thirdtimescharm
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
- Messages
- 314
- Reaction score
- 9
I've got a curse. I have a type. The problem with this is I didn't recognize this in my "youth." Most women of that type are significantly younger, 20's, 30's, and fewer in their 40's. Or maybe this is true of all of us as we age. The fact remains that in my age bracket, my type really doesn't exist, at least not on any dating site that I've seen. Generally, I find that my type is predominantly already attached, which leads me to believe that there's some quality in this type that is highly prized. Sucks to be me, I guess.
On a recent weekend out at a street fest, I passed by a woman who I recognized from a dating site. I didn't remember if I had interacted with her, but the recognition appeared mutual. The game was afoot. Soon after the initial eye contact, I approached her and we got to talking. As we chatted I was able to verify that I had messaged her about 3 months ago. The message was positive but she did not reply, which was my intention at the time as we seemed like a good match on paper. I was fresh out of a three year relationship and while her profile was very interesting to me I didn't view her as a potential hook-up possibility, which was all I was really looking for at that time. On the dating site I messaged her, "A friend told me that I should't rebound with anyone good, and you seem good to me." Since, I've had my rebound and gotten a few crummy dates under my belt, so the timing is better.
Now, the caveat: She isn't my type. The surprise was as we talked, my interest level was skyrocketing. We had a lot of connections back to our youth, personal, work, cultural. She's a beautiful woman, truly a head turner, and like me, looks nowhere near our age, but I'm sure without the "history" and my prior online connection, I might not noticed her outside of a casually interested glance. She later told me that she did not recognize me from the dating site photo, but that I was simply *her type.*
On a subsequent concert date less than a week later, we were making out like teenagers and it was as arousing as anything I can remember, and this even eclipsed my "rebound" where a woman I was attracted to booty-called me at 3 AM. Ok, maybe it doesn't suck to be me after all.
Our second time together happened at a street-fest, where we both had multiple friends around. Things progressed as they had on our first date and later when most of the friends had gone, the face-mashing continued. Infatuation was in full bloom. So too was the likelihood of too much alcohol spoiling the party.
Around 2:30 AM as we made our way to head home in a cab, the mood suddenly changed. Inside the cab, she mentioned she was upset that I didn't buy her and her friend drinks the night we met. And she was upset about a comment I made about how we were going to get home, as no public transportation was near the fest we attended. Apparently the fact that I was trying to get an uber when the cab arrived slipped by. She used the word "cheap." The air turned cold.
There are multiple reasons to explain this behavior. On the night we first met, the friend of mine who was attended with me had whispered "they don't expect us to buy them drinks?" to me, and while in that situation I was fully prepared to by them drinks, I didn't want to put my friend on the spot at that point. So I held back.
Second, with regards to the public transportation comment: I was just kidding, as the street was blocked off and I was not exactly walking a straight line. Personally, I have no issue with public trans and she said she didn't either, so it was just the timing and the alcohol as far as I'm concerned.
Third, perhaps she was worried that I was going to attempt to take her to *her* home and she wasn't ready for that. To be honest, I would have if I felt she was that *type* of woman, but I had no expectations. None. Zero. Zilch. Sure, I wouldn't have turned it down but I actually am ok with spending time with someone before jumping in the sack. Not that much time hopefully, but with the level of attraction we already had, I figured I could be patient.
So the cab arrives at her place and the conversation is straining. A quick peck on the lips brings the night to a close and she bounds up the steps. I'm left in the cab feeling empty, sad, alone, deflated. Minutes before I'm on top of my world, and now I don't have a clue. Was that it? Is it over?
I sent her a text after I got home, seeking clarity, explanation. The next day as I'm on my way to a a family function, I call her and leave a voice message, saying that we ought to move beyond text and talk. Later in the afternoon she replies, says she she's horribly hung over and hopes I'm not as bad off. Also, says dated a "cheap" guy before and it's a red flag. I reply, explaining my side, reminding her that I did drop about $100 bucks on our concert date, as an example. I even had to grease the palm of the bouncer to get in because the show was sold out. Does that strike you as cheap?
(edit: I know: I should never explain myself)
So she replies to this, says she doesn't want to argue, especially in her hungover state. She doesn't like text or phone for this reason, she texts. I know how text can be misunderstood, misconstrued, misread. I say: I'm not arguing. I'm communicating. Trying to understand her point of view and share my honest feelings. Get past the apparent misunderstanding.
She relents. Says we should talk during the week. Last night, she was feeling better and while at another concert with a friend she sends me a photo and a short friendly message. I reply in-kind.
Now, before I get accused of one-itis, know this: I had a coffee date with another woman in the morning before my family function. I had another first meeting planned for today, though I'm canceling since I feel a little under the weather. She's not the only woman in the world. I get it.
Question is, should I even be giving her another chance? Am I trying too hard to explain her flip-flop on alcohol and misunderstanding? I can read it both ways. Yes, the chemistry was the biggest intoxicant. Yes, alcohol may have pushed our limits. Yes, she's a traditional woman who is not my type and she might *expect* I buy all the drinks in the future. Yes, it could all be over already anyway. Oh, and she's not my type. If this were to last, am I wasting my time? Will I be drawn back to the quest for my type, only to land back in that sea of frustration?
