Should I go to the event with them tonight? (was disrespected last time)

[Stephen89]

So every September/October my sister and her friends in laws go to this barbecue house to drink and have food.

However, the last time I went two years ago, one of the main guys of their family disrespected me coming back in the mini van by saying "I look in the mirror trying to look like a barbie girl" along those lines and every one started laughing.

I've heard stuff that this guy also gossips and mocks me behind my back.

Also the last time I went 2 years ago, he treated me like he owed me saying "can you sit at the front of the mini bus".

I'm thinking about not going today, I feel he thinks he's got power over me and will provoke me in some way again today and being a bit shy myself, I won't be able to fully defend myself and will look like a tool in front of everyone.

So missing this event is the way to go?

 

[Atom Smasher]

He's a bully (obviously) and he's picked you out because you're shy, knowing you're not likely to embarrass him in return.

Your self-described shyness is the bigger issue. You should be working daily to eradicate that by making small-talk with people every day. In that way you will learn how to deal with people like him.

I would say to attend the event with a resolution to let this be a turning point for you. If he tries to do that again, chuckle along as if it's water off a duck's back. That absorbs the insult's power and dissipates it. Also maintain a certain aloofness.

Him: "Look at him, trying to look like a Barbie"

You: Chuckle, and say "I'm having SUCH a bad hair day!" You've removed the power of his statement by showing it doesn't matter to you. If he keeps it up, publicly say "Ahh, you see, guys, this is what insecurity brings a man to". Every time he says something insulting, imply something about insecurity. Eventually he will realize that when he insults you, he gets publicly embarrassed.

If he tells you where to sit, say "No, I'll sit right here" with a detached attitude. Think of Seinfeld when he has that detached "No, I'm fine" attitude when someone says something about him in his old show.

Think "DETACHED" the entire time.

If you're not up to it, then I would take this year to handle your shyness (small talk with everyone you meet) and then attend next year armed with more confidence.

I often liken social dynamics with physical. By being detached and rolling with the joke, it's similar to one of those parkour guys jumping off a building and rolling when he hits the ground. By rolling with the momentum, you're reducing its power.

Think in terms of forcing your frame on this person. That's exactly what he's doing to you because he feels safe from embarrassment. The avenue for this is being detached, unruffled, but dangerous to mess with as the result will yield embarrassment for the attacker. When it comes to bullies, one should always determine their Achilles heel and use it to embarrass them if they are relentless with you.

 

[Stephen89]

Thank you Atom Smasher for your post.

You've advised me very, very well and I'll take your advice on board.

I'll give this year a miss to work on my self confidence.

I have many opportunities ahead like functions to attend, parties, taking to people when out etc where I can make small talk and develop my self confidence.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You're welcome. I would suggest not thinking in terms of functions and parties to work on social confidence, but instead to think of it in terms of day-to-day life.

The whole idea is to get around the idea of special occasions, and instead training yourself to become natural at social interaction everywhere you go.

I started by making little comments to strangers in stores, simple things like a comment on the weather or anything else that is going on in the environment around me. Ask people how they're doing today. These little tiny gestures add up to being much more confident, and very quickly.

 

[sazc]

also realize that the person who makes these comments has the insecurity and some sort of fear. Learn to work with a$$holes by doing exactly what @Atom Smasher suggested

 

[sosousage]

He's a bully (obviously) and he's picked you out because you're shy, knowing you're not likely to embarrass him in return.

Your self-described shyness is the bigger issue. You should be working daily to eradicate that by making small-talk with people every day. In that way you will learn how to deal with people like him.

I would say to attend the event with a resolution to let this be a turning point for you. If he tries to do that again, chuckle along as if it's water off a duck's back. That absorbs the insult's power and dissipates it. Also maintain a certain aloofness.

Him: "Look at him, trying to look like a Barbie"

You: Chuckle, and say "I'm having SUCH a bad hair day!" You've removed the power of his statement by showing it doesn't matter to you. If he keeps it up, publicly say "Ahh, you see, guys, this is what insecurity brings a man to". Every time he says something insulting, imply something about insecurity. Eventually he will realize that when he insults you, he gets publicly embarrassed.

If he tells you where to sit, say "No, I'll sit right here" with a detached attitude. Think of Seinfeld when he has that detached "No, I'm fine" attitude when someone says something about him in his old show.

Think "DETACHED" the entire time.

If you're not up to it, then I would take this year to handle your shyness (small talk with everyone you meet) and then attend next year armed with more confidence.

I often liken social dynamics with physical. By being detached and rolling with the joke, it's similar to one of those parkour guys jumping off a building and rolling when he hits the ground. By rolling with the momentum, you're reducing its power.

Think in terms of forcing your frame on this person. That's exactly what he's doing to you because he feels safe from embarrassment. The avenue for this is being detached, unruffled, but dangerous to mess with as the result will yield embarrassment for the attacker. When it comes to bullies, one should always determine their Achilles heel and use it to embarrass them if they are relentless with you.

lmao people are *******s.




OP you can also do gym then push him when he attempts to rape you verbally

 

[sosousage]

EAT food, [Disparaging name deleted by moderator].

Yes you should.

I'm surprised you're asking.

GUYZ, whenever wherere is EAT or DRINK, the answer is YES.

Lmao no hes bullied. He shouldnt go

 

[backseatjuan]

STFU August 23, 2017. I find out about game when I was 25, the day I got fired, by b-day. I'm 36 now. I fvcked so many b1tches, one of them could have been your mother, I swear.