she says "I'm not looking for a boyfriend"

[wysiwyg6000]

I'm 20, she's 19 and she contacted me out of the blue from Match.com. We go out a few times blah blah blah, she says she's only looking for "new friends" and not a boyfriend...she's not interested in a boyfriend because she's had some bad experiences. I'm translating this into: I think you're a nice guy, but I wouldn't want to have sex with you...ever. Then she says she wouldn't count me out as boyfriend material, but (once again) she's not looking for a boyfriend right now. Am I right here or what?

I gave her a hypothetical situation...i was like "so what if i tried to kiss you, what would you do?" her reponse "Right now, I would probably push you away because I consider you a good friend and dont want to mess that up" (you could hear my heart deflating after that remark)

 

[Demon]

Have you read the DJ Bible at all? You're in the LJBF Zone.

 

[Legend]

its not even worth writing anything down in this post. Read the bible, because you and her are a lost cause now.

 

[Shiftkey]

Next time a girl says that, say something ****y/funny like "I'm not looking for a boyfriend either" or "you mean you just want me for SEX?? Do I look like a piece of meat to you?!" Then continue "dating" her like you normally would. Don't take anything a woman says literally. A kiss close would tell you if she's into you a lot more reliably than your interpritation of what she says. That doesn't mean asking her first either...

Demon's probably right about this one. You're in the friend zone. Next time maybe you'll handle this test a little better. Don't lose hope though. Keep her as a friend because she might have hot friends or at the very least will make good social proof.

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

Exactly..tell her you have enough friends..then NEXT her

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

The guy in this article is in the exact same situation as you.

"When women want to be friends first"
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_60/75_relationship_expert.html

 

[wysiwyg6000]

Originally posted by Dust 2 Dust
The guy in this article is in the exact same situation as you.

"When women want to be friends first"
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_60/75_relationship_expert.html

that's pretty scary how that guys situation is almost exactly like mine...i dont understand what the hell this chick is doing on Match.com, a dating site, looking for friends only (and she's not all that to be pushing me away, call me arrogant, but I know I'm better than any other guy she has dated or will date in the future).

 

[sustainable007]

SNAFU

Match.com = AFC, Any further questions?

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by Shiftkey
Next time a girl says that, say something ****y/funny like "I'm not looking for a boyfriend either" or "you mean you just want me for SEX?? Do I look like a piece of meat to you?!" Then continue "dating" her like you normally would. Don't take anything a woman says literally. A kiss close would tell you if she's into you a lot more reliably than your interpritation of what she says. That doesn't mean asking her first either...

This advice is golden.

The C&F responses are on the money,

and you definitely should never take anything a woman says literally. Facta Non Verba - "Deeds not Words" or more literally "Actions speak louder than Words".

Next time ignore what she says and force the issue with your actions.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by wysiwyg6000
that's pretty scary how that guys situation is almost exactly like mine...i dont understand what the hell this chick is doing on Match.com, a dating site, looking for friends only (and she's not all that to be pushing me away, call me arrogant, but I know I'm better than any other guy she has dated or will date in the future).

It's called backwards chick logic.

Of course she wants a boyfriend. She's just deluding herself that she just wants "friends" because in the back of her mind she's terrified that she's gonna get fvcked over again.

So she just wants some new "friends" (until the right DJ comes along and removes that choice from her).

 

[markonoahu]

She says she wants to be friends because she is NOT interested in him 'that' way and is trying to let him down easy.

I like the advice forget about any romantic intersts with her but remaining friends, and work her friends.

Don't pay for her when you go out...you are just friends.......you don't want her to use you.


Good Luck

 

[Shadow Dancer]

You need to be more specific and give more info...


If she says she just wants you to be a friend...you're done with.

If she says she's not looking for a boyfriend and only wants friends...no problem! (That is, of course, assuming you haven't given off the vibe that you want to be her bf).

A girl who says she wants to meet people and make friends is letting you know that she's keeping her options open. IF she happens to meet a guy that rocks her socks, then you can almost be sure she'll no longer be looking for friends. She'll only want to be with that guy.

You have to be aware of how she worded her statement as well as pick up on her body language towards you.



-Shadow

 

[wysiwyg6000]

Originally posted by Shadow Dancer
You need to be more specific and give more info...


