Should I completely cut this "mutual" friend out of my life?

[Sgthaytham]

Last Friday, we were having a small get-together and my GF's flat. There was drinking involved.

My GF, this guy and some other friends had had a picnic beforehand, and I joined them later (I was at work).

Anyway, my GF mentioned to me that this guy had slapped her on the arse. I asked if she wanted me to have a word with him, but she said that she had talked to him about it. He might have slapped her beforehand, but she isn't sure, and said that it could have been him considered he did it later on during the night.

Why the f*** would he do it? He knows we're together and being drunk isn't an excuse.

Many people women I know have mentioned his behaviour before and how it's made them feel uncomfortable. I've had my eye on him, too, because he gets really tactile. I never mentioned anything to my GF because I trust her and I know she would tell me if she felt uncomfortable (which she did in this case).

I'm starting to think he doesn't give a s*** about me... it's not normal friend behaviour. What do you guys think?

 

[Billtx49]

It’s normal social circle behavior that when enough people feel uncomfortable having a person around, he usually stops getting invited to get togethers.
Doesn’t sound like your friend is at that stage yet, so the majority still consider him a friend. it’s his personal problem and he probably doesn’t have anything against you.

 

[Sgthaytham]

It’s normal social circle behavior that when enough people feel uncomfortable having a person around, he usually stops getting invited to get togethers.
Doesn’t sound like your friend is at that stage yet, so the majority still consider him a friend. it’s his personal problem and he probably doesn’t have anything against you.

So why do it, then?

If he doesn't have anything against me personally, why smack my GF like that?

Is that normal behaviour to you?

I'm sorry, I might not fully understand what you're trying to say...

 

[Billtx49]

So why do it, then?

If he doesn't have anything against me personally, why smack my GF like that?

Is that normal behaviour to you?

Some people act inappropriately at times, especially with alcohol involved. It can affect people differently.

 

[CollegeMan22]

The one were you "trust her and she will tell you everything" is probably the biggest lie of them all not to mention the worse of the 3 options.

Watch her behavior OP. If there are red flags (lowering affection, “hanging out” with friends w/o you, etc.), then it’s time to drop her. But don’t trust her words. Instead trust her actions.

 

[bat soup]

Last Friday, we were having a small get-together and my GF's flat. There was drinking involved.

My GF, this guy and some other friends had had a picnic beforehand, and I joined them later (I was at work).

Anyway, my GF mentioned to me that this guy had slapped her on the arse. I asked if she wanted me to have a word with him, but she said that she had talked to him about it. He might have slapped her beforehand, but she isn't sure, and said that it could have been him considered he did it later on during the night.

Why the f*** would he do it? He knows we're together and being drunk isn't an excuse.

Many people women I know have mentioned his behaviour before and how it's made them feel uncomfortable. I've had my eye on him, too, because he gets really tactile. I never mentioned anything to my GF because I trust her and I know she would tell me if she felt uncomfortable (which she did in this case).

I'm starting to think he doesn't give a s*** about me... it's not normal friend behaviour. What do you guys think?

You should slap him on the ass.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Anyway, my GF mentioned to me that this guy had slapped her on the arse. I asked if she wanted me to have a word with him, but she said that she had talked to him about it. He might have slapped her beforehand, but she isn't sure, and said that it could have been him considered he did it later on during the night.

Why the f*** would he do it? He knows we're together and being drunk isn't an excuse.

Many people women I know have mentioned his behaviour before and how it's made them feel uncomfortable. I've had my eye on him, too, because he gets really tactile. I never mentioned anything to my GF because I trust her and I know she would tell me if she felt uncomfortable (which she did in this case).

I'm starting to think he doesn't give a s*** about me... it's not normal friend behaviour. What do you guys think?

Some apparently would be more tolerant of this than others but quite frankly this is a great opportunity to display your masculinty

If this guy knows your GF is in a relationship then you pull him to one side and calmly explain if it happens again you will break his nose

Unfortunately some people need have respect beaten into them.

 

[The Duke]

Just have a conversation with him and move on.

 

[Mike32ct]

Is he your friend, or a friend of a friend?

If the latter, always beware of "adopted" or "secondhand" friends. They aren't your friends and generally don't give a F about you.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Im not sure how I would have reacted in your place. My guess is I would have told him he was no longer welcome and if he ever went near my girl again we are going to have a problem.

 

[Barrister]

Your friend was just drunk. I wouldn't overreact to this. He is a man after all and it had nothing to do with you specifically.

I am more concerned by how your GF got herself into a situation where she is getting slapped on the ass. That isn't something that just happens in normal circumstances. Five bucks says she was being very flirtatious herself leading up to the slap; and on some level enjoys the fact she gets to tell you this (showing you she is wanted by other men). Not saying it means anything - but out of the whole situation this is the only thing that remotely concerns me.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Why do you think? Pretty clear.
Let me give you some really good advice.
Dont overreact. Dont get emotionally charged. I learned long ago to banter this stuff off. Why? Because if something was going on there are clues and they will come from her. When you are with cute girls it comes with the territory. Someone is always after her.

