"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Should I have called her out? Did I mess this up by being too brazen?

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I have a bad habit of reveling in my own glory every time I score what I think is a point. This is classic hubris, and that's always been a major reason why getting better with women has taken a lot of re-examination. (I'm decent. Want to get to DJ status.)

This was an OKCupid interaction, and I never take those too seriously My rule on this site is simple: “get her interested in you, and immediately get coffee”. We'd been talking since last week. Intense conversations, and she was clearly interested in me. (It was obvious she thought I was a player, though.) She kept going on about how she didn't meet a lot of smart guys on there.

After the first IM session, she refused “having coffee this early”. After the second, shot her a private message about talking on the phone – radio silence. So I decided to take matters into my own hands last night while in the middle of homework. (This is me just typing what I remember, and it's abridged.)

ME: hey, you
HER: hey you! : ) did you have a date? ; )
ME: Yep. (long pause.) With my workshift. She was rough on me.
HER: You succeeded in making me jealous
ME: Glad it was effective. How are you?
HER: You really had me going for a couple of minutes. Tired. Doing homework, as usual?
ME: Yeah, you kind of are my homework distraction right now. Feel special.
HER: aww now I feel bad
ME: you do not. ; ) You love this.
HER: You are crazy.
ME: I can't count the amount of times I've heard those three words.
HER: Do you hear “difficult” a lot, too?
ME: maybe, maybe. But I think you're projecting, dear. I can kind of see it in you.
HER: No, you!
ME: You times infinity.
HER: You are crazy.
ME: You're enjoying every minute of this.
HER: like...I bet you have 4 other IM windows open right now!
ME: whoa. I love this side of you.
HER: Good night, starfishandcoffee. (signs off)

Sent her a private message shortly after that. It was short. “You want me. You know it, and I know it.” She sent me a message 30 seconds later telling me I was “bothersome”, and that she was blocking me. (Nice 180.) Her profile's now been deleted.

She's been nexted. (duuuuh.) When I take bold action like this though, I want to make sure it was actually necessary. Was I a little too blunt? Or was she just a diva that deserved a telling off?
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Purefilth

Master Don Juan
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meh - who cares? if she doesn't like you, thats her problem. be you. NEXT.

Your problem is you're needy and boring. you finish IM, then send an arrogant message about how she wants you.
She doesn't.
she declined a meet,
she declined a number,
she blocked you.

You chased her and clung to her all the way.
You should have cut out at the first rejection instead of initiating all the way through.

Still, who cares? NEXT.
 

SgtSplacker

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When a girl asks me if I have been on a date i'll usually reply "kinda" then change the subject immediately #mysteroiusdude #yourmissingtheboatbiatch.

If the topic of my date comes up again i'll usually ask her a couple hypothetical questions, "if you were dating a guy you liked would you.....?" I would never tell her anything about my date, I would suggest I did not enjoy the date not going into details, and never trash talk a girl in front of a girl you want to bang.

Don't answer the questions.
Don't satisfy her curiosity.
 
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Purefilth said:
Your problem is you're needy and boring. you finish IM, then send an arrogant message about how she wants you.
She doesn't.
she declined a meet,
she declined a number,
she blocked you.

You chased her and clung to her all the way.
You should have cut out at the first rejection instead of initiating all the way through.
Well, "clung to her" - it's the morning after, and I'm laughing about it. (and this isn't a dry spell for me, I'm dating a couple of people.)

I didn't chase her because I needed validation, I chased her because I can't admit to myself that some women out there don't want to do me. My ego sabotages me.

What about the exchange was boring? because, hell - that lesson can be applied to future girls
 

vatoloco

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Incongruent C&F and Electronic Buffers do not mix well.

Especially with "women" with low IL...


Edit: Oh wow. I missed these morsels:
starfishandcoffee said:
We'd been talking since last week. Intense conversations, and she was clearly interested in me. (It was obvious she thought I was a player, though.) She kept going on about how she didn't meet a lot of smart guys on there.
Why are you having "intense conversations" with someone you've never seen face-to-face? Huge waste of time.


After the first IM session, she refused “having coffee this early”.
It don't clearer than that, bro...
 
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"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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