Shifting Nice guy/Alpha Male dominance ?

[fafo]

Hi there!

I wanted to get some opinions because the things I see happening with girls in my area and the things I read here on SS seem kinda different from what they should be.

Now Im still a nice guy and an AFC(working on that) and reading the boards, DJBible and Pook is changing my mindset towards women but also made me realise and wonder if this mindset is the right thing to do.
Among my friends there is only one I can call DJ but now he is married so kinda game over
Apart from him, most of the man I know are nice guys and they are in happy relationships
They are constantly together, pushing to live together also, compliments, gifts and ****, etc. but that kind of behaviour is the worst thing to do according to SS and the numerous threads I read.
The guys who think of themselves only, rarely get laid and dont commit to relationships(no girls want them).

Even my ex is now with a new guy which is the nicest guy I know and a friend of mine told me they are non-stop together or when not together they are chatting via FB from wake to bed and Im like "wtf", they dont argue and he is always up to what she wants(travel, eating, going out). :woo:
Another example is a friend of mine who since he got a gf, about half a year ago havent been out with friends only(always with her).Work and then home with her playing computer games, happy and ****...
I can give more examples but you got my point.

Soo are the tips and discussions on SS based on current country where the mindset of woment differs? Is there a shifting in the nice guy/alpha male dominance? I have some difficulties believing all the things written when I see the opposite, but on the other hand I dont want to make more stupid AFC mistakes :nervous: What are your thoughts ?

 

[gravityeyelids]

Hi there!

I wanted to get some opinions because the things I see happening with girls in my area and the things I read here on SS seem kinda different from what they should be.

Now Im still a nice guy and an AFC(working on that) and reading the boards, DJBible and Pook is changing my mindset towards women but also made me realise and wonder if this mindset is the right thing to do.
Among my friends there is only one I can call DJ but now he is married so kinda game over
Apart from him, most of the man I know are nice guys and they are in happy relationships
They are constantly together, pushing to live together also, compliments, gifts and ****, etc. but that kind of behaviour is the worst thing to do according to SS and the numerous threads I read.
The guys who think of themselves only, rarely get laid and dont commit to relationships(no girls want them).

Even my ex is now with a new guy which is the nicest guy I know and a friend of mine told me they are non-stop together or when not together they are chatting via FB from wake to bed and Im like "wtf", they dont argue and he is always up to what she wants(travel, eating, going out). :woo:
Another example is a friend of mine who since he got a gf, about half a year ago havent been out with friends only(always with her).Work and then home with her playing computer games, happy and ****...
I can give more examples but you got my point.

Soo are the tips and discussions on SS based on current country where the mindset of woment differs? Is there a shifting in the nice guy/alpha male dominance? I have some difficulties believing all the things written when I see the opposite, but on the other hand I dont want to make more stupid AFC mistakes :nervous: What are your thoughts ?

No there is no shifting. Don't be the sappy nice guy. Game 101. What's happening is you're seeing something different from reality. You see all these nerdy, nice guys with no game in seemingly content relationships that they enjoy. But this is not always the case. There's a very dark underbelly to the whole thing.

Be very wary of looking at any relationship that looks "perfect" from the outside and judging it based on that. In most nice guy relationships there are a number of things going on:
1) The girl is "settling" for a chode, because even though she is cute and can do better, she enjoys the security and the ability to have power in the relationship. And if she has poor ethics, she knows she can simply cheat on him and get the best of both worlds. the Bad Boy provides her with great sex and all kinds of exciting emotions and thrills while the Nice Guy boyfriend offers her the security and validation of a relationship.
2) It's not as happy as it appears. Usually it's a front so that everyone will see them as the "happy couple" when in reality the relationship is ruled by jealousy, insecurity and fear, usually on the part of the guy. He's too afraid of losing her so he slowly becomes the b!tch in the relationship. Pay attention to the power dynamics next time you look at people dating. Watch how the girl ultimately has the control over him.
3) When people spend too much time together the spark starts to fade. If a couple is spending 90% of their time together and not dedicating enough time to developing themselves individually and cultivating their own interests, then it tells me that they're not secure enough by themselves to live without the crutch of a SO validating them. And often, it's the guy that is trying to spend 24/7 with the girl. And she puts up with it and even enjoys it...at first. Until the relationship grows stale and the swings branches.

The top 10-20% of guys (the dominant alpha males) get with the top 80% of the women. You know the alpha football player, big dog on campus? Yea, he's in that top 10 percent and guarantee he gets laid by four times as many girls as the 90% of guys who are submissive and have no game. 90% of the guys are not aggressive or dominant enough and simply sit back and wait to "get lucky" once in a great while while the alphas take what they want.


