she says just friends but i feel more?

[TheFlyingMan]

I don't know if this is too much detail:

I met this girl through a female chick friend. I've improved a ****load since getting into this community. I'm getting numbers like crazy, but the next phase is still hard for me, what to do when actually getting them out. I still automatically revert to wussiness sometimes.

Anyway, more specifics. This girl had an abusive boyfriend when I met a couple of weeks ago. She talks to me online alot, and we go clubbing together. The week after I met her I was at a club, she was at a club, and she introduced me to her BF. Her BF being an insecure little prick tried to stare me down (she told me it wasn't me, he does it to everybody), even though I was friendly to him. When he tried to stare me down, I stared him back, and he backed off straight away.

Since then, they've broken up. She asked me out for dinner on a Friday night (I canceled a prior appointment to meet up with her, like a dumbass). During dinner, I tried to chat about boy-girl relationships, trying to lead her on (I forgot what I said, I thought it was the right thing to do, but thinking back it might not have been).

Then we went clubbing again. At the club, we bumped and grinded on the dance floor non stop, but she also grinded a few strangers. She kept pushing me to pick up other chicks.

A few days later, I was flirting with her online. And she came out and said "seriously,I'm not interested. I just broke up, I feel like crap. Sorry." I said it's OK, I'm not interested too, I just flirt like mad. (just to save face).

Since then I decided to move on to the next girl, but on friday she called me up again. We went bar hopping, . At the bar, she wanted a massage, so I was rubbing her entire upper body in front of everyone except for her tits. I told her in return for this massage I want a home cooked meal. We split the bill.

I moved on to a lot of kino, playing with her hair, non stop. Then she told me (at 3 am) that she wanted to go to her ex-BF's house to clear up some last minute things, and if I could drive her. I felt like a wuss if I drove her, but knowing that he hits her I was a bit worried so I drove her there. I told her to give me a missed call on the mobile if everything was OK. I waited outside her BF's house for a few minutes until i received the missed call, then I drove off.

The next day saturday, she asked me to go to her place so she can make me that home cooked meal, and I said it was too late, I have another dinner appointment. I also said that for a girl who's not interested, she sure wants to spend a lot of time with me. She replied by saying I'm her favourite brother.

I dunno, what do you guys think? I feel myself returning to wussy stage sometimes (without me realising), and I know the best thing to do is to move on. But I want to learn from this, and maybe you guys can tell me what the hell she was thinking, and what the hell I could have done differently. She's 2 years younger, (apparently) sweet, and cute - I'd give her an 8 /10 when she's dressed and made up.

 

[backbreaker]

I am not going to flame you, because I honeslty don't think you know any better.


As of right now, you have a better chance of becoming President of North Korea than getting a date with this girl.


I mean, first off.. what incentive does she have to date you? You giving her everythnig a BF does, without her having to give anything in return.

Anytime a girl reffers to you as her Brother, she thinks of having sex with you the equivlant to Incest.

Dancing/Grinding means nothing.

As of right now, she is probably going though some spat with her BF and is using you for the attention she is missing out on, with no intentions of being intimate with you.

There are plently, PLENTLY of women out there that are more deserving. I despise women who take advantage of men like this.. good think I know better.

With that said.. when you dropped her off to "clear some things up" at 3 oclock in the morning, you basically sent her to get some dvck.

She is sitting 1 foot away from dvck all night, but she has you drive all the way across town to go and get some, with her BF she is soooo mad at because he abuses her, which I think is bull****.. if she didn't want to be in this relationship, she wouldn't be in it.. ovbiously she does because she is still sucking him off.

Move on. I wouldn't say stop talking to her, be civil, but you have to put a greater demand on YOU. Your time is more valuable than to be driving this girl all across town, espically over another guys house at 3 in the morning. And espically if you aren't ****ing yourself.

You should have had her give you a BJ on the way there... seriously.

What's the worse that can happen? She get mad and not waste anymore of your time?

Hell, she might actually do it.


Read the DJ Bible.

You know nothing about this girl.. Basically all you said is she is hot, so she can treat me like the way she is.

