Should I call her (i dont want to do what she tells me to do)?

[big weezy]

I know on here they say you should always call as calling you can maintain or increate IL whereas texting can make them lose IL.

The girl I'm seeing she said the other day that 'I already told you before I dont like texting I like calling so I dont know why you keep texting me'

I said to her 'i dont remember you saying that specifically, I remember you said you liked to talk on the phone and you're not much of a text person'

To her, in her mind she made it very clear that she didn't like texting (yet she's the one who used to text me all the time, during the day at work or what not)

Now I need to set up another date with her I don't really want to call her mainly cos it'll seem like i'm obeying to her wishes and she's controlling me, should i stick to my text arrangements for the time being?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You have so many questions. Everyday I see a new thread that you created. How about you take a break from SoSuave and just live your life. Learn from your mistakes.

 

[PDubb75]

Well, like you said, you should have been calling instead of texting from the start. Texting can already make you look nervous and lacking confidence. If you still text her after she asks you not to, that will just amplify that view.

Call the girl! Just don't be like "So, uh.... I'm calling. Like you asked." Don't even bring it up. If she brings it up, even jokingly, dismiss it. Be confident with it, and it won't come across as you obeying her.

 

[bukowski_merit]

You have so many questions. Everyday I see a new thread that you created. How about you take a break from SoSuave and just live your life. Learn from your mistakes.

^ This!

You can't possibly be having fun with these women with all the thinking you do...

And it always sounds like you're in some kind of power struggle with each girl... So either your putting yourself in these struggles by doing all this conflicting stuff based on feedback you're getting here from different points of view - - - or you're attracted to masculine women who like being the ones giving demands....

 

[bukowski_merit]

In my opinion, it's good to ask questions.

I don't think it's right for ANYONE on this board to discourage another member from asking "so many" questions. That's part of what this site is intended for: asking for advice.

I see nothing wrong with the poster asking questions, trying to learn from situations that most of us have already experienced at one time or another.

And, last time I checked, EVERYONE on SS is allotted 10 posts per day, to communicate as they wish.

I would agree with you if he seemed to be learning something from all these questions. But he asks a ton of questions and then follow up questions, and gets very good advice. Then he comes back with a question that indicated that he didn't LEARN from the previous set of questions.

Here he is paying attention to what the woman is saying and expecting fairness. Here he is trying to reason with her and explain himself and his actions. - - - These are indications that he's not PAYING ATTENTION when people tell him not to do such things.

He doesn't seem to be learning.... He is having US hold his hand through every step of the dating process...

But just to be fair... I'll give it a go again... And i hope he tries to learn what he's being told instead of just looking for an instructional guide.

The girl I'm seeing she said the other day that 'I already told you before I dont like texting I like calling so I dont know why you keep texting me'

Is this the same girl who always talks to you like this or a different girl? I hope it's the same girl, because if it's different girls - you have big issues.

This girl is either a hyper masculine control freak, or she's been conditioned by you to treat you in such a way. There's no excuse for a woman to talk to you like this; and there's no excuse for you to take it. The more you take her talking to you like this - the more she'll do it.....

Texting too much, calling too much, etc. Is NOT going to kill her IL as fast as you letting her get away with treating you like this.

I said to her 'i dont remember you saying that specifically, I remember you said you liked to talk on the phone and you're not much of a text person'

Here - - - - you explain yourself to a lunatic/woman. Don't explain your actions to women! Ok? If they don't like your actions - they can suck a dick and die (this should be your frame.) Don't explain yourself! You do this all the time and it reaks of weakness. Don't explain yourself to women!

To her, in her mind she made it very clear that she didn't like texting (yet she's the one who used to text me all the time, during the day at work or what not)

Do you think if some guy who had her dripping wet in her panties text her that she would tell him, "Hey i don't like texting, call me!"

No! As you indicate yourself - she was down with texting earlier. She no longer is. Her intentions are pretty clear to me - she's turning you into her b!tch. She does not respect you!!!!!

