Should I lower my standards?

[MrNiceGuy]

Well, thats the question. Lately I've passed up a few opportunities with (mostly) slghtly overweight birds. around the 4 or 5 level I suppose, its been pretty much every week in fact that one of thems been trying to grind up against me on the dancefloor.
Otherwise though I've not been having any real success, the club I usually go to with my mates seems to be going downhill, the ratio of guys to girls has risen dramatically, (word has got out that it used to be a honey pot) and most of the girls that actually are there seem to be really stuck up with huge b*tch shields and not looking to pull at all unless the guy is brad pitt.

So I dunno, should I go there? With a couple I've thought, well if you actually made the effort to speak to me, and I liked you, then you might get lucky but of course they never do, and I don't really feel comfortable dancing with someone who I don't find attractive, to put some passion into it and be enthusiastic you need to find the person you're dancing with sexually attractive, at least thats what I find anyway. Similarly I don't feel like approaching people if I dont like the look of them, regardless of whether I think I'll get lucky.

One of my mates says "You need to slay a few dragons before you can go home with the princess" he might be right, but then he says alot of other things too. I suppose I'd rather my first shag was with someone who I wouldn't care if I made a fool of myself somehow, but I'd also rather be with someone who I actaully find attractive. I dunno maybe I'm too picky, I know guys that have been out with hot birds and also gone home with the dogs after substantial numbers of beers.

Maybe though, my reason for not dancing with these girls is I'm worried that If I've read the signals wrong its more embarrasing if I'm rejected and they dont wanna dance. If I think a hot bird wants to grind with me I usually go for it, because if she rejects me well its not too embarrasing, I think well shes stuck up and shes really hot so you can't blame me for trying, occasionally they do actually keep dancing, but they never seem interested in a convo or a kiss, after a song or two they move on. But with the not so pretty girls I'm thinking what If I try and she doesn't want to dance at all, people are really gonna think I'm a loser if the ugly girls dont want to dance with me.

Anyway I'm straying from the point, should I down a few more beers, swallow my pride and "take what I can get" or hold out for longer and try and finder a better club to go to plus keep trying on friends of friends I meet etc. (albeit at an incredibly low frequency) so that I find someone who meets my standards to score with and possibly start a relationship.

Just as an aside, I don't want to appear completely shallow, but I'm sure most guys will understand what I'm saying. My recent one-itis was a girl (with boyfriend unfortunately) who at first (and probably second and third) glance would have fallen straight into the category of girls that I've have been hesitant to dance/go home with. Thing is once I got to know her and we became good friends I noticed how she can be quite cute and stupidly let myself get a little obsessed with her. I guess the point is, my view at the moment is I dont want to sleep with a 5 or 6 unless I've got to know her a bit, like her and consequently find her more attractive. For a ons with someone I dont know and will probably never see again I'd rather they were a 7 or higher.

 

[golf299]

i didnt bother reading all that you typed, so i'll just respond with: if you want to lower your standards, then lower them. perhaps you will start getting more action with less that hot chicks. this, in turn, will boost your confidence and you can finally score with the girls you really want.

 

[Ronin]

This is something that I was wondering about too.

The reason why I have been wondering about it is because one of my 'bosses" per say at work is a really professional looking guy. Suave, always well dressed, manly handsom...he is the definition of the true DJ (or as close as you can get to it). i automatically assumed that this guy would be ****ing the prize *****es. You know the one or two that walk into clubs and think they're the **** and dont talk to anyone (the really good looking ones). And I heard stories about him dating gorgious chicks. So I started to ask around and some guy who have partied with him a few times says that he used to (hes toned it down to two girls now) slay 3 - 5 different girls a week and that his standards were pretty low at times.
This intrigued me because now he has got two dope chicks and he's seeing both of them at the same time. He has it made now, he is basiclly cheating on both of them but the point is that he has test driven some 4 or 5's and now he has the 7's, or 8's or 9's to keep.
The average guy would think that "gee I don't want to be seen with an ugly chick" but if you go into the club just with the motive to have fun and dance with anything moves (i mean just have fun) even the hot chicks will notice. I guess they can be looked at as practice too.
Uglyer chicks have their plusses and minus's:
Pros:
1) Play
2) Practice
3) Confidence boosters
4) a kind of social proof where if your just dancing with them for fun the girls will notice you out there havin a good time (despite who your dancing with).

Cons
1) could lead to a bad rep
2) don't feel good doing it cause you know your not attracted

So really there are two ways of looking at it. 1) As a way to help you develop as a DJ, a means of practice for when the club is lackin hotties. Or 2) Something that you should avoid completly.

My opinion is that you should never lower your standards. (relationship wise especially) If there is a hottie in the bar that is open to snag dont waste too much time on the ugs. However, if there is a lack of goodlooking woemn I feel its find to take what you can get for experience sake. As long as you don't get in a groove of goin for the ugs it's all good. IF they aren't there and you feel like gettin a little practice or having alittle fun, why not?

