She's boring

[Effington]

So, met a new girl in class, and we seemed to have a lot in common: same work and class schedule, live very close to each other, similar jobs, both like to go out. She's pretty cute, and she showed enough "indicators of interest" for me to know she's interested.

The problem is, she's boring! She talks a lot about school, and she talks like a salesman! "I just feel that we're getting so much out of the class and it has great practical application in the work place that I am not only interested in the grade but the material, and helps me be a better manager..." blah blah blah. I neg her on talking like that and she brushes it off, "No, I'm serious!"

I always lighten the convo and keep the negs coming, but she doesn't really keep those conversations well and she eventually relates it back to work/school/something boring. I'm thinking I should probably "next" her but I turn to the board here to see if there is something else I should try.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why are you so interested in someone that bores you? Is she the last woman on earth?

 

[The Sperminator]

Well maybe you should take her out on a date and see how that goes. Get to know her more and maybe she won't be as boring. Or maybe shes just boring then in that case next her. Unless shes like smoking hot whats the point.

 

[Interceptor]

She's not "boring".
She's just nervous and doens't know exactly what to talk about with you. She's trying to seem cool and in control, but she's probably had little experience with men.
Andyou're not so good at qualifying and bringing out her personality.
You need to get intot heheart of a woman.

Don't next her yet.

Try to do some digging first.
Don't ask her out yet.

Find out what her hobbies are, what are her passions, what doe she like to do for fun?

give her a chance to reveal herself to you.

then after all that you find something you like, ask her out then...but NOT before.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Wait a sec.... She talks about work and school, Effington changes the subject to something lighter and she consistently goes back talking about work and school. How does that relate to her not knowing what to talk about? She doesn't seem to want to talk about anything that Effington wants to talk about so I guess it's Effington that's boring for not wanting to talk about just school and work.

 

[Bible_Belt]

give her a chance to reveal herself to you.

I was about to say something like that - as in don't call her boring until you've had sex with her.

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

NEXT or ignoring her more than usual, talking to other chicks instead the way you like to talk, and see if she catches on or tries to join in.

Or straight up tell her... "I don't like talking about work and school.. its boring!"
You're stating the subject of conversation is boring, not her.
because she probably isn't boring.. you just don't know what she can do yet.

 

[IceBreaker]

haha. duuudee. OUCH. you are killing your relationship. i feel your pain so much it hurts.

it looks to me like the convo is very generic, but your trying to reach a little deeper, and your failing.

give her time, treat her like she's shy, but don't neg her about it (you donkey) shy people needs to feel like they know the person so well, they're able to share anything, without being passed judgment.

make her feel important (highlight that on your screen and read it twice again). and she will love you like i love rice.

 

[zerocelcius]

Sounds like she isn't shy at all, sounds like she is intelligent.

Might be too smart for you. Those braincases never stop focusing on the goal at hand. Get her away from school and see if she still focuses on the same stuff.

You might have to accept she cares more about her schooling than boys. It happens. Some girls actually become great things in life, and sacrifice their personal lives.

 

[insidious]

She's only as "exciting" and "interesting" as you demand, dude.
You talk to her and expect dull, it's a vicious circle, she will rise to the
occassion and voila, she will be dull.

Sounds like you guys have sunk into a rut really bad.
True, she may be a very boring individual...and you know what...she may think you are too! lol how 'bout that?

Break the ice, stir things up, test her. It's the only way to break out.

 

[Nighthawk]

The fact is some people ARE boring. Some people suck up all your positive energy and charm like a black hole of dullness. I don't hang around or date these people.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The fact is some people ARE boring. Some people suck up all your positive energy and charm like a black hole of dullness. I don't hang around or date these people.

Oh, c'mon; give them a chance. You have the power to make them into a dynamic, exciting person!

 

[TheTraveller]

I was just in a similar situation, and unfortunately it had to happen in my first date since my last breakup.

In my situation, it was a blind date with a grad school girl. What is it with me and weird grad school girls? Anyways, it was a blind date set up through a family friend. I was acting aloof, c+f, just trying to steer the convo away from school and environmental issues which she loved to talk about. I engaged in the school and env issues convo initially, but she was downright negative about these topics, so I had to change things up. Didn't work quite well. Not only that, she didn't really ask many questions to me, nor were they very interesting.

