Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

She's not yours it's just your turn --Is this always real? Even marriage?

ShePays

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
1,650
Reaction score
1,279
Location
Southeast USA
Kinda makes her sound like the twist-a-whirl ride at the carnival, doesn't it?

I'd say...it depends. If you start feeling all possessive over some cute little chick, just because she showed you some affection, and you two had a good time together, there's probably nothing wrong with using those words to describe your relationship.

On the other hand, if you stood up at an altar, and had a ceremony, exchanging vows and rings, made a home together, and raised a few brats in it, I'm gonna go ahead and validate your sense that she belongs to you. However, knowing that as a philosophical, anthropological, spiritual fact...and acting possessive to point of insecurity...or taking her so extremely for granted that your complacency morphs you into a completely different person than the one she gave herself to...those are all separate and independent perspectives.

As relates to marriage the "she isn't yours..." statement could be interpreted as "just because she gave herself to you doesn't mean you can't default on the title."

Of course, I'm assuming good faith origination, not the Sam Kinison "all women are *****s!!!" interpretation.
 

Warning!

Do not subscribe to The SoSuave Newsletter unless you are already a chick magnet!

The information in each issue is too powerful for most guys to handle. If you are an ordinary guy, it is not for you. It is meant for the elite few – not the unwashed masses.

image

If you think you can handle it...

If you already have girls calling you at all hours of the day and night, showing up at your door, throwing themselves at you everywhere you go...

Then sign up below.

But if you're just an average Joe, an ordinary guy, no one special – and wish to continue being so – then skip this. It's too much power for you.

ShePays

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
1,650
Reaction score
1,279
Location
Southeast USA
I've never cared for Tomassi's Iron Rules, just because of the name. Sounds too inflexible, and it doesn't go with the idea that when you achieve the proper mindset, you can break the rules and still be successful. Also, I'm in violation of Rule #4, and it's been working out just fine for me.
I'm not a big Tomassi fan, but #4 is one my own rules, and it's sound advice (except for the exception). But, hey, it's hard to warn a guy not to hit the opium pipe, when his lungs are already full. Best wishes.
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
13,222
Reaction score
5,136
I'm not a big Tomassi fan, but #4 is one my own rules, and it's sound advice (except for the exception).
That's my exact issue with it. It's not "Tomassi's Sound Advice", it's "Iron Rules", which implies there are no exceptions.
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
13,222
Reaction score
5,136
In my own experience they are that solid. I once broke #4 and not only did i pay for it.
The "Iron Rule" says don't live with a woman unless you plan to marry her within six months. I can't take this seriously when marriage is far more entangling than living together - at least by the laws where I live, where there is no common law marriage. So according to the "Iron Rules", you can make a contract with the state to marry, but not live together. Makes no sense.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
3,363
Reaction score
1,779
Age
45
when marriage is far more entangling than living together
In the west maybe but at s fundamental level of leaving options open and spinning plates. And not living with a woman you choose good enough to be your wife. Why live with one???
When you live alone you can host whatever female you wish. With the live in you cannot do that.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
3,363
Reaction score
1,779
Age
45
Most guys dont like Tomassi's rules out of envy. A good litmus test to truth is how the masses react to it. Just saying
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
13,222
Reaction score
5,136
In the west maybe but at s fundamental level of leaving options open and spinning plates. And not living with a woman you choose good enough to be your wife. Why live with one???
It's not about leaving options open, it's about realizing that things can always change. People can grow in different ways, and it's not always someone's fault. The old saying is true: The person you divorce is never the person you married. I see living together as a replacement for marriage, without all the legal garbage.

Anyway, Rollo is in the west. And if you want to spin plates, why would you get married (or live with someone, for that matter)?
 

stormrider

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
1,676
Reaction score
3,289
The "Iron Rule" says don't live with a woman unless you plan to marry her within six months. I can't take this seriously when marriage is far more entangling than living together - at least by the laws where I live, where there is no common law marriage. So according to the "Iron Rules", you can make a contract with the state to marry, but not live together. Makes no sense.
I remember a psychology course I took 16 years ago said 86% of all relationships break up if the couple moved together before marriage. So I guess there are exceptions. The 14%.

