She won't spend the night.

[DeePee]

Damn, this is a first for me. I've been able to get other girls in bed by the 2nd or 3rd date. This one's a toughie, and my DJing isn't getting her to spend the night.

History. Been seeing eachother for about a month, has accepted all my dates, and every date has been a blast. We've made out numerous times (light tongue action), cuddle during movies at home, even out at bars we have major kino and hand holding. No talk of exclusivity, no talk of LTR (and I'm pursuing that with her), and so far her IL has been very high (verbal and physical signs). No sex so far. As for phone calls, I call her about 1 or 2 times a week (she even mentions how I don't call her much), see her about 1 or 2 times a week (she said this past week went by so slowly cause she couldn't wait to see me on Friday, and she just saw me on that Monday).

Well, first time I invited her up, she said, "No you need to wake up early and we wouldn't be able to sleep in." True, I did have to get up at 7am, but last night was my second attempt to get her to stay over, but she wanted to go home. "No, I shouldn't" and I get her into my room and pull her down on the bed, we make out some more and then she says, "I really should go."

I've already decided keep cut communication from her till Tuesday (Today is Sunday), even if she does call me.

What are your thoughts? I do like her a lot, and still try to make sure I'm not one-itising. I have other girls ready to jump my bones, but I like this one the most. It's not about the sex, it's about the connection.

 

[DJDamage]

. It's not about the sex, it's about the connection.

It is about the sex.

Your perception of connection you have with this woman might be tad premature. Her interest in you might not be that high if every time you try to take off her cloths she balks and make up some excuse to leave.

I suggest that you go for the girls that DO want to jump your bones. Take away some of your interest and attention away from her and see if she will chase you back. Women have to know or feel that if they withold sex from a man they might risk losing him to another woman.

 

[NewMan]

No talk of exclusivity, no talk of LTR (and I'm pursuing that with her)

This is your problem.

You've not fvcked her yet, and your already pushing for an LTR.

The only reason your thinking like that is because you haven't banged her. After your first nut, your going to wonder why you bothered - by that time, you'll be in deep - way past your b@lls.

Do yourself a favor, cut it off and let her chase you.

 

[st_99]

Well said DonS, that's exactly what I was thinking only I couldn't state it as eloquent as you.

 

[Colossus]

I'm all about good quality women that aren't your typical bar sluts, but a month of making out while she denies your attempts to escalate are not the traits of a quality woman, they are the traits of a woman with issues. And issues are the root of most red flags.

I agree. A few weeks--maybe if she is worth it; but a month? I would have lost patience by then. Her pvssy is not plated in gold. I have limited tolerance for the waiting game. If you have been seeing her a MONTH and she wont even sleep over, I would wager she has sex issues or is possibly a virgin. If she is not the latter then I think you should pull away your affections and re-assess this.

Like the saying goes--the waiting game is almost never worth it.

 

[DeePee]

Thanks for the clarification, guys. Seems like I have hit one-itis. ****. Good call on the not calling at all scheme, and I'll entertain those willing to have some fun with me. I don't know why I've hit this rut. I've been so good till I met this one. You guys are right. Maybe I did put her on the pedestal cause I haven't gotten anywhere in the sack with her. But at the same time, it really isn't about the sex, cause lately I've been "bored" during sex with certain women (HB6 to HB9). Damn it, I shouldn't be suffering from one-itis, though. Don't know how I let it happen, but shame on me.

I'll cut communication from now and let her do some thinking about our relationship. I have plenty to keep me busy, but I do like her a lot. Thinking of LTR cause face it; we're (at least I am) feeling like I've accomplished most of what I need to and don't want to be grandpa age when my kids are in elementary school. So, I am looking for wife material. She MAY be that, she MAY NOT be. But so far so good, right? Again, I'll do my own thing again to get back on track.

Thanks, guys.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

I get her into my room and pull her down on the bed, we make out some more and then she says, "I really should go."

I beg to differ from the other posters.

Sounds like your dating is going great....but maybe you're gaming her incorrectly here(?).

Next time you're close i.e. on the bed - try some push/pull. Make out with her, then stop. Say something like "you better go, you're not enjoying this..." then push her away. Call her on her own bluff, (but in a joking way, of course). Also, make sure you are innovative...massage oils, candles, etc. Make sure romance is heavily in the equation, and you are creating an aura in your bedroom that makes her feel safe.

Also, something I read a few years ago...only 10% of people who eventually get married had sex within the first month. Most married couples I know substantiate this.

If you view this girl as something special...marriage material it is something to think about. However I agree with the other posters that you DEFINITELY need to find out the root of any issues with ther sexuality ASAP. And obviously don't stop seeing the others 'til this turns around.

 

[penkitten]

well believe it or not, sleeping beside someone is even more intimate than having sex with them. (really, anyone can have sex with someone and then go home, so it really isn't about sex.)
why? because when we sleep we loose our ability to control what we do.
we become completely vulnerable.

sometimes it takes a while for people to want to let loose and become that vulnerable with another person. if she wants to wait until a time that you can both sleep in and wake up together and enjoy that time together, why not accept it for what it is instead of reading more into it?
there are many people out there that only want to snuggle up and fall asleep beside someone that they are in a committed relationship with. it shouldn't be held against them. this is one of those things that some people differ on like "being intimate vs. drawing a line on privacy issues."

 

[DeePee]

Update. my friend who knows her was asking how things were going with this chick. Gave him the update, and he says she's a "good girl." Whatever that means. Thanks again for your insight guys, it really cleared my clouded mind.

 

[jophil28]

Gave him the update, and he says she's a "good girl." Whatever that means. Thanks again for your insight guys, it really cleared my clouded mind.

"Good girl " means not a slut.

I disagree with most of the posters here on THIS issue and I also do not agree with the belief that if she "makes you wait for sex, the sex is not worth the wait." . This belief is shallow, poorly conceived and assumes that the woman is making you wait for dubious reasons. Unfortunately, this belief is promoted by those who do not subscribe to the notion of "morals" but regard life as one long date with endless opportunities for self gratification.

If the woman in the OPs life is not ready to have sex, then that is her perogative in the same way the you would not surrender your ATM Pin# to her in the first month either.
The question is whether she is reluctant to sleep with the OP because she has firm moral directives for herself which guide her life, OR she is with holding sex for power and control and to grab the frame.
Making the distinction is vital.

IF the OP is looking for an LTR then a woman with morals is a great candidate but a woman who seeks power via with holding sex is the worst choice.

The OP needs to qualify her further before Nexting her OR apponting her as the woman of her dreams.

 

[DeePee]

Just an update.

1. I did not go back to gaming other girls. My moral compass tells me that I shouldn't and reason 2. below has confirmed my thoughts. But I do flirt with them frequently, just not interested in boring sex.

2. As I mentioned earlier, some of us are at that point where we want to get serious with someone, and take our chances being serious. Whether that lands us a short term attempt or the future Mrs is to be determined. I've become a strong enough person to be able to overcome "heartache" and rejection, and I let life's lessons be just that, a lesson. That said, she's taking things slow because she doesn't want to get hurt herself and trying to figure out if I'd be the typical **** who is interested in the bottom line... sex. She's looking for a real relationship, not a fling. These are her words, as well has those who know her... know her well.

Thanks for all your input, guys. She texted me Monday morning, called me Monday afternoon, and again Monday night. Not wanting to come off like an ******* I called her back, had a great convo with her, kept it short and sweet, and ended on a high note. Call me a wuss or AFC, but in reality I can go out and entertain those other girls if I weren't with this girl. One-itis or not, AFC or not, she may actually turn out to be a true good girl who knows how to have fun responsibly.