Should I keep seeing her?

[h_amati]

Hello,

I've been seeing a girl for a couple of months. We have kissed and made out. She was away for a couple of weeks but kept contact calling or texting. During our third date she told me she was having a pool party a couple of weeks after her birthday and that I should give her my e-mail so she could send me the invite. I didn't give it to her right away.

She's been giving me mixed signals, acting hot and cold and even cancelled a date.

A mutual friend (the one who introduced us), tells me he talked to her and asked how we were doing. She told him she hopes I'm patient with her, because she'd really like to sleep with me, but she has been away and kind of depressed lately.

One day, just to test her, I cancelled a date with her, saying an unexpected trip for the weekend came up with a friend of mine. She immediately turned insecure, she asked me to bring her a little souvenir from my trip. Just as I was about to hang up, she said: keep in touch, call me or text me.

On a recent date she told me she had spoken to our mutual friend and asked me if I heard lately from him. I just changed the topic.

She'll go to Germany in September and I have a work related matter in Italy around that time, she said we should meet there and travel together. I never told her I wanted to see each other during my trip.

Fast forward to this past weekend.

I sent her some flowers the day before her b'day and she called very excited to thank me.

So, her birthday was this Sunday and she invited me to her mother's house to have some cake. As I arrived a female friend of her was leaving, so it was only her mother, her and myself left for cake. It was just light chit chat between the three of us, but I could feel some tension between them.

I've seen her mom maybe a couple of times before and just said hello. But it seems they have talked about me, her mom knows my name and what I do for a living. She even asked my opinion on some work related matter.

What puzzles me here is, should I keep putting up with her inconsistent behavior and believe the message she sent thru our mutual friend?.

I know from posts on her FB wall she has invited many of her male and female friends to her pool party, she hasn't said a word to me about that. I really don't plan to go even if she invites me. But why did she tell me I should go and then change her mind?.

Your insights on her behavior is greatly appreciated.

 

[Iceberg]

This seems like a whole lot of investment in a girl who you've never had sex with.

Flowers on her birthday. Meeting the mother. Hot and cold signals. Talking to friends about each other.

I'm not saying that you should f**k someone for the sake of f**king, but unless there's sex in this relationship, you two might as well be a couple of 10-year olds. I was holding hands and kissing girls when I was 12.

My point is, you're way too involved in a girl who isn't involved in you. You can't date someone for a couple of months and only have hand-holding and kissing to show for it.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Do you even see her as date material?? Yeah, sex is all and good, but what it comes down to is if she is someone you actually want to be around on a consistent basis.

If you're just trying to get it in, then your wasting your time, but if your trying to date her, ask some questions yourself those questions I asked you. Hopefully it'll shed some light on your situation.

 

[h_amati]

Thanks for your replies. I don't see her as dating material, just want her as a friend and wouldn't mind f**cking her. I like having her around, that is all.

It would be a grave mistake to have anything formal with her, she is recently divorced and has no kids. I'm divorced too and have no kids.

A mutual friend introduced us, that was all. That same friend just told me to f*ck her already, she won't say no.

I didn't want to meet her mother or her sister, they just happened to be at the door some of the times I picked her up.

There has been a minimal investment on my part, a couple of dinner dates and a movie. Flowers were inexpensive.

I find the hot and cold irritating to my ego. She keeps saying that because she is divorced it doesn't mean she's desperate.

She seemed really interested at first, even asked me out for our second date. I kissed her on that date and she liked it. It just seems she has slowed everything down from that day.

I'm seeing another girl that is dating material, I just happen to have a soft spot for the divorced girl.

How do you handle hot and cold?. Should I stop contact with her and see how she reacts?.