The second she brought up being abused, you should have ran. If she is lying, you don't want to be around someone who lies about that. If she isn't, you don't want to be the knight in shining armor (trust me)

 

[Last Man Standing]

...Then she told me (at 3 am) that she wanted to go to her ex-BF's house to clear up some last minute things, and if I could drive her. I felt like a wuss if I drove her, but knowing that he hits her I was a bit worried so I drove her there. I told her to give me a missed call on the mobile if everything was OK. I waited outside her BF's house for a few minutes until i received the missed call, then I drove off..

Mr "Capt'n save a ho" what the hell are you thinking??? You barely know this chick and you serve as her personal body guard -- HUH??? Do you have a death wish?? You owe her nothing!!!! Mind your own damn business and stay alive!! You are involving yourself in a situation that you know nothing about - don't believe everything a woman tells you - quit making assumptions!!!

 

[backbreaker]

I think the best thing is to take a step BACK, not necessarly move on.

You have to stop walking on freakin eggshells with this chick.

You act like she doesn't know you want to **** her brains out.

so in reality, when you are beating around the bush, the only person you are lying to is yourself.

What guy goes "clubbing" with a girl every othe rnight of the week he doesn't want to ****?

..wait. whatever you do, don't tell her your "feelings for you"

This is what you do. The next time you are with her... Kiss her. Take it up to another level.

And do so, becuase it's what you are supposed to do when you spend this much time with someone.

And if she gets offended and tells you she doesn't like you like that, you will know what to do. Because she is the one asking for your time, yet not wanting to give anything in return.

Silly b!tches

 

[JimmyZ]

me in full agreement with backbreaker

 

[TheFlyingMan]

Thanks guys, yes I was feeling the same way, which is why I'm not gonna see her anymore. But I just wanted to know expert opinions on this situation so I can learn from it! Can you believe this is actually better then what I would have done last year? I've got a million miles to go to get to where I wanna be!

 

[JJMcLure]

You're her emotional tampon. She gets fvcked by her "ex"-BF at 3am while you give her the emotional validation she does not get from him. Calling you her "brother" and trying to get you to pick up other chicks also spells it out. The things you do with her are the same things chicks do with their gay guy friends (they mean nothing above a platonic level). Chicks get social validation from a guy they are not interested in, and it pumps them up to go find a guy they do want to get fvcked by.

Chicks feed of attention like vampires feed off blood. Any guy can provide it, whether the are attractive to the chick or not - to boost her self esteem. That's why attention wh0res have so many AFC "friends". She has told you she is not interested, so in her mind she is now absolved of any responsibility for any "mixed signals" you may receive.

Do not let her hijack your best days of the week (Friday evenings etc), for one thing it only lowers your value in her eyes. Unless you can use her a a pivot (as social proof to pick up other chicks) you are wasting your time with her.

 

[Jariel]

I'm sorry to hear that. This is the worst situation you can be in with a girl you like. It sounds to me like you're acting like the typical "nice guy" and she's using you as a free councellor, chaufer, escort, bodyguard and someone to hang out with when she's lonely. My guess is you're only being so nice to her because you're attracted to her. I doubt you'd do the same for a male friend who just had a break up, right? Keep her as a mate, but go play the field.

 

[Jariel]

You're her emotional tampon. She gets fvcked by her "ex"-BF at 3am while you give her the emotional validation she does not get from him.

Chicks get social validation from a guy they are not interested in, and it pumps them up to go find a guy they do want to get fvcked by.

Chicks feed of attention like vampires feed off blood. Any guy can provide it, whether the are attractive to the chick or not - to boost her self esteem. That's why attention wh0res have so many AFC "friends".

Well said! This is something everyone needs to be aware of!

 

[TheFlyingMan]

update on our situation

I'm sorry to hear that. This is the worst situation you can be in with a girl you like. It sounds to me like you're acting like the typical "nice guy" and she's using you as a free councellor, chaufer, escort, bodyguard and someone to hang out with when she's lonely. My guess is you're only being so nice to her because you're attracted to her. I doubt you'd do the same for a male friend who just had a break up, right? Keep her as a mate, but go play the field.

Thanks man...and everyone else. Actually I would do that for a guy friend but that's me. Bros to the end haha.

UPDATE:
I dunno I'm feeling pissed off cos I told some of my bros what happened, and they told me pretty much the same thing, that she's using me. So when she tried to talk to me online earlier tonight, guess what she told me.

