Should I expand my options of meeting girls?

[SoSerene]

If this has been discussed thoroughly before, then I apologize. But I meet probably 80% of my plates via online dating, Tinder, POF etc. I find it difficult to set up a date with an attractive woman, let alone have something meaningful.

But I have noticed that if the girl "knows you" through some means, whether it's through a friend, work, group...whatever, suddenly it's way more legit. The girls I've gone out with through these means on average have been better looking and higher quality imo. I have actually been shocked that Girl A in person found me attractive, because I know that if I didn't know her and randomly messaged her online there is a 99% chance she wouldn't even respond.

The main issue is that I'm self employed and work from home, so I don't have much of a network through my job. I do make a very good living however, and have the advantage of having a flexible schedule.

Is it possible to have a maintain steady options exclusively by online dating? I'm not Brad Pitt or anything, but I'm a reasonable looking guy and looking to expand my options. But not quite sure how, or if it's worth all the time/energy?

 

[logicallefty]

Many guys on this site will tell you you are wasting your time with online dating, and some will even personally rip you up for it. To each their own. Between 2004-2008 I probably went out with 75 different women I met online. In 2012 I think I went out with about 8-10. In 2014 I've been out with 3 so far.

My thought is it's not a waste of time, but don't have any long term or permanent expectations from it. Think of online dating no different that one good night out of drinking with your buds. Reference my thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=221281

Below is how I roll with online dating, much of which is my own experience and a few of which are some good tips I heard right here on SS:

- Put up a few of your best pictures. Only your best. Pictures are like the cord on a push mower, you can't get started without it. But once you get going then they have served their purpose

- Don't write too long of a profile. One reasonable paragraph articulating that you are both mature and funny, with more on the funny side.

- When you go to message a woman, message something funny. Maybe make a joke about something on her profile. I have brown eyes and one I use a lot on other brown eyed women is "Hey we both have brown eyes. Some say our eyes are windows into our heads and we are full of sh!t to the top. I object to that, I think our eyes are actually mirrors and we are pros at deflecting others' BS right back at them. Which do you think?"

- When you start talking to a woman, keep the conversation a light mix of mature and funny. Go back and fourth. Don't complain about any problems in your life. Don't mention your ex. Don't bring up sex at the very start or ask for nude pics.

- Chat for 10-15 minutes then ask her if you can text her later because you don't get online much and texting works better for you

- Text her another time or two in the next few days with a few short convos, but not too much.

- Set a date

- Meet her for something quick like lunch or coffee. Lunch during the middle of a workday is my preference for a first meeting. You meet, you both browse, you bail.

- Wait a few days and then see if she would like the privildge of meeting you again

- Don't ever slack on your appearance or attitude. Always keep the humor going while also still reminding her that you are a man who works hard and takes care of your children and business

- Be ready for the very first sign of a sh|t test and be ready to call her out on it the microsecond you pick up on it.

- Have fun, and don't take the whole thing too seriously. This is where most guys mess up. They take it so seriously that they ooooze insecurity and the women pick up on that and they are as good as burnt toast.

 

[apprenticedj]

Hey SoSerene, it sounds like you're in a pickle that many men find themselves these days. When we get older, graduate from high school or college, our social networks take a big hit. Either we move away or some of our core friends move and we're left without much backing. Now factor in your buddies in LTRs and getting married/having kids and the numbers dwindle further. Frustrating indeed.

Online dating is a valuable resource. First off it's easy, meaning it requires far less effort than gaming in the real world. Of course the results aren't as great. As logicallefty said it's a great supplement but nothing beats old fashioned sarging the nightlife scene.

I would recommend trying to increase your social network through your hobbies. Use the meetup app to find people that like to do similiar stuff as you, ie hiking. Also keep an eye out for community events such as street fairs and car shows. Always a good place to meet people.

Notice I said meet PEOPLE, not just women. If you want to increase your social network my theory is you need to work on relationships based on friendship first. You want to be drawn into your new friends social circles, there is where the honeys lie. You'll already have social proof so you'll be golden.

Sounds like you have all the tangibles needed to get out there and meet women. You just need some damn wingmen to roll with you! :rockon:

 

[SoSerene]

Yeah online dating hasn't been a waste of time at all for me either. Hell, half the chicks I message are during my working hours so it's little to no time wasted anyway. Sure, I am getting dates/lays from there but the amount of high quality chicks I meet on there is infrequent so that's why I need some other options. I am, however, getting my friend to take some pro pics of myself with good lighting to emphasize my features. I have blue eyes, and in half my photos my eyes appear brown/red due to the flash!

Recently my social circle, as far as meeting women is concerned, has declined. All of best friends are in serious LTR's now, so they don't want to go out and party anymore. Their gf's have little to no single female friends either.

And yeah I need to meet more people, not chicks only. A good chunk of my current social circle consists of buddies I used to work with cause we had similar hobbies/interests...so I need to find an avenue like that again. In fact, one of my best buddies even gives me sh!t (jokingly of course) for stealing all of his friends! lol. So I need to expand my horizons a bit and find hobbies that interest me to meet other guys/girls I can go out with.

I'm going away on a little working vacation for a week, I'm gonna spend a lot of time researching what sort of clubs/groups/activities I can join so when I get back I can go full throttle on this.

 

[jurry]

I second apprentices advice, your experience is par for the course for online dating, its a numbers game so you sacrifice quality for quantity. Not that you cant meet quality women there but it can be a challenge. In person you have the advantage of being right in their presence, you have to risk more so you can get more really.

Social groups are key, nothing like the college dorm days. I cant think of any adult community other than your workplace that comes close to that kind of proximity and freedom.

 

[SoSerene]

I second apprentices advice, your experience is par for the course for online dating, its a numbers game so you sacrifice quality for quantity. Not that you cant meet quality women there but it can be a challenge. In person you have the advantage of being right in their presence, you have to risk more so you can get more really.

Social groups are key, nothing like the college dorm days. I cant think of any adult community other than your workplace that comes close to that kind of proximity and freedom.

Definitely. I thought maybe it was an issue that only myself and a few others were having, but glad to hear that I'm not in a minority at least. A friend of mine killed it online, but he has a perfect tan and a fitness model physique so it's no wonder he did well lol. Not everyone is Brad Pitt. Since I'm in the average range in terms of looks, I should focus more of my intention to real life.

Actually just last week I picked up a girl while waiting in line, and I said we should hangout sometime and she even offered we could even grab some lunch after we were done. This chick showed pretty high interest level, and she was probably hotter than 80-90% of the dates I'd get online.

That's partially what sparked this question of mine, cause I was able to generate interest with an attractive, high quality chick right then and there. Whereas on a dating website even if I was lucky enough to get a response...it'd be a battle just to even get a date. And even then, she's probably had 3-4 other dates that week so you're sword fighting with a bunch of other dudes in the process who might already have the jump on you.