IMO I think the reason why it’s like this is because adults are like brick cements compared to young people. Young people can lose themselves in romance and become “one” with the other. They haven’t developed hard personalities yet. Young people are very moldable. Even their teeth. Best time to get braces is in your teens. Best time to experience pair bonding is also in your teens. Your emotions are less jaded and there is no resistance for allowing yourself to completely get sucked into that vortex of universal oneness.

For adults with hardened personalities, we are like bricks instead of moldable clay. And a relationship between two adults is like two bricks banging against each other instead of clay coming together and becoming one entity. This is fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. Two bricks can make it work. It just takes a little bit of compromise.

When two unmarried adults move in together, they don’t have that “holy matrimony” extra level of compromise that serves as a glue to the relationship. They are still in that “trial by error” mindset and at the first sign of hardship or incompatibility, the thought of nexting starts to rear it’s head.

However, with married people, they don’t have that luxury. They will explore plans A to Z to make it work. There is no “grass is greener on the other side” mentality. They understand it will take commitment and work. Friday is my time. Saturday is yours. And Sunday is date night. Monday I do the dishes, and Tuesday you take out the trash. Marriage requires a next level of maturity and sacrifice that unmarried people do not have or are willing to give.

IMO thats why it’s suggested you avoid moving in with someone unless you are engaged with them. Neither party is “all in” and are probably still vetting each other, looking for any signs of “red flags” or incompatibility. They look for reasons to disqualify the other. While married people look for reasons to qualify the other. Instead of thinking “This isn’t going to work”, they think “We are going to make this work. We will grow together.”

I know people who have lived together for years with kids but aren’t married. The difference is they have a “married mentality.” They actually talk out their issues and improve their relationship instead of nexting at the first sign.

When the honeymoon period wears off, you WILL find some annoying things about someone. This is usually the fork in the road. Except when you are married, there is no fork. There’s only one path.

As for the whole being young and moldable like clay and being able to pair bond thing, I’ve made a commitment the past 3 years to fully commit to all of my relationships whether it’s plates or LTRs. I decided not to be jaded and to be comepletely defenseless to heart break. I allow myself to get heartbroken and feel the full range of emotions because I understand the notion of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

If you try to protect yourself too much, you will shield yourself from life. And this is no way to live. One could say this person is not even alive. They are dead inside. Young people pursue romance with vigor, excitement, and anticipation, then somewhere along the line, they get hurt and end up closing themselves off. Your heart is a muscle. In order to grow it, you must open it up and allow it to experience life in all it’s glory and heartbreak.

Ive found in my journey of being completely open that I haven’t experienced “one itis” at all, but “all itis”. It doesn’t hurt when a woman leaves. I want her to go explore what life has to offer. And I’m not jaded when a woman on my wavelength shows up. It’s almost as if my feelings are malleable and fresh just like when I was a teen, but with the wisdom that comes from being an experienced adult.

To me, this is the best way to experience romance. By being completely open and vulnerable but at the same time, fierce and strong. Being overprotective is actually a weakness, not a strength. The truly strong have no need to protect themselves.

This doesn’t mean that I am a hopeless romantic btw. In fact, I think romance is petty for 90% of people (jaded, based on neediness and neurosis). But when that 1% of woman on my wavelength shows up, I have no ego protection holding me back from experiencing romance to the fullest.

Ive also found that the women I date find my openness a little bit refreshing. They think it’s impressive that I’m completely fearless and passionate. And in a way, I also lead them down the path of fearless and passionate romance. They want to go to this place but they dont know how to get there themselves. Somewhere along the way they’ve also become jaded and started to treat dating as if it were a job interview process.

Hollywood writers are smart. They understand human nature. In most romantic movies, you often see the guy portrayed as a charming rascal who’s open to life and carefree, a true don’t give a fvck attitude and even mischievous nature, and the woman is often portrayed as uptight, stuck in her head, self conscious, but waiting for a guy to come along and set her free.
 
