming off as desperate.

I mean just read your messages in this thread.

Its crystal clear that you don't have options and you are trying to hold on this this as if its one of the last opportunities you will get for some time.

Don't call girls out that you barely know, esp on a online dating site, it will only make you appear to be a bitter, woman hater.

Work on improving your life bro and with that will come confidence and success.

Right now, no offense it seems like you haven't changed one bit in all the years you have been here.







PIMP

 

[Harry Wilmington]

i think this goes for the same way with texting like harry wilmington said.. emails texts anything in written form can be taken the wrong way.. also depending on the layout of the page a relatively short message which is a few lines can end up being like 3 paragraphs and an essay.. it never works in your favor.

LoL - wow, this is my 3rd shout-out in a week, good good times!

Interestingly, though, online dating is a different beast altogether. Though I still believe that texting KILLS relationships, with dating sites you have to send a few messages back and forth in order to get the person interested. I did online dating for 2 years and was very successful at getting dates (and banging their brains out by date 2). However, I wouldn't send 2 weeks of messages to a chick either - nope, I would simply message them with a question that sounded like we were already in a conversation together (i.e. "Hey, wait a minute, when did you go hiking in the mountains??"), ask her a few things about herself, then go in for the kill and ask for a coffee shop/bookstore date. I'd set up a date and time and we'd exchange numbers, but I'd never call her - I'd just assume she was going to show up, and I'd meet her there (and amazingly, despite me not doing any last-minute reminders, they'd ALWAYS be there for the date).

The bottom line, though, is this: if you ask for the meet-up and she gives you any excuse about why she can't meet up with you, or is avoiding answering your question altogether... she's not interested. TRUST me.

She's not afraid to meet you (she's on there to meet guys, remember?); she's not wary of giving you her number (she wants a guy she's interested in to be able to reach her however he can); she's not waiting to see how she feels about you after sending x-amount of messages (she'll only really know how she feels about you after meeting you in person); and she's definitely not going to hide her profile from you (why would she be hiding all of a sudden from the man of her dreams?). She either doesn't like you, or did like you but then lost interest or found someone she liked more. It's how the "online dating game" works.

You can't take it personally, pal. You're begging her for a date because, on some level, you think it's a failure on your part to keep her attracted to you. But really, you DON'T even know her yet. So there's really no need to be so obsessive over this one chick, who could end up being a psycho or really annoying. Think of it as her doing you a favor - now you can go after other girls who might actually want to meet up with you, instead of wasting your money on a so-so coffee date with an attention-wh0re who only went out with you because she had nothing better to do.