She surprised me - after calling out her BS ?

[imaginaryfriend]

So ... recently I had a damn good 1st date with a chic I'd met online (I'll spare the details), we agreed after the date to doing an event in a few weeks ... She enjoyed herself enough to call me later that night to say so (rare in my experience), and then 3 more times next day ...

I lay low (zero contact) for next week ... then email her 2-date ideas, she excitedly texts me back "... I love both ... talk later", but then later gives me typical non-committal BS "... I'll have to see ..." then gives me reason to think she's also bailing on the already made plans in a few weeks time ...

So I call her out on it - no holds barred !!
Then she surprised me, she calls me back, leaves message ...

So what I'm wondering is; Now What ? What was the non-committal sh!t about ? If she was blowing me off with it, then why bother calling me, she had her out if she really wanted it so why not take it ?!

Anyone with any experience with this ? I've never had the call back after the reeming-out session.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Imaginary,
Yeah,you did well my Son,even when this tactic doesn't work it serves as a sifting mechanism.

 

[imaginaryfriend]

The question is then, did the tactic work ? or not ?
It's easy enough to blow them off, move onto the next chic, but what if what one is trying to do is just stop the BS ?

 

[sodbuster]

Give her another chance... see if it worked. If not,she's been told why it ended already. Maybe she'll be better for the next guy if more of us did it.

 

[window]

what is important is did hse accept and follow your offers. anything else is just bs...texting calling back, means nothing. So when she called back did she say ok lets go. But do you really want a women that is half and hlaf with your suggestions.

 

[imaginaryfriend]

window - yes she did and no.
she later emailed me a long letter, questioning if we were now not going to the event we had planned for later, and went on about 'respect and trust' ... to which I wrote back, "I only give my unequivocal respect and trust to someone who's earned it !" AND asked her exactly what exactly is so difficult about saying "yes or no" ? Haven't heard back yet.

(On my soapbox now).
What is it with (around here, and society in general) about this "quit - move on to the next one" attitude ? You know, just maybe, if the guy she dated before me wouldn't have put up with her bullsh!t, I might not be dealing with it now. Isn't it about time that us guys stop with the lazy-ass, quit n run, 'let the next guy deal with it' - mentality ? I mean AT LEAST make SOME effort to teach these women that there are repercussions to their crap !
I'm fighting for principle here, it's become so common-place, no ... make that ... rampant, that somebody has to !?

Are women who are half and half, regarding my plans, worth my time ? long term ? no probably not, she (they) have a long road back after pulling this kind of stuff on me. I agree sodbuster, give her a chance to redeem herself, learn from her mistake maybe, but yeah if she's not capable of showing me she's worth the bother then at least maybe she'll be a little more cautious with the next guy ?!

Come on guys, who's with me on this ? Isn't it time we as a gender turn the game back in our favor ? I'm tired of women, the gender as a whole, of getting away free !!

 

[Viagra4Soul]

Come on guys, who with me on this ? Isn't it time we, as a gender turn the game back in our favor ? I'm tired of women, the gender as a whole, of getting away free-scott !!

Agree you should be calling her on it - but that doesn't mean you stick around afterwards to take more of it.

You want to 'fix her'. She most likely isn't interested in being 'fixed'.

But yes, worth a small try - with a huge get-out route planned behind.

 

[imaginaryfriend]

Oh for sure, I'm likely already done, route charted ...

 

[window]

you wont hear back from her...she sent more tests in the email and you didnt pass from what I can tell. The important lesson to note is that the testing means she was interested in you. The key for a man is to let the woman know you are ok with it in a friendly funny way that benefits the both of you. If you criticise her it wll be over. All she is doing is an instinctual thing to find out if you are a man. So next time just side step the tests and stick with your plan. If you get uptight she'll run for the hills.

The best thing you can do now is just relax and wait for her to get back to you. She may or may not though.

btw you shouldnt criticise or judge a womans behaviour as it the fastest way to rejection. From your point of view she either sais yes or no. If she gives you hot and cold ? just say ok maybe some other time. The key is to not lose your cool. You are after a woman that sais yes...so really what has happened here is the girl has called you out not the other way around.

 

[DJDamage]

This woman is probably dating other men and have other things going for her, I suspect that you aren't her top priority at the moment. On the other hand being upset and trying to analyze why she has been flakey instead of spinning other plates and not worrying about it is the bigger issue.

 

[imaginaryfriend]

I think we give (most) of them too much credit, I do think it's instinctual for the most part, but we're assuming they think like us (in a linear, yes/no, black or white fashion), but since when is a woman like that ?
They take an hour to pick out one pair of frickin shoes !
If it was simply a pass or fail for them, they'd buy shoes like us "I want em black, size 10, high cut ... done !"

Simply moving onto another plate (while nice in theory) doesn't do much for discerning tastes (I pick, not the odds). It's basically like picking out a new shirt, your interest is really in the blue one with white stripes up there (it goes best with your suit jacket, it's higher quality material ... etc.), but because it's wayyyy up on the top shelf (and frankly a pain in the azz to get to), you buy the blue one with brown stripes 2-feet below it instead, why ? ... because it's not bad looking either and it's easier to get at ... (no ladder required).

THAT to me, #1; is just being LAZY ! AND #2; it's letting circumstances (only somewhat in your control) dictate which one you end up with. THAT is retarded if you ask me !

I do agree that it is a total waste of time to ... well ? ... waste time other than simply letting the woman know that you are the MAN, and her BS won't phase you, but beyond that ? over-thinking it is ALL we're accomplishing !

Yeah, in this case, I can see where I went wrong now, I've been out of dating for too long, I'll do better next time (no reaction from me other than "is that a yes or a no ?") and take it from there.

"hmmmm ... yeah ... maybe the blue shirt with the brown stripes isn't so bad after all ... !?"

 

[Jitterbug]

Show, don't tell.

You can't teach women this lesson by telling them.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

You were right to call her on her bs, but your mentality is messed up.

This "done done, on to the next one" attitude you decry is exactly the inner attitude you need to have. You still have much of the white knight in you--your premise is that men should invest more effort and time into getting a particular woman to fall for him.

It doesn't work that way.

You should have ignored the crimson letter email she sent you and, if you happened to see or speak to her again, act like she's an old friend you haven't seen in a long time who you were ambivalent about in the first place.

You have to let women earn the right to be with you, they'll love you for it.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

You met her online and women online are serial daters. She was noncommittal because she was probably lining up dates with other guys.

 

[imaginaryfriend]

Damn it just hit me !!

The very fact that I'm even on this site seriously makes me wonder if I've suffered head trauma of some sort ?!
Good gawd, to think I actually gave a rats-azz about women, for 2-whole days ?

Whew ! Well thank gawd I'm over it, who gives a sh!t guys ?!
I'm outta here - I've got a life to live, and it is wayyyyy wayyyy too short to obsess over total bullsh!t like this !