She wants to be with me but not date me?

[AB500]

So me and this girl have been fooling around and she seems pretty awesome. We’ve made out on more then one occasion and she seems definitely attracted to me. This is cool and she seems like she wants to continue this. The problem is in having a serious relationship with her. We do all the things that 2 people dating would do yet we aren’t dating. She tells me that I don’t seem like the type of person that you would go out with, we had a kind of long discussion about it the other day and we came to the conclusion that it was because I hide my emotions too much? I believe this might be a direct result of my DJ personality. Should I maybe let up a little and be a little more open and sincere around her? I want to date her because I feel what we are doing right now doesn’t have a lot of longevity to it. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to date?

Note: I guess I've been asking a lot of questions lately in this forum, I hope most of them don't have obvious answers I should have known, I've read the bible and such there are just some things that I can't quite figure out an answer to.

 

[lullajd]

maybe.. speaking it out will help

Hi,

I feel that you are being expected to speak up all small abd big things/thoughts you have at almost all instants.
if she says you are hiding emotions, she must be having some reazson behind saying that. Sometimes we males, dont speak the things up and think that its not the right time to speak up. This makes the female feel that she is being ignored..

She definitely likes to be with you. Maybe.. she is looking for some particular quality in you that you perhaps need to start possessing..

anyway.. all girls want a serius relationship. When it comes to understand the relations/feel the emotions, they are perhaps better than males. (well not always but "feelings" is a department god has creared for girls only.

 

[AB500]

Wait, what are "all the things two people dating would do?"\

Apparently you two are fooling around. There's a lot more to dating than kissing and sex. You need a strong emotional connection, maturity, and a high interest rate.

She probably sees you as a 2 dimensional boy-toy. An object. Your a nice face and fun to have fun with, but when it comes to something serious, she sees you lacking.

Personally, I would next the idea of dating her, but keep her around untill you get involved with someone more worthy. She sounds like she's used you, and you don't want that kind of manipulation in a relationship.

Besides, if your serious about having a relationship with her, disconecting yourself will show her that you're capable of being independant... who knows... perhaps she'll suddenly realize that you're dating material.

Either way, I would Next her for someone more fair.

There is definately a high interest level, I've kind of been avoiding creating too strong of an emotional connection and that might be why she feels the way she does.

As for "all the things 2 people dating would do" I mean we act like we are dating. She always finds me in the halls at school and we hang out and hug a lot when were not making out/kissing.

She might be using me but it's not like I'm loosing anything from it. If anything I'm using her as much as she is using me. I'm not wasting money on her or investing ungodly amounts of time. I've noticed she keeps making plans for the future with me in them so I kind of get the feeling that she thinks I'm gonna be around for a while but I don't know if that is going to hold true.

I think what I'm gonna end up doing is acting a little bit more mature (I do act immature sometimes) and being a little bit more sincere in my actions around her and see if it changes anything, I'll continue hanging around her because we do enjoy each other's presence and she's good to keep around so I have someone to takes places with me.

 

[kev me723]

actually, that is almost exactly what it was like before I started dating my girlfriend. She told me that 8 months ago she really didn't think she wanted a relationship. She actually said when I officially asked (after a month of casual dating/messing around) the only reason she said yes was because she was put on the spot. (and I know its actually mainly because she was so attracted to me) and yeah we had some rocky spots, mainly because the things on the site and dj rules are for attraction not relationships. But once I did open up more and went through gradual steps of things that WOULD be AFC but weren't because we were together and had been for so long, then our relationship really got strong.

You really just have to make that next step into the relationship. I would say just make yourself look a little more committed to her to start. She doesn't want to start a relationship that she thinks will end soon with you leaving. Just get a little closer and suggest to her that you two take the next step, how can she refuse that?

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

You need a strong emotional connection, maturity, and a high interest rate.

That would explain why theres no hot chix working at my bank!

 

[AB500]

actually, that is almost exactly what it was like before I started dating my girlfriend. She told me that 8 months ago she really didn't think she wanted a relationship. She actually said when I officially asked (after a month of casual dating/messing around) the only reason she said yes was because she was put on the spot. (and I know its actually mainly because she was so attracted to me) and yeah we had some rocky spots, mainly because the things on the site and dj rules are for attraction not relationships. But once I did open up more and went through gradual steps of things that WOULD be AFC but weren't because we were together and had been for so long, then our relationship really got strong.

You really just have to make that next step into the relationship. I would say just make yourself look a little more committed to her to start. She doesn't want to start a relationship that she thinks will end soon with you leaving. Just get a little closer and suggest to her that you two take the next step, how can she refuse that?

You've inspired me man. This Saturday she wants me to go to a local thing put on by our highschool (musicfest) with her. I love music therefore I am going. This week I'm probably going to invite her to subway with me some day after school. I need to show her that I am looking for a relationship and that I do really care about her. Your right when you say DJ stuff is more for attraction becuase right now she has mad attraction towards me but there isn't enough rapport and the such, creating that requires you to depart from neg-hits and c/f and show a much more sensative side I guess, something I've been told is a no-no for a long time on this site.

 

[AB500]

Just a quick update to anyone that is curious:

Today and yesterday I let up a little and broke a few of the DJ "rules". I kept the conversational tone light and funny while slowly showing her that I care about her a little bit more then I let on most of the time. It was a two steps forward, one back type process, we would open up some and then I would keep her on the edge with a neghit or some c/f. Overall I think I can see the beginning of a major paradigm shift in the way she wants our relationship to go in a LTR type way. This Friday I'm going to see a movie with her and Saturday we'll go to music fest, I'll post a field report if anyone is interested.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

Like stop being a b*tch and go with the flow. Theres tons of kids here who would kill their mothers to be in your situation

 

[Zerotwoonenine]

hemm you are 15, that means you r in year 9. When i was in year 9 i have noticed a thing with girls, they are at late stage of their puberty and get very emotional easilly, and when they are in year 10 most of them just flip and become a different person.
That said, you can get into a relationship with her, but you must becareful because she will likely to break up with you next year.
Dont be open with her, always be a DJ.
Just ask her out if you want her to be your GF.

 

[AB500]

Zerotwoonenine, she's in 10th grade already, girls in my grade are immature and therefore I don't waste my time with them.

Last night we had a little conversation on the phone and it seems her views have drastically changed, she brought up the subject of us going out and it's safe to say she is now my girlfriend. That wasn't too hard.