She's unbelievably shy

[Malador]

First off I'd like to start by saying these forums are simply amazing. There is so much good advice to be found, and having found this site within the past two weeks I've had plenty of time to read up on various tips and experiences with picking up women... This is my very first post and I really appreciate any responses that I receive, because I could definitely use the help of some of the more experienced PUA's on this one. So lets get to the situation...

I've known this girl for maybe three months now but she lives about an hour away from me so I've seen her maybe 5 times total. She is extremely innocent, and I'm pretty sure she's only kissed one guy in her life, and he is her ex and only ex BF. She seems to be interested in me... as she's made the hour+ drive with her friend twice now to come visit but when she gets here she is unbelievably shy. It's almost impossible to engage her in anything more than casual conversation because she dodges and I can tell she feels a bit uncomfortable. She's told her friend before that she thinks I'm cute ect... but I'm finding it really difficult to escalate into anything because even a simple task such as holding hands is like pulling teeth. She seems very uncomfortable with any kind of kino but she is all about sitting next to me in the car and walking next to me...

This is very different for me because I've hooked up with several girls but have never observed such discomfort with touching... I know she is into me though. My question is basically do I give up on it because it will take forever to go anywhere with this slow escalation and the distance or do I just let the plate spin while doing my thing when she isn't around... Any suggestions on how to escalate things a bit quicker? I have been trying hard to build comfort with touching and such but she still seems very awkward with it. It's quite a frustrating situation...

P.S. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and gives some advice.

 

[DJDamage]

Cheap alcohol is your best friend in this case.

 

[jacob]

Hey you're the male and she's the female so her role is to play shy and awkward toward you but this is her test to see how confident and masculine you are so she'll act like she's uncomfortable when you kino her. Don't let this bother you infact don't think about what she's thinking and touch her subtley without apology.

Kino takes finesse, but it's very important if you want this to be a romantic relationship. I always think of the black widow anology, where the male in order to mate with her has to slowly but surely approach her and move in. If he moves in to fast or makes a wrong move she kills him.

So knowing this start your kino with proximity. Get into her personal zone sit so close to her that your shoulder and leg brushes up against hers, but don't make a big deal about it. It's something you always do, so don't even make a mention of it. Then take a break and pull away do your own thing then when you come back to her again invade her personal zone, and just act unfazed if she acts uncomfortable, cause I'll guarantee you she's warming up to your presence and touch.

When this goes on for couple days start touching her hair take her out and grab her keys because you'll be driving and when your driving her car act confident don't look at her and briefly put your hand on her thigh, but make small talk. Take it from there. I could write all the techniques I've used in kino, but it's alot better if you could see an example or mimic a friend that knows how to use kino. Since most of the things I do I've imitated a friend that was real suave.

Just remember she's testing how confident you are. If you're gonna hold her or kiss her or be a wuss. So man up or be stuck in the friend zone.

 

[Lexington]

I asked about this in the DJ tips section. I think with shy gals you just have to be persistent. Keep going after her and don't be put off by her responses which may times seem cold.

I can relate to this because I was once an extremely shy guy. People would be friendly with me and I liked that they were, but my responses would seem cold and aloof and sometimes people would interpret that as me being a jerk. It took a while for me to become comfortable with people. Once I felt I knew people though, they'd often comment that I was a completely different person from what I'd appeared.

Basically, you just have to make her comfortable with you. Sometimes the only way that'll happen is if you just keep talking to her, joking around with and being friendly. Eventually, she'll feel like she knows you and then she'll open up a little.

 

[stubbornlights]

I second the whole 'make her comfortable' thing with you. If you've developed some attraction with her, and your sole remaining obstacle is her own inhibitions, then you have to work to bring her up towards your level.
Dude, I love shy girls. Not too shy, but a decent quiet streak to them.

I find that most of the time, I wind up doing ridiculous things, or intentionally making a huge fool of myself, to amp up her comfort level. Teach her to feel comfortable in awkward circumstances, make a conspiracy of it; seek out awkward situations together, laugh about them, and maybe you can become a source of confidence for her.

For a shy person, a feeling of confidence is MASSIVELY addicting. I used to be sooo shy. Anybody that exerted the effort to bring me out of my shell, I was totally connected to them, cause I associated them with those feelings.
Of course, now I know better, I get my confidence from within, but if you're dealing with a really shy girl, that might be worth considering.

 

[facadegeniality]

i hate shy girls coz they seem to give me the feeling that they are playing hard-to-get.

and what if you realise that after doing so much to get her to start talking, u dun like her personality. then she will hate u for it and blah blah..there goes ur reputation.

 

[brian123]

I'm in your exact shoes bro. I may even make a thread about it. Getting signals from "regular" girls is fairly easy. However, I am also dealing with a shy girl (who is 23 and I am pretty sure has her vcard, and has probably only kissed one guy as well).

