Should i go for it?

[Blaaaaat]

Hope ity makes any sense,

Background:
I've got a small date set up next fryday. I've known this girl a couple of years, beacuase she's the sister of one of my best friends. She's a very attractive 19y lady. She recently broke up with her b/f so the doors are open. She always showed interest, also during her former relationship, she tried to convince me to ask her out.

I did take her out once while she was on a "break" with her former b/f, went pretty good, used DJ tactics. She invited me to help her with her "homework" next day, but I didn't showed up. This is because I was still chasing/trying to get over my ex-one-itis.

Problem:
The problem is, she is also the ex of one of my other best friends (couple of years ago). He totally screwed up by cheating on her. Now, my friend is a DJ-Jerk kinda guy. He has a Fukbuddy at this moment...But, he also told me that he had still some feelings for the girl i'm going to date... I would like to get to know this girl better, maybe she LTR material, maybe not, that's what im going to find out. But if it works out, I would end up hurrting my best friend...
This kinda gives me a dilemma, I do not want to hurt my best friends feelings, but i also feel that he's got no rite to complain about this.

I would appreciate some opinions.

(excuse my poor English)

 

[RKTek]

Although the rule of thumb is "bro's before ho's", you've got to draw a distinction here. First, this guy dated her and HE ruined it by fooling around. Him telling you he still had feelings for her is pure BS. If he really cared for her he wouldn't have cr@pped in his own hat by cheating. End of story and you need to tell it to him just that way, but FIRST, get a few dates with this girl. See if she'll kiss you on the mouth by the end of the second date, and want to go farther by at least the 4th date.

If she really does fall for you, then she's yours and you need to treat her and defend her as such. After you're absolutely certain she's yours, then you can gently tell your male buddies what's the score, should the subject come up. If this guy tries to hit on her again, stand back for a bit to see how SHE handles things.

Why? Because you don't want to appear jealous. Let her rebuff and unwanted suitor. Let her spin his dial once or twice. Only if she mentions to you that he's becoming a pest do you move into action. Otherwise, let her ex-boyfriends test her defenses while you sit back and smile. And, if she's gonna cheat, you need to know sooner than later anyway, so be a cool DJ and mostly observe how she handles herself.

But you've got to get to first base before any of this can happen.

Good luck.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Thanks for your opinion, I appreciate it.

My plan was to see how things go, and if she proves to be truly intrested and worthy enough to date me, I'll probally go for it. I just hate to "hurt" my friend.

 

[RKTek]

You wrote:

"...if she proves to be truly intrested and worthy enough to date me, I'll probally go for it..."

Wow, that is a very healthy attitude. As far as your friend and your relationship with him, imagine a playground see-saw. She is on one side, he on the other. You have to let HER demonstrate whether or not she has enough interest, integrity and fun to offset/counterbalance/outweigh your friend. Notice I didn't say replace, as you should always endeavor to keep your friends. But if she demonstrates that she can mean more to you, and you seem to already have that attitude, then it's proper for you to consider her feelings more than your old friend. And as we discussed, your old friend already not only had his chance with her, HE was the one to f*ck it up! Ha, he should have NO say-so in the matter.

The problem is that right now, you do know him and he means a lot in your life and she is an unknown quantity. Time could prove that she really is something to keep and that in relative terms she could come to mean more to you than does he. This is natural! But as you're planning on doing, make sure she is the one first.

Cool.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Yes, a healthy attitude, to bad I had to learn this the hard way. But maybe one of the best thing I've learned from my former one-itis (and thanks to sosuave ofcourse).

Best thing is, if this doesn't work out I can go to another prospect , a IMO attractive Portugese lady who is also showing me a high IL.

I appreciate your advise, I'll follow it up. Better to have a plan then just see how things will go!

 

[Blaaaaat]

RKTek, your opinion please

Well everything went smoothly, almost exactly happened what you said, it's almost scary....

Problem:
This "friend" is know overreacting. I anticipated that he would be upset, but I didn't expect it would be this bad. This guy "crapped in his own hat", but now he's trying to crap in mine.

I would appreciate your opinion very much.
please read http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30890 for more info.

 

[squirrels]

...

Somehow I don't get the whole thing with a friend's "ex" being off-limits. If she's his "ex" and both of them acknowledge that fact, then there shouldn't be a problem with you going after her. If there is, it's a sign of weakness on his part.

I'm not saying it wouldn't irk me at least a little bit, but knowing the DJ way of things, I wouldn't let it dominate my life, or ruin my friendship. She's not mine any more. Period. I've got other things to worry about than whether or not my friend's boinking her.

 

[Bonhomme]

Great job, Blaaaat

Looks like things are going very well with this gal. Keep up the good work.

Your "friend" needs to get a life. An ex is an ex. You moved on from your one-itis, right? It's his responsibility to step out and keep out of your hair.

If he keeps carrying on like he is, he's only going to make himself look worse and you look better.

You may just need to just tell him straight out he fvcked the situation up with his ex, and the only way he can avoid making a total ass of himself is to look elsewhere, accept responsibility for his fvcking up, and treat the next gal better.

 

[Bonhomme]

Squirrels, I agree 100%

An ex is an ex.

After I broke up with one gal, I was glad a buddy of mine was dating her, 'cause I knew he would be good to her.

 

[Blaaaaat]

RKTek.... your input prety please...

 

[Pheonix:ScndrlReborn]

If you want to cut off contact with a woman after having sex your best bet is to call her the next day and thank her for the "amazing" night. Otherwise she might think she did something wrong to turn you off.

 

[Donny Brasco]

The song by Phil Collins "Easy Lover" came to mind as I read your post. Tread carefully, it sounds like this has both good and bad potential.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by Pheonix:ScndrlReborn
If you want to cut off contact with a woman after having sex your best bet is to call her the next day and thank her for the "amazing" night. Otherwise she might think she did something wrong to turn you off.

I did not mean to cut off, but to be not available to visit her for a couple of days.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by Blaaaaat
RKTek.... your input prety please...

sorry for being so impatience..