That night we went clubbing and we were grinding, she was also grinding some other guy. That guy (let's call him A) asked me for permission to go for her, and I said give it a shot. He asked for her number, she said another one of my friend's (C) has it. A got her number from C, called her during the week, and she turned him down. Well she told me today that A called her again earlier today asking for dinner, and she went out with him cos she had no one to have dinner with!

I said my god you're a player and a user, since I was a bit pissed off at her after hearing your advice and how she's using me. She said no I told him he was just a friend. To which I said bull****, you're a player. She tried to change topic by asking me what I did today, and I told her I played a girl today just like you played someone. She kept on insisting that no she's a nice girl, she doesn't cheat on her ex, etc (I think she used the term BF instead of ex-BF).

Then I stopped talking to her online. Ignored her.

I don't know if that was the DJ thing to do, but at least it got me straight in the head. She's outta my life.

Thanks guys! One more step on the long road to becoming a true master! I thought that since I'm not hung up and will probably never get oneitis again, it was OK to be nice. Well, guess not! I'll save all this niceness for my brothers who are always there for me when I need them.

Sorry I didn't follow your advice backbreaker but I have a gut feeling the kiss wouldn't work.

 

[DrBeard]

U need to slap that biatch and p1ss in her bed!

 

[backbreaker]

there is no reason for getting mad at her for your m istakes.

Although the thought process was right with calling her on her BS, you looked like a immature little boy getting mad because she went on a date with a guy she wants to get ****ed by.

Let me put it this way, in the grand scheme of things, it's not her fault that you haven't presented yourself in a way that she deems ****able.

Just use it as motivation to improve yourself.

Don't ever let a woman know she got to you, even if she did.

 

[backbreaker]

Sorry I didn't follow your advice backbreaker but I have a gut feeling the kiss wouldn't work.

and herein lies the probelm.. you are defeating yourself before you start.

You want to date a girl, you find her soooooo attractive, but you can't even kiss her?

If you can't muster up enough courage to KISS her, how can she possibly find you in a attractive manner.

AT least the guy in the club had enough nuts to make some type of a move.

Like I said, it's a win win situtation. Either she kisses you back, or she gets out of your life.. neither a bad situtation

 

[Last Man Standing]

"At the bar, she wanted a massage, so I was rubbing her entire upper body in front of everyone except for her tits."

Flying man, this girl is using you for her pleasure and favors. Don't ever massage a chick - expecially in public -- this is shyt women do!!!!! The people at the bar were probably thinking "shouldn't she be massaging him?".

She tells you to do something and you readily oblige - this is not manly behavior - you look desperate to her and she knows that she can dictate to you without any resistance on your part.

If you want women then YOU must take the masculine role and dominate the woman and not let her dominate you!!!

Never do this again!!!

 

[Itiswhatitis]

Wow i was almost at the same situation as u recently. I had this girrl tell me she just wanted to be friends but i felt like she was lying(bein a chump). There is a 5 yr age difference but her friends and people who i dont know what walk up to me knowing my name and talking about **** ive gon out and done wit her. So since she tells them about me i figured it meant more than it did. Couple of occasions she has said she was gonna come to my apt and finally wanted have sex wit me.Each occasion shell call back later and say she cant. I have gotten text messages at work her sayin she wants to have sex wit me that night. Now i just play it off textin her back "w/e" "we'll see what hapens" or sumthin like that. She says she dont wanna fuk wit me cuz we work 2gether and me bein younger she think'll ill go braggin i guess.
But im as confused as u i dont know if im bein a chump now by not returning her sexual advances,or if id be a chump to react and let her play me again. Im fine bein friends wit her but the fact she keeps comin like shes comin after sayin "just friends" first is crazy 4 me. Thanks for makin this threaad bcuz some of these comments really helped me.I jut gotta believe girls can put up fronts like they sweet to and do it better than guys. Its like society teaches its impossible for a nice guy to be a nice guy(hes probaly a player lyin) but its accepted when a girl say shes a nice girl thats the way it is. I have to break out of that cycle and realize that or keep gettin played.

