She wanted to watch a porno...I got turned off. (Terrifying story inside!)

[ThunderMaverick]

So me and my girlfriend have been hanging out alot for the past 2 days. I've been at her place the whole time. We've just spent all 2 days together it was nice. Our last sex session had me confused and even when we had sex afterwards, emotionally I was turned off.

So we're in the process of actually having sex, then she says "want to put a porno on?" I say yes, without even giving it another thought. I mean yeah that would be hot, to watch a porno with your girlfriend. Well, we turn it on and I see some hot chick fingering herself. Then I look at my girlfriend...then I look at the porno. My personal feelings at that time was, was that I've never felt so disgusted and akward and insulted and turned off at the same time. I mean I didn't show it on my face, but then I told her after a couple of minutes or so, we should just turn it off.

She asked why, and I kinda got embarassed. The more she pressed me, the more my dick got limp and the more tounge tied I got. So I basically told her that I didn't need a porno to get turned on by her. I don't want to watch another man and woman doing it. (I especially got turned off totally when the guy came into the picture) My focus is on the one that I love and who arouses me. The only time I need a porno is when I don't see her and I'M ALONE. She said it was just for background noise and to set the mood. She said she had trouble getting off last night with family matters blaring in the background. HAHAHAHA. That part I could understand, but then I asked her if she just wanted to put on some music. She didn't want to and we got into kind of an argument about it.

She asked my why I was being so weired and I explained to her all of the above. Still kinda turned off (both of us) we waited a few minutes and then had sex again. Well...she didn't get herself off and she wanted me to hurry up. (she didn't say it, but I could tell. She said she had to pee, but maybe I'm being paranoid. Nothing like this has happend durning the past 9 months we've been together.) I might be blowing this out of proportion, but It's been bugging the everloving shit out of me.

She's says it's not a big deal. She says she dosen't need it. But I remember her telling me this: with her last boyfriend, she had to watch a porno everytime they had sex! She says he didn't turn her on the way I do, and she doesn't need it at all. But I guess today she just needed background noise. Just background noise.

What do you guys think? I feel tarnished for some strange reason. Has any other guy had this problem? Did your girlfriends ever want to watch a porno when you had sex? What would be the point?

 

[spider_007]

it's posible that it's just that she wasn't really turned on that day. If she asks to do it again, then i'd be woried.

Obviously something on porn turns her on. So ask your self, what is it??? Big d1ck, positions, atmosphere

If your one of those guys who "make love" to the gurl, you might try treating her like a little pornstar *****. maybe that turns her on.....

i was just thinking, if you having sex problems after 9 months (trouble turning her on) imagine haw it's gona be after you've been with her for 10 years, and had couple of kids... but then again it could be just a temporary thing.



as for watching porn thing; i've done it with bunch of guys, with guys and gurls (at a house party) and with chicks. It's all cool, as long as your not drulling and rubbing yourself, or humping someones leg....

 

[Bible_Belt]

Porn was the a sign of the end times for my marriage. Love chemicals wear off after about a year. Your girl is probably not getting off because she is becoming bored of the relationship. Within a LTR, sex is like a guage that tells how a woman is feeling about the rest of the realtionship. It's more than the physical act. That "I'm not going to get off, so why don't you go ahead" means that the relationship is getting old. It has nothing to do with sex technique, but instead it is a matter of womens' emotions, as usual.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Well, bible, we had sex 4 times the day before, and 4 times the day before that. She got off each day. The third day she wanted to turn a porno on. Hmm. yeah. Maybe she is getting bored. I guess I should just put her on ice for the next couple of days? I mean my arousal has not deminished at ALL since we met. Last week she said she had the most intense sex session with any guy she's ever been with. (she had sex with 8 guys before. God...I hate saying that.) But ...I guess she could be bullshitting me.

 

[joekerr31]

you got wierded out because there are trust issues in your relationship.

you see her desire for porn as an red flag that you might not be enough for her long term. subconsciously you take it as a sign that she has a desire to experiment... which means that eventually she will want to be sucking a variety of d*cks (or maybe even p*ssy) just to see what its like.

my advice to you is to figure out what YOU want from her in a relationship, then see if that is what SHE is looking for.

tell her that you were a little concerned that her desire to watch other men having sex might be suggestive that she is no longer as interested in you as she was in the past.

but also tell her that its ok if that is the case, but that you are looking for a committed relationship (if thats what you are looking for) and that you'd like to know where she stands on your relationship.

it sounds to me like you might have more conservative perspectives on your relationship, while she has more liberal ones. ie. you are looking for LTR and she's looking to "have fun and see where things end up".

this is a good opportunity for you to take control of the relationship and set the expectations for what you expect out of her.

most guys get wierded out by watching porn with their girlfriend. theres no way of getting around the fact that when watching the porn she is getting aroused by the site of another man/woman.

porn should be something that is left outside the relationship. its a bad sign when a woman whats to watch other c*ck in order to get off.

your reaction was merely your subconscious warning that something is amiss in all this.

J

 

[MightyMate]

Crazy stuff. I make movies with my girl but dont watch movies while having sex. Strange..

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Yeah she said she just wanted background noise and it sets a sexy mood. oO; She said she didn't need it, and she never wants to do it again if it makes me uncomfortable.

I mean would you rather have urkel in the background, or moans and groans of people having sex? Me? I'd rather have the TV turned off. And if we needed background noise we could have put on some music.

And Joker, you're absolutely right about my view. I DO want to do every nasty possible thing in the world to her, but NOT with other outside influences like porn or other people. My view is very conservative in that case, and I think I did set the standard of what I wanted, and she complied wholeheartedly. She DOES want a long term realtionship (we've been together like i said for the past 9 months) with me. Hell, I called her "darlin'" earlier tonight and she told me she still gets giddy after she hears me say that.

I mean I told her where I stand and she wants to follow, but It's just MY problem now. Her actions more than anything are telling me she's still very much into me as she was months ago. Maybe even more so.

I'm worried because I don't want it to end. I don't want to restrict her sexually, and at the first sign of low interest I will end the relationship. At the drop of a hat. Thinking about that bothers me the most. And it's my insecurities that will end the relationship...if I let it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

at the first sign of low interest I will end the relationship.

There you go. That is the most important thing.

 

[MackJr]

I've had two women request porno, and I've had different situations with each.

The first was when I was a super-AFC. I had a women in a hotel, she wanted to rent a porno, and I think she was hinting at anal. I hadn't even had a blow job at that point, so I was afraid to ask for what I wanted.

Anyway, we rented the porno tape and she did use it to get aroused, but it was a bad tape. I'd never rented a porno before either, so I didn't know how to select them.

I ended up not doing too much with her because I didn't know about the whole dominance/submission thing, so we ended up arguing.
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The second woman who requested a porno was after I started learning DJ skills. In that case, she asked if I had any porno, and I said, "The correct answer is no," --I didn't lie about having it, but I stated what the "correct answer" was. Heh heh. I felt it was too early to reveal what I was interested in via the tapes, and I was wary of a trap.

A little later, she was talking about how she was talking with her girl friend and that she was really into me, saying that I was so great, and 'no porno!' meaning that she was actually relieved.

Well actually, I had a stash the whole time, but I knew enough about seduction technique at the time that I didn't want to bring it all out at once. We managed to have a lot of sex anyway.

I think the thing I learned was that you can bring porn into a relationship, it can be an ice-breaker or a source of ideas or discussion, but don't do it on the offset. Also, there's special porn for couples that you'd probably do better with.