Sometimes we meet boring girls. Is it our job to make them more positive, perhaps more interesting? No. Could it be that we don't know them well enough and perceive this instead of realizing that perhaps they are inexperienced with guys/social situations/nervous on first dates? Very possible. That's why my views have changed.

So, at the end of the date, I knew she felt some unease. I asked her two things - do you want to go for ___ food? She said sure, call me. Yes, I know what that means (next!). Then I asked how was your time tonight? She replied with stating, "brutally honest, it didn't feel like a date". No positive comment, nothing. I was thinking this girl has serious issues. I played the dj role to a t, was dressed very well, looked great. But drawing conclusions and next'ing her, or a similar type of girl, too soon may be a mistake. So, I say give it ONE more go. Call her up a week later. See if she's interested and do something that she regards as fun - favourite food for dinner, action date, whatever. And see if she's positive and more "with it" in that environment. If so, perhaps you can move forward. If not, next. Yet, there may be girls that are "independent" (she said she was) that may not want a "dj" guy. Who would have thought?

I remember when I used to just next these type of girls right away after a first date. Just remember, this may not be the best option, unless you have multiple plates spinning!

 

[MR_PERFECT]

Some women are just boring. I dated a 28-year-old for 3 months that was boring. She seemed to be able to easily talk to friends but I have no idea what they would talk about, I never overheard one conversation. Her Passions: music, but she doesn't play an instrument and would never comment much about it. It was one of those things where she listens to music, but that's it. Her other passion was food. Not cooking, she just loved to eat. We would go out to eat a lot, but the conversation would lag.

When she came over, we didn't say much to each other, we either popped in a movie or had sex. I couldn't make any references to politics, actors, pretty much anyone that hasn't had a song out. It would have been different if she read, then we could talk about whatever book she was reading, but she didn't read either. I realized at some point that everything had to be physical with her. She was better for going places and doing things with, not for stimulating conversation. I once asked her what’s the longest she’s ever talked to a guy on the phone… “less than an hour.” I know about the beliefs of this site about not talking too long on the phone, but we’ve all had a good conversation that we didn’t want to end. She never had one.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Two questions:

1. For those of you who know boring women, what attracts you to them even knowing that they are so boring?
2. For those of you who have dated boring women for an extended period of time, WHY??? What made you stick around knowing that they were so boring?

 

[MR_PERFECT]

Two questions:

1. For those of you who know boring women, what attracts you to them even knowing that they are so boring?
2. For those of you who have dated boring women for an extended period of time, WHY??? What made you stick around knowing that they were so boring?

1. There is a basic physical attraction there and they put out, or they're fun to date because they like to be on the go.

2. I would stick around and date a boring girl if other things were there, but she would never be a girlfriend.

 

[Create Reality]

Well if you are talking about all of the "boring stuff" in class, talk to her in your usual way OUTSIDE of class.

 

[TheTraveller]

I think lack of options here hurt. If the guy considers himself as not boring, would he want to be with a boring girl? Conversely, does it follow the same from a female perspective?

Also, the way one perceives themselves may be totally different than others' view. Case in point - my date said on the phone that she has a big personality. Uh, right. If big as in big problems, then she was correct.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

1. There is a basic physical attraction there and they put out, or they're fun to date because they like to be on the go.

2. I would stick around and date a boring girl if other things were there, but she would never be a girlfriend.

If that's the case wouldn't it be easier to just pay for sex and just get it over with? It would be a real time saver.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think lack of options here hurt. If the guy considers himself as not boring, would he want to be with a boring girl? Conversely, does it follow the same from a female perspective?

Good point. Many times one of the two actually hopes that the other person would bring some excitement to their lives. That's about as bad as looking for someone that would make you happy (in that you aren't already happy).

Also, the way one perceives themselves may be totally different than others' view. Case in point - my date said on the phone that she has a big personality. Uh, right. If big as in big problems, then she was correct.

I can relate to that. I've met women who've said something similar. After asking some pointed questions I laugh because their idea of personality consisted of either finding drama to add to their lives and/or having their moods bounce all over the place because of drama. Another reason to find out sooner than later about how she normally operates.