should a gf have male friends? (doesn't hang out with but talks to)

[muscleman]

First part is a repost from my other thread (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=125890)

And here's another thing - maybe I just have trouble trusting people because I've been sh!tted on in the past. For example, is it normal for girls to be talking to other guys (via text) if they're in a relationship? Just the other day I was reading a text she wanted me to read (different convo) and I then looked for others that continued the plot, but as I start scrolling I see some names pop up of other guys and she quickly takes the phone. The two names I saw are guys I know, but I'm just saying. They seemed like "normal" texts but honestly I didn't have time to read before it was snatched out of my hand. Makes me wonder what else is there, but I don't want to be a spy and there's no way I could do it anyway. I guess that's insecure?

I asked her later "so how many people do you talk to on a daily basis, you're always texting" to which she just changes the subject. I dunno, maybe I'm just paranoid and have trust issues?

Cause on the flipside she does treat me well, she doesn't act shady/suspicious, and I know she wants to stick with me long term and move in and all this other stuff. Not that that's happening anytime soon, but yea.

It's kinda difficult though because I have been cheated on in the past (so has she) and no matter how confident I am/feel it's always in the back of my mind. Now granted if it happened that would be the end of that. I don't think she would given that she wants the above ^.

Anyone?

For anyone here in a relationship, is it OK for a girl to have male friends she talks to? I for one think it's BS unless it's business related. Male + female (unless he's gay) is always ulterior motives. Her whole snatching the phone away from me bit didn't do much to help either. Not sure if I should bring it up though.

 

[IceCream]

First off, you have to decide whether you actually want this girl or not. Really decide if she's worth marrying.

If she is, set the bar straight, tell her you want to have an honest relationship and let her know how she could improve. If you have nothing to hide, then tell her. Tell her if she wants to stick it out with you, tell her some of the things that she does that annoys you (the snatching the phone). This way it wont happen again.

Everyone has secrets, whether it be because she's telling her male friends something you dont want to see, or it be a conversation about you that she was having with them. Try to not let it get to you, but if it does, let her know it bugs you. The last thing you want is to bottle up your frustrations, and believe me it ain't worth it. Might as well get straight to the point rather than beating around the "bush" to only find the same answer you would have got if you went straight for it.

 

[vorbis]

i think its ok. Excessive contact with a specific guy would be an issue for me but general contact? Come on, why are you going out with her if you don't trust her??? It must suck to be so cynical about the girl you call your girlfriend.

 

[baller1985]

technology = chances for attention whoring, thus she likes to text other guys, to know that shes getting her attention

just wait till u see her myspace page....

 

[In2theGame]

technology = chances for attention whoring, thus she likes to text other guys, to know that shes getting her attention

just wait till u see her myspace page....

Ouch, Dont scare the guy lol its kinda true though.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I'm in a relationship with a girl right now who pretty much only has guy friends. Now, this could be a little different because she is from gang related places in california. And most gangstas r men but she is just one of the homies.

I don't let it bother me. Cause I have other options to go to if something happend and I told her straight up. You cheat on me and your done no exceptions.

So I guess it depends on how you feel about your woman hanging out with guy friends or talking to them. If you don't like it just let her know about it but don't act mad or she will use it against you.

 

[baller1985]

Ouch, Dont scare the guy lol its kinda true though.

dont take this gf seriously, just have your fun with her, u cant marry this one because you dont wanna marry a girl who desires attention from multiple guys, EVEN if its not flirty

 

[KontrollerX]

No.

Its just a gateway for her to cheat if she wants to trade you up eventually.

Really though this is a question guys have to answer individually for themselves.

If you don't like a girl you're with to do this politely request that she stop as its disrespectful to you and if she doesn't move on and find a girl that views relationships the same way you do.

Continuing on with a chick that does stuff that really bothers you is not the way to go at all.

If you don't mind this sort of thing and think you're so awesome she'd never leave you no matter what continue dating chicks like this.

Simple.

 

[muscleman]

Well she came over and we had a talk about it. I told her that I don't see why any man would initiate conversation with a woman (outside of business) on a continual basis (and vice versa) if at least one of them didn't have an ulterior motive. She agreed. But what bothers me is that she would still talk to them. Even friendly chat. Fvck the whole jealous/trust/insecurity thing. That's not really what this is about.

I also brought up the whole snatching the phone away from me deal and she said she did it because she "felt I was snooping and didn't like that". Of course now she offered to let me look at her texts, to which I declined because 1) it would be pointless and 2) if there was something there I wasn't supposed to see it would be gone. Like she said when I first started the convo, "I knew right away what you wanted to talk about".

I don't know if I'm overexaggerating, but the whole snatching phone thing is a big deal for me. If it was just a snooping issue, she could said something in a sarcastic tone like "why are you snooping" or "why don't you look at all my texts". But it was the way she did it - straight up snatched it out of my hand soon as I hit the next button and quickly changed the subject - that gets to me.

And on top of all of this, this whole having other guy friends isn't something I'm experiencing for the first time. I've been there and it never works out well. I dunno ... I've been questioning a lot of things lately (see my other thread). Despite her going out of her way to please me sometimes and clearly putting her time and money into the relationship (and of course wanting to move out and live together down the road), some things like this just hit a nerve. Maybe I'm just not ready. What do you guys think?

 

[st_99]

I dont think there is a black or white answer to this.

If you truly knew your gf and what she's all about you wouldnt have
a problem with it. If you felt at least 95% confident in your relationship it probably wouldn't get to you at all.

Obviously you can't truly know somebody 100% or what might happen in the future but you can sense if you two have a strong bond and you have nothing to worry about.

My sister has a bunch of guy friends but is clearly not the type that is going to go F'ck them. Her BF doesn't mind at all.

It really does depend on the girl, if you sense some shadiness on her part and you don't feel confortable or have a bad feeling about it, I think its time to question your relationship...

 

[mrRuckus]

So start texting lots of girls. Then whe she complains and tries to make the inane argument about how your situation is different and more wrong than her situation, kick her in the gut.