Should I even respond?

[Frozen799]

Okay guys,

Here is the report:

Friendly chick from social circle(she was a lecturer in a course which I finished, same age) somewhere around the 6/10 , invited her out, she accepted with few questions, asked if there would be anyone else, said no, she still came - (she knows whats this is about). Next day texts me, is it still on? - I said yes, and picked her up. Went to few bars, conversation was ok, wouldn't say that there was the best connection or sexual tension ever, but there was some. On one occasion where I told her you should try everything in the world at least once - she said "have you slept with a guy then?", I replied "No, everything up to a certain limit, but I am flattered you think so".

After one bar, we went to another for a second drink, where she met acquaintance of hers, and started chatting with them, 5 minutes with them, comes back to my table apologies, her acquaintance passes by, she told him to come by later, he comes and they start chatting for another 10-15 minutes. At this point I finish my drink fast, and told her "I am leaving, bye" and she said "Bye" (I made it pretty fast, so I dont think she had time to react), can't take **** like that anymore.

10 Minutes after I leave she texts me -

What happened?
Did I take too long? (to chat with her friend).

My questions - What would you reply? Would you even reply? I believe her interest in me is around the 50% or so, might have spiked it with the fact that I left.

The girl is okay for some fun, but nothing really as potential LTR or something like that.

 

[Julian]

Shes just not that into you bro. U are at mode 2 beating around the bush. U should have been making out with her already after the 2nd drink

 

[Frozen799]

Shes just not that into you bro. U are at mode 2 beating around the bush. U should have been making out with her already after the 2nd drink

Yeah I know, that`s why I said around the 50%, maybe under, interest level. (This was the second drink, edited the original post for clarity)
Yet, not sure even if to reply to a message like this.

 

[AttackFormation]

Did you ever let her know you wanted to escalate with her, and escalate?

 

[Frozen799]

Did you ever let her know you wanted to escalate with her, and escalate?

To be honest, I though she would get the idea for the drinks offer. But, no I didn't go for any KINO or escalation, as everything above happened in one hour after the date, would have escalated after the second drink, where I would have brought bit more sexual tension/kino and etc. (Didn't feel any moments where it was proper)

 

[Frozen799]

Red flag, I would just move on. She should have stopped you from leaving or integrated you into the conversation previously.

Yeah I know, that`s why I see that the interest level is low.

 

[Frozen799]

Guys, you are not telling me anything new, I know that the interest level is low and I don't put any hope to it at all, yet as she was in a social circle before, which might pop-up in some time, what your reply would be to those questions?

More or less I understand the situation, not sure how to reply, that's all.

 

[Frozen799]

"I got bored"

From my frame I am just giving her a chance to entertain me. If I am bored, I would just leave.

Coming from a high value frame, all the answers flow naturally. There's no need to come up with fancy comebacks.

I would be genuinely bored and that's that.

Was thinking about this, but thought it was too blunt, I guess I was wrong.

 

[redskinsfan92]

F that! Ghost her like casper

 

[Frozen799]

She got a feminine vibe from you. And the way you hauled it out when the pressure of being social was on I'd say her radar might be on to something. Sarcasm aside. You didn't escalate.

Reply is nothing because you got knobby need and bailed. Id be embarrassed. And I've had mine. Its one of those knumb skull moves you just gotta eat. What can you reply? She doesn't know it but she's twisting your ballz.
What can you say? I peed my pants and had to go? I felt 50% so i left? I felt left out?
Next time go over and introduce yourself if it takes a while. And stay calm. And after you get alone with her say something that dissolves the night with some integrity. Like a time constraint or something.

I see your point, but you understand also that even if I stayed, even if introduced, this leads to nowhere as she can keep chatting with him, what do I do then? Stay aside like a puppy?

You seriously suggest to wait for them to have their nice chat?

I think there is a very thin line here between getting knobby/angry and not tolerating any kind of disrespect. And I assume you believe I am on the angry side, which is not really.

The reply for me is to preserve the "ok" social circle relationships, not to chase her or make her chase me.

 

[Frozen799]

F that! Ghost her like casper

Nah, already replied just to preserve the "okayish social circle", with "I got bored", to which there were few apologies and etc, will not reply further.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Nah, already replied just to preserve the "okayish social circle", with "I got bored", to which there were few apologies and etc, will not reply further.

I'm sorry, but she outright disrespected you. She no longer deserves your communication in any form.

 

[Frozen799]

@ Mauser thats my point.

@stringpuller - I don't think you have even read what I typed. I was there for 15 minutes calmly drinking and chatting with few friends on the phone, there was no one else around for me to engage in a chat, and they were chatting without event trying to involve me in the conversation. They were next to me, she didn't go somewhere else, she invited him to our table. Did you even read what I typed ?

For the last time, I didn't slam my drink and leave, I was beside them for a whole while.

 

[Frozen799]

Did i say sit like a pup? Lol really. Didnt i say socialize with them? Get up and ssy someghing. Be assertive. That's exactly what she would have done. Thats what confident women do. She wouldn't expect a guy she came with to do the same or more. He bails after saying im leaving "bye"

Funny bro, actually this happened, and I chatted with a friend of mine for 2-3 minutes, kept it short as not to totally ignore her, and NO she did not come to us and interrupt us when I didn't introduce her. She didn't involve herself in our conversation.

