Should be enthused/happy, but I'm not -- why??

[EbbsAndFlows]

Looking for advice and/or for some of you guys to tell me to stop being such a whiny, beta-thinking dude.

Something happened when my girl broke up with me 2 months ago. For a week I was depressed. Then I bucked up, focused on work and guitar and the gym. I legit got over her and felt better than I even felt when I was with her.

After two weeks, I started running through women non-stop. Took 1 or 2 girls home every weekend, easy. Lots of 5's and 6's, nothing special. Yet, I find myself waking up with these sloots in my bed, and I'm thinking about my ex, thinking about if she's getting rocked out by some other dude.

Just this last Fri night, me and my buddy picked these young hipster girls. I smashed this chick twice, on the bed and in the shower. Woke up, pulled her panties to the side, and smashed her till she dried up and Had to be done. As usual, I felt like the man. Not even 4-5 hours I'm feeling anxious, depressed, beta-esque, and all that's on my mind is my ex.

Sat night I text the chick I dug out Fri night/Sat morning's friend. I purposely didn't even take the girls number cuz I wasn't interested (I can't even remember her f**king name, I had to refer to her as "your friend" -- not good probably). Yet, like 12 horus later, I'm being a weird, anxious, beta fag and I'm trying to get at this chick I'm not even interested in. Get no response, as a one-night-stand should be. I shouldn't even care! I should be so happy to be single and getting laid on the regular, hanging with the boys.

Something's ****ed in my head. I'm not crazy, but something is just missing. I don't know why I'm not content with my life. I have a good job with a fast-growing start-up, a nice car and condo and clothes (get compliments nonstop), I'm above average looking. I gotta barista in my building who hooks me up with her hot 21 y/o friends who all like me? Why am I sitting here anxious and manic depressive? Why???? Anyone get like this???

That's my rant. Give me tough love.

 

[narcissist]

Deep rooted fear of loneliness

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Deep rooted fear of loneliness

Yeah, Ive always wanted what I can't have. When I don't have a steady girl, I think somethings wrong with me. When I have one, I'm usually feeling waning interest.

There's got to be some way for me to get over it?

 

[narcissist]

Work on your inner game

You have to be content with loneliness.

You're born alone and you die alone, gotta get used to it my dude.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Do I just search for that in the forums? Is it right in front of me?

 

[narcissist]

Inner game is moving towards becoming the most stable well rounded emotionally happy person you can become without any dependencies

It starts with being in a state of perpetual perfectionism aka bettering yourself every single day.

Reading, working out, eating healthy, meditating, mastering your emotions, eradicating fears, building positive habits, assuming a zen like non-affectivity and non-attachment, putting yourself in uncomfortable situations to come out of them more experienced. You know? Things of that nature..

Finding a passion and mastering it is another good one.

These will all help with your inner game.

When you hit that point of wanting to constantly better yourself you become relatively okay or content with being alone because you are perpetually working on yourself... It becomes the reason why you live..

Bettering yourself is what ultimately becomes your greatest source of happiness. That is were you will ultimately derive all your happiness from. Being able to see you progress into your archetypal self.

At that point women dont even come close to supplying the amount of happiness that your journey of perpetual perfection does. Therefore that pesky fear of loneliness goes away.

 

[Willard]

Quote from Bill Murray

Who hasn’t woken up thinking, “God, nothing good has come to me in a while,” right? When I feel like I’m stuck, I do something — not like I’m Mother Teresa or anything, but there’s someone that’s forgotten about in your life, all the time. Someone that could use an “Attaboy” or a “How you doin’ out there.” It’s that sort of scene, that remembering that we die alone. We’re born alone. We do need each other. It’s lonely to really effectively live your life, and anyone you can get help from or give help to, that’s part of your obligation.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Inner game is moving towards becoming the most stable well rounded emotionally happy person you can become without any dependencies

It starts with being in a state of perpetual perfectionism aka bettering yourself every single day.

Reading, working out, eating healthy, meditating, mastering your emotions, eradicating fears, building positive habits, assuming a zen like non-affectivity and non-attachment, putting yourself in uncomfortable situations to come out of them more experienced. You know? Things of that nature..

Finding a passion and mastering it is another good one.

These will all help with your inner game.

Thanks, bro. I guess I gotta get back on the things I let slide the last few weeks...

I don't know why I think having sex with as many women as possible will make me feel better. In fact, I usually feel worse later the next day than when I go home alone or crash at a buddy's couch.


============

Thanks to you too, Willard. I needed to read something like that.

============

Felt good to get that off my chest. I can't talk to my real friends in that sort of way.

 

[Bokanovsky]

After two weeks, I started running through women non-stop. Took 1 or 2 girls home every weekend, easy. Lots of 5's and 6's, nothing special. Yet, I find myself waking up with these sloots in my bed, and I'm thinking about my ex, thinking about if she's getting rocked out by some other dude.

That's your problem right there. It's like eating low quality mexican food when you are drunk. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but when you wake up with explosive diarrhoea the following morning, you start doubting your choices. You get drunk, take home 5's and 6's, then feel depressed and disgusted with yourself afterwards because you know that you can do much better. Quality beats quantity. You need to make a pact with yourself to abstain from fvcking anything that's less than a 7.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Delete

 

[jurry]

Something's ****ed in my head. I'm not crazy, but something is just missing. I don't know why I'm not content with my life. I have a good job with a fast-growing start-up, a nice car and condo and clothes (get compliments nonstop), I'm above average looking. I gotta barista in my building who hooks me up with her hot 21 y/o friends who all like me? Why am I sitting here anxious and manic depressive? Why???? Anyone get like this???"

Great post man good to hear people putting some honest pain out there. I definitely know the feeling - minus the 21 year old barista and her hot friends part haha - and I'm sure it is very common. Having ONS with a bunch of women (or making good money or having a nice car or whatever) isn't going to ever satisfy that hunger inside of you. I would second what narcissist wrote and check out doing meditation or reading about buddhism, because that is essentially what it's all about.

We're always looking for some "thing" or someone to attach to or to complete us and fill that gap or dissatisfaction that we feel. The reality of life is that we are not an independent physical being with X amount of money and Y number of girls we've banged, we are a timeless, spaceless consciousness/awareness that quite often mistakenly identifies itself as a finite, separate person inside a big dark world. We're always seeing the world as one wave after another instead of the whole ocean together. If we can shift our focus though and stop chasing and grasping at what we believe to be outside of us, and just settle down with ourselves, let go and be present in each moment, not expecting or desiring, than we can find a true lasting satisfaction. You stop worrying, over-thinking, and trying to make things happen, and just accept the transiency and interconnectedness of life and smile as it comes by.

It was very interesting to me when I first came across this site to see the unmistakable parallel between "buddhism" and the "DJ lifestyle". Not so surprisingly the perspective that makes the most sense for our reality is also the most helpful when dealing with relationships with other people and women in particular.