It's not that the nice behavior in itself is necessarily all wrong. As you say "compliments, gifts", etc all have a proper place. The issue is that the nice guys are coming from a place of insecurity and submissiveness when they do these things. There's nothing wrong with dating a girl and buying her a dozen roses and telling her she looks beautiful. What you DON'T do is start doing this on the third date before you've even kissed her because you're trying to buy her affection.

TL;DR - No, you're not getting out of this one that easy . You've got to put the work in if you want results, just like anything else in life. Keep on keeping on.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Hi there!

I wanted to get some opinions because the things I see happening with girls in my area and the things I read here on SS seem kinda different from what they should be.

Now Im still a nice guy and an AFC(working on that) and reading the boards, DJBible and Pook is changing my mindset towards women but also made me realise and wonder if this mindset is the right thing to do.
Among my friends there is only one I can call DJ but now he is married so kinda game over
Apart from him, most of the man I know are nice guys and they are in happy relationships
They are constantly together, pushing to live together also, compliments, gifts and ****, etc. but that kind of behaviour is the worst thing to do according to SS and the numerous threads I read.
The guys who think of themselves only, rarely get laid and dont commit to relationships(no girls want them).

Even my ex is now with a new guy which is the nicest guy I know and a friend of mine told me they are non-stop together or when not together they are chatting via FB from wake to bed and Im like "wtf", they dont argue and he is always up to what she wants(travel, eating, going out). :woo:
Another example is a friend of mine who since he got a gf, about half a year ago havent been out with friends only(always with her).Work and then home with her playing computer games, happy and ****...
I can give more examples but you got my point.

Soo are the tips and discussions on SS based on current country where the mindset of woment differs? Is there a shifting in the nice guy/alpha male dominance? I have some difficulties believing all the things written when I see the opposite, but on the other hand I dont want to make more stupid AFC mistakes :nervous: What are your thoughts ?

No there is no shifting. Don't be the sappy nice guy. Game 101. What's happening is you're seeing something different from reality. You see all these nerdy, nice guys with no game in seemingly content relationships that they enjoy. But this is not always the case. There's a very dark underbelly to the whole thing.

Be very wary of looking at any relationship that looks "perfect" from the outside and judging it based on that. In most nice guy relationships there are a number of things going on:
1) The girl is "settling" for a chode, because even though she is cute and can do better, she enjoys the security and the ability to have power in the relationship. And if she has poor ethics, she knows she can simply cheat on him and get the best of both worlds. the Bad Boy provides her with great sex and all kinds of exciting emotions and thrills while the Nice Guy boyfriend offers her the security and validation of a relationship.
2) It's not as happy as it appears. Usually it's a front so that everyone will see them as the "happy couple" when in reality the relationship is ruled by jealousy, insecurity and fear, usually on the part of the guy. He's too afraid of losing her so he slowly becomes the b!tch in the relationship. Pay attention to the power dynamics next time you look at people dating. Watch how the girl ultimately has the control over him.
3) When people spend too much time together the spark starts to fade. If a couple is spending 90% of their time together and not dedicating enough time to developing themselves individually and cultivating their own interests, then it tells me that they're not secure enough by themselves to live without the crutch of a SO validating them. And often, it's the guy that is trying to spend 24/7 with the girl. And she puts up with it and even enjoys it...at first. Until the relationship grows stale and the swings branches.

The top 10-20% of guys (the dominant alpha males) get with the top 80% of the women. You know the alpha football player, big dog on campus? Yea, he's in that top 10 percent and guarantee he gets laid by four times as many girls as the 90% of guys who are submissive and have no game. 90% of the guys are not aggressive or dominant enough and simply sit back and wait to "get lucky" once in a great while while the alphas take what they want.


It's not that the nice behavior in itself is necessarily all wrong. As you say "compliments, gifts", etc all have a proper place. The issue is that the nice guys are coming from a place of insecurity and submissiveness when they do these things. There's nothing wrong with dating a girl and buying her a dozen roses and telling her she looks beautiful. What you DON'T do is start doing this on the third date before you've even kissed her because you're trying to buy her affection.

TL;DR - No, you're not getting out of this one that easy . You've got to put the work in if you want results, just like anything else in life. Keep on keeping on.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

It could be a regional thing. I still think it is safer to be more Alpha and you have slivers of "niceness" you can feed her. An Alpha is more able to stand upon his own and handle a shift in terrain.

However some relationship partners DO work together, and they don't want anyone in between them. It's not an insecurity thing either, they just like being together. Many times the woman is wiser in grabbing the "control", because men have pu$$y on their mind. It doesn't mean she doesn't appreciate him, and it doesn't mean she'll prefer the Alpha who will treat her more badly. She might have had her fill of Alpha and wanted more Beta.

In any man you need a balance of Alpha and Beta. I believe around here when we say Beta we mean a man who will be submissive by default, who will never lead and usually defer control.