Like your budy said "you have to slay a few dragons before you can slay the princess" It ultamitly is your call though.

[BTW. are you a virgin? Cause if you are don't sleep with some random club chick. You preferably want to sleep with a chick that will care about you and help you through your first time. Also, another IMPORTANT point is that club chicks generally aren't very good relationship chicks. Afterall, if you slayed her at a club you either have mad game that is better than everyone elses or she isnt that hard to obtain (or a little of both).]

I'm still young and I actually just lost my "v-card" with my g/f so I haven't had a chance to sleep aroun a lot yet but in the future I think I'm going to have to slay a few dragons so that I'm prepared for the Princess.

Hope I helped!

~Ronin

 

[strong like bull]

bump. im in a similar situation.

i havent decided who deserves my v-card.

on one hand, i want to give it to someone who cares; perhaps someone whos a v themself. odds are, this would require a relationship - possibly ltr.

on the other hand, theres a girl i know whos been begging for it lately. shes a 5-6; bit chubby but great ass, not-too-great face. she keeps coming to me with attempts to get together, and i always brush her off. but - tomorrow night im headed to a party and shes going to be there. ungodly amounts of booze are expected and today she reminded me of how badly she wants to get drunk. in other words, closing the deal wont be an issue.

in the end, shed make a great starter. i could get in a lot of practice. also, if i decided to tell her im a v, she would understand as shes only had 1-2 partners herself.

youve got to make the decision yourself. i know this other girl, whos a v... and restrains her sexuality. shes almost 18 and has the sex mentality of a 13 yr old girl. thinks going down on someone is "dirty" - hell, even told me she may not give head to her husband!

the point is, you have to decide. while i may settle for a chubby-6, she may be happy with holding out 'til 8 months into an ltr with her dream stud. youve got to do what makes you happy.

 

[A1SteakSauce]

When you have to ask this question . . .

. . . the answer is "yes."

So have fun, play safe, and if you don't feel like it, don't go all the way.

A1

 

[Phrozen]

I say yes, but only for the extra experience it will provide. If you set a goal then achieve that goal any way possible, don't bring the bar down bring your game up.

 

[PRMoon]

NEVER comprise your standards. Especially in clubs, unless the girl is a phenomenal dancer you should not dance with girls who are benith you. I broke this rule last friday and though it doesn't matter now it screwed me then.

I was headed to the dance floor with one of my friends and on the way there two chicks (I'd rate them as 3's or 2's it doesn't really matter but you get the point) stopped me to rub my hair. My first mistake was stopping and being a nice guy letting them touch the goods. So anyway we're on the dance floor and its about 3 to 1 guys to girls, which I can live with odds aren't really too big of an issue in this case because the floor wasn't wall to wall. So I'm dancing having a good time, and I've got a few good looking girls with some moves of their own looking at me, some asked me to dance blah blah blah. I'm developing a good pool of on lookers but then the 3's both come up to me and start rubbing on me. Since they approached me earlier and I didn't reject them like I should have they felt they had built enough repour with me to grind on my sh*t. My pool of on lookers quickly disolved and I had to make an early trip to the other dance floor (which wasn't nearly as loaded with hotties as the main floor that I was on) and start the process over.

By compromizing I ruined several good opportunies and concequently aggrivated myself while I was in the zone. I also wasted about an hour on the secondary dance floor because that's where the poorer dancers hang out and I felt really out of place there. In short compromizing your standards, while in a club or bar or whatever is never a good thing. Always shot for the top and work your way downward.

 

[Chemistry]

Depends...

Personally, I don't want to **** anythin' that I consider less than beautiful...

I have my standards, and my standards are firmly set... I can do without sex for a week or two, it ain't a thing, so if I go out and there isn't anythin' that takes my fancy, or the one girl I'm feelin' rejects me, I don't bag another girl who doesn't cut it just to say I got laid...

I know people who do, and to me it just comes off as not havin' that respect for yourself...

 

[Survivor]

In my opinion, lowering your standards is the mother of all cop-outs.

Don't lower the standards you have for women. Raise the standards you have for yourself.

 

[mahon83050]

Screw the lower your standards crap! You will be regretting it when you see some short, fat, balding guy walking around with a 9! He obviously did not think he "was not god enough."

 

[icepick]

If you lower your standards for women, why not do that in every other part of your life? As long as you aren't AFRAID of being with a chick (and using "high standards" as an excuse) you should pass up on chicks that are not up to snuff.

High standards are good, but UNREALISTIC standards are not. If you are overweight, unshaven, and dirty with a crap job...don't expect anything but groody women. That is unrealistic. Make yourself into the kind of person that can "get" the better chicks.

If you are not successful "clubbing", you can either brush up on your "club skills" (social rules for the club scenes--what works/doesn't work) or try a different area to attract women. Women are not all the same, sometimes you will have more success in one type of situation then you will in another. Try getting women from your job, friends, school, voulenteer orginizations, church, daughters of friends of your parents...ANYTHING but lowering your standards.

