Should a relationship be work???

[sustainable007]

Ive been doing some critical inquiry into my own life...and I was thinking about what goes on here on this site and in the forum...I came to an interesting finding: I think the majority here are overemphasising sex and meeting women.....especially when one considers that "a successful relationship should not have to require work"....I am all for personal and professional self-improvement but I think this site and forum is leading us astray by promoting the assumption that "if you are single and not getting laid it is because you are doing something wrong with women...and that in order to overcome this you need to totally change all aspects of your lifestyle"... Take a moment and consider all the work that being a DJ requires....and then think about return on investment....it seems like the majority of posts on here have the stench of being rejected by females....Id like to go out on the limb and say this: Maybe alot of guys on this forum should reconsider there situations and look at them in terms of work and energy expended....I have thought about this in terms of relationships that i have had, and I have come to realize that my relationships didnt fail because i wasnt willing to go the extra mile, my relationships failed and ended because there was just to much work involved for me, which had the potential of compromising my personal and professional wellbeing...So with this thought i would like to inform my fellow colleagues here on this site by giving you this advice: Reconsider your sexual pursuits in terms of energy expenditure, a relationship should not require work on your part...If you consider what you are doing to attract a woman or maintain a relationship as work then find other women who do not demand that you exhaust your life energy in pursuing them... I am going to give this approach a try...I will keep you guys posted...

 

[cave dweller]

oo7

oo7,

ok----------

my stats:

age 57
married for 17 years
been divorced for over 15 years
employed?--yes
own my own home?--yes
play the stock market?--yes
paid fvcking cash for the last 3 brand new pick-up trucks I bought?-yes
tell the women "I'm the cat with the cash." ----yes
Hell, I have a bus load of wh0res on tap. Do u need a phone number?

So, what is ur point?

cave dweller

BTW, one just 'dumped' me 2 weeks ago.........

Her loss----------All I an say is----NEXT---------

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

All I will say is that a person can not be passive in a good relationship.

 

[cave dweller]

confused

Hey realncyguy,

I was drunk when I posted that.

I thought 007 asked the question.

Sorry,

cave dweller

 

[princelydeeds]

I think it goes without saying that most peopel find sosuave through rejection. If one is successful with women they wouldn't be curious about how to attract women. It was through my failures that I learned how to be attractive. It was through my failures I learned that being in a LTr relationship isn't all that its cracked up to be.

Being a DJ requires the energy I choose to give being a DJ. It was through my bitterness that I learned what it is that truly makes me happy. I love banging a bunch of different broads. I love having good "friendships" with women. I love being intimate with women, but I don't love being intimate and exclusive. If I want to be bothered I call, I f I want to be alone I turn off my ringer, its that simple.

Who said being in a relationship shouldn't require work? Everyone I know who is in a relationship works their butt off to sustain the relationship. In my last relationship I worked my butt off to keep the relationship going. Life is short, you can have your relationships. I will enjoy my fun.

 

[Ricky]

I think a certain amount of it has to be work. It is kind of unnatural in a way for two people to spend so much time together. Especially in todays world where we have alot more recreation time than before.

After seeing a 3 year relationship sputter, I take alot of the blame. But I lost interest in doing the work to keep it going because I felt like my ex-gf had a bad attitude and we were fighting alot. I started to think about this in the long term as marriage was the next step. I can't do this to myself or her.

As an exercise sometime, I should look at how many times I've referenced her on this board. Most times were negative things, but I don't always post the positives.

That being said I still love my ex, and will never forget her. Some friends still think we will end up getting married one day, but I don't think it's the best choice for me.

Breaking up SUCKS, all the emotions a woman can lay on you are heavy and they can really make you evaluate who you are and what type of person you are to others, especially how you treat others.

So yes it is work, but make sure you have enough in common and enough belief in your long term success as a couple before you ever consider marriage.

 

[Jay Gatsby]

All long term relationships and marriages require work. After a certain point in time, the infatuation and romance wears off, and you will have to decide whether or not you want to work at maintaining your relationship with a woman.

There are two components such "work". The first is keeping her interest level up in you by not being lazy in regards to those things about you to which she was originally attracted. Hopefully such things are a natural component of who you are. If they weren't, then you were projecting a facade that will be impossible to maintain over the long term. The second is keeping her interest level up in you by stroking her ego. Yes, I understand that stroking a woman's ego can seem like an AFC move, but it isn't if it's done the right way. The right way is giving a woman a compliment when she deserves or has earned it, not because you want to get laid.

 

[bignick79]

What kinda crack are you smokin??? Relationships take work, bottom line. If you don't work at it, of course it going to fail. If your not willing to put in the time to make it work, then its best to move on. But your statement about relationships shouldn't require work is absoultely nuts!

Big Nick

 

[Desdinova]

Relationships do require work, but the work you put into it should show in one way or another. If you put work into your relationship and it's still falling apart, you're working on the wrong thing. There are many AFCs who bust their ass trying to make the woman happy. Well, there's the problem. NEVER work to make the woman happy, work to make the relationship good. A lot of the tips on here do apply to LTRs or marriage. Once you enter any kind of a LTR, it's not time to let your vision get clouded by emotions, nor is it time to get out the whip. As with finding a balance on how to treat women you're dating, you also need to find a balance on how to treat your woman in your relationship.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Ricky
Especially in todays world where we have alot more recreation time than before.

Who's got more recreation time?

Damn, I gotta get me some of that.

 

[Kaine]

Here is a reponse from the other channel perhaps I should have posted here:


There's so much focus on getting the girl on this board, but not enough about keeping them. I personally don't believe in LDRs myself, but thats not to say impossible, just very challenging.

Where's the info on LTRs or LDRs for those who have found a girl deserving of such attention? (As opposed to stealing away the girls who are)

I believe the game dynamic changes when going through the long haul, and in fact is harder to play as time progresses.

i.e. maintaining mystery, timing for "I love you", maintaining space etc etc

LDRs definately take work, I personally find them more satisfying. Maybe it's my low testerone levels

I particularly appreciate Jay Gatsby's post. Its so easy to become to comfortable, complacent and revert back to AFC. I find part of the work for me is to stave of these emotions and become more detached. I find NOT telling her "I love her", pulling away more tiring. The irony.

Does anyone follow any particular guru's advice on these kind of matters?