I agree with the guy who said things about the black widow. Right now, I am SLOWLY reeling her in. Every time I see her, I work on being friendlier, getting into deeper conversations, and am now starting some kino (putting my arm around her randomly, rubbing her back, playing goofy types of wrestling games with her etc...)

 

[WaRpEd]

Welcome to to forums man!! It's good to have ya :wave:

Very interesting situation.

Is it possible to hang out with her without her (or your) friend(s)? I believe somebody called it the "Isolate or masturbate" principle. Not that you're wanting this to go anywhere sexual, I'm not in your head I don't know what you want. However females around their friends are very different creatures than women alone...well generally. Getting it just you two is optimal. :yes:

I would crank up the kino at times (no butt grabbing...for now atleast) and then crank it down for a while, then back up awile. See how she responds. Of course I'm not in your situation with that girl...so who knows. <side note> This is very insignifcant on the grand sceme of things, but I've always had excellent success with gently putting my hand on a shy girls lower back.

Just be smooth and just play the game and have fun man.
NEVER be afraid to fail because statistically speaking you probably will! :yes:

-WaRpEd-

NEVER forget to just have fun, otherwise whats the point? :rock:

 

[Malador]

Thanks for all the great advice guys... and Warped I could try to isolate her but when I say she's unbelievably shy I mean it hehe. I once asked her if she wanted to talk on the phone real quick about something and she said she was awkward on the phone and hated talking on it. I was thinking that the best move would be to hang out one on one because then she wouldn't be worried about her friends or what they think... but she lives approximately an hour and 15 minutes away and usually comes down with a friend who is talking to one of my buddies... so it usually ends up being a casual semi double date kind of thing.

The one thing I did do was to get her to grab my hand and hold it for a bit while we caught up to the rest of the group. However, right when we caught up she let go, but her friend had seen it happen and gave her the old "I saw that" and she started blushing like mad. I know her friend really likes me and always talks good about me to people so I'm sure that boosts my value since they are BFFs and all... The good news is she texted me the next day to say she had a really good time and all that... The difficult part about escalating kino and building comfort is that I only see her for maybe a day or two every month or two so we are almost back to square one the next time we see eachother.

But yeah great advice I need to start off with really subtle kino and build it up from there whenever I am with her. From my experience kino has started with hugging and/or dancing then usually straight to kissing at parties... I've never consciously started kino from sitting close and touching legs and such. It should be an interesting experience . When I'm not with her I will just continue to do my thing and just pick it up whenever our paths cross.

 

[DonJuan11]

I've known this girl for maybe three months now but she lives about an hour away from me so I've seen her maybe 5 times total. She is extremely innocent, and I'm pretty sure she's only kissed one guy in her life, and he is her ex and only ex BF.

Don't believe everything she tells you. One ex probably took some valuable stuff from her, and I don't mean her jewels.

She seems to be interested in me... as she's made the hour+ drive with her friend twice now to come visit but when she gets here she is unbelievably shy. It's almost impossible to engage her in anything more than casual conversation because she dodges and I can tell she feels a bit uncomfortable. She's told her friend before that she thinks I'm cute ect... but I'm finding it really difficult to escalate into anything because even a simple task such as holding hands is like pulling teeth. She seems very uncomfortable with any kind of kino but she is all about sitting next to me in the car and walking next to me...

My question is basically do I give up on it because it will take forever to go anywhere with this slow escalation and the distance or do I just let the plate spin while doing my thing when she isn't around... Any suggestions on how to escalate things a bit quicker? I have been trying hard to build comfort with touching and such but she still seems very awkward with it. It's quite a frustrating situation...

It's not her, it's you. You are not pushing the right buttons to get her to talk, you are not being charming enough so she warms up to you. You can't just hold hands just because she's cute and you feel like it. Find out what she's into and talk about it.

Some guys I know are so charming they would have her talking so much by now, be holding hands, and kissing her all over with her ready to take her pants off.

Step it up, son.

 

[jacob]

****y+funny makes kino easier. Act all gangsta cool ass thug. Make eye contact with subtley "smiling eyes" (like your up to something), tell her "wassup" keep holding eye contact and walk up to her, invade her private zone (you and her 5 inches apart torso to torso), while still holding eye contact and your face 2 inches from hers pretend your gonna kiss her, but don't. Hold distance and eye contact for no less than 30 seconds. Then break away and make convo keep it light and ****y+funny. She'll be wondering what was that all about and I guarantee she won't forget it and won't forget you.

This is how you approach the black widow slowly. Keep this proximity and brushing up techniques going on, but not too much give some intervals or the black widow will kill you. Then if you guage she's down she's cool with it, then you can start touching purposefully until you get the first kiss and all the way to the home run. Works for me.