The key difference here is I kept it short with my friend and didn't invite him and her to our table to come by.

Anyway just wanted to see different opinions.

 

[Frozen799]

Yes my friend, you walk out on girls who show you even slight disrespect, or you are the one who will stay there and deal with all their crap, until their LJBF you?

As I said previously, I was not even going to reply, yet I though to not make any potential further social gathers awkward, that's why I came here for the text message.

God, I am not even sure if you are not a professional troll. Your comments just hating nothing of value or any good suggestions.
I am sorry if today is a bad day for you.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Yes my friend, you walk out on girls who show you even slight disrespect, or you are the one who will stay there and deal with all their crap, until their LJBF you?

As I said previously, I was not even going to reply, yet I though to not make any potential further social gathers awkward, that's why I came here for the text message.

God, I am not even sure if you are not a professional troll. Your comments just hating nothing of value or any good suggestions.
I am sorry if today is a bad day for you.

You should ignore him like I have

 

[17 shots]

She probably wasn't too sure of your interest level in her. Yes you asked her out, and you're getting drinks, but you said it yourself that she's a 6/10, so I'm sure there's some insecurity there. That's why she asked who else is going, she wasn't confident that you only wanted to go with her

Then throw in on top of that no kino, contact, or escalation, she probably thought you were just on some nice guy friend stuff. She could of been using that other guy as a way to gauge your interest as well

 

[user69420]

Okay guys,

Here is the report:

Friendly chick from social circle(she was a lecturer in a course which I finished, same age) somewhere around the 6/10 , invited her out, she accepted with few questions, asked if there would be anyone else, said no, she still came - (she knows whats this is about). Next day texts me, is it still on? - I said yes, and picked her up. Went to few bars, conversation was ok, wouldn't say that there was the best connection or sexual tension ever, but there was some. On one occasion where I told her you should try everything in the world at least once - she said "have you slept with a guy then?", I replied "No, everything up to a certain limit, but I am flattered you think so".

After one bar, we went to another for a second drink, where she met acquaintance of hers, and started chatting with them, 5 minutes with them, comes back to my table apologies, her acquaintance passes by, she told him to come by later, he comes and they start chatting for another 10-15 minutes. At this point I finish my drink fast, and told her "I am leaving, bye" and she said "Bye" (I made it pretty fast, so I dont think she had time to react), can't take **** like that anymore.

10 Minutes after I leave she texts me -

What happened?
Did I take too long? (to chat with her friend).

My questions - What would you reply? Would you even reply? I believe her interest in me is around the 50% or so, might have spiked it with the fact that I left.

The girl is okay for some fun, but nothing really as potential LTR or something like that.

As a response to the question about sleeping with a guy, I'd have said something more playful. "I don't kiss and tell (laughingly)", "Oh, straight to my sexual history?", etc. Easier said than done in the moment, but try to leave the serious stuff for a time where you've built some comfort or even better, pillow talk. She tee'd you up to escalate and, sorry my friend, you hit a slice.

It seems that "frame" existed throughout the dates, and as someone else pointed out it doesn't appear you escalated. Even worse, it sounds like an orbiter/friend was in the area and he plucked her attention away.

Kudos for getting up and leaving, most schlubs would sit through and just make things terribly awkward. Her reaction affirmed you did the right thing, however the text implies (to me, anyway) she wanted to feel better about not feeling you.

Advice: get back in the kitchen and spin some plates (as with 90% of cases). She's not gone for good, but you definitely need some dread game or just some abundance. Either will put you in a better place if there's a next time. I would send a text saying "thanks, just had to bounce", and leave it at that. Good luck.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

No, you are incorrect. OP did the right thing.

Yes he did.

Lets say the girl magically turns around because the op injected himself into their conversation and all of a sudden they are in love and they get married.

In my experience it is the slight passive aggressive just slightly on the border of flat out RUDE behavior that will drip away at your soul. Lets day they end up getting married. I can on imagine the "little things" the op would have to ignore or "find something better to do."

So yes, ignoring a date is a HUGE red flag. a girl dating brad pitt would not give the time of day to another man.

OP did.the right thing. Mauser is right.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

Marriage? Seriously? Context? These 2 were on a first date and your talking marriage. Hardly a good analogy. Im talking about social cues and maybe learning.

Yes ofcourse Mauer is right. To himself. Contextual awareness takes time to develope.
2 years ago i was seeing a colombian girl and we entered a venue. 2nd date. As soon as we get into the bar area in the restaurant she goes over to someone she knows. Turns out to be her old boss. It wasn't as long as OP but long enough for someone to get up and walk out like OP did. If i chose too.
If i did what OP did we wouldn't have had the sex we did that night.
True story OP. I think you left to soon.

I wasn't making an analogy I was giving an example of the red flags that seem borderline that most people put up with only to let that poison acid drip away at their soul for years on end. Glad you missed my point.

OP did a fine job of ditchin that 6.