Should I move and start over?

[Strangertx1]

I live in Houston TX. Age: 25. Salary: about 50 thousand a year. No kids. I live about 3 hours from my family. That is a little about me. Sometimes I feel that as soon as my contract is over in June of next year, I should move to the West Coast. Perhaps Washington, Oregon, or Cali. Or up to Colorado. I have been with over 20 girls in bed but lack lots of skills. If I move, I would be far from everyone. I could start over. However, I have moved within Texas in the past and I have not solved my inner issues. And if I move, I would be far from my family. Way far. But then maybe that is good. Also, I would need to find a job. And the opportunities in Houston are good. I am not sure about other places. I would like some opinions.

Note that my main issues are those of attachment and jealousy. Everytime I get with a girl, I begin to feel attached to her somehow. That of course leads me to be jealous when she is with other people. And if I see guys that I know being successful with other women, that also makes me feel jealous of them. I dont want to be but I am. Let me know what you all think.

I am willing to do that which needs to be done to get things done.

 

[Aristotle]

Well, changing external stimuli to change your internal stimuli is possible, but I see it as a way which is too long, impractical, and not for certain. There are easier ways in addressing this. If your problem, as you say, is jealousy of others, the issue at hand is your confidence. Now if you were to move and catch some lucky breaks, this may help your confidence, or if you were further from your family you may feel more independent which could help your confidence, but these are long shots. Instead of moving away from your current social status, you need to ask yourself what would make you feel comfortable so that you would not be jealous. I don't think the best answer to this is moving far away. The answer to this problem lies within you, not outside of you.

 

[Strangertx1]

Thanks Aristotle guy. I certainly see your point. I have listed what I consider my strengths and weaknesses in the hope that you out there can help me out a little.

Weaknesses: jealous, insecure (particularly about my height), lack social skills, manipulative, selfish, and I get attached to girls when I do get one

Strengths: intelligent, confident about my intellect, good in bed, nice package (please refrain from gay comments) lol, funny

I am 24 and have been with 21 girls yet I feel miserable sometimes. I have a cool job where I earn 50k with 10 weeks of vacation. Its not stellar but better than most people. I am confident (even arrogant) about my intellect, ability to solve complex problems, etc. When it comes to women, I am a total idiot. Please help!

 

[AKA FLEX]

Why would you move? Houston is a great place. Low cost of living, awesome nightlife, you've got a great job, you're banging lots of chicks.

You said yourself your issues are "inner issues." Changing your outer scenery isn't going to help that.

You've hooked up with more chicks than 95% of guys on this board. Why are you jealous of anything?

 

[slickaz]

maybe you need to take up a hobby..
where you spend time doing something that takes up your interest.

i mean i know that sounds wierd but say for example if you're mind was set on mountain biking.
you'd be thinking more about which hills you wanna take on this weekend, or cleaning up your bike etc rather than getting too attached to the girls. or having the time to think/feel jealous.

Also, you will appreciate the time away from the girl. which means you'll appreciate her having her time away doing her own thing. because when you want to keep saturday for biking, you're thinking i hope she doesnt want to spend time with me because i want to ride that hill this saturday. itll give you an appreciation for personal space and time.

Also its a challenge, and a sport such a mountain biking, considered a manly sport, man against nature, would give you extra confidence as in, you just took on a mountain this saturday..and won. that kind of confidence is what drove our forefathers to distant lands and made them legends for future generations..and i suppose thats something that could help.

personally i took up 2 hobbies, motorcycle riding on saturdays and kite surfing on wednesday afternoons.
I am also eventually looking to take on mountain biking as just a once a month thing and regularly take up kick boxing.

Ever since ive taken up kite surfing it has upped by confidence alot, when everyone else in the office is talking about the huge storm coming our way. me and my buddies are smiling waiting for 2pm on wednesday so we can hit the waves and ride em. it gives you a massive confidence boost knowing that even the cops, firemen and coast guard are holding hatches down, when we're out there enjoying natures fury. yes its a dangerour sport sometimes but ive got good buddies that cover each other and when its done i come out feeling like superman.invincible.
motorcycle riding on saturdays is smtn i have just picked up, its very cool, fun and man machine and road kind of thing. Plus the girls think its so hott that i spend a day just blasting through corners on my sport bike with my biker buddies.ive had a couple of the girls join me and both times it has ended in HOTTT!! shower s3x teehehehe..they initiate it ofcourse coz i think speed and having a man that can control a bike around hills turns them on..who knew!