No amount of alphaness.... No amount of the correct thing to say/do... No amount of anything is going to change that...

Your frame with her is dead.... Continueing to try "tricks" to get her IL back up and win is not advised! You MUST move on. And do better with the next one. Re-read every question you've ever asked on here. Make a book out of the answers and learn from all this.

Now I need to set up another date with her

No! You need to set up dates with new women and work on not letting them talk to you however they want (this starts by doing what you want without explanation).

I don't really want to call her mainly cos it'll seem like i'm obeying to her wishes and she's controlling me,

It doesn't matter either way. She's not sitting at home wondering if you're going to call or text her. She's not wasting precious life trying to figure you out. You're doing all that on her.

The correct move is to not call her............... or text her!

Call or text a new girl and have fun with her.


PS: When i say move on... I'm not advising you to play some game to get her IL back up.... I'm advising you to MOVE ON! So no follow up questions asking how long you should stay NC with her before contacting her! Simply move on FOREVER!

 

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[big weezy]

i think the decision has been made for me, seems like she must have met someone else since saturday.. I did notice she was on POF all Sun and not on at all yesterday so musta been out on a date..

tried calling her but no answer, and my text from earlier in the day didn't deliver.. tried sending it again.. still didn't deliver.. then eventuall when i message her on POF cos i saw her on at the same time the friggin things deliver!

jeez.. nothing is working for me. I might as well next her now. It bothers me.. learnt lesson, don't spend any money on a girl.

So unlucky, had the frigging friend not been still there and i slept with her.. maybe she mighta had some feelings. such bad luck.

 

[PokerStar]

hey big weezy.

next time, before posting any questions do a search through so suave. i can bet you most of your questions have been probably asked before.

life and women are always is always a learning process so dont get to hard on yourself. patience is key bro.

 

[big weezy]

this is so fvcked.. i send a text saying 'hey you lets get together for a drink in the next couple days, i'm busy tomorrow but how's tonight or thursday?'

i had to send it twice, it didn't deliver. when it eventually delivered she replied to me half an hour ago..

'hey, im not sure if i can make it on thursday, i'll let u know. take care.'

that's pretty definitive.. no counter offer, and a 'take care' she never says take care.. unless she's finishing something. she's not interested anymore.

 

[Iceberg]

The adventures of big weezy

 

[pdx1138]

weezy, you need to work on being unaffected by a situation like this.

Get used to it....it happens....the sooner you learn to "not care" if a girl works or not the better off you'll be.

 

[big weezy]

i know.. it hurts though, i felt something with this girl and at least get a regular bang. didn't even get to sleep with her. disgusted with myself taking her for dinner.

she called me just now and i went on and on about 'us' and she was telling me how 'i already made it pretty clear in my text that i'm not interested but if u want to waste your time and be persistent thinking you'll change your mind then fine'

after she said that, i was thinking.. you know what cut my losses now.

it just felt like i was the 1 supplicating having to prove myself to her.

it's like she caught me out saying that i'm the jealous type when really she's to blame for causing her ex's to get jealous.. it's spoilt little girl syndrome.. if i call her out on it she goes 'you dont know me to judge me that way' i dont know if i should call her out on that too.

basically, there's no point in contacting her again.. tbh with alcohol and the right night assuming she's looking to meet i probably could get some, is it worth me doing that or just cutting my losses?

right now she is not offering me another time or letting me know so maybe there's no point..

if she contacts me again, which she wont or will she?

she feels she has me.. so there's no need to.

its annoying, cos i know that IF i get her out again with alcohol, and her place is free, i should be able to turn it round. maybe i should walk away cos i've already destroyed my self-respect and dignity.

 

[pdx1138]

you know what to do from being a member here but I'll give you the courtesy of a reminder.

NEXT & NO CONTACT.

Now start hunting some other womens!

 

[big weezy]

you know what to do from being a member here but I'll give you the courtesy of a reminder.

NEXT & NO CONTACT.

Now start hunting some other womens!

