She wants couple of weeks to 'decide'

[Alpheta]

Okay so I already made a thread but i think it was too long.

Okay. Im really messed. ONEITIS fever.

Girl I know fo 6 months has basically dropped the 'i need space' although she didnt say it like that. She cant choose between making her mom happy or being with me so needs a couple of weeks alone (although it was me who agreed to not speaking during this period.)



Unlike your typical scenario i didnt smother her, infact for the last 2 weeks are more or less brushed her off saying im too busy to talk and cancelled a date.

Its been 10 days she hasnt contacted at all. The FB account she made to talk to me has been offline for a week as well.

Has she just moved on? Was she making an excuse?

I will stay NC but its got me messed up man.

 

[RangerMIke]

She's likely moved on... for now.

With women... everything is about the moment they are in right now. So right now she just isn't into you. That could all change on a dime. But it's not up to you its totally up to her. Best thing you can do is wait a couple of weeks. If she doesn't contact you then just move on start asking out other women. I would never initiate contact with her again. If she reaches out to you fine... but tell yourself it's over.

Another thing.... Never EVER believe ANYTHING a woman says about relationships. She will always say things to try and spare your feelings (until you tick her off then she can get merciless), or say thing to deflect blame from herself.

She doesn't want to see you and blames her mother. Typical female behavior. If she really loved you she would stab her mother in the back. If you are losing out to friends and family I'm sorry but she's just not that into you.

When she says she needs a "break" she's saying she is hoping you just go away.... surprise her and do just that... walk away. Don't be a d1ck about it just go away.

 

[Alpheta]

She's likely moved on... for now.

With women... everything is about the moment they are in right now. So right now she just isn't into you. That could all change on a dime. But it's not up to you its totally up to her. Best thing you can do is wait a couple of weeks. If she doesn't contact you then just move on start asking out other women. I would never initiate contact with her again. If she reaches out to you fine... but tell yourself it's over.

Another thing.... Never EVER believe ANYTHING a woman says about relationships. She will always say things to try and spare your feelings (until you tick her off then she can get merciless), or say thing to deflect blame from herself.

She doesn't want to see you and blames her mother. Typical female behavior. If she really loved you she would stab her mother in the back. If you are losing out to friends and family I'm sorry but she's just not that into you.

When she says she needs a "break" she's saying she is hoping you just go away.... surprise her and do just that... walk away. Don't be a d1ck about it just go away.

She has always been influenced by her family.The girl has no spine and totally submissve.

She broke up after the first date because her aunty kept telling her that im not good for her.She came crawling back after 2 days NC saying her aunty was telling her to break it off.

Just before we decided NC for couple of weeks, she was saying how she wants to prove her mum how awsome I am and that she wants to go on for a couple more years and then get married.Then she proceeds to say she wants to make her mum happy but then again wants to be with me.

She was crying and all.

Also, Im her first and shes a religious girl.

Im in denial atm i know, but it kills to lose a girl i popped.

 

[RangerMIke]

She has always been influenced by her family.The girl has no spine and totally submissve.

She broke up after the first date because her aunty kept telling her that im not good for her.She came crawling back after 2 days NC saying her aunty was telling her to break it off.

Just before we decided NC for couple of weeks, she was saying how she wants to prove her mum how awsome I am and that she wants to go on for a couple more years and then get married.Then she proceeds to say she wants to make her mum happy but then again wants to be with me.

She was crying and all.

Also, Im her first and shes a religious girl.

Im in denial atm i know, but it kills to lose a girl i popped.

Don't kid yourself... a woman in love will crawl over the dead bodies of her family to be with the man she wants. Unless she is some kind of brain washed cult member... And her family is the "Manson Family" If she can't break those ties you need to RUN like there is no tomorrow.

If she reaches out to you in a couple of weeks. Make a date and tell her this face to face. That she needs to decide if it's you or them. Tell her to contact you if she wants to be with you, otherwise you are moving on.

The fact that she is with you indicates that she wants to break away from her family. She needs YOUR strength to do this. You have to show her that you are a rock and will not be manipulated by anyone... Why? Because she is being manipulated by her family and deep down she hates it.

Okay.... Now grow a pair of fvcking balls and be a rock... because that's what she wants and needs. If after that she still stays with her family then... well.... you have to participate in your own rescue. If ties to her family are that strong she either doesn't love you enough or she's fvcking crazy... either way walking away is your best option.

 

[Alpheta]

She's fvcking someone else

I doubt it.

Her family are already on her case to break it off with me. They dont like me purely because of my ethnicity. Funny thing is they are from the same background lol.

