I heard Tyler Durden talk about the importance of "state" when sexually attracting women. A man can either utilize short-term mating strategy or long-term mating strategy.
In the second option, a man gains his confidence from "crutches". He will ask himself questions like "Do I have enough money to attract women? Are my job and social standing respectable enough to get a good woman? Is my car good enough to get women?" In other words, he looks at what material resources he possesses to assess if he has enough going on his life to attract women, in general, over a long-period of time.
In short-term mating strategy, however, one's material possessions are not used to attract women. Instead, his psychological state and "core" confidence are solely used to attract women. He focuses on getting laid, and disregards how society perceives him, instead relying on pure social skills to get women instead of the confidence he gets from how nice his apartment is, what kind of car he drives, etc.
Tyler gives an example of his coworker, another RSD instructor, who hadn't showered in weeks and was living an unhealthy party lifestyle, but was so focused and in state that it didn't matter to him. He was employing short-term mating strategy, gaining confidence from himself and himself alone, and pulled tons of women during that period. Later, Tyler describes how this same guy, later, finally got his sh** together, cleaned himself up, and started focusing on his job more. But at this point, even though he outwardly appeared to be in a better state to get women, the fact that his life was now more respectable did not give him more confidence. On the contrary, the guy complained how he was having a hard time getting girls and just wasn't feeling it. He seemed to have lost the mental state of "short-term mating strategy" and was now relying on a long-term state to gain his confidence.
Right now, I do not have enough crutches in my life to be confident enough with girls, with regards to long-term strategy. I am broke. I do not have a job. I am not going to school. I do not have a car. I am living at my aunt's house.
I know what many of you are thinking. "Why don't you get a job then? Make some money, and get a car. Focus on getting your sh** together, instead of focusing on girls." Well I am trying to get my life back together, but this will take time. I wouldn't mind trying to get laid in the process, on the side. In addition, I could go to university, graduate, get a decent job, but, at the end of the day, what good is it if I'm still a socially-awkward guy who can't relate to women or get laid? Is hiding underneath a veneer of social "respectability" while avoiding sex really going to help me get girls in the long-term if I don't address the core issue?
This all being said, I am sure I am not the only guy out there who is not living independently or not working. There are plenty of unemployed guys or dudes living with their parents who still pull. Ever been to that website, hotchickswithdouchebags? These guys are self-deluded losers, but still have confidence.
It comes down to excuses:
"I don't have a car. Girls don't want a guy who doesn't have a car. Especially living in the suburbs, it's not cool to not have a car. I should get a car, THEN the b*tches will come to me."
"I'm living with my aunt. Girls don't want a guy who still lives with his family. I should move out, THEN the b*tches will come to me."
"I don't have that much money. Girls like rich guys. I should go out and make a ton of cash, THEN the b*tches will come to me."
Sure, lacking these things will make it harder to get women, but they are not excuses to exclude the possibility of getting a girlfriend all together.
So the question is, how can I stop depending on my material possessions and social standing to gain confidence with girls? What steps are necessary to take to tap into my primordial, animal instinct and let "nature" take its course spontaneously? Tapping into the "potential resources that I could offer a female, from an evolutionary perspective, in exchange for sexual relations", or what have you, will not really help my confidence, I feel.
In the second option, a man gains his confidence from "crutches". He will ask himself questions like "Do I have enough money to attract women? Are my job and social standing respectable enough to get a good woman? Is my car good enough to get women?" In other words, he looks at what material resources he possesses to assess if he has enough going on his life to attract women, in general, over a long-period of time.
In short-term mating strategy, however, one's material possessions are not used to attract women. Instead, his psychological state and "core" confidence are solely used to attract women. He focuses on getting laid, and disregards how society perceives him, instead relying on pure social skills to get women instead of the confidence he gets from how nice his apartment is, what kind of car he drives, etc.
Tyler gives an example of his coworker, another RSD instructor, who hadn't showered in weeks and was living an unhealthy party lifestyle, but was so focused and in state that it didn't matter to him. He was employing short-term mating strategy, gaining confidence from himself and himself alone, and pulled tons of women during that period. Later, Tyler describes how this same guy, later, finally got his sh** together, cleaned himself up, and started focusing on his job more. But at this point, even though he outwardly appeared to be in a better state to get women, the fact that his life was now more respectable did not give him more confidence. On the contrary, the guy complained how he was having a hard time getting girls and just wasn't feeling it. He seemed to have lost the mental state of "short-term mating strategy" and was now relying on a long-term state to gain his confidence.
Right now, I do not have enough crutches in my life to be confident enough with girls, with regards to long-term strategy. I am broke. I do not have a job. I am not going to school. I do not have a car. I am living at my aunt's house.
I know what many of you are thinking. "Why don't you get a job then? Make some money, and get a car. Focus on getting your sh** together, instead of focusing on girls." Well I am trying to get my life back together, but this will take time. I wouldn't mind trying to get laid in the process, on the side. In addition, I could go to university, graduate, get a decent job, but, at the end of the day, what good is it if I'm still a socially-awkward guy who can't relate to women or get laid? Is hiding underneath a veneer of social "respectability" while avoiding sex really going to help me get girls in the long-term if I don't address the core issue?
This all being said, I am sure I am not the only guy out there who is not living independently or not working. There are plenty of unemployed guys or dudes living with their parents who still pull. Ever been to that website, hotchickswithdouchebags? These guys are self-deluded losers, but still have confidence.
It comes down to excuses:
"I don't have a car. Girls don't want a guy who doesn't have a car. Especially living in the suburbs, it's not cool to not have a car. I should get a car, THEN the b*tches will come to me."
"I'm living with my aunt. Girls don't want a guy who still lives with his family. I should move out, THEN the b*tches will come to me."
"I don't have that much money. Girls like rich guys. I should go out and make a ton of cash, THEN the b*tches will come to me."
Sure, lacking these things will make it harder to get women, but they are not excuses to exclude the possibility of getting a girlfriend all together.
So the question is, how can I stop depending on my material possessions and social standing to gain confidence with girls? What steps are necessary to take to tap into my primordial, animal instinct and let "nature" take its course spontaneously? Tapping into the "potential resources that I could offer a female, from an evolutionary perspective, in exchange for sexual relations", or what have you, will not really help my confidence, I feel.
