should I make an issue out of it or ignore it?

[MacAvoy]

My g/f went out for dinner Monday w/ a male friend, in which he professed his AFC desires to be more than just friends. Last night when she told me about it, I was nonchalant, don't really care, not concerned about AFC guys.

However what my issue was late Monday afternoon between 4-5, my girl was tryin to get rid of me on IM saying that she had to get going, but not saying what. She also said she was doing her hair (She is very high maintenance - takes her 2 hours to get ready every day to go to school or wherever). She told me she was doing her hair just for herself, and that she had to let me go around 4:30, but saying she wasn't going anywhere.

I find out last night that she got coerced into having dinner on Monday night with this guy. I don't care that she had dinner w/ him, but to me it looks like she was getting ready for dinner on Monday afternoon when she wanted to ditch me.

So my question is should I make an issue out of it cuz of the fact that it appears she knew about the dinner and was hiding it from me or not bother. She also told me that she ended up drinking a bottle and a half of wine that night, don't know why that mattered.

 

[IKO69]

yes. you have to call her on this one.....the only man she should have dinner is with you...or her dad or brother if applicable. The fact she told you herself she wasn't going anywhere, but then ended up going to dinner with that guy is enough to call this into attention. You gotta make it clear your not going to take any disrespect

Some dudes will tell you to not sweat it, you don't want to show you're insecure about it....f that. By not doing anything, you'd only be giving her carte blanche to do it again and maybe even go further (Considering that's all that happened that day)

 

[frivolousz21]

how long have you been together?

how serious are you?

are you in love?




personally..if my women did that..she would be in tears when I was done with her..but thats just me.


if she hide from me that she had dinner with another man and drank a bottle of wine..its not about control..its about MOTHA FYCKING RESPECT..AND SHE WOULD EITHER BE IN TEARS AND NEVER DO IT AGIAN OR SHE WOULD BE OUT THE DOOR!


this isnt about being insecure..once again..ill just add that !

 

[Boner da Stoner]

the drinking part is so that when you finally do catch her she has an alibi. It ain't fool proof, she didn't even have to go to dinner with the guy, there's so many girls that hide behind the bottle to get their giggles off without you there.

The guy might not have been AFC, and she was probably testing to see how far into it you would go, some girls LOVE jealousy.

Find your girl, make sure you know you can tag her after the next step, will tell you why soon.

Call the guy up and make up some BS story about how you KNOW what happened on Monday night and you want to hear all the details so you know she's not lying. If he asks for details about what she said, tell him that you want to hear his side of the story first.

If he insists nothing happened, tell him that is BS and hang up. Next call up your girl, ask her what happened when she was drining, than say that's not what (male friend) told me, tell me the truth. Don't tell her how you feel or anything, let her run her mouth about how disrespectful you are being. After she's done, you will either believe her story, and than you call up (male friend) with your problem again this time with more info to back it up.

Make sure you fluff it when you talk to him, but don't insinuate, liars get pushed into corners and if agreed upon thee is a truth to their system and they can lie like a dog and you'll be none the wiser.

Word of warning, alcohol, is a depressant, and you gotta have stories of when you were drunk and had beer goggles.

 

[frivolousz21]

Look at it this way..


IF YOU WENT OUT WITH ANOTHER WOMEN AND DRANK AND DIDNT TELL YOUR WOMEN BEFORE HAND.

HIGH QUALITY HORSE SHYT WOULD HIT THE FAN.


your girl would be pissed....so you be pissed..let her have it!

 

[Boner da Stoner]

PS for the guys up there...

Life and love is not about controlling their lives or tryingto make them better, it's about respect. I go to dinner with ex's go to their houses and party, while I'm seeing other ladies. It's called friends!

Sometimes friends are more than friends though.

She can have her space, see her friends, but things can start to get fishy, and it is the man's REAL test(not drama ie **** test) to determine if she is worth it to you.

There is a time for you to test the waters to see if she's worthy of your attention, that's what attracted her in the first place. If she fails the test by crossing the line and you both KNOW it deep down. Than next her.

 

[MacAvoy]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
Look at it this way..

IF YOU WENT OUT WITH ANOTHER WOMEN AND DRANK AND DIDNT TELL YOUR WOMEN BEFORE HAND.

HIGH QUALITY HORSE SHYT WOULD HIT THE FAN.

your girl would be pissed....so you be pissed..let her have it!