 

[Survivor]

This thread reminds me of an old Pook post.

Aim High!

 

[Oxide]

I completely agree, never lower your standards. I have a story about this.

Im in 9th grade, i found out a girl likes me , but i didnt really want to get toghether with her becuase i liked some very HB. so then nothign happens with neither, and next year i see the girl again, she is really good looking, and i regretted rejecting her everyday.

Well, that was during my AFC stage, now that im a DJ i think back and say "**** it, i didnt like her at that time, so i didnt go for it, that is the way i wanted it to be"



Just find a different girl if you cant get the HB, dont ever lower the standards.


Look at Edge, he is fuvking the wall socket cause he's got no standards at all

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Never lower your standards for women.

Only raise your standards for yourself.

 

[The Edge]

Originally posted by Oxide
Look at Edge, he is fuvking the wall socket cause he's got no standards at all

I will stop doing wall sockets... From now on its Cindy Crawford or nothing...

Sorry Oxide..


The Edge ' Some have it, and some don't '

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

If she's not attractive then ask her if you can put a bag or halloween mask over her head.

 

[The Edge]

Yep!!

Originally posted by Dust 2 Dust
If she's not attractive then ask her if you can put a bag or halloween mask over her head.

No no ..... I only have sex with 9's and 10's....

Then again that's just me....

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Edge, I assure you that I mean this in the best way possible when I say,"You're a fvckin' Deusche".

I've been reading your posts for a while and its sounds as if you are habitually over-compensating for some deep-seeded insecurity.

True, you could just be entirely ruled your winky, but I'd hope for more from a fellow member of the forum.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Seems theres two main schools of thought,

1. Yes. Go for the experience and improve yourself so you can get the HBs.
2. No. Keep respect for yourself, take time to improve yourself, so you dont need to lower your standards
   [/list=1]
   Anyway, a bit more info on my situation,
   

   Originally posted by Oxide
   i found out a girl likes me , but i didnt really want to get toghether with her becuase i liked some very HB. so then nothign happens with neither, and next year i see the girl again, she is really good looking, and i regretted rejecting her everyday.

   Same sort of thing happened here, the one time in my life I can honestly say I've had a woman completely obsessed with me (not because of any conscious seduction effort on my part, she just really liked me) I passed it up cos I was stuck with one-itis and was in LJBF hell with some other chick. I still think If I'd taken that chance I'd not be on this forum now.
   
   As it is, I left that chance behind, f*cked up another in 6th form cos I was too AFC to try anything, got to uni, passed up on another chick that blatantly fancied me, cos I was still being an AFC thinking "what if I've read the signals wrong?" groan... plus a couple more chicks that could possibly have been interested and I did nothing..
   spent the next 3 years not really trying anything at all, too scared to go on the pull and thinking it was only a matter of time before the woman of my dreams appeared out of nowhere.
   
   And now I've hit early twenties, am heading into mid twenties, and the realisation that the woman of my dreams is not going to apppear out of nowhere has finally hit home.. plus while a few years ago I was thinking, "not too unusual to be a virgin at my age, still plenty of time left" I'm now realising I'm in the age where its very unusual to still be in this situation, and my lack of sexual experience/confidence is making me worried about stuffing things up if I do meet someone cool, it also leaves me lacking a whole topic of conversation when it comes to successful flirting/seduction conversation. I can't really talk about past girlfriends or sexual partners on a first date or while chatting someone up.
   
   So thats the thing, on the one hand I'd prefer not to lower my standards, to meet someone I'm attracted too and start a relationship then sleep with them. On the other hand, I'm sick of not getting any sex, If I cant get a relationship I should at least get some action, I dont want to wait around any longer, and would value the experience probably.
   
   However, while I will actually bother to approach strangers now, my AFCness still remains so I dont have the confidence to go up to girls in groups on my own, nor to approach a girl that hasn't given me some eye contact and a smile, so perhaps I should work on this aspect. Actually getting some dates would be good, even if they didnt lead to a relationship/f*ck.
   
   As to where are the best places for me to try and meet women, well I'm still thinking about that, it probably deserves another thread. You cant beat clubs/bars for the sheer numbers of women present and the relative ease with which you can get talking to most of them.
   
   I'm leaving uni soon, the one period in my life when I've had the most intelligent, similarly aged women around the same vicinity as me day after day and I totally wasted it!!! I wish I'd taken the decision to get out there and start actually making an effort with girls 4 years ago. Although I suppose most people on this forum are here because they are making an effort so I guess It doesnt really need to be brought up.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

If you must get laid and want experience, try a courtesan/escort, or a sexual trainer/therapist/whatever. Find a classy professional who takes great pride in themselves and what they do. Make it a business transaction. Never, I repeat never lower your standards, least of all because you're desperate to get laid or experience.