Should I be mad about this?

[bigneil]

I was dating an HB8.5 and she stayed over two Tuesdays ago, but the next day things felt awkward.

So I backed off - I avoided her for 6 days. We work together so we did cross paths and the sexual tension became extreme.

I finally emailed her (using humor) last Monday and we got back together last Saturday. We drove to a hotel. She practically attacked me in bed the moment we got there - and for the first time she enjoyed the sex. She told me she missed me the previous weekend and said she thought it was over when I didn't talk to her at work.

BUT she also said she had an internet date during my absence.

Check out this schedule:

TUE- She sleeps at my place
WED- Awkward goodbye kiss (didn't talk at work)
THU- (she said) she decided I don't like her anymore.
FRI- she goes on a date with guy from eHarmony
SAT- (she said) she realized she missed me (eHarmony guy was a dud).

Even though there was no commitment, it still seems so efficiently timed it borders on two-timing.

I wonder if I should care or not mention it?

 

[takeiteazy]

To be honest mate I wouldn't mention it. I made the mistake of doing something similar a while back and it all went pear shaped. Now, if you start getting serious then by all means thats different. But after a few dates you're just gonna come across as needy etc......

 

[Scrumtulescence]

Depends on how serious you guys are/were. If not very serious, and then you behaved as though you weren't into her anymore, then she had every right to go on another date. Just be glad it was a dud and that she wanted you back.

The fact that she went on an eharmony date is a little concerning, though. Women on that site are usually desperately looking for hubbies.

 

[bigneil]

I guess I just worry that it was:

MON: She made a date for Friday with guy from eHarmony
TUE: Stays at my place
(etc)

In other words, was her date with him the REASON things felt awkward WED? Did she only miss me because he wasn't a better guy?

On the other hand, maybe I just handled it perfectly? I felt her slipping away (and she was), I backed off (as the inevitable other date occurred) and then she missed me.

The question is - do I have to repeat the process now?

 

[Obsidian]

Your assumption quite possibly correct, bigneil. Whether you should be upset about it or not is another matter, dependent on how serious and committed you two were. Even if she did schedule the date on Monday, that doesn't mean all is lost, tho. It sounds like you're doing things basically the way you should.

 

[bigneil]

Tonight she asked me to visit this weekend. So I asked about the eHarmony thing. She immediately turned it into my being insecure. Then she told me she wants a commitment and we agreed. THEN she tells me that her ex- who all along she confessed she was pining over - who she said all along "if he wanted a commitment (she'd) go back with him", that he's not only been asking her out every week now, but he's on her flag football team and that every time I saw her at the after-hours bar after the game (I play on a softball team that goes there after too), she was actually with her ex (and many times she told me how late they stayed out but I never knew he was among the crowd). Of course, that really bothered me. Then she said I'm just being insecure again.

 

[rocky_mtn]

I don't know if you know about eHarmony, I did it for a while and it takes like 4 stages of communication before you actually get to e-mail the person. Which usually like a couple of days or weeks to match up. There is a fast track to avoid all that, but my point is that I don't think that this is something that she did on the spur of the moment. Just my opinion.

But if you are just dating, then know that she is seeing other people.

 

[Kings_royalty]

On the other hand, maybe I just handled it perfectly? I felt her slipping away (and she was), I backed off (as the inevitable other date occurred) and then she missed me.

The question is - do I have to repeat the process now?

Yes, yes, and yes. You handled it perfectly, nice work. Keep her guessing; never give her a chance to get comfortable.

So I asked about the eHarmony thing. She immediately turned it into my being insecure.

Crap, you screwed up bro, you shouldn't have mentioned it.

THEN she tells me that her ex- who all along she confessed she was pining over - who she said all along "if he wanted a commitment (she'd) go back with him",

My response would have been. 'Well, if that's what you want, let me know and I’ll let you go to him'. This would have messed up her little game.

she told me how late they stayed out but I never knew he was among the crowd). Of course, that really bothered me. Then she said I'm just being insecure again.

She is trying to get a rise out of you and get your jealous bro, don't buy into this manipulation. She feeds you all this information and waits for you to get mad, and then when you do, she says it's just you being insecure? Ha-ha, cute.

Girls play this game ALL THE TIME. You need to recognize that it's her way to get more attention from you; she wants to see you get bent out of shape to feed her ego. DON'T GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS.

You started off on the right foot bro, go back to what worked.

 

[MAVER1CK]

what the **** are you mad for? You got *****, Keep her spinning, and tag others.

remember, she just wants your dingdong.

 

[bigneil]

Yes, yes, and yes. You handled it perfectly, nice work. Keep her guessing; never give her a chance to get comfortable.

Thanks for this great advice Kings. Yesterday in the bar her body language was 100% perfect - she was holding me, leaning toward me, holding eye contact, pupils dilated, and she kept looking down in submission. That was when she told me she only wanted to be with me. I realize now that THAT was her goal - bring this to a head and force me to make a commitment.

But I did feel insecure and it bothered me.

Who wouldn't be bothered to find out their new HB8.5 gal had not only been out drinking with the very ex who she swore she would never be "just friends" with, but to learn it was a once a week event dating back the past 8 weeks, all while the poor DJ was in the room with them never knowing that was her ex? Especially when her relationship with her ex was a strictly drinking and sex relationship. Then she tells me they are "just friends" who are going for a drink.

 

[anointed]

dont metion other guys or act worried about other guys, cos then it can make her think "well if hes worried about that guy, maybe he knows that guy is better, so what am i doing with this guy and not the other"

And never get mad cos it goes against the personality you should have. Getting mad shows her how she can get to you, getting mad = failing a ***** test. NEVER show a ho youre mad.

Id just use this chick for sex. F*ck the baggage she has. You should be out dating others too liek she is. Remember the saying " an ex isnt and ex til hes out of the picture" - rule of thumb.

 

[bigneil]

I have until this point remained perfectly aloof in regard to other men - over 5 months (and this girl is surrounded at all times). Our work is 70 guys, 3 girls.

I was only mad when I realized she was out with her ex, mainly because I was in the room on two occasions and I don't know who he is.

I felt weak though.

So today I told her I just wasn't being myself yesterday because I was going through a difficult week (For reasons I told her I'd explain later (work)). I apologized for hurting her feelings (she cried at least 3 times, screamed twice, and stormed out of the bar once, forcing me to leave $20 for a $8 drink to run after her as she disappeared into the Halloween crowded street).

But "Never be put off by a flash of anger or resentment - it is a sure sign of enslavement" (The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene)

 

[bigneil]

So the plan is for me to spend Friday night at her apartment. Tonight she is playing her final football game with Ex and Co.

I'm not sure what to do. Pull a pitstop Fri and leave after sex?