She's backing off, what to do

[joker79]

long story short: dated this girl for 2-3 months, great sex, really into me, I never mentioned anything like relationship. Now she's accepted a new job (excitement) and has spend three weekend far due to other events (excitement) and with her family (excitement). She was used to text me a lot, now frequency has decreased. I feel like I'm not a priority at the moment. I know that her ex is texting her because he wants her back but I never said anything about it (she showed me some txts). In a normal situation I would start to freak out and pursue (with negative outcomes) but I want to try something new, therefore I think I'll back off and will be less available? Any suggestion?

 

[goldengoose]

Doesn't sound like she is that into you anymore. Sounds to me like she is starting to fade away from you.

If she is showing you texts from the ex, she wants you to know about it. If she didn't want to hear from the ex anymore, she would mention you and tell him not to text her. Also her decreased communication is a problem too.

You should have other girls to date besides her since you aren't in a relationship. I would never put all my attention and focus on just one girl.

You should be the priority if she is serious about you and wanting a relationship with you. You've been with for 2-3 months. Has she ever asked for a relationship?

Start going out with other girls and if she is serious, she will want you to be the focus in her exciting life. No need to go chasing after a girl who's fading and talking to the ex.

Because when women are having strong emotions for you mostly they will give you the attention you want. There is a possibility that she may be using you to get her ex jealous.

This is true, if she wanted the OP, he would be included in her excitement. Most likely she isn't over the ex and wants him back too, the 2-3 months was just a fling.

Don't make excuses for her though, a chick who wants you won't fade away, she won't want to lose you if she really wants you. She won't let an ex come between you, her communicaton won't decrease.

Don't go chasing after her, focus your attention and life on other things including new women. This chick isn't even your girlfriend.

 

[MountainSlide]

Yeah women are pretty deliberate so if she is showing you texts from your ex you can guarantee that she is doing it on purpose. She could possibly be doing it to make you jealous but considering that she is backing off; I don't think so. Because when women are having strong emotions for you mostly they will give you the attention you want. There is a possibility that she may be using you to get her ex jealous. Or perhaps she is just self absorbed ***** who is so caught up in thinking about her own feelings that she doesn't take into consideration the feelings of others.

 

[nismo-4]

I'd go ghost on her and date other women. The end is near. Dump her before she dumps you.

Case closed.

 

[TARKUS]

Back off all the way mate until she gets in touch with you.

 

[TheGambino]

Don't freak out, chill, chill.. she might be busy with lots of stuff, you should too, pursue your own dreams and goals in life instead of her.

Back off indead, be less availble, don't call or text her until she starts talking, when she does you reply normal like nothing is going on and suggest a meet up. You escalate to sex and f*ck her good (that's the main goal right? enjoying sex with this girl) that's it. You go ghost again and let her put more investment in the relationship then you while you talk to other chicks.

If she doesn't reach out at all you just back off for a couple of weeks and give her a call, if she doesn't pick up or tells you shes busy you next her and find new girls. It's that easy don't freak out, don't overthink, spin plates

 

[GS750]

I agree. Back off but if she reaches out then reply. The reason why she is keeping communication with you could be anything. She's still interested but busy, attention, habit, she's got another guy but wants to keep you on the line, she's got a personal issue right now, etc. You could drive yourself nuts thinking about all those scenarios. I've made that mistake before and it turned out that she was on meds for depression which was the reason for her withdrawn behavior. Nothing to do with me but I was coming up with all kinds of reasons. Then I backed off and the truth came out.

 

[goldengoose]

The point is, that you shouldn't be so quick to make a date with a chick who is cooling off. She took it upon herself to decrease communication and put you on the backburner. Why reward her with a date? Make her work for a date with you before you take her out again. Let her see that she isn't the only thing you have going on in you life. Let her compete with the other women that you should be having. When she is backing off and you're pushing for a date when she isn't making you a priority, she will most likely flake. She will see that she can treat you that way and you will still be pushing to get her out. That will turn her off even more. Make her work for you always, don't push for her.

don't call or text her until she starts talking

If she doesn't reach out at all you just back off for a couple of weeks and give her a call,

You just contradicted your own advice here Gambino. You say don't call her at all, then you want him to call her after a couple of weeks? That defeats the whole purpose. Why should he call her when she isn't reaching out? That should give him a good indication that she doesn't want to be with him. If she wanted to, she would be blowing up his phone when she didn't hear from him.

reply normal like nothing is going on and suggest a meet up. You escalate to sex and f*ck her good (that's the main goal right? enjoying sex with this girl) that's it. You go ghost again and let her put more investment in the relationship then you while you talk to other chicks.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. He should reply as normal but not suggest a meet up with her. She should be the one wanting to meet up with him. So he should wait and see if she suggests a meet up. If she doesn't, then that is a good indicator that she doesn't want to hang out.

if she doesn't pick up or tells you shes busy you next her and find new girls. It's that easy don't freak out, don't overthink, spin plates

No need to go through that when he isn't hearing a peep out of the chick. Her silence is the perfect indication to show him that it is over between them.

all good advice but as far as I can see her contact has decreased, not gone silent.

When contact starts to decrease, it usually goes silent when a chick ends it. Decreasing communication is the first sign of that especially with an ex back on the scene.

That's bullsh1t if you ask me. He should back off, be less availble, give her some time to let her miss him, that will make her wonder and let the hamster spin. No contact for a couple of weeks let her reach out. If she doesn't just give her a call so you can give yourself closure with the girl, ask how shes doing and in my books if the girl gives a indicator of interest the man does make the move and asks her out. If she suggests it herself before you offcourse cool

Some of you guys next girls way too early and when she texts less you should forget about her and move on? bulllsh1t bro

Why is it bvllsh1t? Sounds like good common sense to me. What good is any closure going to do for him?

Nobody is being nexted here yet, but with an ex hounding her to get back together and decreased communicaton is something to think about.

The best indicator of interest is her actual behavior. Decreasing communication, talking to the ex, telling the OP about the ex, not cutting the ex out of her life is a good indication that things are moving in the wrong direction.

Having other chicks he can hang out with and focusing on his life should be his main priority. This chick isn't his girlfriend anyway, so she shouldn't be his main priority. If she wants to hang out with him she will make it known. If she isn't making any attempts to hang out that means she doesn't want to. Take the hint and quit pushing for dates with chicks that don't show interest.

 

[GS750]

all good advice but as far as I can see her contact has decreased, not gone silent.

 

[TheGambino]

The situation here: The girl is busy, lots of things are going on in her life. The text frequency has decreased, she used to text him a lot but now less.

'Oh she prolly doesn't want to be with him anymore', 'shes in another castle', 'perfect indication that it's over between them'.

That's bullsh1t if you ask me. He should back off, be less availble, give her some time to let her miss him, that will make her wonder and let the hamster spin. No contact for a couple of weeks let her reach out. If she doesn't just give her a call so you can give yourself closure with the girl, ask how shes doing and in my books if the girl gives a indicator of interest the man does make the move and asks her out. If she suggests it herself before you offcourse cool

Some of you guys next girls way too early and when she texts less you should forget about her and move on? bulllsh1t bro

 

[GS750]

I agree Gambino. Like I said there could be a million reasons why communication has slowed. If she is putting in some effort to contact him then he should take that as a sign that there is still interest there. Until she flat out rejects him or cuts off all contact completely. But DO NOT CHASE.

 

[gravityeyelids]

I never mentioned anything like relationship

This is key. If she was your exclusive girlfriend, it would be different. Well....not really we'd be telling you the same sh!t.

As everyone else has said, the path is clear: back off and date other women.