Another good advice. Dont trust anyone fully. Especially these friends that are rubbing it off to your woman.
There are tactful ways to deal with these dudes.
Stop hanging out with them.

This is completely correct. She is cute, she is endearing, and of course, lots of men are going to be attracted to her. You're absolutely right that if anything untoward was going on, there would be clues, and she wouldn't be coming to me to tell me things that have been going on.

I'm going to distance myself completely from this guy in particular. He's shown me who he is by what he did to my GF and how he acted afterward.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Your friend was just drunk. I wouldn't overreact to this. He is a man after all and it had nothing to do with you specifically.

I am more concerned by how your GF got herself into a situation where she is getting slapped on the ass. That isn't something that just happens in normal circumstances. Five bucks says she was being very flirtatious herself leading up to the slap; and on some level enjoys the fact she gets to tell you this (showing you she is wanted by other men). Not saying it means anything - but out of the whole situation this is the only thing that remotely concerns me.

You might as well hand over the five bucks right now.

Not many men, drunk or not, would go around slapping women's arses who are in a relationship (especially if they know). The only men who do it are perverts, nothing more, nothing less.

As another poster said, it's to be accepted that a cute girl is going to have guys fawning over them and that I shouldn't be bothered.

She was in the kitchen, there were other people around, he walked past her and slap her arse.

I am not going to fall down the trap of jealousy and paranoia when it comes to her... she has shown me ample amounts of times that I can trust her and continue to trust her.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Is he your friend, or a friend of a friend?

If the latter, always beware of "adopted" or "secondhand" friends. They aren't your friends and generally don't give a F about you.

He is someone I would personally call a friend. I knew him before my GF knew him in any case. But anyway, I've reconsidered this friendship. I think he doesn't give a f

 

[Sgthaytham]

Watch her behavior OP. If there are red flags (lowering affection, “hanging out” with friends w/o you, etc.), then it’s time to drop her. But don’t trust her words. Instead trust her actions.

PRECISELY!

Her actions prove to me I needn't worry. The very fact she came to me as soon as it happened shows trust.

She has done so much to prove her level of attraction is high.

Anyway, **** this guy

 

[Sgthaytham]

This is a slippery slope. Why not re orientate this thinking?

I have heard this lie 1k times over.
Since you dont like this whole situations why not find a girl that does not go to these things without you?

Or just tell her to stay home until you get there to take her? Both are options

Or back to my original reply. Just work on your frame and learn to not let this bother you. What other options do you have?

The one were you "trust her and she will tell you everything" is probably the biggest lie of them all not to mention the worse of the 3 options.

Comfort dries up their vaginas OP. Uncertainty and discomfort makes them wet.

Women are going to do what they want to do, whether you like it or not. If a woman is a cheater, she's going to cheat. Might be tomorrow or in a few weeks, she will.

I can't ****ing tell her to stay home... that's controlling behavious and a HUGE turn off to women.

It's best I work on my frame and how I react to these events.

 

[Barrister]

You might as well hand over the five bucks right now.

Not many men, drunk or not, would go around slapping women's arses who are in a relationship (especially if they know). The only men who do it are perverts, nothing more, nothing less.

As another poster said, it's to be accepted that a cute girl is going to have guys fawning over them and that I shouldn't be bothered.

She was in the kitchen, there were other people around, he walked past her and slap her arse.

I am not going to fall down the trap of jealousy and paranoia when it comes to her... she has shown me ample amounts of times that I can trust her and continue to trust her.

Not sure whether to admire you or feel sorry for you that you are so trusting of your woman who you seem to think is a little angel. This is a social circle you are talking about correct? Not some rando drunk guy at the bar that walked by her and slapped her. I would say that there was a buildup to this, not that this guy suddenly decided he is going to slap her ass next time he walks by. Again, maybe that is the case. I wasn't there. But I think it would be prudent to always be circumspect and weigh this from all angles.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Some people act inappropriately at times, especially with alcohol involved. It can affect people differently.

It does affect people differently, but what does it tell you about a person who slaps women's arses without consent?

 

[Sgthaytham]

Not sure whether to admire you or feel sorry for you that you are so trusting of your woman who you seem to think is a little angel. This is a social circle you are talking about correct? Not some rando drunk guy at the bar that walked by her and slapped her. I would say that there was a buildup to this, not that this guy suddenly decided he is going to slap her ass next time he walks by. Again, maybe that is the case. I wasn't there. But I think it would be prudent to always be circumspect and weigh this from all angles.

You're actually trying to tell me my GF asked for it?

 

[Barrister]

You're actually trying to tell me my GF asked for it?

No - I am saying I don't know. But I do understand how women work. And many women love getting validation from as many men as possible. Your GF would just be showing a trait common to the female mindset.

Remember, the simplest explanation is often correct. A "friend" of you guys suddenly, out of the blue, deciding to just slap her ass without her showing some signs of flirtation herself would be odd behavior.