Your other problems such as jealousy, insecurity, social skills and manipulativeness will also be addressed by hobbies such as this because most sports means you spend time with other people, you increase your social skills, and eventually you will grow into a set. Once part of a group of close friends that enjoy same hobby you gain social skills, lose your insecurities because you can act the fool around your friends and eventually around other people and manipulativeness just goes out the window when you're out there takin on nature all you have is your buddies to watch your back..

good luck..

i will say though, confidence is a not something we were born with, its something we learn. So dont assume that people out there were just born natural confident people...they learnt to grow into their shell and pushed thier capabilities to achieve that confidence..and you should look at what you have achieved to date.. dont count the women you have laid as a confidence booster because that is lame and its not really something that should change the way you feel about you..self esteem...self! esteem..i know guys that have had one girl since high school and are the most confident dudes ever!...so..do it for you..again..good luck..if you need advice further we gotchyu

 

[Frink']

I live in Houston TX. Age: 25. Salary: about 50 thousand a year. No kids. I live about 3 hours from my family. That is a little about me. Sometimes I feel that as soon as my contract is over in June of next year, I should move to the West Coast. Perhaps Washington, Oregon, or Cali. Or up to Colorado. I have been with over 20 girls in bed but lack lots of skills. If I move, I would be far from everyone. I could start over. However, I have moved within Texas in the past and I have not solved my inner issues. And if I move, I would be far from my family. Way far. But then maybe that is good. Also, I would need to find a job. And the opportunities in Houston are good. I am not sure about other places. I would like some opinions.

Note that my main issues are those of attachment and jealousy. Everytime I get with a girl, I begin to feel attached to her somehow. That of course leads me to be jealous when she is with other people. And if I see guys that I know being successful with other women, that also makes me feel jealous of them. I dont want to be but I am. Let me know what you all think.

I am willing to do that which needs to be done to get things done.

I moved away. And I don't regret it.

However - It won't fix anything. And you'll miss your friends and family. And you'll have to build up a new circle of friends. It took me two years to find a group of friends that first of all I liked and to become one of the group.

At this point for you, it can only make your peoblems bigger. Though, for some people it's the right thing to do. Don't let stranger on a forum decide for you.

 

[Strangertx1]

I think you guys are right. I would still like tips on more practical and specific ways that I can avoid being possessive when it comes to women. I have lost way too many girls because of this. Sure, we had sex but then it stops because I begin to express my feelings towards them. I act like a wuss. What other things (besides hobbies) can I do? When I pick up the phone to call her, how can I stop myself? Or how can I put the damn phone down and not have 2 hour conversations with the girls? How can I change my mindset that the more she knows about "how cool and smart" I am the more she will be attracted to me?

I do keep things in perspective and know that I have had sex with more women that lots of guys. But the number means nothing if I am not happy inside. I am not happy inside. lol

 

[Poonani Maker]

Get married? Look, I moved to richer greener pastures and it changed my life forever, in all aspects. The women are straighter, prettier, smarter, and sexual always on the lookout for movie stars who might be passin through. I could pass for a movie star, though I'm getting older no doubt. TX is Hot. I can't stand the heat, unless it's dry i.e. west. Humidity makes me feel like sh1t.

I met my oneitis here and had never seen anyone like her. Now, I see duplicates of her every now and then. This section of the country is just where they congregate. I never would have known this type of gal if I hadn't moved. She's the most unusual specimen I've ever seen, like a blast from the past, a rare find, diamond in the rough.

Women know I'm latched on to this one and think about her all the time because of gossip - you tell one, you tell them all. I've notice women hone in on my oneitis' behaviors and try to modify their behavior to lure me to suck me into to them and take interest in them, but it doesn't work. They could never replace my oneitis. It's just a mentality that can't be mimiced, that can't be assumed without a drastic shift in thought processes and thus ******d appearances. It all starts on the inside with emotion and affection. I've never had a woman care for me (almost like Jesus) the way my oneitis was a best friend to me.

It was special, just between the two of us. No one else could understand what we said to each other. It was almost a telepathic inference ongoing between us. But she threw it all away, saying she wasn't good enough for me. She must have had a deep dark past that she wasn't willing to share with me. She was definitely a strange one, and had living demons in her that would crop up from time to time outta nowhere. I wanted to save her and became Captain Save-a-ho a few times during our relationship, but initially she saved me. She changed me in the twinkling of an eye.

So judgmental she was. Oh well, I'm still looking for one like her maybe but more stable I guess And younger .