I just thought of this after I posted, but on Sunday night after I got off the phone w/ her, I went out w/ a girl and got drunk. So now I'm wondering if this was in retalation to what I did?

ps been together just over 4 months, not love yet, but strong feelings, I'm sure that will develop over time.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

Friv I still think your frivilous, you jump too fast my man. Take it from field tests, I been through this from a laid back point of view, not holding the trigger as soon as I enter the relationship like you.

If I went out on a date and drank with a girl and didn't tell my women there'd be a reason for it. I'd let her dig her heart out if I knew there was nothing to hide, and if there was I wouldn't be with her I'd be with the girl I'm sneaking around with.

Scare tactics my man, you have to know the field, this isn't a game of CLUBS or KINGS or HEARTS... it's a game of SPADES you have to start digging to get your answers, don't trust what shes telling you on the surface, she will let you dig deeper. If she has skeletons buried down there and you find em, just know you have your own. But if shes burying new ones....

That is when you pull the trigger.

 

[frivolousz21]

Life and love is not about controlling their lives or tryingto make them better, it's about respect. I go to dinner with ex's go to their houses and party, while I'm seeing other ladies. It's called friends!

yes you do..try having a LTR with a child on the way..and getting away with that.

there is just to much at stake and the commitment is to high.

if I was in something less serious or less important to my life...I wouldnt be so hard on something like that.

SO macavoys situation is diff then mine..he would prolly take less stringent measures.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

I just thought of this after I posted, but on Sunday night after I got off the phone w/ her, I went out w/ a girl and got drunk. So now I'm wondering if this was in retalation to what I did?

ps been together just over 4 months, not love yet, but strong feelings, I'm sure that will develop over time.

So what'd you do when you were drunk?

Did you **** up or did she? cause this is going to stir some harsh feelings. You are going to have one ****ed up relationship if you let it continue if you screwed around on her in retaliation.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

yes you do..try having a LTR with a child on the way..and getting away with that.

there is just to much at stake and the commitment is to high.

if I was in something less serious or less important to my life...I wouldnt be so hard on something like that.

SO macavoys situation is diff then mine..he would prolly take less stringent measures.

If she was having my kids, I wouldn't let her drink(and I'd get a divorce before I was liable to payments) Fetal alcohol syndrome is not something I want to stare down for the rest of my life. Let her deal with HER mistake than, that is ****ing up other people's lives.

On the other hand I wouldn't go out drinking with other ladies while my common law was drunk, I plan for things, and so should a don juan. I'd bring her to my house to meet my wife if we were that good of friends to go for dinner while I had kids on the line.

BUT I'm not in those ****ed up shoes and I would never place myself in one under the age of 25

 

[MacAvoy]

I didn't do anything when I was out w/ the other girl. I had no interest w/ the other girl, just happened to be that she was passing through my town, haven't seen her in a long time, and I was tryin to sell her a truck of mine. Just so happens that she called me after I was done talking to my girl for the night, and I just happened to get drunk, nothing more, nothing less.

Trust has never been an issue w/ us, I don't see it as one either. Which is why it doesn't bother me so much that she had dinner w/ a male friend, but what bothers me is the fact that she appeared to be hiding it from me until after it happened. She was genuinely upset that she lost a friend after he confessed his feelings (she feels they can't go back to being friends, once he crossed the line, he's history).

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MacAvoy
I just thought of this after I posted, but on Sunday night after I got off the phone w/ her, I went out w/ a girl and got drunk. So now I'm wondering if this was in retalation to what I did?

ps been together just over 4 months, not love yet, but strong feelings, I'm sure that will develop over time.

It was definitely retaliation. Women communicate things in their actions. She wanted to show you exactly how you made her feel by doing the same thing to you.

Frankly...if you are going out with other women you have no business complaining if she goes out with other men. You reap what you sow...

 

[Boner da Stoner]

Well that's mighty grand of you Mac

Just follow through with my gameplans. I didn't give it to you in my sense, I gave it to you as a tool to your own desires.

If you use it as a tool of prejudice against your woman, all threee of you will than be telling the truth in the open. Lying is the truth, there are people who are habitual liars, if trust is not an issue, than lying should be of no consequence.

If you use it as a tool of relations than she can have her friend back if you fluff the stories with your fears. He will sense your fear, and he can't use it against u, unless he has something to bring to the surface, but use the BS line no matter what. If he is to lie and call her up to give her the new story to pass on to you, than she won't be ready for your fears, only his perception of them.

