Should I keep trying?

[Cziffra]

Hi, everybody. This is my first post here.

I have an office mate who is an extremely hot chick. Our desks are next to each other. Over the last couple of months we've had a lot of interaction. We share many interests and it is not uncommon for us to talk for nearly an hour nearly every day about them. She feels clearly very comfortable with me.

Obviously, at some point I started feeling a strong physical attraction towards her. I was not sure about how to proceed, since we are going to be working next to each other at least for the next year. I started flirting, making continuous eye contact. Teasing her-being nice to her periodically. Sometimes I complimented her, sometimes I used some neghits.

Her signs were a bit ambiguous to me. I didn't know whether she considered me a nice friend (in which case, well... Game over) or a potential mate.

Long story short, last Wednesday we went, along with some other common friends, to dance Salsa. As I was dancing with her I thought about making a move. Then I freaked out because of fear. If something went wrong I would be working in the office from Hell. So, instead kissing her or something similar, I just told her I liked her.

I know, worst move ever.

She said that it was so nice of me telling her that... That she understood me because she had felt similar in the past about other boys, she told them and she received hurting answers. She said this would not affect our friendship, that she thought we got on very well together and that it usually took of the order of months (even a year) for her to decide whether she liked a guy. After that, she gave me a big hug. And then we talked for a long time about our previous relationships and so on.

Ok, so the thing is f***ed up, I know. She LJBF'ED me. It's over... However, the following days I was surprised about a few details she had not displayed in the past with me. For example, playing with her hair while talking to me. In the past I had checked that out, because I thought it was a sign of high interest. She never did it. Also, her smiles are now more open, she uses to show her upper teeth while smiling. Again, this didn't happen before I told her I liked her.

On the other hand, there are opposite signs as well. Last night I was going to the pub with another guy friend of mine and I just told her that if she had no plans she could join us. She said she had no plans but might be busy at work until late. So she asked me for my phone number in case she decided to come along.

Needless to say, she never phoned.

I don't know what to do now. Should I keep trying to get her or should I just move on and still talk to her as a friend? Or just plain simple ignore her?

Let me tell you, she is worth the effort, however, now that I told her what I told her, I feel a bit dumb keeping all the flirting up. Surely we will be working next to each other for many months, so there will be plenty of chances for her to show interest or lack of thereof.

Any advices would be gratefully appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[Phyzzle]

She said this would not affect our friendship

Yep, looks doomed alright. If you want to get it over with, and confirm that it's doomed, ask her to write down her home phone #. She'll probably ask why or something.

Before asking for her number, cut down on the non-stop attention. Be busier. (Crap, that'll be interesting, since you work next to eachother.)

If she gives you a number, call and try to ask her out, away from work. She'll probably make excuses, but you'll know you gave it a definite shot.

 

[Cziffra]

Yep, looks doomed alright. If you want to get it over with, and confirm that it's doomed, ask her to write down her home phone #. She'll probably ask why or something.

Before asking for her number, cut down on the non-stop attention. Be busier. (Crap, that'll be interesting, since you work next to eachother.)

If she gives you a number, call and try to ask her out, away from work. She'll probably make excuses, but you'll know you gave it a definite shot.

We all have everybody's home phone number at work. So, yes, I already have her home phone number. What I don't have is her mobile number and she didn't have mine, that's why she asked me for it.

I'll give it a shot one of these days, probably after not giving her attention for a while.

Thanks, Phyzzle.

 

[Bigsnake]

This took me awhile to figure out for myself. I use to sit around thinking and thinking. Did I get friendzoned? Does she like me? Is she playing hard to get?.. Screw that!

Try to setup something to do with her. Keep advancing the "relationship" until you get a "NO" or she stops you some other way (stands you up, doesn't return phone calls/messages).

You are only hurting yourself sitting around feeling down or wondering if you've been friendzoned. There is only one way to find out if she's attracted to you and laying in bed at night thinking about her and "what if" isn't the way to the answer. There really isn't any quick advice anyone here can give you other than know if it doesn't work out, screw it! There are plenty of other women out there. I have a hardtime believing that myself sometimes, but it's true.

 

[Cziffra]

On a second thought, I think I'm going to move on. It's clear I've been friendzoned. She'd be worth the work otherwise, but at this point I think I'd be better off approaching other girls.

If she ever changes (or makes up) her mind about me:

1-. She'll make it evident and I'll decide whether I'm still interested.

2-. She won't dare to express it somehow and she'll have lost a wonderful opportunity to be with me.

I just decided that if someone has something to lose here, it's her. Not me. I see plenty of hot women around everyday.