Should I have handled this differently...?

[Mikey C]

On Saturday I had arranged to stay over at my gf's. On the morning I texted her and she seemed a bit distant. I asked what was up and she said she hadn't slept the night before and was "exhausted". This has happened before and a bad time was had. Anyway, I got ready and set off. Before I left I texted that I was on my way. 15 minutes later I stopped to get diesel and checked my phone. Her response was "ok...but I warn you that I'm not 100%."

I wasn't too keen on spending my saturday brooding with long faces so I replied..." ok, I don't feel great either, let's leave it til we're both feeling better."

That was 4 pm on Saturday and since then there hasn't been any contact. What should I do next? Relationship is about 5 months long and she has shown signs of melancholy...talking a lot about various problems etc

 

[Glumix]

What should I do next?

Well, what do you want with that girl?

What do you feel you should do? What do you want to experiment?

You can :

- do nothing, see if she calls back, pretty sure the next text you will receive is a long break-up rant
- play the conscious AFC and see what happens, ask her if she feels better, etc...
- play it like nothing happened and recontact

You already know that there is 99% chance your relationship is fvcked up so try something new and learn.

You also know that if you text first, you lose the frame as Espi said. Gallantry is about temporarily losing your frame so you can get what you want. But you cannot game without a purpose.

 

[Yewki]

That was 4 pm on Saturday and since then there hasn't been any contact. What should I do next? Relationship is about 5 months long and she has shown signs of melancholy...talking a lot about various problems etc

I don't think you should break the silence. Her hamster is spinning in overdrive right in part because she knows she's the one who caused the problem. If you think it's hard to play the silence game, it's even harder for her... but, she's not reaching out either. Think about what that means for a second.

This is my theory. She's eventually going to contact you. When she does, if she seems apologetic and remorseful that means she values and respects you. It suggests she's relatively sane in that she acknowledges she was in the wrong. However if she's bitter and expects some type of explanation, I would say it means she does not respect you and maybe has some BPD issues as well. The latter is not LTR material.

 

[sodbuster]

What do you want her around for? don't you have enough troubles of your own? Why start out with a moody, tired, bitchy woman. It took marriage and 2 kids to turn my ex-wife into that.....

 

[Mikey C]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I know in my gut she's not right for me and I've been thinking of finishing anyway. Just wanted a bit of feedback.

I phoned 3 days ago to clear things up not so much to get things back on track but try out the afc thing glumix mentioned. "How you doing? Thought it was better not meeting up on Saturday etc" She answered and was busy, said she'd phone back in ten minutes, but eventually got back to me after THREE hours. Strained to say the least.

She texted me the next day asking how my day was and because apparently she couldnt get into netflix (she has my account details) and said "did you block me? (With a wink face)....I replied nonplussed..."try it again shouldn't be a problem." She got back 2 minutes later to tell me it was all sorted and i just replied "cool." Since then (last Thursday) there's been nothing and I'm not going to break it.

 

[Yewki]

So you phoned her and pretended to still want to be in a relationship, even thought you don't. And as a consequence you're letting her mooch off your Netflix account and who knows what else?

Why don't you just politely break the news to her that you're done instead of acting out a lie?

 

[BeExcellent]

She sounds like a lousy girlfriend I gotta say. Break up and drive on man.

 

[sodbuster]

****, it just keeps getting better..... mooching off your netflix, and NOT talking to you to even PRETEND you are dating.... Drop her off like the turd she is.....remember to flush

 

[EyeBRollin]

On Saturday I had arranged to stay over at my gf's. On the morning I texted her and she seemed a bit distant. I asked what was up and she said she hadn't slept the night before and was "exhausted". This has happened before and a bad time was had. Anyway, I got ready and set off. Before I left I texted that I was on my way. 15 minutes later I stopped to get diesel and checked my phone. Her response was "ok...but I warn you that I'm not 100%."

Proper response:

"Okay, let's just wait until you feel better."

Her response is one of the following:

1) "okay yea we will." -----> Do nothing until she contacts you.
2) "no, I want to see you still." ----> proceed as planned

Nothing too complicated mate. If your girlfriend is distant and not up to it, just leave her alone. She'll come back around in a few days... probably less. You have to give her space.