Calling BS, passing BS, and stopping the BS is part of being a human with a sense of reason. Don't be a thug and just bash it to death, I sense you are above that. Be a DJ and extend your game three ways with this exercise.

Do a study on evolution, the reason for human intelligence is to make the best of the situation, don't let this passyou by, you've got to exercise your mind to keep it fresh and in top shape. Your girl will respect you for fearing your relationship.

Initially there is a call to action, ie games routines and fluff. But there comes a time, NOW for you, when you must put on your daddy pants and find out if you are wasting your time.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

Wyldfire brings these to question:

Did you tell hide your previous night from her?

and

If she was retaliating, do you really believeshe got COERCED into the date? So many questions spiral from here that thought is now your enemy, do not dwell, do not let the seeds grow.

From her point of view anything could have happened, same from yours. She didn't have to bring it to light and turn the tables, you brought it up, and she conveniently had a male friend invite her to dinner.

There are ladies nights out and all, but sometimes, you have to step up. Doesn;t matter if she didn't she has different methods. You could play eye for an eye as she has, but what is the use?

 

[Desdinova]

However what my issue was late Monday afternoon between 4-5, my girl was tryin to get rid of me on IM saying that she had to get going, but not saying what. She also said she was doing her hair (She is very high maintenance - takes her 2 hours to get ready every day to go to school or wherever). She told me she was doing her hair just for herself, and that she had to let me go around 4:30, but saying she wasn't going anywhere.

I find out last night that she got coerced into having dinner on Monday night with this guy.

The thing that would bother me is she's trying to hide it. If she's just meeting that guy for some chow, so what? But she was trying to hide the fact that she was meeting him for chow. She's feeling guilty. Guilt only comes when there's MEANING. If she had no feelings for this guy herself, she would have flat out told you "I'm gonna go get some chow with Freddie" because it would be no big deal.

Your gf is losing interest in you. She's already hooking onto another guy. If your woman was genuinely creeped out by this other dude professing his love, she would make excuses not to see him instead of making excuses to get off IM with you.

Bottom line, she's attracted to him.

 

[Boner da Stoner]

Desdinova, your not readin what he wrote. Now your putting ideas into his head, tsk tsk Even before you read that she told him she's is creeped out AFTER he confessed his love DURING the dinner.

Sometimes you have to stick it out in bad circumstances, if you were in the middle of a dinner with your boss and his 14yo daughter started flirting with you in a dangerous place would you start flirting back or tell your boss about how his daughter is being a slut? He probably told her he loved her and she had to flake him off over and over again. She can tell you the story if it's true.

1. She does her hair, which is high maintenance, tell me a girl doesn't like to look good to EVERYBODY!

2. She bumps you offbecause she's doing her hair, she doesn't want to say why.

3. Monday NIGHT she got coerced she says, if this is a lie she worked backwards.

You can still take the truth route, or you can take the brute route.

Your choice as human, I still say evolution works one way or another. You can make it simple and stay simple, or you can use your brain and stay sane.

 

[Desdinova]

My bad. I thought I read that she agreed to meet with him a second time.

Anyway, I wouldn't bring up the fact that she had dinner with a guy friend. I would bring up the fact that she was trying to hide it. I'd flat out tell her that keeping secrets like this would be more harmful to the relationship than helpful.

She needs to be 100% honest with you if she doesn't want to lose your trust in her.

 

[MacAvoy]

Ok I am definately bringing the issue up tonight. The fact that she hid it from me, I have no problem with her having dinner w/ male friends, if I want to have female friends, I have no problem w/ her having male friends.

I'm not insecure that she would fool around, if she wants to waste "us" by cheating, then that's her loss. I don't like the hiding, she didn't go to school Monday, so she wasn't done up. She is very high maintanance, weekday mornings, I will lie in bed for almost 2 hours until she is ready for us to go out for breakfast. She gets up at like 5:30 to get ready for school.

Boner, I do not know her friend, so calling him is out of the question. I am going to let her know it wasn't right for her to hide it from me and see how far I take it based on her response. Will also call into question how she got home, normally she would drive but that night she was drinking.

Anything else I am leaving out?

 

[Kvalitet]

You're doing the right thing..don't call the dude, just ask her about it..it's about respect, as some people put it...my guess is that it isn't a big deal, just a minor failure of communication, no worries...let us know how it goes down...good luck...