Last edited:
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

billtx49

Moderator
Joined
May 23, 2013
Messages
3,820
Reaction score
3,172
Location
DFW
They do everything backwards it seems.
I can actually understand the applications increasing. Consider they’ve been married without things going well and he p/a takes every opportunity with his activities that he can to stay away from the old lady, then an order to shelter in place for weeks at home with her arrives…
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
13,222
Reaction score
5,136
I remember a psychology course I took 16 years ago said 86% of all relationships break up if the couple moved together before marriage. So I guess there are exceptions. The 14%.
It's not for everybody, I've never come on this forum telling everyone they should shack up. It's not something you should do lightly, you should weigh the decision as carefully and as seriously as if you were getting married. It works for me. I have nothing against "Don't live together" if it presented as general advice. The arrogance of calling them "Iron Rules" is what I object to. I don't believe in "Iron Rules" when it comes from someone just giving their opinions and advice.

Anyway, I feel I should point out all the people in your example were married. If they hadn't taken that step, they wouldn't have divorced.

I decided not to be jaded and to be comepletely defenseless to heart break. I allow myself to get heartbroken and feel the full range of emotions because I understand the notion of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

If you try to protect yourself too much, you will shield yourself from life. And this is no way to live.
I respect that a lot. All that PUA talk about protecting the heart and never allowing yourself to feel anything for anyone again so you never get hurt, I've always thought a lot of that smacked of cowardice and being butt hurt. Life isn't for the faint of heart. You don't want to be stupid, but you don't need to become a robot either.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
6,181
Reaction score
2,562
Location
Colorado Panhandle
I decided not to be jaded and to be comepletely defenseless to heart break. I allow myself to get heartbroken and feel the full range of emotions because I understand the notion of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

If you try to protect yourself too much, you will shield yourself from life. And this is no way to live. One could say this person is not even alive. They are dead inside. Young people pursue romance with vigor, excitement, and anticipation, then somewhere along the line, they get hurt and end up closing themselves off. Your heart is a muscle. In order to grow it, you must open it up and allow it to experience life in all it’s glory and heartbreak.
Well said.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
3,363
Reaction score
1,779
Age
45
It's not for everybody, I've never come on this forum telling everyone they should shack up. It's not something you should do lightly, you should weigh the decision as carefully and as seriously as if you were getting married. It works for me. I have nothing against "Don't live together" if it presented as general advice. The arrogance of calling them "Iron Rules" is what I object to. I don't believe in "Iron Rules" when it comes from someone just giving their opinions and advice.

Anyway, I feel I should point out all the people in your example were married. If they hadn't taken that step, they wouldn't have divorced.


I respect that a lot. All that PUA talk about protecting the heart and never allowing yourself to feel anything for anyone again so you never get hurt, I've always thought a lot of that smacked of cowardice and being butt hurt. Life isn't for the faint of heart. You don't want to be stupid, but you don't need to become a robot either.
Rollo is doing a live stream right now about this subject who is talking to a guy who recently got cheated on. Rule #4 is a topic and is exactly why he wrote #4

First clue of derailment.
SHE STARTED TO NOT WANT TO DO THINGS WITH HIM. LOL
First clue ignored by the masses
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
11,603
Reaction score
6,368
Location
DFW, TX
Rollo is doing a live stream right now about this subject who is talking to a guy who recently got cheated on. Rule #4 is a topic and is exactly why he wrote #4

First clue of derailment.
SHE STARTED TO NOT WANT TO DO THINGS WITH HIM. LOL
First clue ignored by the masses
Basic interest indicators.
 

Mauser96

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 28, 2012
Messages
4,889
Reaction score
1,908
The guy in the video needs to stop preaching us while driving. Just careless and not paying attention to detail. No wonder, he can't find a woman who wants to stick to him, he can't understand why, and he goes on spreading the red pill to the rest of the world.


You judge too soon. Watch 15 of his vids and then make an assessment. he has some good content
 

17 shots

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 21, 2016
Messages
988
Reaction score
846
Age
29
Why does it matter, you and me can both share her
 
Top