 

[Infern0]

At the end of the day you can get in a relationship if you are a beta nice guy but you will either be settling for a girl who really, you aren't attracted to and you will always be thinking surely I can do better, or if you are "lucky" an attractive girl with "issues" will settle for you, and you'll be that dude who she paints the picture of a happy relationship with but getting denied for sex, and she ends up either cheating on you and dumping your ass.

Being a "nice guy" means failure, one way or the other.

It's possible to be "Alpha" but to be a nice decent guy too, it just means you have self respect and pride, don't let people walk all over you, stand up for yourself, etc etc etc

It's not as simple as "nice guy" or "bad boy". A real alpha male is neither of these things, he embodies the best characteristics of both, eliminates the weaknesses of both, while also possessing assets that neither of these archetypes have

The ability to compromise is not "beta", being alpha doesn't mean "if you don't like it, **** off", it means you will listen to reason and can evaluate a situation, true alpha males treat their women very well, but they demonstrate through their actions that the woman needs to be reciprocating, or else they will find someone who will.

 

[fafo]

Thanks for the opinions guys.
I am progressing with the bible and getting more and more frustrated :crackup:
I tried being more self-centered and to think of my own happiness, what I want to do but people started telling me thats not the real me and that it looks bad.


Also I am observing the relationship of my ex through a friend(dunno wanna see my mistake if there is one) and they seem illogical from bible point of view.
The boy is writing to her almost all of the time how wonderful she is and how he cant stop thinking about her etc. romantic weekends and **** at half a month together and she is very happy with it. Telling him how great he is etc. Soo I wonder if I made mistake and this guy has the anwers or that they are just together for very short time and the spark is still strong.

 

[Young OG]

Thanks for the opinions guys.
I am progressing with the bible and getting more and more frustrated :crackup:
I tried being more self-centered and to think of my own happiness, what I want to do but people started telling me thats not the real me and that it looks bad.


Also I am observing the relationship of my ex through a friend(dunno wanna see my mistake if there is one) and they seem illogical from bible point of view.
The boy is writing to her almost all of the time how wonderful she is and how he cant stop thinking about her etc. romantic weekends and **** at half a month together and she is very happy with it. Telling him how great he is etc. Soo I wonder if I made mistake and this guy has the anwers or that they are just together for very short time and the spark is still strong.

First off, you should never care about what other people think. I'm sure the people telling you that crap are AFC. It might not be the real you right now, but that's why you are on here, to change and become a different person for the better. Do what makes you happy, screw everyone else.

Stop dwelling on your last relationship. It's her loss. Your the catch, not her. Get your mind right and do something else with your time. Your time is very valuable, so don't waste it thinking about an ex. Eventually she will get sick of all the compliments and weak AFC crap he's been unloading on her. All he's doing is lowering his value by putting her on a pedestal. Keep coming on here and reading and practicing.

I might not be a master dj, but that's just my 2 cents.

 

[fafo]

First off, you should never care about what other people think. I'm sure the people telling you that crap are AFC. It might not be the real you right now, but that's why you are on here, to change and become a different person for the better. Do what makes you happy, screw everyone else.

Stop dwelling on your last relationship. It's her loss. Your the catch, not her. Get your mind right and do something else with your time. Your time is very valuable, so don't waste it thinking about an ex. Eventually she will get sick of all the compliments and weak AFC crap he's been unloading on her. All he's doing is lowering his value by putting her on a pedestal. Keep coming on here and reading and practicing.

I might not be a master dj, but that's just my 2 cents.

Thank you for the 2 cents
I really start to make a change and I feel Im starting to build self confidence.
Started making eye contact with hot chicks in the streets with no shame.( I know its not much but its a start)
Chatting playfully with a chick from the bar with no real benefit but for the sake of experience.

The problem is that I always think Im intruding someone else's space and that makes me uncomfortable. :woo:
Its real hard to call someone who I dont know very well for drinks at the bar.
Hell Im even nervous when I call friends that I know from 5th grade...
I think that is due to my fear of becoming the guy who everybody hate or dont want to be around but they are too nice to tell me in the eyes.
Anyone else with the same problem and how to change it?

As for my ex's relationship I just want to shake the feeling that he is better than me, also that Im doing the right thing by shifting my mindset and altering my identity.
He is constantly telling her he cant be without her yaba yaba yaba and she is like "you are the greatest guy Ive ever met" and Im like :woo: WTF if this guy was here on the boards you guys would tell him that he is AFC and sucks but there he is not giving a damn and telling the girl that she is everything to him and he would do anything for her and she is melting madly in love

I feel like the info here on SS are more about spinning plates than finding a woman with whom you can share close moments.
Not saying spinning plates is bad but I think its kinda hollow because you use those girls for sex and they do the same with you, nothing more.