 

[RAFCbearfilm]

Gotta say, it should be a rule that when you are posting and you find yourself typing the words "I dropped her at her ex-B's house at 3am to sort things out, do I have a chance?" You should seriously walk over to the mirror and say those words out loud to yourself in the mirror. Then see if you really want to hit the "submit post" button.
Dude this is not meant to flame, only to point out the truth. My name touts RAFC cause I am one, and once you jump over that fence brother, you can only laugh at what you have done and where you have been. The good news, it will happen, the bad news it takes time.
Have fun and don't get stuck on one chick, not matter what. She wants to see you fine, she wants her old boyfriend fine. Judging by what you said, I would not cancel any dates when/if she calls.

 

[Duke]

Bro... this site was made for you.

I was once in your position (more or less) and it sucked 100 flavors of ass.

Read the DJ Bible. Learn why this girl sees you as a friend. And learn to get the women you desire attracted to you sexually.

Right now, drop this girl. You're just going to continue the downward spiral by talking to her or trying to get her.

Read about "oneitus" and make sure you read every post you can by "Pook" and "Senor/Mister Fingers" in the DJ Bible.

 

[TheFlyingMan]

THanks guys for all the help and replies. No I knew I was a dumbass even before I posted, but I didn't think it would be this fvcking bad!!!

Just to clear things up, I did go for her after I met her (before she told me she had a bf, she wasn't interested, and he was abusive). Which was why I thought I had quite a good chance, cos she was the one calling me out for dinner, and she even paid for dinner. I didn't tell her I wanted her, but I flirted on a lot, did a lot of kino when I could (playing with hair, brushing her cheeks softly as we spoke, held hands etc.)

The massage thing was a mistake now, I realise. At that time I thought it was a good opportunity to get into kino. And if everyone saw us, it would be even better cos I was kino-ing a hot chick at a bar. Guess I'm wrong again.

What should I have done differently right from the start? Is she a ***** or not? Me confused even more now. Was she like this to me because I was her doormat or because she was a ***** to begin with anyways?

 

[Last Man Standing]

Every woman says that her “man was abusive” - nowadays if a man acts out his masculine qualities then he is abusive - don’t believe that crap!! She is trying to play the victim!!! Why is she going over his house at 3am if he is sooo abusive?? HUH???? Is she going there to get abused!!!! She is full of shyt!!!

If a beautiful woman is massaging you in public then you get points but not the other way around. Men don’t play the submissive role. We are the aggressor and the female submits!

“Then we went clubbing again. At the club, we bumped and grinded on the dance floor non stop, but she also grinded a few strangers. She kept pushing me to pick up other chicks.”

So now you have the same status as a stranger - this hor grinds on everyone in public means that you are no one special to her - BUT WAIT there is more…she then tells you to go “pick up” OTHER girls --- in other words “get away from me so that I can be available for other dudes to approach me”. Do you see this Flyingman???

She is not interested in you and you are losing your dignity in her eyes. Women respect strength and not weakness - letting a woman control you is weakness from the woman’s perspective.

She runs back to her so-called “abusive” so-called “ex” because he exhibits masculine traits but women flee men who are too accommodating to their demands and who show supplicating and nurturing behavior - these are feminine qualities!!

“She says “just friends” but i feel more? “

Your “feelings” don’t matter - a man makes his interest known to a woman (he selects her) and then the woman either accepts or rejects his advances - it is this simple. How you feel doesn’t enter the equation!

It is good that you posted this because it gave you some time to be reflective on where you went wrong and how you were blinded to your own masculine deficiencies due to your lust for a woman. Other men have done much worse - you have a chance to correct your thinking

 

[TheFlyingMan]

Yes this post has really opened up my eyes! Like I said I didn't know I was that bad!
OK so let me get this straight:
What the FlyingMan needs to change:
1) Don't listen to her demands? I said make me a home cooked meal then I'll massage you, but in the end gave her the massage first in return for a home cooked meal later.
2) Don't listen to her crap? Run away the moment she said she was being abused?
3) Mind my own business, don't try to be a hero?
4) Don't cancel prior plans for her
5) Let's say that clubbing thing. What should I have done? I wasn't hanging around her I was with a bunch of friends and she followed me around and said hey where's the girls you were going to pick up?

You say that I should have dominated her. Can you give me some examples of what I should have said or done in situations like this? I'm starting to see where I'm wrong, but what the hell is being dominating without being an arsehole?

I have taken things the other direction a bit too far sometimes (no violence but I say some bad ****), so I'm curious what the right balance is.