If she says she just wants you to be a friend...you're done with.

If she says she's not looking for a boyfriend and only wants friends...no problem! (That is, of course, assuming you haven't given off the vibe that you want to be her bf).

A girl who says she wants to meet people and make friends is letting you know that she's keeping her options open. IF she happens to meet a guy that rocks her socks, then you can almost be sure she'll no longer be looking for friends. She'll only want to be with that guy.

You have to be aware of how she worded her statement as well as pick up on her body language towards you.

-Shadow

I guess I kinda ****ed myself over on that one..because when she said I was a good friend, I started to tell her how I thought we were on the track of being more than friends. This all got started when I asked her about her prom date, which is her exboyfriend (plans were made before she even met me). So I asked her if the ex was going down the shore with her and her friends, and she said yeah. I immediately said that it was a little wierd having the ex down there and not the current guy and that was when she gave me the blurb about wanting friends and not a boyfriend at the time. I asked her what the "status" of her ex was and she said that he was just a friend. I'm like ok, whatever. All the while I'm thinking to myself "wait and see she'll hookup with this guy down the shore or she'll keep me around until some better guy comes along....i'm probably just a backup guy for her." I even asked her "what would you do if i tried to kiss you?" and she said "I'd probably push you away (now anyway) beacuse i dont want it to ruin the friendship"...that was when I knew I was screwed

PS. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I said to her "so you're saying im not boyfriend material or something?" and she said "no, i didnt say that either"

 

[Quick]

Doc Love has this one nailed. You're not going to get what you want from her, and you'd be an idiot to wait around for an indeterminate time on the vague hope that she'll decide to respect your desires enough to say either yes or no. You can't have a relationship entirely on her terms, or you're going to be frustrated, and then get dumped.


Note, don't ever ask about kissing and other sexual activities. If you want to find out what she'd do, go for the kiss, or at the least, the kiss test. Now you've cut yourself off from even attempting. If you hadn't asked, she may not have stopped you.

 

[ds28]

Originally posted by wysiwyg6000
I gave her a hypothetical situation...i was like "so what if i tried to kiss you, what would you do?"

Eeessh. Not a good thing to say dude. Very AFC and wussy.

Originally posted by wysiwyg6000
she says "I'm not looking for a boyfriend"

Translation: I'm don't see YOU as boyfriend material.

Solution: Loosen up dude. You're not gonna score with every girl you meet. Besides, she's kinda being semi-polite and letting you down easy. What would you rather her say? "I don't find you attractive and your AFC behaviour kinda turns me off"? Chrisakes she's on a dating site! Don't worry about it dude. Let this one go and work on improving your game for next time.

 

[vectorz]

Originally posted by wysiwyg6000
.. her reponse "Right now, I would probably push you away because I consider you a good friend and dont want to mess that up" (you could hear my heart deflating after that remark)

OWch. It's time to move on. No recovery from something like this.

Next time, if she says something like "I'm not looking for a relationship|boyfriend" whatever.. just say "I'm not looking for a relationship|girlfriend either..". I learned this one from a professional seductress. She played me out.

 

[xblitz44x]

"Match.com = AFC, Any further questions?" -sustainable007

Yep. Why? I've dated quite a few girls from that site and I'm currently dating an AWESOME girl from there, for the last 6 months. So again, WHY is match.com AFC?

-Blitz

 

[ApocalypseCow]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
"Match.com = AFC, Any further questions?" -sustainable007

Yep. Why? I've dated quite a few girls from that site and I'm currently dating an AWESOME girl from there, for the last 6 months. So again, WHY is match.com AFC?

-Blitz

It isn't. I'm also datring an awesome girl I met from Match.com. Sure, I met a lot of duds on Match, but there were some cool ones, too.

 

[wysiwyg6000]

Originally posted by ApocalypseCow
It isn't. I'm also datring an awesome girl I met from Match.com. Sure, I met a lot of duds on Match, but there were some cool ones, too.

Out of curiosity, did you post your picture? I never did, so I thought it was kinda interesting how she contacted me even without a picture.

 

[xblitz44x]

I posted a picture. I know personally I would never contact a girl who didn't post a picture. That tells me that the girl is not confident enough with herself. Could be that she's after a guy that looks beyond physical appearence but to do that is not worth the duds you're going to rack in the process

-Blitz