Yeah you're right. I should have just left it after when she ended it the 1st time. my ego didn't let me. fvck. now she thinks im an obsessive.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Yeah you're right. I should have just left it after when she ended it the 1st time. my ego didn't let me. fvck. now she thinks im an obsessive.

Well, she's right. Isn't she?

 

[window]

Disagree, I reckon you had a shot with this chick. She called you back within an hour of you texting her and asking her out. She then waffled on about how she wasnt interested (as if she'd know). But you never listen to what they say. You should have just laughed it off and said something funny like hey I'm just trying to show you a good time so lets make it Thursday I'll pick you up. She would have said ok imo...

 

[big weezy]

Well, she's right. Isn't she?

yup. the mistake i made was not seeing my other options while seeing her. no wonder i was nervous and desperate acting needy and clingy. it's like i already decided in advance she was the one and i didn't want to see anyone else cos i'd feel guilty. stupid i know.

then i go and act needy. she's a head case though so i've dodged a bullet. if im going to be honest, i was only gona use her for regular sex to help me get other girls.. dont get me wrong i'd treat her well etc but as soon as i got other plates i woulda called it a day or more likely gotten her to break it off with me. i just saw her as a platform for me to get other girls cos when im seeing 1 regularly im more confident it seems like they can smell it.. i dont know why. after our 1st date the next day i got 4 numbers. i never felt so confident before.

i dont even know if she wants to hang out as friends with benefits. i know she's not explicitly going to say it.. but it's weird.. we get naked together, we make out every meet up and she has the audacity to say she's not interested and never led me on.. i go 'well you didn't need to kiss me you could easily pull away.' she goes' well i was just replying to your advances.. and when did i ever actually initate a kiss or come on to you' this is complete nonsense.. girls are bonkers. though she is right she never initiated kino or tried to kiss me, but at the same time if she's so not attracted to me why is she getting naked with me or making out.

it just seems like once shes had a couple drinks shes easy to get into bed if the logistics are right.. which makes me inclined to see if i can get her again in a few weeks.

she called me jealous cos her 'male friend' is coming who's in love with her and cos i was asking questions about him it made me jealous. i royally f'd it up. she prob thinks im a stalker now. fvck it, i need to get out there to get more numbers. enough of being a pvssy.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Just want to clarify the post of mine that was quoted- that was really meant just for cold approach situations, where a girl isn't sure of your value. In a cold approach setting, girls will very often s#it test you in such a way, or play the coquette by acting a bit elusive. However, IF THEY ARE ENGAGING YOU, it means they are interested.

That's not what is happening here. This girl has been out with you before and told you straight up she is not interested. You will not turn this one around.

Somehow, the frame of the interaction shifted into pure supplication on your part, and from there, you acted WAY too needy. The reason she thinks you don't have any options is because you don't; you're too obsessed with trying to "prove" to this one that you're worthy, instead of meeting new girls that may actually be interested in you.

Please NEXT this one and don't bring her up again. Also, start approaching girls in real life instead of POF--they are more likely to be friendly instead of belittling, like this one. Seriously, this girl is no catch.

 

[big weezy]

In my opinion, it's good to ask questions.

I don't think it's right for ANYONE on this board to discourage another member from asking "so many" questions. That's part of what this site is intended for: asking for advice.

I see nothing wrong with the poster asking questions, trying to learn from situations that most of us have already experienced at one time or another.

And, last time I checked, EVERYONE on SS is allotted 10 posts per day, to communicate as they wish.

you seem to be a bit of an expert on POF, I read you said you need to send 100s of messages. I find this really time consuming and also not rewarding. Apart from my first week joining and getting about 5 responses, i've had in total about 3 since then even though i've sent literally 100s of messages.

It's taken up so much time and effort the return is just not worth it, that when i do get a message it's inevitable i come across desperate.. (not exactly a surprise if you've been waiting 2 weeks for a reply!)

