Should I have handled it differently

[Trump]

Never started a thread but just curious on thoughts.

Girl is 34, friend for 12 years, never been sexual, hinted a few times previously we should get together. Is now living with a guy for last two years Take her out to dinner once every few months because Im bored and have enough money.

Me: "Dinner on Friday?"
Her: I can do tonight
Me: That way too fast. I don't have time to be clean cut and dressed up.
Her: you're so vain
Me: would you want it another way
Her: actually I'm a upset, you blew me off for last week and that doesn't fly with me. If you valued our friendship you would do that.
Me: you didn't respond to 3 of my texts to go running and only called me when you're boyfriend was out of town, that's not sexy
Her: I'm not going to comment anymore, you're obviously being petty about the little things
Her: (15 min later) I value our friendship so Friday it is.
Me: See you then
Me: (3 hours later) Lets cancel on Friday, do it another time
Her: why
Me: I have to go Dallas for work
Her: ic

I know she doesn't care about me and people may say why you care if you're not sleeping with her but she is a friend who may have some connections here and there.

 

[gringoverde]

You wouldn't being asking the question unless you didn't like the outcome and probably already knew that you could have handled it better. When she texted you, "Her: actually I'm a upset, you blew me off for last week and that doesn't fly with me. If you valued our friendship you would do that." You can view it as either a legitimate complaint (that's how I'd view it) or as a test. Either way, your response bought into her frame of arguing and complaining.

Generally in a situation like that I'd recommend coming back with something CF to make her laugh. However, I don't know why you blew her off last week. Sometime role-playing can be a fun way to escape. Other times you have to own up to making a mistake (how's that for alpha?). Either way, the conversation it is written goes from her negative to your negative to her trying to make piece. I wouldn't have canceled after she tried to make amends by still making plans with you.

 

[Trump]

You wouldn't being asking the question unless you didn't like the outcome and probably already knew that you could have handled it better. When she texted you, "Her: actually I'm a upset, you blew me off for last week and that doesn't fly with me. If you valued our friendship you would do that." You can view it as either a legitimate complaint (that's how I'd view it) or as a test. Either way, your response bought into her frame of arguing and complaining.

Generally in a situation like that I'd recommend coming back with something CF to make her laugh. However, I don't know why you blew her off last week. Sometime role-playing can be a fun way to escape. Other times you have to own up to making a mistake (how's that for alpha?). Either way, the conversation it is written goes from her negative to your negative to her trying to make piece. I wouldn't have canceled after she tried to make amends by still making plans with you.

Good points. C & F I've used in same situations before but here she has protected her ego while bashing mine. She doesn't even admit she's ignored me.

Maybe I'm being petty and its my ego, just have to call them on it when they protect themselves from any wrongdoing.

 

[gringoverde]

Working in sales, I've seen on a daily basis how important it is for people to protect their egos. Sometimes people don't have the money to afford our product, but I'm not going to say, "Just be honest with me and tell me that you are broke." Instead, I tell them that I know it is a major investment and then tell them a story where I identify with the situation and making the choice I want them to make.

"Me: you didn't respond to 3 of my texts to go running and only called me when you're boyfriend was out of town, that's not sexy
Her: I'm not going to comment anymore, you're obviously being petty about the little things"

Neither friends nor romantic partners want to hear a list of their past wrong doings. We call than gunnysacking. If you want the behavior to change, reward the positive behavior. You punished her for waiting to still get together by canceling her shortly after she confirmed you. You can catch more flies with honey, so make sure to treat her nice. From my perspective her wanting to get together with you when her b/f is out of town is an IOI. Your text to her makes it sound like a bad thing that she seeks you out when she is feeling lonely and doesn't have her man around.

 

[Trump]

Working in sales, I've seen on a daily basis how important it is for people to protect their egos. Sometimes people don't have the money to afford our product, but I'm not going to say, "Just be honest with me and tell me that you are broke." Instead, I tell them that I know it is a major investment and then tell them a story where I identify with the situation and making the choice I want them to make.

Does that work?

"Me: you didn't respond to 3 of my texts to go running and only called me when you're boyfriend was out of town, that's not sexy
Her: I'm not going to comment anymore, you're obviously being petty about the little things."

From my perspective her wanting to get together with you when her b/f is out of town is an IOI. Your text to her makes it sound like a bad thing that she seeks you out when she is feeling lonely and doesn't have her man around.

I can see your point. From my perspective, she is saying "my boyfriend is out of town making millions so I can't give him the sex he deserves. You have got nothing to do, i have time for you to spend money on me now, but don't expect anything in return."

Everything can be resolved if she doesn't say my bf is out of town, putting a condition on getting together. I have friends who say "I can't screw my girlfriend this weekend, she is away, wanna catch a movie?" Kind of ridiculous in my opinion.