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Should I help her pay her loan?

kekePower

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Hey :)

A little backstory.
We went to see my sister for xmas and my gf paid for everything while we were there. She was also thinking about joining an online training that would cost €1000. I was indifferent to her investment and she went through with it.

Then in January she didn't have enough money to pay for her part of the common bills (rent, kindergarten, electricity and so on) and got a 2k loan to make ends meet.

I kind of knew this would happen when we talked in December, but didn't even try to talk sense to her.

The first bill arrived in the mail today and she assumed that we'd pay for this loan from our common account and I told her no. I remained calm and explained that she spent too much money in December and that she had gotten the loan in January. I had paid my part of bills for January and told her that her economy wasn't my problem.

Of course, she got mad. Right now I'm in an internal turmoil but believe that I'm in my right.

Did I do the right thing or AITA?
 

RickTheToad

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Hey :)

A little backstory.
We went to see my sister for xmas and my gf paid for everything while we were there. She was also thinking about joining an online training that would cost €1000. I was indifferent to her investment and she went through with it.

Then in January she didn't have enough money to pay for her part of the common bills (rent, kindergarten, electricity and so on) and got a 2k loan to make ends meet.

I kind of knew this would happen when we talked in December, but didn't even try to talk sense to her.

The first bill arrived in the mail today and she assumed that we'd pay for this loan from our common account and I told her no. I remained calm and explained that she spent too much money in December and that she had gotten the loan in January. I had paid my part of bills for January and told her that her economy wasn't my problem.

Of course, she got mad. Right now I'm in an internal turmoil but believe that I'm in my right.

Did I do the right thing or AITA?

She has money issues. You paid your share, she should pay her share. Tough love hurts at times, but you didn't do anything wrong. She may be angry or upset at you, but she still respects you. As for her paying the bills while she came with you is her choice. You prob. should had split it, but that's for a different topic. This is not tit for tat, and you didn't ask her to pay; so, how does that have anything to do with her rent and common bills?
 

Lookatu

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Hey :)

A little backstory.
We went to see my sister for xmas and my gf paid for everything while we were there. She was also thinking about joining an online training that would cost €1000. I was indifferent to her investment and she went through with it.

Then in January she didn't have enough money to pay for her part of the common bills (rent, kindergarten, electricity and so on) and got a 2k loan to make ends meet.

I kind of knew this would happen when we talked in December, but didn't even try to talk sense to her.

The first bill arrived in the mail today and she assumed that we'd pay for this loan from our common account and I told her no. I remained calm and explained that she spent too much money in December and that she had gotten the loan in January. I had paid my part of bills for January and told her that her economy wasn't my problem.

Of course, she got mad. Right now I'm in an internal turmoil but believe that I'm in my right.

Did I do the right thing or AITA?
Tell her your car hobby is more important than her training and that you got no more money after blowing it all on car parts. ;) LOL

It sounds like you two have more of a partnership but yeah in general if it's something that only benefits her, she should be responsible for paying for it. Especially if both of you haven't discussed it prior and you weren't fully onboard with it.

Ask yourself do you think she would've let you use funds from the common account to buy parts for the new(used) car you bought before? If the answer is yes, then you should also return the favor by letting her dip into the common account for her online training.

However, if you think she can make more money with the online training she received which will benefit both of you long term, you can always look at that as an investment and help her out.
 

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Serenity

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Did you agree to take a loan? No? Then you shouldn't pay for a loan you didn't agree to.

Taking a 2k loan just to cover living expenses is madness. Had it been for a larger and very necessary purchase it would be more understandable, but just to cover the necessary basics?!

Btw, how luxuriously do you live if 2k is just her half of monthly expenses? Also, I assume you're talking about 2k USD or EUR, not NOK right?
 

GT40

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I think it’s the GF who’s short on cash. With the common account as well

Does she have money budgeting issues? If so you may want to next her soon. It will always plague you and be an issue in the relationship.
 

MoMoses

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Did I do the right thing or AITA?
Definately!

If you would have let this one go, she'd expect it again in the future. And the worst part of it.. she would even have lost respect for you. Maybe not in a conscience way, but the more you would have helped her financially, the more attraction she would lose.

Crazy right? But that's how it goes
 

ThisIsSparta

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Did I do the right thing or AITA?
Well done!

The line in the sand had to be drawn.

If she keeps nagging, just pay her your part of what she paid on the trip to your sister and tell her you are done with this matter. Keep expenditure for future vacations etcs. strictly seperated, so that you never come into position of "owing her".

How long are you with this woman? Did this money-issues materialise just recently? Do you have kid/s with her?
 

Grinderman

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Seeing as everyone is saying the same thing, let's look at it from a different angle :

We went to see my sister for xmas and my gf paid for everything while we were there.
So she paid for all the Christmas expenses and you were happy enough to let her pay for your Christmas (and possibly your sisters). You were happy to take her money here....

I kind of knew this would happen when we talked in December, but didn't even try to talk sense to her.
Not only did you let her pay for YOUR Christmas expenses, but you had the foresight to predict that she wouldn't be able to cover her expenses in January? Again, you allowed her to pay for Christmas expenses, yours and hers and possibly your sisters, KNOWING FULL WELL that she wouldn't have the cash to pay for expenses in January.......YET YOU DIDN'T OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY "I will pay for my own expenses/we will share expenses...otherwise you won't be able to cover January"

Just let that sink in.

You as the man, as the leader, allowed her to spend her cash on you, knowing she would be screwed in January by doing so.

Yeah I'd kind of own that part. Personal responsibility and all.

Then in January she didn't have enough money to pay for her part of the common bills (rent, kindergarten, electricity and so on) and got a 2k loan to make ends meet.
Rent and kindergarten? So you live with her and have a kid with her or at least she has a kid and both are living with you...

Give her back what she spent in December or else you're going to have one broke biatch living with you .

I remained calm and explained that she spent too much money in December
On you payaso. You leeched from her and no you are lecturing her. The hypocrisy is mind boggling.

Right now I'm in an internal turmoil but believe that I'm in my right.
Again if she is living with you and you are making yourself right and her wrong.............it's not a way to solve anything.

Own the part that you are responsible for. You shouldn't have allowed this to happen in the first place.
 
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