 

[Fontaine]

How old is she? If she's young (you call her a 'girl') and inexperienced, then you'll have to take your time. It's great to be a Don Juan and play the ladies, but don't rush a young, inexperienced 'girl' into something she's not comfortable with. Offense is usually the key, but in this case you should take your time, but make sure you're playing defense so you don't get crapped on. No reason to rush an inexperienced girl into a physical relationship. There's no pride in that.

 

[Avn_0903]

I'm having the same situation w/ a girl who attended an all-girl school all her life. She's extremely shy n nervous when talking to me. Any1 here have any experience w/ girls from an all-girl school?

 

[facadegeniality]

in my opinion, the people from single sex school are more daring..
it's those that are in co-ed schools that tend to be shy.

 

[slaog]

She feels uncomfortable and I bet you do too. Emotions spread.


To make her feel comfortable you must first be comfortable. When you touch her and you see her reaction don't even give it a second thought. Just be comfortable around her and she'll slowly come out of her shell.

 

[Malador]

To clarify... she is 20 years old and I'm 19... and I know lots of people would think the standard "yea she's lying she isnt innocent girls lie." but I am pretty certain she is telling the truth... I guess you are right in that I need to just be more comfortable around her. We are going on a sort of double date type of thing to a club this coming friday so I will fill you in on what happens. The good news is my dance floor game is pretty strong compared to the rest of my game since there isn't much talking going on... I'm fairly bad at keeping conversations going enough to avoid awkward silences.

Her friend recently told me that she likes me but thinks I am too quiet... Meaning it's time to step my **** up or she will probably give up and move on. I am extremely good usually at picking up on subtle hints that welcome kino or closeness but she gives absolutely none... I guess now that I know she is into me I just need to assume that she wants to be near me even if she makes no sign of it.

 

[Malador]

Just a quick update... I backed away from this girl for about two months... maybe a text or something every week or two but no real conversations, as I decided for myself she was wasting my time. Finally I ended up seeing her when hangin out with a mutual friend... and she seems a little different. We chill all night, I don't give her much attention because I still figure why try if she isn't going to... Later that night we are watching a movie (big group of people) and she grabs a blanket asks if I want to share it. Took it as a cue and grabbed her hand under the blanket without hesitation and she didn't seem to mind. That's all that happened that night, other than a long hug goodbye or whatever, but I could sense that her attraction to me had grown over the past couple months.

Her friend notifies me after the weekend that she is really interested in me now, and that she wasn't at first. The same one who lied about her being interested in me before, I guess to encourage me??? Anyway the not talking on the phone thing was because of lack of interest and all the sudden she wants to talk on the phone. I didn't really do anything different around her or act differently towards her at all than I did originally... I'm guessing me pulling back had some sort of strange effect on her... Anyway fast forward one week and we are making out all night.

I have never experienced such a weird and complete reversal of interest before, and I'm not sure what to do with it. She lives far enough away that we are limited in only being able to see eachother like once a week. I'm a bit sketched out by the fact that she still hangs with her ex and that I don't really live close enough to keep tabs or anything regarding that. It isn't serious to the point that I care right now, but it could get there I guess. I think I am just going to continue doing my own thing and when I can see her let that roll in whatever direction it rolls. I am very hesitant to get into a serious relationship with the whole ex in the picture and the fact that she wasn't initially attracted to me is confusing to me. I don't want to seem too available and have the attraction shift again and get **** on. I think my best bet is prolly to do my best to keep my independence and emotions for myself, and just go with the flow... Anyone have any further advice?

P.S. There's times she will text me, I'll answer, and then I have to wait like 2 hours for her to reply again. I don't know wtf that is or what to do with it, because I feel like I'm her b1tch if I'm always answering right away and then waiting long periods of time to get her response

 

[slaog]

I think my best bet is prolly to do my best to keep my independence and emotions for myself, and just go with the flow... Anyone have any further advice?

P.S. There's times she will text me, I'll answer, and then I have to wait like 2 hours for her to reply again. I don't know wtf that is or what to do with it, because I feel like I'm her b1tch if I'm always answering right away and then waiting long periods of time to get her response

She might have just been unsure of you and wanted to wait a while to see what you're really like. If her fried said she likes you then shes been talking about it to her friend.


Don't answer the texts straight away either or sometimes "forget" to reply for a few hours.

 

[amoka]

Simple solution: escalate to a kiss. (Ensure that no one else is around) If she reciprocate, then game on. Else if she pulls back, then tell her "I have seen some shy people in my life but you sure take the cake..." . Don't play "friend" with her.

 

[DonGorgon]

she is shy with you cause you are not making her comfortable... Hos pretend to be she when you are not doing it for them