It's probably not worth my while pursuing this way of pick up? I only wanted to dedicate about 10% of my free time on this but it seems to be taking up about 20% and if im not getting messages every day it's not worth it. I have a great 1st message but i think maybe the girls are getting privvy to it and know it's just a copy paste job with a few inserts of their profile.

 

[big weezy]

Despite what I often read here at SS, there's nothing convenient and/or easy about attracting women via online.

I've been on-and-off match.com for nearly 10 years, and I can tell you that I've experienced everything that you complain about: Women flaking; women starting email conversations then ignoring my e-mails; women sending auto-generated "not interested" notifications...etc. etc. I think it happens to just about any guy who's willing to put himself out there.

You're 100% correct, though, about my advocating sending 100's of messages. The more the better.

The guy who works the hardest, who tries the most, whether it be in the so-called "real world" or the virtual world of technology, stands a MUCH greater sense of success than the guy who sits back and waits for women to approach him.

Success comes down to a simple numbers game. Whether you're out sarging in cafes and bookstores and shopping malls, or whether you're sitting in front of a computer--it takes a lot of time and effort to amass lots of approaches, overcome the rejections, and ultimately end up with either relationship (if that's your thing) or a hot sexual fling (my thing).

I have found that the "art" of sending messages via online dating to be no different than approaching women on the street: you have to be willing to put in the time and effort. For me, it's gotten easier over the years. Through trial and error, I've learned and developed my OWN methods for prospecting, contacting, and ultimately dating some really nice and attractive women. the many things I've learned took a lot of time and rejections, but over the years I think I've gotten a lot better at knowing what kind of women I want and how to get them.

I can tell you that I've had a lot more success with paid-subcription type sites than I have with POF. I personally don't like POF. And not all of the women on match.com are looking for long-term relationships. Some of them just want to have fun.

Another thing that may help you: I NEVER read the profiles. I simply spend time (lots of time) viewing photos, and if she looks attractive enough, I copy-and-paste the same exact message for EVERY profile that I email. And if she doesn't respond after a week or so, I'll revisit her and send another cop-and-pasted type scripted email.

I usually subscribe to match.com every 3 months or so. I just re-subscribed about 10 days ago (now is always a good time because no girl likes being lonely during the holidays). So far, I've emailed out close to 300 different women within my metropolitan area, and I've had the best response ever, with an estimated 30 or so replies. But getting replies means nothing. I have found that I have to forge a connection of some sort to get the phone number, and then, determine if it's worth arranging a casual face-to-face encounter. This whole process takes time and effort, but I genuinely enjoy it; I try to view the whole dating thing as an enjoyable game, or puzzle. I try not take it too seriously, either. I mean, if I have 10 gorgeous women with whom I can spin plates, do i really care if I end up with the least gorgeous one??? And, I know that my hard work WILL pay off.

There's no other way I know that gives me access to such a diverse group of women. I've been out with doctors, artists, and everything in between, thanks to online dating sites like match.com.

I think the problem is i'm sending out 100s and only getting like 1-2 if that, and they're usually 'thank you, good luck' replies. so it seems like such a waste of time and not good for my confidence. i feel i've messaged everyone who i've liked from my area and i think theres only about another 100 before i've covered them all.

i'm gona go back to regular sarging tomorrow and maybe just leave the POF on the backburner, i get peeved off that i lost the other 1 that every time i log in i see her at the top of my messages being online. i wish there was a way to hide them from showing up so im not constantly reminded how i messed up.

why do you advocate the paid subscription sites more than say POF, is it to avoid the attention wh0res?

it just seems a bit excessive i feel to be paying for an online dating service and i question the women on there who do pay.. as in there's a reason they can't meet men in real life.. either their standards are too high for what they're capable of getting or used to be able to get but are unwilling to compromise or they have baggage.

Doesn't sending 100s of messages tire you out though?

i'm exhausted cos i only intend to spend about an hour a night doing it but end up spending the whole night sending loads, factor in the no replies, it just seems like a waste of time now. i think i got lucky the 1st week with my 2-3 replies and number closes.