Her aunty and her are reallly close and shes a mummys girl. 20 years old btw.

Her mum and her aunty have been comparing me with her Best friends BF and have tried putting her off. She told me this just before NC. We had an argument about something and next thing you know she sends me 115 text messages apologising.

Im just totally messed right now.

 

[Alpheta]

Don't kid yourself... a woman in love will crawl over the dead bodies of her family to be with the man she wants. Unless she is some kind of brain washed cult member... And her family is the "Manson Family" If she can't break those ties you need to RUN like there is no tomorrow.

If she reaches out to you in a couple of weeks. Make a date and tell her this face to face. That she needs to decide if it's you or them. Tell her to contact you if she wants to be with you, otherwise you are moving on.

The fact that she is with you indicates that she wants to break away from her family. She needs YOUR strength to do this. You have to show her that you are a rock and will not be manipulated by anyone... Why? Because she is being manipulated by her family and deep down she hates it.

Okay.... Now grow a pair of fvcking balls and be a rock... because that's what she wants and needs. If after that she still stays with her family then... well.... you have to participate in your own rescue. If ties to her family are that strong she either doesn't love you enough or she's fvcking crazy... either way walking away is your best option.

Yea very well said. I mean her family were looking for excuses for her to break it up with e but then I probably messed up as I had a go at her and pked a jibe at her mum. She didnt seem hurt but after 2 days NC iy seems she had been influenced to break it up with me. She also said she has no leg to stand on thus needs time to decide.

so are you saying I should contact her ??

We did agree to NC until she decides. I told her if she decides not to be with me, then she shouldnt respond but rather carry on with the NC. If shes cool with being with me then she should just holla.

 

[RangerMIke]

Yea very well said. I mean her family were looking for excuses for her to break it up with e but then I probably messed up as I had a go at her and pked a jibe at her mum. She didnt seem hurt but after 2 days NC iy seems she had been influenced to break it up with me. She also said she has no leg to stand on thus needs time to decide.

so are you saying I should contact her ??

No. Wait until she reaches out to you first.

We did agree to NC until she decides. I told her if she decides not to be with me, then she shouldnt respond but rather carry on with the NC. If shes cool with being with me then she should just holla.

Okay.. sounds like you are right where you need to be. Just don't cave and contact her.

 

[Alpheta]

Okay.. sounds like you are right where you need to be. Just don't cave and contact her.

I wont. I know this sounds so beta but I gave my mate my phone for 2 weeks. I cant bear waking up seeing she hasnt got back to me. Atleast after 2 weeks i switch on my phone and see she hasnt replied i can then just move on rather then sit there waiting.

To be honest though, ive read a few things and it seems to me shes moved on to another dude.

It kills me how she always talked about marriage and then boom closes the door on me.

 

[Yewki]

Just before we decided NC for couple of weeks, she was saying how she wants to prove her mum how awsome I am and that she wants to go on for a couple more years and then get married.Then she proceeds to say she wants to make her mum happy but then again wants to be with me.

She was crying and all.

Also, Im her first and shes a religious girl.

If she goes NC forever, it's probably for your own good. She sounds pretty stupid.

 

[Alpheta]

When you are the one waiting for her to accept, it means you are not filtering properly.

The moment a girl shows you are not the number one priority in her life, is the moment you should have crystal clear clarity that she is not the one you should be spending any time on.

Men with limited options or one-it is will battle this mindset because that is who they have chosen to idolize, but the very essence of being a man is understanding what is in your best interest and having the fortitude to walk away from something which is not.

well said sir, well said.

I want to just brush it off but it hurts my ego to know she could just lie and then proceed to talk to another dude in the same way she was with me just over a week ago.

 

[Alpheta]

also the thing is she ASKED if we should stop talking or if we should carry on the way we are.

I decided not to, as why ask in the first place?

She also said 1 week and then proceeded to extend it to two then to couple of weeks lmao

 

[nismo-4]

Drop her ass and move on! Simple ass solution!

Case closed.

 

[Infern0]

Just go on with your life and assume she's gone.

I GUARENTEE you were making some mistakes with her though, so best to figure out for yourself what those are and shore up your game, if you say "oh no i didn't put a foot wrong" you are just bull****ting yourself.

If you stick to NC then she might actually come back after a few weeks or whatever, if she does she does, if she doesn't she doesn't, it's all the same.

If she does, and you feel like giving it another go then do it but make sure you ironed out the mistakes that led to this or you'll either mess it up with her again or the next one.