Discuss?
On a recent weekend out at a street fest, I passed by a woman who I recognized from a dating site. I didn't remember if I had interacted with her, but the recognition appeared mutual. The game was afoot. Soon after the initial eye contact, I approached her and we got to talking. As we chatted I was able to verify that I had messaged her about 3 months ago. The message was positive but she did not reply, which was my intention at the time as we seemed like a good match on paper. I was fresh out of a three year relationship and while her profile was very interesting to me I didn't view her as a potential hook-up possibility, which was all I was really looking for at that time. On the dating site I messaged her, "A friend told me that I should't rebound with anyone good, and you seem good to me." Since, I've had my rebound and gotten a few crummy dates under my belt, so the timing is better.
Now, the caveat: She isn't my type. The surprise was as we talked, my interest level was skyrocketing. We had a lot of connections back to our youth, personal, work, cultural. She's a beautiful woman, truly a head turner, and like me, looks nowhere near our age, but I'm sure without the "history" and my prior online connection, I might not noticed her outside of a casually interested glance. She later told me that she did not recognize me from the dating site photo, but that I was simply *her type.*
On a subsequent concert date less than a week later, we were making out like teenagers and it was as arousing as anything I can remember, and this even eclipsed my "rebound" where a woman I was attracted to booty-called me at 3 AM. Ok, maybe it doesn't suck to be me after all.
Our second time together happened at a street-fest, where we both had multiple friends around. Things progressed as they had on our first date and later when most of the friends had gone, the face-mashing continued. Infatuation was in full bloom. So too was the likelihood of too much alcohol spoiling the party.
Around 2:30 AM as we made our way to head home in a cab, the mood suddenly changed. Inside the cab, she mentioned she was upset that I didn't buy her and her friend drinks the night we met. And she was upset about a comment I made about how we were going to get home, as no public transportation was near the fest we attended. Apparently the fact that I was trying to get an uber when the cab arrived slipped by. She used the word "cheap." The air turned cold.
There are multiple reasons to explain this behavior. On the night we first met, the friend of mine who was attended with me had whispered "they don't expect us to buy them drinks?" to me, and while in that situation I was fully prepared to by them drinks, I didn't want to put my friend on the spot at that point. So I held back.
Second, with regards to the public transportation comment: I was just kidding, as the street was blocked off and I was not exactly walking a straight line. Personally, I have no issue with public trans and she said she didn't either, so it was just the timing and the alcohol as far as I'm concerned.
Third, perhaps she was worried that I was going to attempt to take her to *her* home and she wasn't ready for that. To be honest, I would have if I felt she was that *type* of woman, but I had no expectations. None. Zero. Zilch. Sure, I wouldn't have turned it down but I actually am ok with spending time with someone before jumping in the sack. Not that much time hopefully, but with the level of attraction we already had, I figured I could be patient.
So the cab arrives at her place and the conversation is straining. A quick peck on the lips brings the night to a close and she bounds up the steps. I'm left in the cab feeling empty, sad, alone, deflated. Minutes before I'm on top of my world, and now I don't have a clue. Was that it? Is it over?
I sent her a text after I got home, seeking clarity, explanation. The next day as I'm on my way to a a family function, I call her and leave a voice message, saying that we ought to move beyond text and talk. Later in the afternoon she replies, says she she's horribly hung over and hopes I'm not as bad off. Also, says dated a "cheap" guy before and it's a red flag. I reply, explaining my side, reminding her that I did drop about $100 bucks on our concert date, as an example. I even had to grease the palm of the bouncer to get in because the show was sold out. Does that strike you as cheap?
(edit: I know: I should never explain myself)
So she replies to this, says she doesn't want to argue, especially in her hungover state. She doesn't like text or phone for this reason, she texts. I know how text can be misunderstood, misconstrued, misread. I say: I'm not arguing. I'm communicating. Trying to understand her point of view and share my honest feelings. Get past the apparent misunderstanding.
She relents. Says we should talk during the week. Last night, she was feeling better and while at another concert with a friend she sends me a photo and a short friendly message. I reply in-kind.
Now, before I get accused of one-itis, know this: I had a coffee date with another woman in the morning before my family function. I had another first meeting planned for today, though I'm canceling since I feel a little under the weather. She's not the only woman in the world. I get it.
Question is, should I even be giving her another chance? Am I trying too hard to explain her flip-flop on alcohol and misunderstanding? I can read it both ways. Yes, the chemistry was the biggest intoxicant. Yes, alcohol may have pushed our limits. Yes, she's a traditional woman who is not my type and she might *expect* I buy all the drinks in the future. Yes, it could all be over already anyway. Oh, and she's not my type. If this were to last, am I wasting my time? Will I be drawn back to the quest for my type, only to land back in that sea of frustration?
Discuss?
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