 

[gravityeyelids]

"I think we need a break" translates to: "You're boring, I'm fvcking or soon-to-be-fvcking someone else and know that you're a little needy b!tch who will stick around on the backburner while I ride the c0ck carousel and confirm how much better than you this new guy is and come up with a good sounding excuse to dump you on your a$$"

If a girl wants you in her life, she will make you a priority and make time for you. Unless her mom has suddenly come down with a fatal illness, this says that you two are done. Dump her and find a better girl before she dumps you and you feel even worse. Because right now you have no power in this relationship.

By the time you begin to see the signs of a dying relationship, it's too late. And we can't blame "silly, aloof" girls for these mistakes. You likely slipped up many times and lost your DJ frame or didn't internalize it enough and it's time to move on, sit down with a nice glass of whiskey and do a post-game evaluation on why you lost and what you need to improve upon in the future. It's fine. It happens to the best of us. Yes, even the top DJ's on this forum fvck up royally without even knowing it and it takes the wonderful men of this forum to slap them upside the head with a cold hard glass of reality and make them realize it.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Didn't even need to read. If you decide to let her "decide" then you have zero power going forward in whatever fashion. Dump.

 

[AttackFormation]

You can easily solve this situation by focusing on yourself NO MATTER whether she really is "deciding" or it's just code-speak.

While she "decides", YOU can...
- Put the mental effort and time spent on her on your own life
- See other girls
- Evaluate your own performance with this girl so you're better next time. Iron out mistakes first and then think of how you could have been more of an alpha & had more fun. Put your ego aside, think of it as an impersonal evaluation rather than trying to put yourself in the best light

Her whims don't matter to you, because you are an Alpha man. What matters to you at the most basic level is your life's progress, having sexual options and your integrity. If she is undecided, then you have more girls to see anyway while she makes up her mind and your life doesn't need her.

 

[Alpheta]

I dont think i lost power in the relationship. Im the one who said we should go NC during her 'deciding' period and that we should stay like that if she decides against it,if not she should just drop a text.

I dont know how and where i made a mistake although i know i did. I mean she was telling me how her mum was saying im l iker her dad hence why she shouldnt get with me. She said that she thinks i dont let people walk all over me and i stand up for myself and i have values and principles etc Stuff she loves about me. Thats masculine though no?

But yea, advice so far has been great. Im more or less just going to move on and if she replies be it a few weeks or further, then il keep NCing.

@Attackformation. great advice.

Also

 

[mikey2012]

I wont. I know this sounds so beta but I gave my mate my phone for 2 weeks. I cant bear waking up seeing she hasnt got back to me. Atleast after 2 weeks i switch on my phone and see she hasnt replied i can then just move on rather then sit there waiting.

To be honest though, ive read a few things and it seems to me shes moved on to another dude.

It kills me how she always talked about marriage and then boom closes the door on me.

They change on a dime. They are driven by emotion. Once they decide they don't need you...you are dropped.

The thing is don't waste time analysing actions or what she said etc...You might as spend the energy on something else.

Ever watch the episode of Star Trek, Kobayshi Maru, you can't win because its not winnable unless you are Kirk and you can reprogram women.

Also you shouldn't have to convince her to stay with you. If she needs to decide then Im afraid she doesn't pass your test.

The truth of the matter is long term relations rarely last. Be happy with what you had.

If I were you, Id be saying good riddance. She seems like a walking disaster. These kind of women only drag you down.

 

[Alpheta]

They change on a dime. They are driven by emotion. Once they decide they don't need you...you are dropped.

The thing is don't waste time analysing actions or what she said etc...You might as spend the energy on something else.

Ever watch the episode of Star Trek, Kobayshi Maru, you can't win because its not winnable unless you are Kirk and you can reprogram women.

Also you shouldn't have to convince her to stay with you. If she needs to decide then Im afraid she doesn't pass your test.

The truth of the matter is long term relations rarely last. Be happy with what you had.

If I were you, Id be saying good riddance. She seems like a walking disaster. These kind of women only drag you down.

Funny thing is i laid it out to her. I gave her the opportunity to leave. I said and i quote ' take me for what i am or leave, its that simple' but she still wiggled around. I even went as far as saying 'if its going to mess up your family then we should break up' but she ignored it totally and started going down other ends.

It just confuses me. If she wanted it ended it i laid it on a plate for her but she didnt take it.

But like you said, she is a walking disaster. She broke up in the 1st month because her uncle influenced her to. And now fat forward 5 months and its the same situation. Emotionally dependent individual who can make her own decisions. Nothing surprising to me though. She was totally submissive and had no way of making her own decisions through the 8 months.

 

[mikey2012]

You should have just left instead of asking her and giving her an ultimatum. You gave her all the power. Leave her and if she cared she would know what she is missing and rethink her decision.